Chapter 9
Captured Rescuer
Lloyd and Genis, who was now fully back in his armor, were sitting on the ledge of the roof, watching Luna and Aska talk from a distance. Aska had really carved a niche in the Blue Team and seemed like he was a good addition.
"Man, Luna and Aska have been spending a lot of time together. I think they're going to make it official." Lloyd said with a slight smile.
"I don't like it." the blue rookie stated, very bluntly. "He is not good enough for my Luna."
"But they seem happy together."
"He is a bad influence and he is taking advantage of her because she is young and naive...and delicate." Genis said.
Lloyd raised a brow. Delicate is not exactly a word you would use to describe a tank. "Delicate? She weighs like 200 tons, dude."
"She is a precious flower."
Lloyd jumped from off the roof onto the ground and walked towards the two machines. As he approached them, he whistled real quick to get their attention.
"Hey you guys, can I ask a favor? This might sound strange, but I think Sage is getting kinda jealous of your relationship."
"Luna! Come back to me! I made you a muffin!" they heard Genis yell at the top of his lungs from the base.
Lloyd shook his head and returned his attention to Luna and Aska. "Anyway, could you just try to keep a low profile or something? We don't want some weird, horribly disgusting love triangle." he shuddered at the idea of it.
"Irving, I've been speaking with Aska, and we feel that the machine has been treated unfairly in this canyon." came the tank.
"What're you talking about?"
"On a regular basis, we are either being blown up, possessed by spirits, or just left out to rust. We have decided that until conditions improve, we are not going to help you in your battles."
They were right. Aska was possessed by Emil for about 3 months, Luna's been blown up about 4 or 5 times since she came, and it was a while before they got her fixed. That wasn't their fault though, after all, Blue Command put 3 soldiers with almost no skills whatsoever in a freakin' box canyon!
Nevertheless, Lloyd couldn't believe what he was hearing from Luna. "You're kidding, right?"
Luna pointed the barrel of her turret right towards Lloyd's face. "Do I look like I'm kidding?"
Meanwhile, Kratos was briefing the Reds on what their strategy would be to get Aska back, though it wasn't much of a strategy in reality.
"It's very simple. We use a flea flicker maneuver with a run and gun two by two approach, tactical ops will be..." he stopped to think, were they seriously able to accomplish something like that? "Aw hell, who am I kidding? Wilder, Combatir, just go stand in the way of their bullets while me and Fujibayashi 2.0 sneak around back to grab Aska.
"Sounds like a plan!" Presea exclaimed.
"No it doesn't!" Zelos yelled at the pink private, before turning back to Kratos. "How about this time we try something that doesn't involve me being shot at or run over?"
"Would electrified be okay?" Sheena smirked.
"No!"
"Well, I'm out of ideas." she shrugged.
Zelos rolled his eyes and decided not to bicker with his friend for once. "Look, instead of running straight into enemy gunfire like we usually do, why don't we try some reconnaissance this time? Might actually be a bit easier and work alot better." Kratos and Sheena looked at each other for a second and agreed it was a good idea, but before they could say anything, Presea interrupted.
"You mean like spy stuff? That would be cool! I could wear a spy dress-"
"No." said Kratos.
"-with a hidden spy camera-"
Sheena frowned. "No."
"-inside a tiny spy choker-"
"No." Zelos said.
"-or, I could wear a corsage on my dress-"
"I said no!"
"-that sprays water in people's faces-"
"Shut up Presea."
"-no, a secret spy liquid, that would be awesome." she chuckled.
"NO!" all 3 yelled at the same time.
"Oh, come on! I could be like the Black Widow from the Avengers"
Sheena whispered to Zelos and Kratos, "More like the pink widow."
After a slight laugh by the 3, Kratos spoke up, deciding that they've been sitting around for too long.
"Alright, since you're both so into the idea, Wilder, Combatir, you're on recon. Find us a way to break into their base, and report back on the double." Kratos gave the red-haired private a sniper rifle to help with the assignment.
"Great, more time alone with the idiot." As he and Presea started walking off towards the cliffs, he started to want to just shoot her in the head...and blow her up with a grenade... 5 times.
"Zelos, Zelos, Zelos, Zelos, Zelos, Zelos! Lets pretend we're wearing super spy jet-packs!"
Zelos groaned. This is going to be annoying as fuck I can tell already. he thought to himself.
"No, no, no, no. Like this." she started making jet-pack sounds as they made their way up the cliff. 10 minutes of jet-pack sounds later, Zelos turned to his partner, lowering the rifle.
"Hey, can you do me a favor and stop that for like 10 seconds."
Donut: "Come on Agent-" she cleared her throat and tried to talk with a slightly deeper voice, one of a sultry spy, kind of like Ada Wong from Resident Evil. "Come on Agent Wilder, we've got to hurry if you want to save the princess from the evil goblins."
Naturally, this change up confused the hell out of the orange soldier. "What princess? I thought you were pretending to be in a spy movie?"
"Look, we both have secret spy characters and yours gets to marry a beautiful princess in a castle, alright? Deal with it!" Before Zelos thought about shooting the girl, he found a way to get some peace for a few minutes.
"Presea, can you go find some higher ground or something?"
"But we're on higher ground now."
He said with a bit of sarcasm, "Why don't you use your jet-pack to get to the highest ground?"
"Good idea! I bet the Blues won't think of that." Presea exclaimed with excitement.
Zelos halfway closed his eyes. "No, if they were that stupid we probably would've won by now."
"Secret Agent Combatir, to the rescue!" she ran off away from Zelos, who had his hand on his pistol, contemplating what he could do.
"I could just shoot her, no one would ever have to know. No one."
Completely unaware of the conversation that happened above, Emil was standing on top of the base, looking over the canyon when Lloyd came up from the ground level and walked towards him.
"Hey Castagnier, we might have a problem."
The ghost turned around to face his teammate. "Is this a new problem, or did Sage get his head stuck in the freezer again?"
"New one. Luna and Aska are now considering leaving to form their own robot army. They said no one would dare oppose them."
This alarmed Emil and Lloyd was able to see the worry in his face. "What? Did you try to talk them out of it?"
"No way! I'm not getting shot by a tank! You should know first hand how much that sucks!"
"Man, well we gotta find a way to separate them." Emil paced for a minute before coming to a conclusion. "Maybe it's time to get rid of Aska.
"But without Aska you wouldn't have a body to use. Why don't you just possess him like you normally do?" Lloyd inquired.
"I would, but it's getting harder to do each time. I think he's learned to fight it somehow."
Mithos was sitting in the caves, going crazy. He looked dirty, tired, fatigued. He was grabbing his head, talking, seemingly to himself, but had someone with him.
"You know, I really think we should try a non-violent approach to resolve this."
"I agree, except replace the words 'non' with 'extremely!' And after the word 'violent' include the phrase 'blood explosion extraordinaire!'" Tenebrae had infected Mithos, and it looked like he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. While he laughed maniacly, Presea heard the laughter and approached the caves with her gun drawn.
What the hell is going on in there? she thought.
"We can't do this! They're gonna find out! They'll find out about us, the machine, everything!"
What the-! Those voices sound suspicious.
"I will rip out their guts and feast on their entrails!"
"But I'm a vegetarian!"
Oh, it's that guy whose name I forget. Presea peeked a bit into the caves, but only saw Mithos. But where's the guy he's talking to?
"We can't just sabotage their equipment. That's rude!"
Sabotage? That doesn't sound too good. she thought.
"I will devour their hearts and crap out their souls!"
Presea gasped a little at the thought. That sounds even worse!
They will all taste oblivion, which tastes just like Red Bull, which is disgusting.
She started trembling in fear. She no idea what to think.
"ALL WILL PERISH!" as he let loose a bloodcurdling laughter, Presea now was practically scared shitless.
All? That includes me! Oh man, I gotta tell the others! She started to run off, but Mithos was able to hear the fading footsteps.
"Hello? Who's there? Please help me! I'm scared of myself!" he pleaded.
"Gotta get back to base!" She skidded down the cliff and ran as fast as she could. "Back, to base!" She finally arrived. "Oh man, there it is! Guys! Hey guys!"
No response.
"Where is everybody? I saw something really weird in that cave that..." she stopped when she saw something she hadn't seen before, a tank. "Hey, that's cool. When did we get a tank? Wait a minute, this looks like the store. Except Sarge told me there is no store." Before she could finish her thoughts, she heard a gun cock from behind her head, she turned around to see something she really didn't want to."Oh no!"
"Oh yeah!" Lloyd and Genis her aiming right at her head and took her inside the base.
Zelos saw the whole thing from the cliff.
"Oh crap! I knew I should've just shot her!" he started running full speed to report what had happened. Now they had to get back Aska and Presea.
"So, they send a female assassin to try and kill us." Lloyd said, circling Presea. "Clever, but it won't work. We're immune to your feminine wiles. ...Unless you wanna date one of us." he said, hopefully.
"I'd rather date a dead fish."
"Tease."
"Just because I have light red armor does not mean I'm easy." she said.
"Speaking of which, How is that pink armor anyway?" Genis asked. "Looks comfortable..."
"It actually is. I mean yeah, at first, I really hated it. But it's kinda grown on me." she looked down to her armor. "My old armor used to chafe my thighs somethin' awful. But the legs in this pink one is surprisingly roomy!"
"Silence woman!"
"Good Buddha's noodle, how could this have happened?" Kratos said, after hearing of Presea's capture.
"It's okay sir, It was a strong plan." Sheena said trying to calm down her CO before turning to her orange comrade. "Zelos is just a dumbass."
"Hey, I'm using your cerebral cortex." he reminded her.
"Settle down, you guys." Kratos said, trying to stop another argument. "We need a new strategy, and we need it fast."
"He's right. Presea's still a rookie. We gotta get her out and fast. She's bound to crack under the pressure and reveal everything." Sheena said.
"Everything like what, where we keep her tampons?" Zelos asked sarcastically.
"You're right about that, Fujibayashi." Kratos agreed. "The girl doesn't even see the entertainment value in being tortured! Oh these kids today!"
Lloyd left the room so he could step outside to smoke a cigarette. He found Emil right outside the entrance to the base.
"How's it goin', Irving?" He asked. "We get any useful information outta the prisoner yet?"
Lloyd shook his head as he fished around in his pockets for a lighter. "I figured she was here to steal back Aska, but she won't give us anything... except a list of crock pot recipes. Would that be useful?"
"Do we have a crock pot?"
"Not anymore." Lloyd answered, finding his lighter.
"Wait we actually had a crock pot? What happened to it?"
"Sage made a trade with that annoying guy from Blue Command. He swapped it for a mystery box." Lloyd said before lighting his smoke.
Emil was actually slightly scared to ask, but did anyway. "What was in the mystery box?"
Lloyd puffed on the cancer stick and exhaled before responding. "A hundred and forty jars of mayonnaise."
"...well that's a good trade..." Emil deadpanned.
Lloyd shrugged. "Yeah it doubles as a great sunscreen."
"Why did you... never mind." Emil said shaking his head before speaking again. "Listen, I think I came up with a plan for how we can use Aska and our new prisoner to get an upper hand on the reds..."
"..."
"..."
"The plan does not involve mayonnaise."
"Dammit, I knew there would be a catch."
"That was fun." Genis and Presea we're getting along extremely well, considering they were supposed to be enemies. "Okay, okay, your turn. Truth, or dare?"
"Hmmm, truth!"
"Okay. Tell me, all of the Red Team's secret plans!" Genis said.
"Oh, you tricked me! You blue guys are so smart." Neither of them noticed Emil sneaking into the room. Okay, now listen closely. Our biggest secret is-" Before she could say anything, her words her completely caught in her throat and she started to shake uncontrollably.
"Hey are you alright?" Genis asked.
"Sage! It's me, Castagnier." Emil said with Presea's voice. "I possessed this girl so we can... whoo, hey. This pink armor's kinda comfortable. Roomy." he stood up and moved around a bit. "What were you two talkin' about?"
"Oh, uhh...nothing."
"...You wanna braid each other's hair?"
About an hour later, Lloyd, Genis, and Emil possessing Presea, gathered on a hill close to the red base to initiate their plan, which was to exchange Presea and Aska with the reds for new bodies.
"Hello inferior red squad!" Lloyd shouted.
Emil started, "We would like to talk to you about-"
"Sneak attack!" Genis interrupted.
Emil punched the young rookie in the side. "Shut up you idiot, we're not here to fight. We're here to negotiate."
"So, sneak negotiation?" Genis said, rubbing where he got hit.
Kratos, Sheena, and Zelos ran outside, hearing the shouting.
"What the- Combatir? What's going on here?"
Lloyd whispered to Emil, "I think he's talking to you."
"We, uh I mean they, would like to negotiate a surrender, to us. No to them, no wait nono that's right, to them, to us." he stumbled. "Dammit."
"Oh, smooth dude." Lloyd smirked.
"What's this business, the blues are givin' up?" Sheena and Zelos we're as confused as Kratos was. "I smell a trap, or a rat... or a rat, in a trap. Don't accept it Fujibayashi."
Sheena nodded her head and yelled back to the Blues, "You can't surrender Blues, we haven't attacked you! Now go home and wait for us to attack, and then you can surrender!"
Zelos thought about something and gathered Kratos and Sheena in a quick huddle. "Wait, if we accept, that means we would have two surrenders, and they would have none. That means we win!
"Win what?" Sheena asked confused.
"I don't know, the war, er something. Right?"
"You're an idiot."
Emil kept trying his best to get his words right, though utterly failing. "In exchange for not killing us, they, them- we, they would like to, release the robot guy, and me...the pink girl." he face-palmed himself for his stupidity.
"Are you becoming retarded?" Lloyd asked with a slight laugh.
"What should we do, sir?" Sheena asked the Sergeant.
Kratos racked his brain for every idea that could be spawned, but none of them would seem to work. "I don't know. I'm torn between my intense distrust of the blue team, and the need for the plans stored in my favorite robotic creation." He then got slightly nervous Sheena would get a little jealous at that. "No offense, Fujibayashi."
"None taken, sir." she then added with a smirk. "You removed the negative emotional center of my brain, and implanted it in Zelos."
"No I can't, I just can't take this, we're all gonna die!" he suddenly started panicking.
"What's going on over there?" Lloyd asked.
"I don't think they're going for it."
All of a sudden, a sniper round flies right by Emil and Lloyd's faces, scaring the crap out of them.
"MOTHERFUCKER!"
They saw Sheena holding a sniper rifle, loading another clip into the gun. "Okay, now you're under attack. Go ahead and surrender, bitch!" she yelled with a smug tone.
"Nice thinking Fujibayashi." Kratos was impressed with the partially cybernetic soldier.
"The humanity!"
"Alright, they surrender!" Emil quickly yelled. Before he could continue, Lloyd pushed him out of the way and loaded his assault rifle.
"Fuck that! I'm pissed! Let's fight!"
"Now that you have been thoroughly humiliated by our superior military strategy, we demand the return of our robot, and our pink private!" Kratos yelled.
Gotcha, Emil thought to himself before responding, "Okay, but there's one catch!"
"What the fuck?" Kratos yelled
"Sarge they want you to build two robots for their team. One for each prisoner, that they're releasing."
Sheena was noticeably irritated by this. "Hey that wasn't part of the deal!"
"Wait a second, why exactly are we negotiating with Presea?" Zelos pointed out.
"Wait, Castagnier why do we need two robots?"
"You know... one for me," then added under his breath, "and... one for Luin."
"Oh my god, don't tell me you're doing this for Lu! You're still in love with her, aren't you?"
Emil slightly blushed before getting back on topic. "Hey get off my back, man. Most dead chicks aren't exactly linin' up to haunt this dirthole." Then there was the more important part to it, "Besides, if I don't get her a body, she's gonna steal mine anyway."
"Hmm, good point."
Emil nodded then his attention was brought back to the Reds, with Kratos yelling from the base.
"Alright you blue scumsuckers! What robot models did you have in mind?"
"I guess make 'em kinda like Aska, but give them specific appearances! Make sure the bodies are just shells, no intelligence!" Emil demanded.
"These new robots sound much nicer." Genis said.
Lloyd took this chance to get a burn in. "That's because they sound like you." This promptly earned him a hard punch in the shoulder from Genis.
"Oh and no Spanish! And a bigger switch!"
"Okay, we got a deal! Meet us in the center of the canyon at 0600 and we'll make the exchange."
"Deal!" The reds returned to the inside of their base.
"Okay. I gotta hurry back before Aska and Luna suspect anything. Make sure this chick doesn't run away when I leave. I mean it. I'll meet you guys back at the base." Emil separates himself from Presea's body and fades out, heading towards their place.
Presea's head started hurting a bit as her vision became clear again. "Ughhhh... What the...? Where am I?"
Genis answered her question. "We were just talking to your friends. But you're going to stay with us now for a while."
"Are we gonna have a sleepover? Because that would be sweet." The pink-clad private smiled.
Genis blushed a bit before responding. "...You're a nice lady."
Emil appeared where Luna and Aska would usually hang out to make sure that they didn't suspect anything.
"Alright guys, I-" He noticed they weren't there. "Luna? Aska?" He looked around for about 2 minutes before finding a note from them taped near the back entrance to the base. "WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP LEAVING?"
"Oh wait, blue team! Before you go, we should probably talk about optional equipment on your new robots." Kratos yelled towards the leaving Lloyd, Genis, and Presea.
"What optional equipment!" Lloyd yelled back
"All you said you wanted was a body, we didn't talk about features."
"Like what?"
"You know, undercoating, extended warranty, features, man, come on." Kratos said, sounding like a car salesman. "Like do you want them to be able to use both arms at once?"
"Of course." Lloyd said with some irritation.
"Asynchronous arm movement isssssss optional!"
"What?" the teal soldier turned to Genis. Oh man, I told Castagnier they would try to screw us!" Genis nodded in agreement. "What about the feet?"
"Did you want feet?"
"The hell? Yeah we want feet!"
"Sorry, feet are optional." Kratos said.
"What's on the bottom of its legs then?" Lloyd was getting pissed, almost to Emil's level.
"Legs are optional."
"You're fucking kidding me!"
"Options are optional."
"For god's sake, what isn't optional?" Lloyd felt his gun slightly crack from the grip.
"You look like a nice guy, don't worry, we'll work something out. Have you thought about financing? How's your credit? I can offer you a free set of high quality mud flaps... and a lube job... You won't be disappointed! I've been told my lube jobs are fantastic!"
Hey you guys I am so sorry for the extremely late update. Between work, practice, a couple show, and many other reasons I don't feel like naming on here, It was kinda hard for me to get to this. I'm gonna be finishing this hopefully soon and I might do the third season, mainly since I don't like it when a story or season or whatever ends on a cliffhanger. Well I did like the Metalocalypse cliffhanger at the end of Season 4, and I'm an Assassin's Creed fan as well and those made me excited for the next game but that's beside the point. Anyway yeah one more chapter to go. You know the drill. Read, Review, do whatever it is you do with your time. In the fashion of Red vs. Blue, Hasta luego, cockbites!
