Chapter 9
Since I don't really have enough comedy ideas as I should have, I might just
condense this chapter a little bit. But, if it is enough, then I'll just leave it alone.
Also, you should recall the disclaimers from Chapter 2, but I'll put up who I didn't
mention before and just added now. Ariana the Echidna belongs to herself.
After I counted out the number of people on the sign-up list (which wasn't really a
lot of them; oh well), I made sure that they were all ready for the show and then I went
through the curtains where the audience was.
I then walked over to the microphone, checked if it was on, and said, "Good
Afternoon, everyone and welcome to the comedy show of Klonoa's Diner. To kick things
off tonight, I'd like to present the performers of our first act: Ariana the Echidna and
Crystal the Cat."
After I walked away from the stage, the curtains opened, showing the two
anthropomorphic girls.
"Hey, Crystal," said Ariana. "Would you like to hear this joke I just came up with?"
"Sure, why not?" said Crystal.
"Okay. What do you call a person who runs very fast?"
"Um…I don't know. What?"
"A Russian."
"Oh…so, that would make Sonic a Russian?"
"Exactly."
Some of the audience members laughed at that joke.
A minute or two later, JD and Klonoa started the second act by throwing a plastic
disc at each other.
After Klonoa caught it, JD asked him, "What do you get when you take a great
movie, and you make it into a game?"
Klonoa hesitated. "Uh…a bad game."
"No. An interactive atrocity. That disc I threw was of Star Wars Phantom Menace."
"Wasn't it not the best?"
"Not one of my favorites. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go stab some hackers."
As JD walked off stage, Klonoa turned to the audience and said, "Arrogant
personality is arrogant."
I guess that wasn't the best joke to be second, but at least it killed some time.
About another minute later, it was Peter and Mark's turn for the next act.
"Hey, Peter," said Mark. "Would you like some Falcon Punch?" He took out a glass of
pinkish-reddish punch and handed it to Peter.
"Sure," said Peter, taking the glass. Once he drank it all down, he felt the
aftertaste in his mouth and said, "Hmm. It has that sort of…tangy flavor to it." Just
then, his eyes widened, for it looked like he felt something weird in his stomach.
"Wait…what the—" He suddenly was pushed backwards and fell to the floor.
As Peter sat his head up weakly, he said, "Oh…so, that's why it's called 'Falcon
Punch'." He then laid his head back down and closed his eyes as if he fell unconscious.
A lot of people cheered and cracked up at that.
For the fourth act, a human dressed in white gangster clothing, formerly known as
Fred Krissar, told one of those crazy stories that all comedians usually do.
"So, y'all know about almonds, right?" he said. "Well, they're not really all monds. I
mean, what the heck is a mond?"
No one laughed at that joke, but someone threw a banana peel at him. As he was
about to walk offstage, he suddenly slipped on the banana peel and fell flat on his butt.
Everyone got a good laugh that time.
Before the fifth act was to come on, I was having a conversation with Quasar.
"No, I'm not doing it!" she said, crossing her arms.
"Oh, c'mon, Quasar," I protested. "It'll really give the audience members a lot of
attention. You look like you can sing and dance all at once."
"Yes, but you don't understand my problem. I don't want to embarrass myself by
dancing like a sexy chick. It makes me feel uncomfortable."
"But, you have the power to make people feel sexy."
"That's 'cause I'm a hypocrite. But, really, I don't want to do that."
"Fine, don't dance in a sexy fashion. Just perform the song, 'Disturbia' by Rihanna."
"But, I don't sing either."
"Quasar, please! Everyone'll be there to cheer you on, including your dad. And I
know how much he'll want to see his little girl make him proud."
Quasar hesitated for a couple seconds, but then shrugged. "Alright, fine. I'll
perform a song. But, if I do, you have to perform something."
I was surprised. "Me? But, what do I sing?"
"I don't know! Just pick anything…so long as it's not 'Party in the USA' by Miley
Cyrus."
"Oh, no. Blegh! I hate that song!"
"Good, then we're even." As Quasar walked away, I shook my head and sighed.
Just then, I heard a voice call out, "Jordan!"
I turned around to see Frank walked towards me in his costume for the next act.
He wore the same clothes, boots, gloves, and headband as Solid Snake from "Metal Gear
Solid".
"Do I really have to dress up like this?" he asked.
"Of course, you have to, sweetie," I answered. "You know what happened to the real
Snake, right?"
Flashback
We both thought about Snake trying to get away from a group of rampaging men
with guns by using his hovercraft. But, one of the men shot some bullets through his
body and hovercraft and he fell to the other side of the cliff.
"Snake? Snake? SNAKE!!" his comrade shouted from his radio as Snake continued
to fall lifelessly.
End of Flashback
"Oh, yeah…" said Frank. "But still, why do I have to be Snake?"
"Because Peter's too obsessive with his new gun collection, which could result in a
hazard, and you're the only one qualified for the role," I answered. "Besides, I think you
look pretty handsome in that outfit."
Frank's eyes lit up. "Really?"
"Yeah. This outfit makes you look…strong."
Frank chuckled softly. "Well…I don't know about that, but…I guess—"
"Hold on," I interrupted, taking out a sharpie marker from my pocket. "You just
need one more thing." I carefully drew a fake mustache on Frank's muzzle. "There. Good
as new." I then put the marker away and held up a small mirror so that he would see his
reflection.
After Frank examined his new look, he said, "Heh. I guess it's not bad after all."
I smiled. "I knew you were gonna say that."
Frank took a deep breath. "Well, I'd better get on out there."
I put my hands around Frank's neck. "One kiss for good luck before you do?"
Frank smiled. "Sure."
We then leaned in close to each other and quickly, but gently, kissed.
After I let go of Frank, I said to him, "Go get them, Tiger."
"I will." Frank then walked over to the other side of the stage while I went through
the curtain and walked over to the microphone.
"Okay," I spoke. "For our next act, we have Franklyn the Tiger playing as Solid
Snake and Sean the Wolf as the victim."
As soon as I returned backstage, the curtain opened, revealing Sean pretending to
search for something.
"Oh, goodie," he said. "At least there's no one around to sneak up on me at this very
spot."
Just then, there was some background music playing and then Frank appeared from
the left-side corner of the stage and he began to sing,
"My name is Snake.
I like to sneak.
I crawl after I take a peak.
And now I've grasped your little head.
I snap your neck and now you're dead."
Once Frank pretended to snap Sean's neck, the wolf-boy finished off the song by
singing,
"Dee, da, do.
And now I'm dead."
Sean then fell to the ground and made a dead expression on his face.
As everyone clapped and cheered for the act, Frank bowed politely and said, "Thank
you. Thank you. You're too kind." He bent down towards Sean and said, "Sean, act's over.
You can get up now."
"I c-can't, man," answered Sean.
"Why not?"
"'Cause you really did snap my neck."
Frank became stunned. "Oh…uh, can somebody call a doctor here?"
Suddenly, Sean stood up and shouted out, "Just kidding!" He then laughed
hysterically and so did the audience.
Frank, however, crossed his arms and frowned. "That wasn't funny, Sean. You really
had me worried for a minute."
"At least it made everyone laugh."
Frank sighed. "Let's just go, please."
As soon as the two boys walked away, the curtains closed as I walked downstage
and spoke under the microphone, "Good job, guys. Now, I have something to say.
Unfortunately, there will be no more comedians performing tonight."
Everyone groaned and whined with complaint.
"But, the good news is, we have a special treat for you. Here she is, on our second-
to-last act, singing 'Disturbia' by Rihanna, Quasar!"
After I walked offstage, the curtains re-opened and there was Quasar, frozen in a
stylish pose, until the music started to play and she began to sing:
"What's wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I'm going crazy now
No more gas, in the red, can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said, can't even speak about it
On my life, on my head, don't wanna think about it
Feels like I'm going insane, yeah
It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind, it can control you
It's too close for comfort
Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
Your mind's in disturbia, it's like the darkness is light
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia."
As she sang the 'bom, bom, be-da' part, she bent her legs and swung her arms out
like Rihanna did in her music video.
"Faded pictures on the wall, it's like they talking to me
Disconnecting on calls, the phone don't even ring
I gotta get out or figure this shit out
It's too close for comfort, oh
It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind it can control you
I feel like a monster, oh
Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
Your mind's in disturbia, it's like the darkness is light
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia
Disturbia…ah, ah…
Release me from this curse I'm in
Trying to maintain but I'm struggling
If you can't go-o-o
I think I'm gonna ah, ah, ah, ah
Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise
Disturbia, it's like the darkness is light
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia."
For the ending of the song, she smirked, raised her hands in the air, and slowly
twirled around once. She then held the pose as everyone clapped for her.
"Wooh!" I heard XT shout out in the audience. "That's my girl!"
A few seconds later, Quasar went backstage and, as the curtains closed again, I
went back to the microphone.
"Man, what a great song," I said. "But, anyway, before we close up this show, I'm
gonna sing a song for all of you. It's one of my personal favorites. I hope you enjoy."
After I waited a couple seconds for the music to come on, I started singing:
"Grew up in a small town,
And when the rain would fall down,
I'd just stare out my window.
Dreaming of what could be,
And if I'd end up happy.
I would pray.
Trying not to reach out
but when i try to speakout
felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
but something felt so wrong here
so I pray I could breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Wanna feel the warm breeze.
Sleep under a palm tree.
Feel the rush of the ocean.
Get onboard a fast train.
Travel on a jetplane.
Far away,
And break away.
I'm spreadin' my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Buildings with a hundred floors.
Swinging with revolving doors.
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me.
Gotta keep movin on movin on.
Fly away,
Break away.
I'm spreadin' my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye,
Take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget the place I come from,
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Breakaway.
Break away."
As everyone clapped for my song, I smiled and bowed.
Man, I really need to make faster updates. No joke.
But, anyway, I'm pretty sure this story's gonna have a total of twenty chapters.
And I hope to get them done soon. If I don't, please be patient. R&R.
