Chapter 9 Memories

I could feel L shuddering next to me in the after-effects of our endeavor and I smiled. His eyes were closed and his head lulled to the side. I kissed his lips gently and his lids fluttered.

"Is it just me…or is this…odd?"

I chuckled. "It may be odd but I know how much you like it."

He ignored my comment. "Am I allowed to go to bed?"

"I suppose…" I smiled and followed him to the bathroom where I watched him clean himself off then proceed to put on fresh clothes.

"Sleeping in jeans must be uncomfortable."

"I am not planning on sleeping. You cost me the time I would have originally used for rest. Now it's time to work."

"Hm. Well I'm going to sleep."

"Of course. Light must have his precious beauty rest."

I smirked and pulled the chain so L was right in front of me. I ran the tip of my nose along his shoulder blade.

"I'm gonna make you mine, L," I murmured.

"We'll see about that."

I blocked out the presence of the sleeping teenager next to me. It was not an easy task at first but got easier when a message popped up on my screen.

It being almost 1 in the morning Watari knew Light would be sleeping so if he felt the need to reach me he would resort to messaging; something I disliked entirely.

I twitched as I heard the 'ping'.

'A report from Roger, sir.' Next to his sentence was a link to a video.

Those tired, old eyes looked into the camera as if he could see me.

"It has been a while since I sent you an update I know. But Mello has been…quite the handful lately. Near remains at the top along with Mello. And as to Mello being a handful…well maybe you should take a look and see."

The tape switched to one of Near and Mello. Near sat on the floor with one leg pulled up to his chest, placing yet another card atop his growing tower.

"Hey, loser." Mello appeared and kicked down the albino's creation.

Near didn't seem phased. He simply collected the cards and began anew.

"Why don't you get out in the real world every once in a while, Near?"

Matt, who was lounging on the couch, game boy in hand, responded to the blonde. "The day he enjoys spending time outside is the day that you stop getting as emotional as a girl on her period 24/7."

Mello then snatched the game out of his hand.

"Mels!" The redhead cried out in protest. "I'm in the middle of a poké-battle!"

"Not anymore." He flipped the switch on the side and threw it behind him.

It hit Near's newly half-built tower, knocking it down once again.

"Who pissed in your cereal this morning?" Matt asked, walking over to retrieve his game.

"Stinkin' Roger limited me to one freaking chocolate bar a day! Is he insane? I think so!"

Near reached under his white pajama shirt and help something up. I immediately recognized it as a chocolate bar.

Mello leapt for it without a second thought.

"Thank God, Near. I was going to have to listen to him complain all night." Matt smiled in relief.

Near nodded once to him and for the third, and hopefully final time, began working as Mello chomped happily on his chocolate and Matt clicked his game back on, plopping down next to his blonde friend.

The video clicked off.

I found a smile on my lips. A sad yet somehow happy smile. Knowing they hadn't changed was always good but…it made me miss the days when I was at least able to be their mentor in person. Dealing with Mello's mood swings, Matt's lack of attention, and Near's social awkwardness were things that kept me occupied. But it seemed they were no longer mine… And the day I lost them was like nothing I'd ever imagined.

"L…" Watari looked to me. "You must understand."

"He is right, L." Roger added. "Things are becoming much too dangerous with you now tracking the most widespread killer we've seen since B. You coming back here only endangers these children's lives."

"And of course if something happens to your money-making machine you need to replace it right away." My blank stare seemed to penetrate him.

"That's not what I-"

Watari cut Roger off. "L, that is not all that you are to us. You have to know that by now."

"Of course, Watari." I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I apologize. But at least allow me to tell them myself?"

He nodded.

I rose from my crouched position and walked out the door of Roger's office and down the hall. I came to the large opening where the doors were spread and stepped onto the concrete. I stared for a long while, shoulders hunched, hands in my pockets.

I saw Matt and Mello playing on the field. Blonde hair was dancing in the breeze as he ran to kick the soccer ball he was in pursuit of.

"You're leaving." A voice sounded from not too far away.

I looked over and there in the shade sat Near, white hair looking even lighter in the sun.

Our matching eyes locked and I nodded once.

I never questioned how he knew things. He was Near. And reading people was his specialty.

I saw his grip on the stuffed bunny sitting on the ground tighten the slightest bit. Lakes of grey hardened minutely before pale lids covered them with a blink, ridding them of all emotion.

How was it that such small gestures could stab at my heart? Despite outside thought, I did have a heart. Buried deep within the calculations and data and facts; hid away to protect me from moments like these. Protecting me best it could anyway…

Mello caught sight of me and ran over, Matt in tow.

"L!" He beamed up at me.

I mussed silky flaxen hair with one hand, then bringing it back into my pocket.

Matt pushed his goggles up, tangling them in a mess of red.

To think I allowed it to get this far. I should have learned from my experience with A and B. Getting close was never a good idea.

"I came to say goodbye."

"Aw man, but you just got here," Matt sulked.

"Not that kind of goodbye."

Their faces fell.

"W-what do you mean…?" I could see Matt itching to bring his goggles back down. A defense mechanism.

"The case I'm working on right now…It is too dangerous for me to continue visiting. And there is no way to know how long this case will take."

"Is Kira that big of a threat?"

Mello still hadn't spoken.

"It would seem it is a possibility." My eyes drifted to the blonde boy after responding to the other.

"You're joking," he ground out.

"Mello, you have to understand…" I used the same line Watari had spoken to me.

"No! You're lying! You wouldn't leave! You can't!"

"It may not be for long."

"But…you still need to pick one of us! So you've gotta stay! Right?" He was desperately searching for a way to make his wants possible.

"I will be getting monthly updates from Roger so that is nothing to be concerned over."

Tears were filling aquamarine eyes.

I continued after clearing the knot growing in my throat. "So in the event that something happens to me…everything will be prepared."

"I can't believe you're doing this!"

"Mello-"

"I hate you, L!" He turned on his heels and ran. And for the first time in my life I almost went after someone. But Matt, goggles now pulled down to hide his own budding tears, held up a hand.

"I'll take care of him…" He hugged me. "Bye, L…" And he ran off to chase his friend.

I turned to Near then, who had remained completely quiet throughout the whole ordeal. I crouched down in front of him.

"You understand, don't you?"

He nodded and held out his bunny. "For you."

A hint of a smile spread across my lips. I ruffled his hair and stood, holding the stuffed animal in my hand.

"Goodbye, Near…" I walked off and found Watari waiting by the car. I sat in the backseat, turning the rabbit over in my hands as he drove. I noticed fresh stitching on the back and I popped it open with my fingers. Reaching in I pulled out a crinkled paper. Unraveling it I saw it was instead a picture. This was the only picture that existed of me. I had fallen asleep on the couch with the three boys, a rare site indeed. An insomniac, one in the works, one kid hopped up on chocolate and the other too obsessed with a videogame to even consider sleeping; yes I do believe that is far from what is to be expected.

I lay across a major portion of the sofa, knees drawn up halfway. Near had curled up by my stomach, pieces of a half finished puzzle fallen from the couch onto the floor in disarray; the bunny clutched to his chest. Matt, who had been lounging against the backs of my thighs had fallen asleep, game still in hand as it lay limp next to him. And Mello…he had decided to lay across my back and once asleep his hand, armed with half a chocolate bar, had fallen down so his fingertips grazed the couch; remnants of his snack still at the corners of his mouth.

And that day, in the back of the car, as the sun gave way to clouds, I, L Lawliet, cried.