Episode 9
The Eds, Carrie, and May are sitting in their chairs, having a random conversation.
"That makes absolutely no sense Carrie," Double D says.
"Yeah, everyone knows you eat Oreos for breakfast," Ed said. "And may I say that's it's the start of a very cool day!!!"
"Um, dudes," a cameraman says, "we're on the air so, can you like….."
"We are!?" Eddy says in shock. He then grabs Ed's throat. "Ed you idiot!!! You were supposed to tell me when….." Eddy sees that the cameras are rolling and he lets Ed go. "Oh, hiya, folks and welcome to….."
"Uh, sorry to interrupt Eddy but I must inform you that along with the normal 3 reviews, Black Omochao has requested we do a review on something of his choice," Double D says.
"WHAT!? NOW WE HAVE TO DO 4 STINKING REVIEWS!?" Eddy yells angrily.
"As if being on this program wasn't already bad enough…." May says.
Eddy then says, "I better get paid for this!!! Well, anyway the Video Games were reviewing are Super Smash Bros Brawl, Sonic and Mario at the Olympic games, Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn and Black Omochao's pick for a Review is, Alien Hominid? Okay, fine by me! Take it on home, Sockhead!!!"
"Okay, Eddy!" Double D says with a smile. "First we shall do Black Omochao's request. Alien Hominid is a game that started out as a simple flash game on a site now famous for having the most flash games and flash movies on the internet. Alien Hominid is the first internet flash game ever to be made into a console game, and the story begins when
Alien Hominid crash-lands on earth and the FBI confiscates his ship. He then must fight his through the city, avoiding desperate FBI agents, and getting help from some fat kids, the yeti, and other aliens. Everyone please welcome the Alien Hominoid!!!" An alien walks in holding a green laser gun.
"Hello, Earthlings!" Alien Hominid says.
"Hey, you can't have weapons on the set!!!" Eddy shouts
"Whoa! Take it easy!!! It's just a prop." The Alien Hominoid squeezes his gun and it squeaks.
"So, Alien Hominoid, how's your career been since your game went from a simple flash game on the internet to a console game?" Eddy asks.
"Actually pretty good! I never expected it to take off like it has. At first I wanted a role in one of the Alien movies, but they told me I wasn't good enough, so for a while, I was out of work, until I got a call saying that some game designers needed an alien for some game on the internet. Now, I'm living off the money both games are making and trying to cut down on the brains I eat. I only eat the brains of people that I dislike." the Alien Hominoid says.
"Yeah, but too bad you don't have as many games as we have!!!" Eddy brags. "Well, let's review this game!!!"
Eddy's review:
"I love this game, I really like shooting those boring FBI guys and running around and taking control of people, but I hate the mini-games!!! Ed always cheats, so I give it an 8."
"Thanks for the high rating, but how exactly do you cheat on a mini game?" Alien Hominoid asks.
"Well, uh.....SHUT UP!!!!!!!"
"Hmm, your head just started looking tastier….." Alien Hominoid says, glaring at Eddy.
Double D's review:
"This game will get no high rating from me!!!! I normally try lax on violent games since there are so many, but this game is extremely violent!!!!! If you saw what those FBI agents did to the civilians in this game, you'd see why it's so violent!!! But this game does have some fun multiplayer modes to play with your friends, so I give it a 4."
"Hey, it's just a game. The violence isn't real; at least give it a 5…."
"No! I refuse to change my rating!!!"
Ed's review:
"I really like this game, Alien Hominid is short like Eddy and he wears tons of hats like Double D, so I shall name him Eddy D!!!! or maybe Derik…."
"...what's with you?"
"That's just how Ed is…." Double D says. "Loveable oaf! And Ed, didn't you already say something like that with Link?"
"I don't know what you're talking about Double D."
Carrie's review:
"…..hey, what planet are you from?"
"I'm a character that was created here on Earth, so Earth is my home. Why do you ask?"
"It won't be, because the Earth will be gone in just a few seconds!!! It blocks Marvin the Martian's view of Venus!!!"
"Okay, I'm sick and tired of that stereotype!!! We aliens are not interested in blowing up Earth!!!! And I know Marvin personally, and he has no intentions of blowing up the world."
May's review:
"This game does not deserve higher than a 1. I thought the playability was terrible and the graphics were below mediocre."
"Whoa, tough critic! You're tougher than that other guy!!!"
Suddenly, FBI agents from the game appear.
"Alien Hominoid, you are wanted by the FBI. Please surrender immediately!"
"For the last time, IT'S ONLY A GAME!!!!!" Alien Hominoid runs offstage with the agents chasing him.
"Um, next we have Super Smash Bros Brawl," Double D says. "In this game…."
"Everyone knows what this games about Double D!" Eddy interrupts.
"Eddy, that was rude! Anyway welcome are next guest Master hand!"
A giant, white, floating hand floats on stage.
"Hello," Master hand says. Suddenly, Carrie pounces on him and bites off his thumb. "OUCH!!! AAAHHHH!!!! MY THUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Carrie, how many times must I tell you not to eat the guests!!!!" Carrie ignores Double D and bites Master Hand. Eddy laughs.
"Carrie," Double D says, pulling out a cookie. "Go get the cookie!!!" He throws it over his shoulder and Carrie goes after it, freeing Master Hand.
Well, that was exciting…." Double D says, faking a smile.
"Can we hurry this along before I lose another finger!?"
"Fine, we'll skip to the reviews," Eddy says.
Eddy's review:
"It wasn't bad at all! I give it an 8, but I liked Melee better."
"Why?"
"Because it didn't have that lame R.O.B in it!!!!"
"Everybody's a critic," R.O.B says, popping out from behind the chairs. He then rolls offstage.
Double D's review:
"This game deserves a 10! The game was greatly improved and the online game play was most invigorating!"
"Thanks!" Master Hand says.
Ed's review:
"I like this game, I give it a subscription to Chunky Puffs Quarterly!" Ed reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a coupon for school supplies.
"...oh this will come in handy for when my child goes back to school! If I had a child…." Master Hand mumbles.
Carrie's review:
"You taste good!"
Master hand backs away in fear.
"I don't feel comfortable around you anymore…"
May's review:
"I concur with Double D on this game's enhancements; however I found it to be too much like the original, so for its repetition I only give it a 5."
"Very well, then. I'm going to leave now…." Master Hand floats offstage.
"Next we have Sonic and Mario at the Olympic games. This is the first game ever where Sonic and Mario appear together, this game puts you in control of a character from ether the Mario series or the Sonic series and you can play many real-live Olympic events. So, here are our next guests, Sonic and Mario!!!" Both Sonic and Mario walk out on stage.
"It's great to be…"
"A PLUMBER!!!!" Carrie screams, interrupting the blue hedgehog.
"Yeah….it's good to be back on the show," Sonic says.
"Yes! I'm-a glad to be-a…"
"EVIL PLUMBER!!!!" Carrie screams, interrupting Mario.
"Um, let's just get to the reviews…." Eddy says.
Eddy's review:
"This game was a complete bore-fest!!! What's the point of doing a game on sports!? You know what, I'm gonna give it a 2!!!"
"Don't be like that," Sonic says. "The game is full of…."
"SNORE'S VILLE!" Eddy screams.
Double D's review:
"Eddy that was rude!!! Anyway the accuracy to the real Olympic stadium is a definite bonus, and I found the all the games exhilarating, so I give it a 9."
"I-a like you, kid," Mario says.
Ed's review:
"Sonic and Mario are cool!, I give them my lunch from my first day of kindergarten!!!" Ed hands them a smelly paper bag.
"That's ok!!! I'm not hungry!!!!" Sonic says, backing away.
"I-a am!!" Mario says, eating the bag.
Carrie's review:
"PLUMBERS!!!!!!!!!!!!"
May's review:
"I grow weary of this nonsense, so I'll just give the game a 6."
"Cool! Well, see ya!!!" Sonic says, walking offstage.
"Bye," Mario says, following Sonic. "Hey, will you-a buy me-a Big-a Mac?"
"NO!!!!"
"And now for our last game, Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn!" Eddy says. "This game is a sequel to Path of Radiance, and if you have it, you can transfer your data over to Radiant Dawn. The game picks up from the prequel with people trying to recover from the war, and as the game goes on, conflicts eventually erupt into another war, that leads to giant war at the Tower of Guidance, where two goddesses fight each other with two massive armies. With us today is a playable character named Soren. Everybody put your hands together for Soren!"
"Hello," Soren says. Ed walks up to Soren and smiles a big smile.
"Hello!!! My name is Ed! Do you like gravy?"
"Idiocy," Soren mumbles. "Ugh, you smell horrible!!! Tell your friend to stand away from me so he doesn't kill me with his pungent odor!!!" Ed frowns and sits down.
"Okay, Soren," Eddy says. "How's it…."
"Cut the chatter and get to the review. I really don't enjoy being here."
"Oh-kay, very well, then," Double D says.
Eddy's review:
"The game wasn't all that bad. I have to say, it was very addictive. I give it a seven."
Double D's review:
"The game was okay, but there were some parts that I thought were really confusing, probably since I haven't played any of the other Fire Emblem games….."
"Oh, just get on with the review, man!!!!"
"Oh, dear," Double D says. "That was rude! Anyway I give it a seven as well."
Ed's review:
"Hold on there, mister! Strudel gives me gas!"
"………………….What!? That wasn't a review! What's your problem?"
Carrie's review:
"I'm glad you're not Mama Luigi!!! He's scarier than the fat red plumber that was here!!!"
"What is with you people!?"
May's review.
"I've had it!!! I can't take this anymore! I refuse to partake in this ridiculousness any longer!!!!"
"What did you say?" Eddy asks.
"Ugh, in terms you are capable of comprehending, I quit!!!!" May stands to her feet and walks toward the door.
"Hey!!! You can't quit!!! We have to have five hosts!!!!
"That is none of my concern. I am through with this absurdity and shall not partake in it any longer!!!" May walks out the door and leaves.
"Does this mean I can leave?" Soren asks.
"NO!!! You can't until you get a rating from our fifth host!!!"
"Hello, Ed-boys!!!!" Rolf says, barging through the front door. "What are you doing?" Eddy looks at Rolf and grins.
"Hey, Rolfy-boy!!! We're doing a TV show!"
"You mean Rolf is on TV!?" Rolf exclaims, looking into the camera. "Hello, Victor!!"
"Um, excuse me," Soren says, "when are you going to rate the video game I'm representing!?"
"What? Fine!!!! You get another seven!! Now get off my set! I'm making Rolf a TV star!"
"You mean, Rolf gets to be on your TV show!?"
"Sure, Stretch!!! You'll be perfect for ReviewEDs!!!!!"
"So that means we have……..ten guests!!" Carrie says.
"Actually we have five again," Double D says.
"Rolf would like to thank his great nana for this honor!"
"Yeah, um, the show is about over for today, so you better….."
"Rolf is the son of a shepherd and Rolf comes from the land across the great sea and has journeyed here with his great nana. Rolf had to face a giant sea cucumber and the beast….."
Eddy shoves Rolf out of the way and says, "Okay, that's all the time we have, so see ya next time!!!"
Suddenly, a goat charges onto the studio.
"Victor!? What are you doing here? Rolf told you to…." Suddenly, Victor attacks a camera-man, sending him flying into the wall. "Run for you lives, Ed-boys as Victor has eaten nana's stuffed cabbages!!!"
"Well, uh, that's our show for today," Double D says. "See you next time when we review TV shows."
Victor then lowers his head towards Eddy.
"No!!! Wait!!! Victor!!!!" Eddy says, waving his hands. Victor ignores Eddy's gestures and head butts him, sending him flying into an electrical outlet. Eddy then feels a large amount of voltage surging through his body and he screams. The camera suddenly cuts off.
Black Omochao's note: Just as with Half-wit Ed-boy the opinions are not my own but are to keep the hosts in character. Anyway review and your suggestion will appear in a future episode of ReviewEDs.
