Chapter 9

August

Author's Notes: Some of the Quileute women are facing different stages in their lives: One is starting a new beginning; another is trying to cope with a loss; the third is battling new feelings and healing old wounds.

Disclaimer: All characters associated with the Twilight series belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended at any time.

LPOV

"Honestly, Lucy, you shouldn't have." My mother's face beamed as she held up a black laced negligee for everyone to see. The room erupted with giggles like it was full of silly school girls instead of grown women. I moaned and snuck away to the kitchen.

I moved around and began cleaning up — saving the food that was left over for Seth. In one week my life would change. My mother would be married to Charlie Swan, and I would have an unwanted step-father and step-sister. I viciously stabbed the kitchen counter with the butcher knife I was holding as another round of laughter came from the adjoining room.

"You need any help?" Bella's voice was like nails on a chalkboard. Just her presence made my body tense with anger.

"Does it look like I need any help?" I snapped back.

Bella ignored my mood, grabbed a garbage bag, and began filling it with paper plates.

"Sue seems really happy." I turned the water on high to try and drown out her voice. "Charlie has been a ball full of nerves. I'll just be happy when it's over with, won't you?"

"It'll never be over. It's just starting," I mumbled.

I could feel her eyes on the back of my head. I shut the water off and turned around. I still couldn't see why Jacob was so intense on winning her pathetic heart. She smelt, and already looked like one of those bloodsuckers. I hated her.

"The least you could do is pretend to be happy for them," she said. "They're happy. I don't want Charlie to feel uncomfortable because of you. The only reason he's moving here is because Sue doesn't want to leave the reservation."

Heat rushed through my body. The thought of another man sleeping in my dead father's room made me livid.

"I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not. If he doesn't like my sunny-side disposition, then maybe he should continue to live with you, even though that would put a damper on your love life with the bloodsucker." I smirked as her pale cheeks blushed crimson. "Mom isn't stupid. She doesn't want to leave the reservation because she doesn't trust those leeches anymore than I do."

She ignored my comment. "I can understand why you hate me, and I even understand why you are having a difficult time with Charlie, but can't you see Sue is happy? Why can't you at least try and be happy for her? Would you rather her live alone for the rest of her life?"

"Do you girls need any help?" Lucy Ateara asked, sticking her round face in the kitchen.

I gave a angry scowl at Bella before I took off out the backdoor. I was tired of people always trying to get inside my head. I had been pretty successful at keeping the pack at bay from my real thoughts. Now, I had to deal with Bella trying to poke around in my head. My personal thoughts were mine — not anyone else's.

I loved my mother more than anything. Besides Seth, she was all I had left. I wanted to be happy for her, but I didn't want Charlie Swan around. It was already hard enough being a werewolf, much less the only female werewolf; with him around it was going to make it that much harder. If Mom decided to share our tribal secret, then that would mean he could learn the true identity of the Cullens. That would also mean he would know that his daughter was involved with a vampire. The more I thought about the idea, the more I was beginning to like it. Knock Princess Bella off her high-horse.

There was no use in looking for solitude on the beach. August was crazy with tourist trying to hurry and slip in a family vacation before their kids had to go back to school. Instead, I hit the woods. The smell of cedar was heavenly and the array of wildflowers made me smile.

Some of the pack was still eerie about wandering off in the forest by themselves. Though we had been able to stop Irina and Orenda two months ago, there was still a few members left in the Denali Coven who wouldn't mind seeing us werewolves extinct. I shivered remembering just how close Irina and Orenda had come to accomplishing that very goal.

I made my way towards the Quillayute River, and heard Seth's laughter ring out. I went through a clearing of moss to see him and Collin fishing. It looked like Collin was trying to show Seth how to catch a trout without using a fishing lure. He was in the water up to his knees cursing every time he came up empty handed.

"Run out of bait?" I asked. Collin glanced over as I approached, but then turned his attention right back to his task.

"No. Collin thinks he's a fish whisperer." Seth giggled at his own joke. He wasn't wearing a shirt and the scar on his left arm was visible. Guilt, along with anger, stabbed at my heart. It would always be a reminder of what he gave up for Edward Cullen; a reminder to me that Cullen should have to pay for what happened.

Paul and now Jared believed that Edward knew what was happening all along. I didn't want to agree at first simply because what they were suggesting didn't make sense. But it was so much easier to place the blame on him. One, he was vampire; two, he was a Cullen; three, because he was vampire he couldn't be trusted. Seth argued and claimed that if anyone had a right to be angry and ask for retribution it should be him. He was wrong. Emily and Sam also had a right, and Emily wanted hers.

"I don't have to be a fish whisperer to catch a damn fish," Collin said, hitting the water with his fist. "I'm a freaking werewolf! This should come natural."

"Try phasing," I said. "You might have better luck with that large mouth of yours."

"Why don't you go find someone else to make miserable." Collin stomped out of the river, grabbed his shoes and shirt, and left.

Leah, you know how to clear a room, I thought to myself.

"Bridal party over with?" Seth asked, slipping on his shirt.

"Pretty much." I balanced myself on a row of stones that just peeked above the water in the river. "I put the leftovers in the fridge for you. There was half a chocolate cake left too."

"Thanks. Charlie's party is tomorrow. Edward called to see if I wanted to ride with him and the other guys, but I had already made arrangements with Jacob and Mr. Black."

"Better watch your back," I warned him.

"Lee-Lee, don't start. You sitting with Emily while Sam goes?"

"He's not going."

Emily hadn't been the same since losing her child. She was loco — crazy. Her days and nights were filled with images of vampires and werewolves stealing her unborn baby. Sam took her to a local doctor who diagnosed her with depression and put her on pills, but they didn't seem to work. Mom, Rachel, and I took turns sitting with her. It wasn't something I wanted to do, but when she asked for me, Sam practically begged. He continued to think she would snap out of it, but I wasn't so sure.

"How much longer do you think Emily will grieve?" Seth asked. Until she dies, I thought but shrugged my shoulders in response.

Seth and I made our way back towards town. We passed some kids playing basketball in the park. They yelled for Seth to join them, but he just smiled and waved. I wasn't sure whether he declined because of his arm, or if he just didn't want to play.

"Your physical therapy coming along alright?" I asked. We sat down on a bench facing the courts.

"Yeah. Jacob thinks I should try and phase to see what happens. Edward thinks I should wait a few more months and have Carlisle standing by when I do — just in case."

"The Cullens don't know everything." I was beginning to lose my patience with his constant admiration for the bloodsuckers. "Jacob wouldn't tell you to try if he thought it would hurt you."

"Well, it's my body and I would feel more comfortable knowing a doctor was close by."

I didn't want to argue with him. Besides, he was right: his arm, his right. My head rested on the back of the bench with my face turned up towards the sun. It was a warm, clear day. The sun seemed to give me energy and help clear my mind.

"I'm glad Mom is marrying Chief Swan," Seth said.

"Retired Chief Swan."

"He seems to make her happy, don't you think?" I didn't say anything and Seth continued talking, ignoring my silence. "Dad wouldn't mind. Of course if he was around he would mind, but since he's not I don't think he would object. You think we will have to tell him our secret?"

"I hope so."

"Why?" There was suspicion in Seth's voice.

"To know our secret, he would then know the Cullen's secret," I explained.

"Not necessarily. There is more to our ancestry than vampires. Our story can be told without ever mentioning them."

"Whatever." Leech lover.

"I'm going home to eat. You coming?"

I squinted into the sun. "I'm going to wait and make sure everyone has left before I go back." Seth shook his head and took off.

I closed my eyes — enjoying the peace and quiet. I didn't want to think about the wedding, vampires, werewolves, broken dreams…

"Leah Clearwater?" I opened one eye to see whose head was blocking my UV rays. "It's been three years since I've seen you. Sorry to hear about your dad. Harry was a good man."

I raised my head and covered the sun from my eyes to get a better view. He was tall — I would venture to say six-two, and athletic looking. His bronze skin glistened in the sun as beads of water dropped to the ground. His muscular thighs looked as if they were going to break through the spandex of his shorty sleeveless wetsuit.

"You don't remember me, do you?" He laid his surfboard next to the bench and sat down. His profile was strong and rigid, and his eyes were shades of amber and green. Wisps of his wet, black hair hung down around his face while the rest stayed in a tight, braided ponytail. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as he continued to smile at me. Heat rippled through my body, but I shook it off — blaming it on the sun. "Eli. Eli Marshall."

"I'm sorry. I don't…"

"I graduated three years ago. I've been away at UC in Berkley. One more year and I'll have my MA in math education. Already have my MBA Entrepreneurship."

"Sounds like you're a smart guy," I said, getting to my feet, "but I still don't remember you."

"You were Sam Uley's girlfriend." I quickly turned my head towards the basketball courts. "It sure seemed like you two were a sure item. I can't believe he ended up marrying your cousin — that's just wrong."

My demeanor hardened. "I didn't realize life at La Push was front page news in Berkley."

His eyebrows raised and his eyes grew larger as he began to protest. "No," he said, jumping to his feet. "No…I mean — Mom thought I wanted to know about Sam getting married since we were acquaintances. When I asked if you were going to finish school, she told me he was marrying your cousin. I'm not a gossiper. Normally I could care less about what happens — I just couldn't believe…" His voice trailed off. There was an awkward moment of silence. "You really don't remember me?"

I tried to keep an angry frown on my face, but failed. "Sorry."

He smiled and pushed his hair behind his ears. "Guess I make a lasting impression, huh?" We shared a laugh. "Now that you're out of school — do you have any plans?"

"I think I'm going to take a break. Get a job and save some money. Hopefully get my own place." I'd always hated school. It wasn't that I was stupid, I was just bored. When Dad died, I missed too much school and got held back. I was already a year behind because of a sickness I had when I was younger. I would have dropped out and got my GED had it not been for Mom. It had been embarrassing being the oldest in my graduating class.

We strolled down the road. He easily carried his surfboard under his arm.

"A lot of people who do that never go back to school. Don't you think you should wait until you've finished college before you move out on your own?"

"I don't have a choice. Mom's remarrying and I don't feel comfortable with another man being head of the household."

"Oh yeah. Mom mentioned going to Mrs. Clearwater's wedding shower today. She's marrying Chief Swan, right?"

"Retired Chief Swan," I said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, I hated to hear about his accident last year."

"For someone who doesn't like to gossip, you sure know everything that's going on."

His laughter was deep and warm. "That was on the news. If it's in the news, it's not gossiping."

We walked and talked — taking some cuts through wooded areas. Eli was home for the summer and hoped to be able to stay home after Christmas. The courses he had left he would be able to complete while working at the school in La Push, which is where he wanted to remain.

His mom and dad divorced when he was six. His dad was a fisherman from Maine, who moved to La Push in hopes of starting his own boating business. "Would have worked if he hadn't drank it away," Eli said. Mr. Marshall was an alcoholic.

"Was he abusive?" I asked as we neared my house.

"No. He never laid a hand on me or Mom. He was just a drunk. Mom couldn't take it anymore, so she kicked him out."

"Does he still live around here?" I wasn't familiar with the last name Marshall.

"I don't know where he is," Eli stated matter-of-factly. "I haven't seen him since I was twelve. For all I know he could be dead."

"That doesn't seem to bother you."

He shrugged his broad shoulders. "It is what it is."

We stopped in front of my house. Bella's truck was no longer there, which was a good sign that maybe everyone else had left also.

"Hope you enjoy the rest of your summer, and good luck with your future," I said turning to leave.

"I'll see you at the wedding next week." I paused and turned back around. "I'm taking Mom, unless…" He raised his eyebrows and smiled.

I stared blankly at him for a few moments before I managed to say, "Maybe nothing will happen to her." There was jovial laughter behind me as I entered through the front door of my home.

The following week was hell. There were dozens of last minute meetings and decoration shopping. I had to go with Mom and Bella to the seamstress for our final fitting before the wedding. Bella was just about as enthused as I had been. We both plastered on fake smiles to appease Mom.

Mom didn't want Bella and me to have the same dress, but the color needed to be the same: coral. Bella chose a poly chiffon, short A-line dress with a scoop neck, an empire waist, and wide shoulder straps. Mine was a satin sheath dress with halter straps and an open back. Mom's dress was a beautiful ivory, lace overlay dress. It was knee length and tight fitting with removable lace sleeves. A silk, cream colored "moon" orchid would replace her veil.

Charlie started moving some of his things into the house. Edward, Emmett, and Jasper loaded down Bella's truck with Charlie's things, while Jacob, Embory, and Quil unloaded it. I hid in my room, unable to watch the change take place.

The day of the wedding, Mom and I rode to the church alone. The dresses hung in the back of the SUV. Mom and Charlie's suitcases was in the very back. They planned on leaving after the reception. They were going to drive to Vancouver and stay for two days, then leave on an Alaskan cruise. Neither had been to Alaska and wanted to explore someplace new together.

"Lucy Ateara will be checking on you and Seth while we're gone," Mom said.

"I think Seth and I can handle things on our own." We had fought vampires. I was pretty sure we could handle the small emergencies at home.

"It still gives me a peace of mind knowing someone is there to look in on you two."

"Is Charlie going to have someone look in on Bella?" I asked with a sarcastic tone.

"The Cullens." I scoffed at her reply. "Edward has agreed to take Seth to his physical therapy while I'm away. Don't be giving him any trouble," she warned.

"Heaven forbid anyone give the Cullens any lip." I rolled my eyes.

"Would it hurt for you to be a little friendly to them? Bella is going to be your step-sister. When she marries Edward, that will make him—"

"Nothing," I said, cutting her off. "He will still be nothing to me. He will always be a stinking vampire — nothing more. I'm not sitting at a dinner table with him or holding his ice cold hand."

"He saved your brother's life," she argued.

"The only reason Seth got hurt was because he was trying to save that leeches life. He should have let Brady kill him, then there would have been one less Cullen to worry about. Everyone would have been happy. I'm sure Jacob would be there for Bella to help her cope with her loss." It was nauseating to hear Jacob's depressing thoughts about Bella and Edward.

Mom was quiet for a moment. "I think your dislike for Bella and Edward has nothing to do with him being a vampire. I think you dislike them because of the love and devotion they have for each other." My muscles started to tense. "You see what you want. You see what was taken away from you."

"Mom," I said through clenched teeth. "Now is not a good time."

"Lee-Lee, you have to let go of the past and forgive. It was something that was beyond their control."

I quickly pulled into an empty parking space at the church, grabbed the clothes from the backseat, and stomped through the side door of the building. The last thing I needed was another lecture about moving on from Mom. Just because she could so easily forget about the past didn't mean everyone else could do the same. I had accepted Emily and Sam's relationship, but that didn't mean it still didn't hurt like hell.

I locked myself in the bathroom and splashed cool water on my face hoping it would calm me down. Now would not be a good time to phase. I added eyeliner, some powder, a little blush, and a tad of nude colored lip gloss to my face.

I heard Lucy Ateara and Mom giggling in the next room. "God, this day is going to last forever," I mumbled — and it did.

It was a good thing that Mrs. Ateara was around. Bella looked as lost as I did when it came to helping Mom get dressed. Lucy gladly took over doing Mom's make-up, dressing her, and fixing her hair. When it was all over with, mine and Bella's mouth fell to the floor. My mother looked stunning — almost unrecognizable. Her face glowed with happiness which was something I hadn't seen since the day my father died.

We lined up to march into the church. I peeked into the auditorium. It looked as if everyone from La Push was sitting on the brides side, and there were a bunch of people in uniform sitting on the grooms. It wasn't hard to miss the Cullens who had attended. I saw the doctor and his wife sitting next to Edward, followed by the small dark haired chick and her brooding husband. The big one and the blond weren't there.

Standing next to Charlie in the front was Seth, his best man, and Billy Black in his wheelchair. Charlie looked nervous. He kept tugging at his tie and wiping sweat off his brow.

I stepped back as the music started. Mrs. Ateara opened the door and motioned Bella forwarded. She took a deep breath then stepped through the door. I waited a while before I followed suit except I didn't bother to smile. After we made it down the aisle, the piano player started the wedding march. Everyone rose to their feet as Mom slowly made her way down to the front. Charlie's nervous jerks ceased as his brown eyes lit up at the sight of Mom.

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" the preacher asked.

I glared at him as he beamed with his holier-than-thou smile. Bella cleared her throat behind me. Finally, Seth spoke out. "Her daughter and I, sir."

Through the rest of the ceremony, I stared at the bouquet in my hand. I looked up once when Mom quietly said my name. Her hand was extended, waiting on Charlie's ring. I sighed and slapped it in her palm, then turned my attention back to the bouquet.

I thought I was going to be sick when it was time for the man to kiss his bride. I rolled my eyes while everyone cheered. Thankfully, one part was over. Unfortunately, there was still the reception to suffer through. I would make my presence known for a short period of time, then I would slip out. Who would ever notice whether I was there or not?

The lodge in Forks was crowded with guests by the time I arrived. Needless to say my mood had gotten worse since the ride over from the church. Nothing like having your younger brother chastise you about your attitude. I quickly separated myself from Seth, and escaped into the crowd of people gathered at the buffet tables.

My plate didn't seem big enough. I was looking for a good spot for my spoonful of mini meatballs, when a voice sounded too close to my ear almost causing me to drop my plate.

"I didn't think you were going to make it through the ceremony." Eli's breath was warm against my neck. I could smell the spearmint on his breath.

Instantly I became embarrassed at the amount of food on my plate. It's true that werewolves can eat a great quantity of food and never gain a pound. Although the guys could get away with eating a large portion in public, a female eating like a horse was bound to draw attention. Just another damn problem of being a she-wolf. I placed the spoon full of mini meatballs back in its dish, and stepped out of the line.

"Did your date dump you?" I asked ignoring his comment.

He chuckled. "No. Mom is sitting with the Walker sisters. My services won't be needed until it's time to leave. Where's your date?"

"Sitting with the groom." I scanned the crowd, looking for an empty table. I found one in a dismal corner near a potted plant and walked in that direction.

I didn't look at Eli until I sat down. It's not often that I become speechless. His silky, raven hair hung loose around his broad shoulders. He was wearing an olive green suit, which made the green in his eyes stand out. He opted not to wear a tie with his lighter green shirt, allowing a few black hairs on his chest to be visible. I began to perspire as heat rippled through my body. I took in a couple of deep breaths, attempting to gain some composure. I was annoyed at the intense, concerned look on his face, as well as my reaction to his manly presence.

"Are you alright?" He reached across the table, his fingertips brushing mine. I jerked my hand away — uncomfortably excited by his touch. In doing so, I managed to knock my drink in my lap.

"Shit," I yelled, jumping up from my chair. The red punch began to instantly stain the front of my coral satin dress. Eli grabbed some napkins and reached out to wipe my dress, but I slapped his hand away.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't realize you were so jittery."

"I'm not jittery." My voice shook from anger, but mostly from humiliation. My annoyance increased when I found my hands shaking. I felt eyes watching me from all different directions. "I don't take fondly to being groped."

"Groped?" His brows drew together as a sign of confusion. "I didn't grope you. Leah, I would never do —"

"I need to try and get this stain out," I said curtly, cutting him off.

I pushed my way through the crowd on the dance floor, hurrying to the restrooms. I couldn't be around him right then. My heart was thumping so loudly, I glanced down to make sure there wasn't a gaping hole in my chest.

I welcomed the cool breeze when I opened the restroom door, but paused before rushing in. Emily was staring into the mirror as if in a trance. Her hands clutched the counter so tight, her knuckles were white. Slowly, her eyes drifted my direction. They were full of fear, anger, and sadness.

"I hate them," she said, her voice low and unsteady. "I thought I could handle being in the same room with them, but I can't." A single tear fell on her unusually pale cheek.

I cautiously approached her — keeping her gaze in the mirror.

"I understand what you're feeling right now, but you have to remember — the Cullens had nothing to do with you losing your child." Though I hated them and would love nothing more than to blame them, deep down I agreed with Seth: the Cullens were innocent of the previous attacks on our pack. There was no way that leech would have let Princess Bella get close to any type of danger. He cringed out of fear and loathsome anytime we were around her.

"If they had never come here, none of this would've happened. If she would've never moved here, none of this would've happened." Emily also blamed Bella. She made it very clear to Jacob that she was no longer allowed in her new home. She didn't want to hear her name or see her face. "I lost my child because of them. Whether they had any active part in it or not, it doesn't change the fact that everything points back to them. I can't forgive them for what they've done."

"Emily, they didn't do it on purpose. Bella would never hurt anyone intentionally." She's way to goody-goody, I thought with a tinge of bitterness.

"They knew in the beginning it was wrong for them to be together. They knew people could get hurt, but they didn't care."

"It's not that they don't care, it's that they can't be apart. You should know how that feels."

She flinched at my comment, and her eyes lost some of their anger. "I can't believe you're taking up for them."

"Me either," I mumbled. "If you don't forgive them, it will only eat you up inside." It had already started doing that to her. Her usual warm eyes had turned hard and lifeless.

"You're preaching to me about forgiveness, yet you still hold a grudge against me."

"You're right. Everything that you have accused the Cullens and Bella for, it's the same reason I hated you. If you had never come to visit, Sam would have never met you. I would be married to him — not you. You both knew how much it was going to hurt me, but you got together anyway."

Her scared face crumbled. "I'm so sorry. We didn't intend to fall in love."

"Emily, my mind grasps that, but my heart doesn't." I walked up to her and placed my hands on her shoulders. "I don't hate you or Sam personally — not now anyway. I know you can't help who you imprint on. Quil is a prime example of that."

She laughed lightly. "I just don't know if I'm going to ever be myself again."

"You've experienced something horrendous, but can't you see it's not the end of the world? If it weren't for the Cullens, you would have lost much more than your child. They saved Sam. It's not like you can't have any more kids with him."

"It's not so cut and dry, Leah. It's not like I lost a kitten. I was so looking forward to our first child. I almost feel as if it's my fault it died. Like I wasn't strong enough to protect it."

"You can't blame yourself. It was beyond your control. And I don't mean to make light of your loss. All I'm saying is be thankful for what you have. You have someone who loves you, and you do have the capability to have another child. Some people aren't so lucky." I swallowed down the unexpected lump in my throat. "The best way to honor the dead is by living our lives to the fullest."

Her eyes met my timidly. "Leah, I am very sorry for all that you have been through. It couldn't have been easy. It must still hurt seeing me and Sam together."

I shrugged. There was a lot of things that hurt: being alone, being a werewolf, the death of my father, unable to have a family of my own… "It would have never worked out between Sam and I. At least you are both happy."

"Poor Sam. I've been so consumed with my grief and hatred for the Cullens and Bella…I haven't been such a good wife to him lately."

"Sam loves you. He just wants you back and well."

"I'm going to try." She gave me a shaky smile. "But I don't think I'll be holding hands with the Cullens anytime soon."

"Lucky for you."

She laughed and hugged me, then stepped back and looked at my dress with a frown. "What happened?"

"Eli Marshall." I sighed and observed the damage in the mirror.

"Eli." Emily's eyes brightened. "He stopped by the house a couple of days ago." I grabbed a paper napkin, dampened it, and dabbed at my dress. "He seemed very interested in you."

I suspended my useless attempt at saving my dress. "Me? What did he say?" I narrowed my eyes on Emily. She didn't seemed to be the least bit concerned by my expression.

"Oh, he just wanted to know what you were like. Whether you had an interest in any of the guys around La Push." She smiled wickedly.

"And what did Sam tell him?"

Emily eased her way to the door. "That he knew for a fact that you didn't have any interest in anyone. He also told him you liked to play rough." My eyes grew wide and my mouth dropped open. Obscenities fell from my lips, but there was no one in the room to listen.

I lingered in the bathroom a few more minutes before I poked my head out the door. The crowd had thinned a little. I had intended to leave without a second glace, but for some reason I couldn't help myself. I looked at the corner table and found it empty. My eyes scanned the room, but also came up empty. A subtle depression settled in the center the center of my chest.

Damn, what's happening to me? I wondered as I slipped out the door. I glanced at the laughter coming from Mom's SUV. Seth and his friends were decorating her car getting ready for the newlywed's departure. I removed my shoes and threw them in the bushes. My dress was already ruined; there was no need to keep it around. Silently, I made my way further into the woods before I phased and ran towards the house.

There was so much to think about, my mind was in overload. The bitterness I had felt towards Emily and Sam had dissipated through the years. Now it wasn't so much as them being together that drove me insane as it was the sympathy looks I received from people. I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt — there would always be a dull ache thinking about what was and what could've been — but there was no arguing with fate or imprinting. I'd already done that and gotten no where.

Another issue was my very new step-father. I didn't hate Charlie, I just hated my mother marrying him. But there was nothing I could do about that. She was happy with him and Dad wasn't coming back. I felt cheated and alone. Dad shouldn't have died so young. There was so much I needed to ask him concerning this new werewolf life.

That was yet another problem. Being the only female wolf was frustrating. I was supposed to be part of the pack, but they reminded me of a boys club who didn't want girls around. I didn't want to continue with this life. I wanted to be normal and feel…sexy. There is no way to feel sexy covered with fur and walking around on four legs. I didn't fit in with the guys and I didn't fit in with the girls. They talked about future families — something that as long as I continued to phase would never be a possibility for me. In fact, even I were to suddenly stop transforming there was still no guarantee that my reproductive system would begin working correctly. How could I explain my alternate life to a gynecologist without them labeling me as whacky?

Finally, there was Eli. I wasn't myself around him. I could almost be happy when I was near him, which was a luxury I couldn't afford. My life was…very different from his. As he got older, he would want so much more than I could give him.

My house came into view. The coast was clear for me to phase back into my human form and enter the house unnoticed. I showered and got into bed. A couple of hours later, Seth came home. He knocked on my door, but I wasn't in the mood for company. My brain continued to spin like a hamster wheel, going over the same problems and coming up with the same conclusions.

I rolled out of bed the next morning not sure what I needed to do first. I needed a fulltime job, and I needed to find some place to live. I really wanted to move out before Charlie and Mom returned from their honeymoon.

I mumbled a greeting to Seth who was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal. I grabbed two bananas and an apple, then joined him at the table.

"Mom was looking for you before she left," he said. He was reading his newest gaming magazine. "It would have been nice if you would have told her bye."

"I figured with everyone else around she wouldn't have missed me. My bad."

"Do you really have to be a bitch all the time?" I batted my eyes a few times. It wasn't Seth's nature to be so harsh. "Charlie is a great guy and Mom's lucky to have him. Would you rather see her end up all alone or with someone who mistreats her?" I rose from the table and had headed out the back door when his next sentence stopped me. "Lee-Lee, Dad's dead. He's not coming back. You need to accept that." I let the door shut behind me.

I decided to eat my apple on the beach. It was quiet except for a few set of couples enjoying the early morning hours. I sat close to the shoreline allowing the waves to cover my feet. I stared across the wide expanse before me, feeling very defeated and alone.

"I had an epiphany some time ago when I used to come down and stare at the ocean." Eli sat down next to me. His long, muscular legs stretched out further mine. My body relaxed and I smiled openly.

"This should be good," I joked.

"Nothing last forever. All your worries, all your troubles, all you pain — they won't last forever."

My smile faded. I quickly turned my face from his stare to hide my hurt. He laid his warm hand on mine. I was unable to speak. I felt vulnerable before his gaze — a position I rarely found myself in.

"I lied when I made you believe that my dad's leaving didn't bother me. Mom kicked him out of the house when I was six, but he would still come by and take me fishing and surfing. He was sober during his visits. He knew he had to be or else Mom wouldn't let him see me.

"The last day I saw him, he stumbled in my classroom with bloodshot eyes and in disarray. He also reeked of alcohol. He started yelling for me to go with him fishing. The kids started giggling. You know, twelve is an important age. It's when you start making a name for yourself. There were a few girls in my class I had my eye on. Dad was messing up everything. When the teacher tried to calm him down and asked him to leave, he became combative. The teacher had to restrain him while another student went and got help.

"I didn't go home when class was over. Instead, I came here to get away from people. I was angry at the world. I hated Mom for not making Dad quit drinking. I hated Dad for humiliating me in front of my friends. I hated both my parents for a broken home. I thought it was the end. I wrote out my feelings in the sand, and sat on the shore and cried at my miserable life. When I looked back at my writing, it wasn't there. Slowly the waves had come in and erased all my feelings."

"That's when you had your epiphany and all was forgotten," I murmured sardonically.

"No." He chuckled despite my attitude. "I added the ocean to my hate list for erasing my work. It wasn't until I was fifteen when I had my revelation. I was surfing in November, so there weren't many people out walking around. After a couple of hours, I dropped on the sand to just watch the waves and enjoy the light fall of rain. It was then I realized that just like the waves had erased my writing, years had eased my pain. I understood things better. I knew Mom couldn't make Dad stop drinking and she did the best she could. He had a disease that he wasn't strong enough to conquer. The pain of his leaving was still there, but it didn't control my life. My social life that I thought was irredeemable wasn't. Everything I thought would be my demise was gone and forgotten. I had made it through it. Leah, nothing last forever. I know —"

"Don't pretend that you know me or…can fix me," I lashed out jumping to my feet. "I'm sick and tired of everyone's pity and sympathy."

I was halted by an iron grip on my elbow. My anger got the best of me. I jerked my arm free and shoved him backwards. He grabbed onto my wrist as he stumbled back and fell to the ground taking me down with him.

I was momentarily stunned at being so close to him. I came to my senses and tried to get away, but he used his weight as an advantage and rolled us over to where he was on top. His hands restrained mine. I squirmed but his grip only tightened. I could have overpowered him, but shamefully it felt good to be controlled for once.

"What Sam and Emily did to you was shitty," he panted. "Still, you shouldn't deny yourself happiness again."

"And is that what you think you will bring me?"

The touch of his lips on mine sent a shock wave through my entire body. The strong hardness of his kiss broke through my resistance. I had a burning desire, an aching need, for another kiss as he slowly raised his mouth from mine to gaze into my eyes.

"That and so much more — if only you'll let me. But you have to let me, Leah. I'm willing to play the game as long as I know I can win in the end."

"You can't win." I was surprised at the sadness in my voice. "Chances are I'll never be able to be the perfect female. I'll never be able to produce the perfect family."

His smile caused my body to tremble. "I've never dated because I couldn't find another Leah Clearwater. I dreamed about you in high school. I dream about you now. You may never be the perfect female, but you're my definition of a perfect female. A family can consist of only two people. Mom and I have been a family for years. All I'm asking for is a chance."

We continued to stare at each other before I gave in and surrendered.

Eli and I spent the rest of the week together. He made me laugh which wasn't easy. He gave me my first surfboard and started to teach me how to surf. I smugly smiled at his astonishment at my agility. Before the week was over, he and I were competitively surfing against each other.

I was depressed the day he left to return to Berkley. We promised to email each other and he would see me when he came home for breaks. Maybe even I could break away and visit him in California.

I was sitting at the table, filling out a student loan packet, when Mom and Charlie walked through the door.

"Here, let me help you with your luggage." Before they could refuse, I had already grabbed their bags and took them to their room. They exchanged curious glances with each other.

"So, how was Alaska?" I asked walking back into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and grabbed two beers. They thanked me and hesitantly sat down at the table.

"It was beautiful," Mom said. "We went during the right time of year. We brought you, Seth, and Bella back a gift. How are things around here?"

"Great."

Mom and Charlie continued to stare at me, apparently wondering where the real Leah had vanished and who this imposter was sitting before them. Mom excused herself from the table and went to the bathroom to freshen up, leaving Charlie and me alone.

"What are you working on?" he asked taking a swig from his beer bottle.

"Student loan packet. I'm having to do late registration for college."

"College?" His eyebrows rose with interest.

"Peninsula College in Port Angeles. I'm going to go ahead and get my basics while I decide on my career path."

"Smart idea. Any idea which way you're headed?"

"Criminology…I think. I wouldn't mind being an officer or working for the FBI."

"Really?" Again I had surprised him. "I could help if you want. I mean, if that determines to be what you want to do, I could possibly pull some strings for you."

I gave him a genuine smile. "I appreciate the offer, Charlie, but if I'm going to do it, I don't want to get by on any favors. I don't want the chance of anything coming back and biting me in the butt if some years down the road I decide to run for chief or sheriff."

He returned my smile. "Harry would be thrilled." He dropped his gaze to the table. "Leah, I'm not going to try and take the place of Harry. I loved and respected him too much to ever try to fill his shoes. But I would like us to be friends. It's important to your mother and it's important to me."

"I've been a bitch to you and Mom. I'm sorry. I've known you since I was in diapers. I know how much you loved Dad. He would have skinned me if he had been around the past few months and saw how I acted towards you and Mom. I would like to start over, if that's okay?"

Charlie answered with a warm smile and a nod.

Mom walked back in the room and Charlie left to call Bella and let her know he was home. I told Mom about my plans for college. I had found a part-time job at one of the retail stores in Port Angeles. I decided to hold off on getting my own place for the time being. Mom was pleased to hear that.

"What brought about this big change in you?" she asked.

I didn't want to tell her about Eli. If things continued to go well with him, she would find out soon enough. I licked my lips thinking of his kisses and my body warmed at the memory of his hands. I couldn't meet her curious gaze, and I couldn't hide my smile.

"I had an epiphany," I whispered in response.