Dragonball Z: A Big J Parody

Hey, it's me again. Sorry this chapter took forever to post. My computer has a floppy Drive A Media, whatever that means. Whatever it is, it's keeping me from doing almost everything on my computer. I'm using one of the Study Strong classroom computers to type. It's a Macintosh computer instead of Microsoft, so if I try to add a horizontal line, there will be a huge line underneath every paragraph. Hopefully, no one uses this computer and decides to change this and add random words. Also, the end of this chapter is new. The rest is about half a year old. Sorry for neglecting this.

I know I said that I don't mind flames, but I do not appreciate flames with little thought. For example, Guest said on chapter two, 'you copied team four star'. I would have liked 'Because you used Goku's muffin button joke, I believe that you want to replace Team Four Star'. My answer is: no, I'm not. I simply used one of their jokes, and I gave credit for it. That doesn't mean I'm copying them. I truly am glad that someone was willing to flame me, but I will justify wherever possible. I would like to know exactly what I did wrong.

Anyways, I thank you all for your reviews. This makes me really happy. I hope you continue to enjoy this Fanfic.

Rated T+ for brief mild language and violence.

DBZBJP Ch9: The Hero Arrives (Late)

Last time on DBZBJP, the Saiyans had finished waiting for Goku and went on the attack. While Goku finds a shortcut and gets to earth sooner than expected, he has yet to reach his comrades. Gohan, Piccolo, and Krillin hold their own, but it isn't long before Piccolo dies, and the remaining two heroes are injured. Nappa is about to bring his foot down on Gohan's skull. Will Goku make it in time to save his son... and the earth? You've probably seen the show and therefore know the answer, but keep reading to see how I say events went.

Everything was dark to Gohan. He couldn't see, hear, or feel a thing. The last thing he remembered was Nappa squishing his cranium underneath his massive boot.

So this is what it is like to be deceased, he thought. Wait a moment. Why is it that I no longer dwell in a plane of existence? My father had resided in the realm of King Kai, had he not?

Suddenly, the Son boy's eyes opened; he hadn't realized he had closed them. Everything became clear, albeit his vision was a little hazy, most likely due to fatigue. Nappa was standing not too far from him, although not close enough to lunge at him without having time to react. Vegeta was standing about twenty feet from Steroid-Saiyan. Neither of them spoke. Even the wind had stopped, which explained why Gohan couldn't hear anything. The junior scholar also took note that he was floating.

Wait, why was he floating?

Gohan looked down to see that he was indeed hovering about three feet from the ground, on a peculiar yellowish mass. It was Kinto'un! Not being of true material essence, it was a small wonder that he didn't feel anything. But he didn't call for Kinto'un. That could only mean one thing. He looked behind him to find none other that Son Goku himself, but man, was he pissed.

"Dad, it's really you!" For not the first time that day, Gohan forgot how to be a genius, something his mother would surely scold him for. "You actually came! I can't-"

"Not now, Gohan. I have to go kill those bastard monkeys. On the way here, I saw how brutally they killed everyone. I can't find Chaotzu anywhere, and I could only find pieces of Tien." Boy, if he was willing to kill for the sake of revenge, he was much angrier than Gohan previously thought. Gohan decided that it was probably not a good idea to tell him that Chaotzu killed himself and pulled Tien with him, but he didn't have to, for Nappa finally spoke up.

"Hey. what's the big idea?! I was just about to kill your son! Oh, well. You're here now, so I might as well kill you now."

"Hold on a sec, Nappa," Vegeta said; he wanted to give the bald buffoon a test. "Nappa, what does the Scouter say about his power level?"

Nappa took his Scouter off his face. As he crushed it in his hand, he cried, "IT'S OVER TWO!"

"Uh... Excuse me, but what?"

"That's what the Scouter said about his power level, Vegeta. It's over two."

"NOOO!" Vegeta took his Scouter in his own hand and, in his frustration, he crushed his as well. "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!"

"What, nine thousand?! There's no way that can be right! Can it?!"

Goku shrugged. "I dunno." The other Saiyans gave him the evil eye. This guy really was an idiot. It must've been a fluke that he was able to kill Raditz. Oh wait, that's right; he didn't.

"Anyways," he continued, "I still have to kill you guys. So Gohan, Krillin. Eat half of this magical healing bean of life and convenience and get your tiny butts out of here. You'll only be in my way, and I don't want you guys to die. Krillin, you can die later when I need you to, alright?"

"Actually," Krillin began, frowning, "I have an idea to bring at least Tien, Yamcha, and Piccolo back."

"Well, I doubt it's any good, so I'll hear about it later." Earth's kind alien turned to face Nappa and fell into the infamous Turtle School stance. "Let's dance, baby."

"Uh, alright. Tango or ballet? That's about all I can really do." Goku stared. He was beginning to wonder if he was really the stupidest living creature in the wasteland. Anyways, I think you all know how Goku wiped the floor with Nappa's ass. Nuff said.

Dammit, Vegeta thought. I'll have to step in if Nappa doesn't finish this.

"Well, fuck this," Nappa said. "I'm gettin' the kid and the midget instead. I need to feel better about myself." He turned and flew at Gohan and Krillin, who were well able to move, but, for the sake of plot convenience, didn't.

Nappa was flying away from him, and Gohan and Krillin were screaming at the top of their lungs. Goku put two and two together. He got seven. Proud of himself, he tried to figure out what was going on, and gasped. "They're in danger!" he yelled. "I'm not going to be able to save them in time!" He hadn't made any moves yet. "I'm gonna have to use my new technique to beat him!" Nappa had almost reached them. "But how am I gonna do that if he's expecting it? I mean, the way he's flying, he'll be able to see me coming and attack me." Of course, Nappa's back was to Goku. If he was careful, he would have been able to hit him. But it was too late, as he sent Krillin flying through a rock.

"Ow, my back!" shouted Nappa. "I've gone an' busted my back! I have paralyzed myself!" He fell over, motionless.

"Idiot," Vegeta muttered. "He pointed a finger at the handicap and fired. "Dirty Fireworks!" Blood, gore, fire, and Toonsai sparkles littered the landscape. Nappa was dead.

"I can't believe it!" shouted Gohan. "He felled an ally with but one flick of his wrist! How powerful he must be to accomplish such a feat!" No one listened, but everyone agreed.

"Seriously you two, you have to leave now," Goku insisted. "You really don't need to stick around."

"Why?" Gohan asked. "Is it because we'd be distracting and in the way, and you don't want to see us killed?"

"Naw, it's because you'd just be useless filler unless something terrible happened to me. If you aren't here, I won't be severely injured by the end of the fight, and Vegeta won't get away!"

"I see no repercussions in this plan at all," Krillin stated slowly. Gohan rolled his eyes. Vegeta stepped up to Goku.

"So, Kakarrot, since you're oh-so powerful, why don't you pick your grave site? Anywhere on this little mudball."

Goku started bouncing up and down and clapping his hands. "Really? Oh, boy! My own grave site! This is the best moment of my life!"

"What about my birth?" Gohan asked hopefully.

"The best moment of my life!" Gohan growled. "Well, Imma fly with Vegeta now. Y'all go home, kay? See ya!" The two purebloods flew off to find a place to fight.

"Well, we better listen to him, huh?" offered Krillin.

"Yeah, I guess so. I wish he'd at least take me fishing once before he decides to kill himself."

"Gohan... Sometimes I wonder if you're really only five."

-DBZBJP-

Goku and Vegeta soon found themselves in a land filled with towering rock columns. Strangely, it wasn't too far from where the previous battles took place. The Saiyans landed on top of a column about twenty feet away from each other. Goku was on the shorter one, just because Vegeta wanted to feel like the big boy he was.

"So, you want to die in a place full of rocks," the prince stated. "Somehow, this seems rather fitting."

"Actually," said Goku, "you're the one who's gonna be beaten here."

"How DARE you insult my intelligence?!" Vegeta roared.

"How is that insulate to your intelligible?" Vegeta let out a battle cry and charged at the unsuspecting Earth Saiyan.

The battle had begun. And I realize how much I've been ending chapters with 'begun'.

So, this chapter was a little short. At the beginning, I had forgotten that it was supposed to be a comedy rather than just a retelling. What stinks is that I'll probably be able to get only one more chapter out in the next few weeks. School is almost over, and since this is a school computer, the computer I have is busted, and my laptop isn't allowed to have internet hooked up to it, I may not be able to get anything done except PM people from my 3ds. I could type up the chapters and then hook up the net long enough to post. I really don't know. I was thinking about starting another Fanfic that I can write over the summer so I can type it when I get back. Instead of Nappa and Vegeta coming to Earth, Nappa and Tarble arrive. There is also another Saiyan that had escaped the destruction of Vegetasei. It would be AU, so it would break away from the regular DBZ storyline, rather than just swapping Vegeta for Tarble. Not only would that not be interesting, but those two brothers are completely different people, and would therefore make many different decisions. Anyways...

Power levels

Goku

5000 (resting)

9001 (powered up)

Gohan

200 (exhausted)

1907 (senzu heal)

Krillin

1028 (normal)

Nappa

6000 (fighting)

Vegeta

10000 (resting)

12000 (killing Nappa)

13000 (pissed off at Goku)

Th-th-th that's all for now, folks!