Sorry for taking so long to update this chapter. But Christmas came and I realised I hadn't shopped yet. And then my Grandmother had a heart attack, but she is okay, thank god. But now I am back and ready to write again. :) Hope you all had a good Christmas and if your in school, a happy holiday... AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Chapter nine
I hugged Alice's pillow as she looked unfocused, taking in all I said. A small so wracked my body, if Alice felt this bad about me having cancer, imagine how different she'll treat me, how much the others will notice and how much they will hurt when they find out.
"Bella?" Alice asked me softly. Touching my arm.
I sighed and wiped my eyes. "Alice, I know I should have told you, and I probably should tell the others too...but I just cant. I want to be normal, I want to live like a normal person...as much as a normal person as I can be."
She nodded "I kind of understand...sort of. See, even though I say I don't remember my past, I do...and I say I don't because I don't want anyone to ask me about it. The only other person who knows is Esme and Carlisle...not even Edward, or Emmett know"
"You don't have to tell me..."
"I know, but I want to..."
I nodded in encouragement...hopefully she doesn't regret this.
"When I was little, I lived in a 'perfect' family. A mother, father and sister, that I loved. But my sister got diagnosed with cancer and unfortunately, she died. And when she died, my whole family lost their senses. My father started beating me, my mother started drugs, and they just started hating me. It wasn't until the last day I was with them did I realise why...
(Alice's POV, her memory)
"Mary" My father shouted, slapping me across the face. My body went flying from the impact. I was 6 years old, smaller than the other children, but smarter, and sadder.
I let out a cry as the pain shot through me. "Dad, please" I sobbed.
"Enough! You listen to me" He cried into my face, picking up my shirt so I went to his level. "Your mother has gone down the the alley ways, buying and selling drugs. All the while I'm stuck with you. Do you know why this has happened? Do you know why Anything of this has happened?" He asked, gesturing to our broken, dirty, run down apartment.
I shook my head, tears falling.
"No, of course you don't. People don't realise anything that is in front of their faces. So, Mary Alice Brandon, I will tell you. You are the reason. YOU are the problem!"
"No, Daddy, please...It's not my fault, I'll fix it. Please" I tried to bargain.
"You can't fix anything. Because it's your fault! It's your fault your sister died, its your fault she's dead...and your alive"
He dropped me to the floor and stomped back to the couch, picking up his bottle of beer and sitting down.
I stayed on the floor...its my fault? My fault my sister is dead, that she...died. But how?
"Because she was sick and you weren't" My father said quietly.
Had I asked that out loud.
Suddenly, tears filled his eyes and he became angry. "Because she was sick, and you weren't" He repeated angrily, and threw the bottle of beer at me. It hit the wall above me, shattering glass hitting me from above. I cried out in pain from the cuts, but also my heart.
I had loved my sister, and now...now I realise, it was my fault. My fault that she is dead and I am alive, because she was sick, and I was not.
I should be dead, not her.
…
Deep breaths Alice, deep breaths. This is what is meant to happen, just jump Alice, you can do it. Just walk in front of that car there, or that one.
The traffic flowed quickly in front of me. It was fast, ongoing, never stopping. A free-way. If my sister isn't alive, and I was meant to die instead of her, then I suppose the only way to fix it all..is if I was dead too.
"You jumped in front of a car?" I asked, sounding extremely loud after her soft talking. "When you were only 6?!"
She nodded sadly. "I broke both my legs, and my hips. But I didn't die, surprisingly. That is why I am really short actually, I broke one too many important things and I just stopped growing at the age of 14, or something... It was there, in hospital, Carlisle found me. Then adopted me a month later."
Now I know her story, I feel worse. If only I had of known, how much having cancer would effect her, bring back her memories, I don't think I would have talked to her on that first day...
"I'm sorry" I said quietly.
"Why?" She asked me, surprised.
"Because I have Cancer, I must be bringing back all these unwanted memories and feelings"
She nodded "Yeah, but I'd rather know you with Cancer, and experience these, than not know you at all"
I didn't know what to say, so instead, I leant in and hugged her tightly. "I know this sounds corny, but I need you to know, your my best friend" I whispered to her.
I felt her smiled "Your my best friend too"
After spending a day at my house, Alice went back home. Tomorrow was school and also, a day I had to face the questions of Edward and Emmett, why had I left so sudden, and why did I have to talk to Alice.
"Bella? You home?" Dad asked, banging loudly as he came inside.
I called out a reply and then went downstairs to start cooking dinner. I was humming a weird tune when he came in and asked how my night/day was.
"It was good...I told Alice that I have cancer"
He dropped the fork he was putting on the table "Really?" He asked.
I nodded, checking the garlic bread in the oven.
"Well, that's good Bells, its good that your trusting your friends"
I nodded and got out the pasta source and started serving up. Pasta and garlic bread, one of my fathers favourite combinations.
He started eating as I played around with the food on my plate. Not hungry at all.
"Bells, eat" He ordered.
I put one strand of spaghetti into my mouth, slurping it up nosily. He laughed and gestured with his hands 'more'.
After eating a bit more, I cleaned up and then went to bed after showering and taking my medication.
I woke up, cold and wet. Pulling away the covers I found my pyjamas and sheets soaked. With blood. I shook in fear. Not now, no no no, I thought chemo was making me better, not worse. My stomach shook with nauseous. I leant over the edge of my bed and threw up, blood.
"Dad?!" I called out with as much energy as I could.
No answer.
I fumbled to my phone, reaching for it, and falling off the bed. Pain seared threw my body as I dialled my fathers mobile.
"Hi you've reached Charlie Swan, sorry I couldn't reach my phone, please leave your name -" I hung up.
Fucking shit!
I dialled the three numbers that would hopefully help me live. 000 "What is your emergency" The lady asked me.
"I have acute cancer, I'm bleeding. I really need to get to the hospital but I can't move. Please send an ambulance"
"Hold on" She said.
Bloody hell. How the fuck do I hold on while my nose and eyes have started to bleed. My head spun, too much blood loss. Too much time wasted.
"A ambulance will be at your house in 20minutes. Please wait calmly"
Shitty emergency people. Don't they realise I'll be dead by then. "I'll call my friend. I need to hospital now" I said angrily and hung up.
Who to call...who to call... who to call... Alice
I dialled her number and a small whisper answered "Bella? Why arn't you at school. Its 9.30"
My vision was blacking out. I didn't have much time. "Need. Help. Home. Now" I managed to get out before dropping the phone and falling further to the ground. Further into blackness.
I know that the emergency services wouldn't act like that. But its my story, so they can :)
I don't know what the symptoms of Cancer is. Or what happens when they begin to get worse. Please forgive me if I get it all wrong, I'm making it up. I know I've said it before, but I'm just reminding you. ;)
Thanks for reading. And remember, reviews make me happy.
