THIS IS CHAPTER HAS BEEN EDITED.


BPOV

I opened the top drawer of my pine nightstand and carelessly threw in my t-shirts. And then, like a robot, moved to the second drawer. Soon, I would be finished unpacking my suitcases. The rest of my clothing would be shipped, along with my books and other belongings. My mother refused to go back to Forks and for now, I was glad, because if I went back, I would never be able to leave again. I wouldn't be able to stop myself from finding Edward and begging him to take me back.

He'd never take me back even if I asked. He hates my guts now.

I knew that the moment that my mother asked that I would follow her. Because… she was my mother, the woman who birthed me, and even though she had done some pretty horrible things the last few years, I still loved her.

Not to mention that my mother's life wouldn't last long without me with her. I was her parent and she needed me, even if she did have someone else to care for her. So, if I didn't accept her invitation to come, she would return to Forks not long after her departure. Which would hurt Charlie even more than he already deserved. Not that he ever deserved this. So to save my father, I left with her.

My father worked enough not to miss me and me staying would just be a nuisance to him. He would have to care for me, or at least feel obligated to spend more time with me. I didn't want him to have another worry along with the divorce and the rumors that would be attacking him about his wife being unfaithful to him.

And this is what I explained to Edward…. Sort of. Or that is what I told myself, although I knew that wasn't true. I broke his heart, hoping that he would forget me. It would be easier for him this way. I didn't care about myself anymore, without him I was nothing. So I told him we were moving too fast and that I figured out what I was more important than our relationship. I lied about how he was distracting my intents for college and by moving with my mother, I would be back on track. I lied and told him this all came in the perfect time, because we were a mistake.

And I walked away, with tears in my eyes and my heart shattered. I didn't look at his face. I didn't kiss him goodbye. I didn't tell him that I would miss him or that I loved him. I just walked away, knowing it would be the best.

He didn't come to the airport to see me off. I looked for the top of his bronze head floating above all the others, but never found it. Somewhere in me, I knew he wouldn't be there. But I had hoped that he loved me enough and saw through my stupid lies to try me one more time.

I would have broken down right there, if he had asked me to stay.

He had only asked me once and that was it. I had rejected him, my wall holding strong.

And that was it. I hadn't slept in three days. My food intake had been limited and unsustainable.

"Bella! Come downstairs, please!" my mother bellowed. I pulled myself up from the bed and went to the mirror. The dark bags under my eyes were damp with my recent tears. I wiped them dry with my sleeve, but I couldn't do anything with my pale skin and my messy hair.

I walked down the stairs and into the den, in my usual daze. A man about ten years older than me, maybe not even than that, sat on the couch next to my mother. His hair was slicked back and he wore black slacks and a dress shirt. And for a brief second I thought that my mother was trying to set me up with him. Until I saw his hand high up on her thigh and the intense look he was sending Renee.

When I entered, he jumped up unusually fast and reached to shake my hand. He introduced himself as Phil and I managed an "it's nice to finally meet you." He smiled back and I could see why he had intrigued my mother. He was handsome, not in the way I would find interest in him, but for Renee, he was perfect. I could tell he was well built beneath his shirt and his grip was strong on my hand, although I was so frail, I couldn't really be a fair judge.

"Bella, Phil and I are going to have dinner. Would you like to come?"

"No, thanks. I don't want to disrupt you two."

"Nonsense. Please, I would be delighted to speak with you more. Renee has spoken so highly of you," Phil immediately put up a fight, but I could see through it. He just wanted time alone with her. And I really couldn't spare myself to see them all mushy, or to see my mother throwing herself at a man half her age.

"No, thanks. I'm not really hungry anyway. Good ahead, I'll be fine. Really." I don't know how many times I had lied in the two weeks. It was sad how easy it had become.

"Bella, I think you need to eat. You haven't in days…" I cut her off. I didn't want this man to hear about my problems. Although, I was pretty sure he already had. Renee had already spoken of him moving in with us, so I had no doubt that they spoke of me and my recent behavior.

"Go, mom. Don't worry about me," it came out harsher than I wished and I backtracked. "Please go have fun. Don't hold back on my account." I kissed her on the cheek and then turned to jog back up the stairs to my large room that she had tried to bribe me with.

I heard their voices and I half expected Renee to come after me. Or even Phil so we could start "bonding". But then the front door opened and closed and I heard Phil's BMW start up. I watched as they pulled out of a driveway, but I was unable to see past the tinted windshield.

I sank back onto my bed and pulled out one of the few novels I had been able to fit into my carry-on bag. My eyes followed the small, black print, but my mind was reeling.

What if I called him? Just to see how he was doing. You could tell a lot by the tone of his voice and if I heard a woman in the background, I would know that he had moved on. Like I had wished for him to do. My heart thumped and I knew that deep down, hearing that would hurt me more than ever. Drastic circumstances might follow and for a brief moment I turned down the idea, not wanting to know the answer.

But my hand still reached for the small, silver cell phone that Renee (I knew that she hadn't, we didn't have money to spare after this move. Phil was trying to supply me things to make me like him more) had given me when we had arrived in Florida. Told me that this way I could call Charlie and all my friends back home on a private line. Though, she was very precise in her meaning of friends, definitely implying that my boyfriend wasn't in this list.

I typed in the still familiar phone number in and then pressed send. The ringing seemed stretched and never ending. Then after what seemed like five minutes, it went to his voice mail. His smooth voice told me to leave a message and he would get back to me.

The beep sounded and my breath hitched. I was unprepared for what to say. I had no idea what I wanted to say first. I don't think that I ever even had the intention to talk to him. But nonetheless, my mouth started to move and my voice, sounding very unlike my usual voice, rang in my ears.

"Edward, this is Bella. I'm sure that you probably don't want to ever hear from me again and that's okay, because I know that I really hurt you and I wanted to… what I am trying to say is… god, Edward, I miss you so much. You have no idea. And I am sorry. I don't think I will ever be able to express how sorry I am. I don't expect you to contact me and please don't feel obligated to. I just wanted you to know that. Bye Edward."

I snapped the phone shut, threw it across the room and cried onto my bedspread.


There was a time when we were cradled one on one

And now I find that all creation is undone

I'm throwing out all of these thoughts that are not mine

I'm building up you're coming down I'm losing time

Bliss by Syntax