Do you see that young woman hiding in the corner over there? Yes… that one… the one who hosts this fic… well… two complete chapters of crack fun have been done for months now and she was too shy to make a rated M fic. Hence the delay in crack fun.
Oh well…
Anyhoo, for safety purposes the fic will now be Rated M our fellow readers. Because we go in waves from intense to mellow humor.
So please be warned.
Chapter 10… we think… we lost track.
Diana stared at Dea who in turn mirrored her action. Neither were willing to back down.
Finally the silence was broken by Diana.
"People like firm buns better."
Dea rolled her eyes, then locked them with her friend's as she made a strange groping motion in the air in front of her, "Soft buns!! Everybody likes soft squishy buns to get their hands on!"
Her dark haired counterpart mimicked the eye roll, followed by a curt, "Only you like them soft. All the people I've talked to said firm buns were the way to go."
"Oh? And just who are these people you've been talking to?" the spunky red head questioned with an intense glare, "Stalker? He's one to talk, of course he'd like firm buns."
"Psh!" Diana snorted, "Stalker is the LAST mech I'd go to for opinions of something as fine as deliciously round FIRM buns." she cocked her hip, then wiggled her tush with every word.
"Bah, who wants to hold buns that are hard as rock? You want something with some 'squish' to it," Dea counter, popping her hip as well and flicking a strand of her hair, bending so her butt was sticking out slightly, "Soft, delectable buns are the best."
"I never said they had to be rock hard! You must find the happy medium into which these buns-."
"Oh for the sake of our sanities!" Dea grabbed Diana's hand and dragged her through the base until they found the only other human on the base.... ok well he was the first one they ran into. Which happened to be Tony Stark on his way to Wheeljack's lab.
Mustering up her professional voice, Dea approached the male as if he were a consultant on a business plan, her seriousness almost comical, "Mr. Stark, which do you prefer, firm buns, or soft buns? SURELY you must like soft buns better, as you're a man of good taste."
Diana barked a laugh, "Good taste?? Soft buns wouldn't fall under that category I'm afraid."
Tony stood there and looked from one girl to the other, "...." Did he really want to answer that question? Perhaps if these girls were about four or five years older... and not with giant aliens to back them up.
The red head stuck her hip out, her foot tapping to show her impatience at his lack of ability to answer the question, "Look, when you're eating a bun, is it better for the bun to be soft, or is it better if the bun is firmer?!"
His brain took just a nanosecond to process the question, but it took Tony a few more minutes of questioning the reasonable-ness behind it before he finally murmured, "Soft... I think."
Dea smirked, turning on her friend with a triumphant, "HA! I told you!! SOFT BUNS WIN!!!"
"HE THINKS!!!" Diana yelled back, "He said he thiiiinks. Meaning it's not set in stone just yet!!"
"Shit!" Dea growled, stomping her foot, "Where's Zack?!"
"He ran away for awhile... saying something about too much estrogen."
".... Well.... the beast bots don't really eat organic foods..."
"No you just eat them up with your eyes." Diana got karate chopped on the head.
"Anyways!" Dea sighed, "Now we're back where we started with the buns for the picnic!"
Realization that the conversation they'd been having was in no way perverted, Tony felt it a safe decision to let himself be curious, "What are you going on a picnic for?"
Dea turned to him and smiled, "Just to have one."
"And maybe a car wash!"
In the background Sunny came to a sudden halt at the mention of a car wash... and was promptly ran into by Sides who wasn't expecting his brother to stop. The loud crash and string of cursing went unheard.
"How do you... maintenance a boom box though?" Dea suddenly asked.
Diana stared off trying to think, "Ummm.... good question..."
Before Dea could contemplate if cleaner wipes would damage the small mech, she heard a squeal she knew all too well. Together, Diana and Dea pushed Tony out of the way as Sunstreaker - in car mode - came barreling down the hallway.
"I WANT TO BE WASHED!!!" he squeaked in a not very manly way. Dea leveled him with a glare, before helping Tony Stark to his feet.
"Sorry about that, he's a little self absorbed," came Diana's explanation. The red head nodded her agreement, "The mention of car washes tends to send him into a bit of a frenzy."
Dea giggled, "Frenzy....." She sighed happily, imagining what their two Decepticon captives were up to.
While the girls were planning their lovely picnic in the meadows, our two captives were in their respective cages.
Barricade turned toaster kitty bot was laying in one corner of his cage enduring the never ending chatter of his partner. Normally he would've just tuned him out or better yet mute him since normally he'd be in his compartment... but this.... this must be the worse detainment he'd ever went through.
"So 'Cade, I'm thinking of a number between negative three billion and positive three billion and that includes partial numbers in there... care to guess?"
"Is this what you did in Soundwave's compartment with your brothers all day long?" the other bot asked while propping his chin on his elbows.
"Pretty much... we couldn't always get Soundwave's chest plate to open enough to hack a signal of porn while we were waiting for orders on Cybertron so we had to make up games."
Barricade growled in his new slightly higher pitched voice, "TMI!"
Frenzy just chuckled, he liked seeing his buddy squirm... even if he had to lie. Hey you had to do what you had to do in order to maintain your sanity in a cage... even if you drew another mad. Then again he was used to it... Barricade on the other hand....
The now pint sized mech sighed angrily, choosing to try and block out Frenzy's blathering with thoughts of what he would do to that adorable-- ur... despicable... yeah, there's the right word. What he would do to that DESPICABLE human girl.
Of course, what with his insanity waning, the bad things starting turning into... well...slightly immoral things by the standard of any self respecting parent who wanted their child to wait until they... Uh... That is....
"ARGH!!! BAD THOGUHTS!!! BAAAD THOUGHTS!!!" Barricade howled smashing his cranium upon the floor on which he was sitting, "Evil human girl infected my brain!!!!"
Frenzy quirked a stiff eye ridge, "How? She's no computer genius..." He paused for a moment's thought, "No wait, I wouldn't put that past them... They could and would find a way..."
Barricade clung to the bars of his new home and shook them, "We have to find a cure before I'm completely bazonkers!"
Frenzy stared at him.
The toaster bot slammed his head against his palm, "See?! I told you! Now even their vocabulary is infecting me!"
"Indeed I noticed." Frenzy rocked back and forth on his heels a moment, "Would you be able to stand it if I called my brothers?"
"Anything to get out of this stupid cutesy toaster box and back into my regal one!" Barricade growled.
"Ok... but first... we need to get out." Frenzy poked the lock...s on his cage door. His weaponry had been disabled by a special null ray and his CD shurikens had been... removed.
They heard humming, and the sounds of rubber squeaking on linoleum, followed by a head of fiery red hair that adorned Dea's head. The equally fiery personality that she was proudly equipped with showed when she stopped in her skipping to smirk at the two captives, "Well hello boys."
"We're mechs," Frenzy corrected, to which the human ignored with an eye roll. Advancing towards the cage, she let her fingers run across the bars in a taunting motion.
"Like I care," came her retort, short and clipped. Addressing the reason for her visit, she smiled in an overly fake sweet manner, "So, I've decided on how I'm going to go about taking my revenge..."
If the two mechs were in human bodies, their faces would have visibly paled, but since the transformer's didn't really have an equivalent reaction, Dea had to assume that her words had made some kind of impact. She nodded innocently, cocking her head to the side, "Oh yes... It worked really well the last time."
Barricade was slightly afraid to know what she was planning, but also knew that his imagination would be the downfall of his remaining sanity, prompting his question of, "And what's that?"
Smirking at him again, she allowed a touch of rage to grace her words, "What fun would my revenge be if I didn't make you suffer, wondering what your fate would be?" Dea pulled her face close to his and growled, "I don't like not being in control of my body. Do what you did to me again, and you'll really regret it."
Barricade reached between the bars and poked her hard on the forehead, "Bring it glitch!"
Dea would have attempted to rip the mech's head off if it were not for the sound of Diana calling for her friend, "DEA?!?!? It's car wash time! Sunny is getting impatient." She turned her face toward the voice, but then looked back to Barricade.
"Another time..."
Turning and fleeing from the room, Barricade let out a 'hmph' followed by a string of curses about the human female, "Who does she think she is?!?"
"Obviously someone who thinks she's got you wrapped around her finger, as the natives say," Frenzy replied, drumming his fingers on the cell floor, "However, we're still left with the problem of--"
The two froze, both pairs of eyes trained on the little monkey bot that currently entered the room - chewing on what they were certain to be the key card to their cells. Zan paused and blinked in the general direction, seemingly content to sit and stare at the two.
"Hey!" Frenzy clicked in their language, "Little bot! Gimme that keycard!" he extended his hand through the bars.
Zan just tilted his head, chewing a few more times on the card before continuing his observation of then, twitching the end of his long tail a bit.
"Give us the card maintenance bot!" Barricade growled again.
Zan, having enough brain power to at least know he was supposed to be offended - bless the adorable monkey bot's soul - huffed and started to walk away, only to be stopped by Barricade shouting, "I'm sorry!! I'm sorry, please come baaack!!!"
Feeling that he could get some amusement out of this since the orange didn't want to play poker and Dea was in hysterics cackling evilly over blue prints to something, he spun himself around, still chewing on the card, "Boop?"
Frenzy caught on to the tone, "We'll give you anything you want, just... come over here and let us out..."
Zan swished his tail back and forth. He crawled over and plopped down onto his skidplate just out of their reach. Then held out his own hand.
"You did say we'll give it anything..." Barricade said, looking at his partner, "Now what?"
"Beep?" Zan inquired, wiggling his three digits in a 'gimme my present now!' motion.
Frenzy halted, "Uh... Well we can't give you anything just yet, we need to get out of here to get your present... They've taken it from us you see, and we need out to get it back..."
His tail swished again, then he stood and started away, leaving the two mechs with dropped jaws, "WAAAIT COOME BAAAACK!!!!" they whined, and Zan stopped with an expectant expression on your face. Frenzy faltered again, "We'll....uh.... teach you how to kill the lemon? The best present IS knowledge after all...."
The little monkey bot halted and glanced back at them, his optics slightly wide.
"Yes... you're wondering how I know of your rivalry... well... I did go through Diana's mind you know." Frenzy explained.
Tail twitch.
"Don't you want that lemon to have it?" Barricade pitched in. He had no idea what was going on but hey... you had to play along.
Zan came back and sat just out of their reach, keycard tantalizingly hanging from his mouth.
"This is getting us nowhere..." Barricade growled in a low voice.
MEANWHILE!
Dea pouted, looking at the yellow mech with mild distaste, "Didn't I JUST wash you?"
Sunny revved his engine with displeasure and retorted indignantly, "You missed a spot!"
The red head rolled her eyes and threw a dirty towel at him, "Now I've created a spot. Go bug Diana. I'm washing my beau thank you." Sunny ambled away, mumbling angrily about Jazz getting all the special attention as the girl turned back to the silver Pontiac, "Now, where was I?"
"Being mean to me."
Dea pretended to be offended, "I beg your pardon?! It's not torture if you agreed to it."
"But I didn't agree to this! This is why we have the cleaning racks!" Jazz whined, he'd had a tire lock put on him again.
"Oh pshaw!" Dea tried to open his hood to poke around and see if there were any rocks that had bounced inside. The hood remained firmly shut. Dea stomped her foot, "Open up Jazz!"
"No!"
Dea, being a cunning little girl, switched the conversation over to something else entirely, while still sounding as if on topic, "Oh I see. You're hiding something from me." She sniffled and turned her body away from him, brushing away tears that weren't really there, "So this is what our relationship is going to be like? You keeping secrets from me?!"
Bewildered, Jazz stumbled through his vocabulary for a sentence that would calm the red head, "Now wait just a minute! I'm not hiding anything Dea, you should know that!"
"Then why won't you let me see under your hood? There some oils stains you don't want me to know about?" Dea huffed and started away, Jazz growling and yelling something along the lines of 'slaggin' hormonal humanoid females!!" followed by the click of his hood popping open.
With a gasp and a smile, Dea turned back and rushed forward to inspect the engine, wiping at some oil here and there, "Now see? Was that really so hard?"
Of course Dea didn't notice Jazz trembling slightly... and it wasn't from pain either. All transformers engines were sensitive to... light brushings like she was doing.
"Ahhhh!!"
In the background Sunny was happily chasing Diana around in circles, "Diiiaaanaaa! Dea was mean and made a spot! Now there's two spots!"
"You just have to ask me not chase me you dopey Autobot!" the human squeaked as she jumped onto Sides' hood, "Save me!"
Dea stepped back to survey his engine and the surrounding parts with a keen eye, "No 'cleaning racks' are as good as me. I have small hands, so I can get it hard to reach places." To demonstrate, she dipped low again, and using her fingers, swiped at a buildup of sludge with her dirty rag, "See?"
The trembling from Jazz increased, and she cocked her head to the side, "You are so confusing..." Dea said with a smile.
"And you're lucky you're not in a Cybertronian body anymore or I'd break this thing off and assault you." Jazz retaliated, the idea to make her want to fear for her sexual/physical/whatever life.
However, the redhead just smiled further, "You can't rape the willing." She winked and closed his hood, "All done. You're free to go. I need to go save Diana from the self absorbed monster I sicked on her."
"Puh-leaaase Diana!" Sunny was still advancing on her while Sides was backing up because their bumpers were starting to bump.
"Why am I suddenly so important?!" Diana glared, "You never looked at me before!"
"Back yellow fiend of good looks!" Stalker appeared and brandished his razor claws, "Or I file down your paint job!"
The lambo squealed and quickly backed away.
"You have a buffing cloth in your hand, that's why you're suddenly so important. Sunny loves being pampered." Sides chuckled. Diana tapped his hood with her hand, "You're not that different."
"Awww." the red twin laughed.
Dea brandished the two polishing rags in either of her hands, "Calm yourselves my boys. Dea's here to save the day." She grinned coyly at the two and they turned to look at Dea, "Whoever reaches Jazz gets the first round." She raised her hands up, and the twins transformed, ready for the challenge. Dea counted down from 3, then dropped the rag, like the races from Grease, "GO!"
Jazz focused his attention when he heard the squeal of two sets of tires to find the twins charging towards him, Dea behind them with a triumphant grin on her face. He diverted his attention to the mud puddle that the twins would eventually reach, and he figured would splatter all over him resulting in Dea getting to wash him again, "Oh crap."
Diana suddenly leaped into Jazz (via magically opened window) and slammed on his gas. Shooting him forward and away as the twins tripped over each other and falling into the muddy water.
"Bitch!!" Dea screamed.
"Haha!" Diana took hold of the wheel and drove Jazz away. She needed a drink anyway and why walk when you had a sweet ride?
Dea gritted her teeth and glared over at Stalker, who in turn glared back, "I am NOT helping you with revenge this time."
"WHAT?!?!" the girl exclaimed, "Argh, fine. I'll go let out some steam then."
Stalker raised an eye ridge, "Do I want to know how?"
She shrugged in response, "Probably not," she said as she headed in the direction of where a certain two Decepticons were being held.
What she found was Barricade trying to grab the key card out of Zan's mouth as the little monkey bot sat there just out of reach.
After a moment's pause as she deliberated over the situation then, "Zan. Key."
Zan sat on his hunches like a bunny might, swishing his tail back and forth.
Dea took the keycard, "Good boy!" she patted his head and handed him an energon goodie, which made the drone squealed happily and run off to eat it.
With a leap, skip and a hop Dea made her way a little too happily toward the sulking prisoners... well... at least Barricade was sulking. Frenzy was just lounging back with his hands behind his spindly neck and his legs crossed. He looked like he was napping.
Dea sighed, giving a fake sad shake of her head, "Now now, I leave you two only for five minutes and already you're getting yourselves into trouble!! What am I going to do with you?"
"You tell us." Barricade huffed, turning away from the human.
She gave a grin, "Like I said before, where would the fun be?"
Little Barricade growled, "I swear femme... once I get back to my original and regal frame I will make you regret this!"
"Psh... Blame Diana it was her idea." Dea stuck her tongue out at him, "I'm just taking full advantage of her decision." she checked her nails for the cracks that weren't there.
Barricade grumbled something, but Dea ignored it and spun on her heels, calling Zan - who had hid in a corner of the room to enjoy his treat - and leaving. After the door was closed she grinned and bent down low to Zan, who climbed up onto her shoulders. As they walked down the halls, Dea decided to divulge something to the drone, "You know what the best part of my brilliant plan is?"
Zan cocked his head to show that he was listening, "I really don't have anything planned to do to them." Her mirth bubbled out in fits of giggle and Zan made a sound as if he was laughing in response, "Ah, I'm such a genius. They'll sit in their racking their processors over a sinister plan that doesn't exist!"
The little drone gasped dramatically like he'd seen her do before. The action caused him to fall off her shoulder but that's what a tail with a gripper claw at the end was for. So he hung upside down in his gasp position with his tail around her arm. Then he curled up as he giggled some more.
Diana appeared with a croissant in her hand but no Jazz in sight.
"Before you ask... he's hiding. Saying something about being WAY too far behind in his work." Diana snorted.
Dea made a point to exaggerate her pouting, "Well now what am I going to do?" she pulled Zan to her chest and huggled the little drone, who beeped happily. She sighed, and gave her friend's food a longing glance, "We got anymore of those?"
With a small laugh, Diana jerked her head back the way she had come, "Yeah, but you better hurry before Stalker says something about the sudden bag of croissants on his bed." Dea thought it better not to ask why the item in question would be on the mech's bed, and instead rushed down the hall for the food.
Elsewhere on the base...
Wheeljack didn't notice the sneaking of the two evil doers (ok let's be honest it's Sideswipe that drag's Sunstreaker into these things but that's not the point). He was hunched over the theories he was writing down, oblivious to the two shadows hanging over him.
Suddenly he stopped, noticing that his light was slightly blocked. Slowly, he turned around, "Sides? Sunny? Umm.... may I help you?"
Sunny, his brother having convinced him that the red mech's plan would benefit both of them, grinned in earnest as he leaned in close to the scientist's face, "That all depends on if you've still got the necessary equipment to make two human girls into femmes again."
Frowning, Wheeljack nodded, "I do, but why would you want me to change them after I JUST finished putting them back?"
"That's on a need to know basis," Sides explained, "And you don't need to know."
"Actually... I do... because if the girls are my size that means it's easier for them to kick my aft." Wheeljack said. After dealing with the humans he decided it was much easier to deal with the twins.
Sideswipe heaved a sigh, "Well if you have to know..."
The yellow twin flanked the other side of Wheeljack, so that the mech was surrounded by a twin on either side. In a low voice that made him crane to hear, Sides painted a mental picture for Wheeljack, "Just think of how glorious it will be to have two gorgeous femmes lighting up the base? No more will we be bored out of our minds from having so many mechs around... Just think of the possibilities..."
"But Dea is Jazz's human. That would be... What's the word...? Infidelity." Wheeljack defended, "And that is morally wrong."
Sunny rolled his optics, "Wheeljack, half the things you make should be deemed morally wrong. What's a little lookie see? How is that going to cause any harm?"
Wheeljack suddenly found himself imagining pretty little femmes strutting around with all their goods and....
"No!"
The twins jumped as Wheeljack slapped his palm against his forehead, "None of that! If they don't ask for it... I'm not doing it!" the scientist/inventor stated with finality.
Sides and Sunny shared a look and nodded, then Sunny leaned in close once more and spoke in a conversational tone, "You know, I'm pretty sure Diana has a thing for the nerds..."
Wheeljack perked as another mental image hit him and with a groan of submission, he let his head fall to his desk with a painful bang, "Fine. I'll do it... Just shut up."
Sides patted the defeated mech on the shoulder, "I knew you'd come around to our way of thinking."
Elsewhere....
Dea walked into their personal living room with a picture window of the main area so they could watch the Transformers do their thing and they watch them.
"TETRAS CHEATS!!"
The red head jumped, dropping a few of her edibles in the process. At last she saw Diana on the couch with a laptop and a game of tetras on the screen.
Bending down to pick up the snacks she had dropped, Dea addressed her friend with a skeptical tone, "Diana? Have you been hitting the cough syrup or something?"
"What?"
"Nothing..."
The red head sat herself next to Diana on the couch and opened a bag of chips, popping a few in her mouth before setting it to the side, "Anyway, I'm having one of those moments where I know something inconvenient is about to happen to us and we're going to have an adventure involving danger and snogging mechs."
Diana turned her head slowly away from the screen to look at her friend, "Are you sure YOU aren't the one 'hitting the cough syrup' as you say?"
"Pretty sure." Dea itched her arm.
"Oook." Diana went back to trying to get past level four of her game. Muttering something like cusswords under her breath. Underneath the chair Zan was vacuuming up the crumbs Dea was leaving.
Vibration from Dea's pocket attracted her attention, and she pulled the little black cell phone from her pocket and flipped it open, "Yodeling kills your throat."
A minor pause followed her comment, then a mech's voice came from the other end, "Dea?"
"What can I do you for sex-bot?"
Sides chuckled, "Nothing, Wheeljack needs you and Diana for something. Can you guys come to his office?"
Dea frowned, and looked to Diana, "Wheely-jack needs us to come to his office." Diana mimicked her friend's frown and glare at the screen, then the phone, then the screen again. Dea laughed and addressed Sideswipe, "We'll be there soon as Tetras stops cheating."
"What?"
"Don't worry about it."
"Dea... isn't it a BAD idea that Wheeljack wants to see us?"
"Don't be silly maybe he just wants us taste some jelly donuts."
"....what?"
"It can be possible for a transformer to try out cooking!" Dea announced dramatically.
Dea coughed into her fist and stood up, "I might have had a little cough syrup..."
"Right... okay, well let's get this over with then. I WILL DEFEAT YOU!!" the last part was directed at the screen upon which Diana's game of Tetras sat idly.
"Sounds like a grand master plan."
- - - - -
When the girls watched the door open they took note of how dark the room was.
They stood there for a second.
"Ladies first." said Dea.
"Riiiiight.... like I'm going to be able to flick the transformer-sized light switch any more than you." Diana sneered.
They took a few tentative steps forward, and the door closed behind them slowly. Diana glanced at the door, then to Dea with a mild glare, "What were you saying earlier about something bad happening?"
"I may have in some way or another jinxed the current situation..." Dea replied with a frown.
Diana was suddenly yanked up and into the darkness, her scream muffled. The last thing Diana saw was three pairs of blue optics staring down at her.
Dea spun herself around in the darkness, looking for her companion, "Diana? Where'd you gooo?" No answer came forth and Dea found herself itching at her upper arm, "Oh this is just daaandy... DANDY!!! DO YOU HEAR ME--AAAAH!"
Lifted into the air by a metallic cold hand, Dea found herself being carried through the darkness towards a distant looking light. The last thing she heard was a familiar voice saying that she'd be just fine before something hit her on the head just hard enough that she could feel her grip on consciousness fading, "I am not a....cupcake....for your amuse......ment..."
- - - - -
The first thing Diana noticed when she became conscious was the blue tint and geometracal lines appearing around the edges of her sight.
"Whoa.... damn it! Not again!" when she saw up however she noticed that she was not a tiny little femme like she'd thought. She was a tall, sleek purple blue femme transformer.
"WHEELJACK!!!" she screamed.
"Lower the vocal processors lady! Some people want to try and sleep through this nightmare."
Diana looked to her left to see Dea in a Cybertronian form herself, but not the same one from before. Now she was sleeker, with more curves, and a much shinier hot rod red paint job. Her now-a-femme-again friend leveled her with an angry look which was directed to something behind her.
Craning her neck around, she saw the object of her despite - Wheeljack cowering behind a transformer sized desk - and growled, "Wheeljack, what is the meaning of this??"
"Somebody put me up to it! I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!!!" the inventor cried, trembling behind the desk as if it would save him. Dea sat herself up, and Diana joined her in an upright position.
Dea sighed and flexed her new mechanical muscles, "Oh well, best get used to the new body. As least now I can get Jazz to get distracted from his so called work easier."
Rolling her eyes, Diana mumbled to herself, "Of course you'd think of something like that..."
Diana looked down at herself, "Stalker'll be disappointed."
"Huh?"
"Nothing." Diana continued to examine both herself and Dea, "Is it just me... or are we very feminine compared to our last transfers?"
Dea let her hands travel down her waist, which did feel considerably smaller than she last remembered it, "You know I think you're right..."
"That would be my handiwork," a voice called, and the two femmes looked to see the twins standing in the doorway looking rather smug with themselves.
Repeating Wheeljack's earlier words, Diana glared at the two, "Somebody put me up to it... Wheeljack, did the twins trick you?!" From behind his desk Wheeljack nodded with a slight pout.
"I'm a mech!! I CAN'T HELP IT!"
Dea shook her head with a sigh, "We're not mad (much), Wheeljack. You can stop hiding now."
"Where'd you put our bodies??" Diana demanded when Wheeljack stood up a little straighter.
"They're in stasis like last time..."
"Well go g-!"
"Who are the.... new arrivals?" Prowl asked when he stopped at the doorway, having seen the femme's shiny husks.
Dea - who can't be blamed for her actions because it's just in her nature to do so - turned to look at the mech with the transformer version of 'bedroom eyes,' something she'd discovered while in her Cybertronian husk last time, "Well hello. What's a big strong mech like you doing in a place like this?"
"The twins make me paranoid and-- .......DEA?!?!?"
She wiggled her digits in a wave at the stunned mech, "Hi there! Imma femme again!"
"Then... then who's that??" Prowl pointed to the delicately beautiful femme next to Dea. Holy Primus did he just think that?!
"That one's Diana!"
"What?!" Prowl glared at the twins and Wheeljack.
"Prowl my mech! Wait a second!" Normally they would've ran and hid but this time Sideswipe pulled Prowl in and took Diana's hand and placed it in his, "Do you not feel that femininity? That sweet smoothness that we all need?"
Playing off of Sides' happiness at their new found femme bodies, Dea jumped up and wrapped her arms around the red mech's neck and purred, "Yeah, feel that femininity." She could feel Sideswipes faceplate heat up considerably, and she giggled to herself as she released him and moved to Diana's side, "Oh yeah. We're hot."
Prowl was busy staring at his and Diana's hand. Diana found it a very awkward thing. Prowl must be really starved for attention if just THIS was turning him on.
Slowly Diana pulled her hand away.
The action seemed to snap Prowl out of his daze, "S-Sideswipe and Sunstreaker! You put them into these forms against their wills! You will be punished for this!"
Not wanting to get the twins into trouble, Dea wrapped her arms around one of Prowl's so that she was snuggled close to his side, "Now don't go making any assumptions Prowl." For added effect she titled her head up and smiled sweetly at him, "The twins didn't mean any harm, and it's not like we're in any apparent danger. in fact, I'd say we're safer this way."
Prowl looked down at the red femme that was Dea but was making his spark make the transformer version of 'thump thump' with great confusion, "Aaah.... well.... er... um.........okaaay.........." At a loss for words, Prowl unhinged his arm from Dea and backed away from the scene ever so slowly, "Well then, as you were... And stuff."
Diana rubbed her new face, "Back to our current problem."
"No!" the twins said.
"W-what's wrong with you?! Change us-!" Diana suddenly noticed that they were indeed attracting a crowd outside the door, "Umm.... hi." she waved sheepishly.
"Ooooooo! More mechs to have fun with!" Dea squealed, jogging towards the door to introduce herself to the congregating group.
Sideswipe watched the exchange with mild interest. That is until a revelation his hit. He grabbed his brother's arm and pulled him to the side, "SUNNY! We've created a monster!!"
"What?! No we haven't." sunny complained, by a loud bout of laughter from the group of mechs Dea was currently flirting with brought his attention away from his brother. He stared for a moment and let the sight sink in before turning back to Sides, "We created a monster!!"
"HEY!"
The twins turned once more towards Dea to find her grinning up at Jazz, who had somehow managed to recognize her instantly. He glared at the other mechs before looking at Dea, "She's mine."
"And we're dead..." Sunny whined.
"WE'RE DEAD?" Sideswipe yelled, "YOU are the one who came up with her new design, Jazz can kill you!!"
"Hey!"
They looked at Wheeljack.
"Where'd Diana go?!" No one had seen the shiny indigo femme slip out through a backdoor that happened to be there.
Outside, Diana shut the door behind herself. She was overcompensating for a lot of things since she wasn't used to this size of a body but that didn't bother her right now. In there she felt like a go-go dancer or something... however those dancers felt on their first show.
Inside however, Jazz was busy carrying a complaining Dea over his shoulder from the room with a glare to anyone who thought a quick glance at the femme's aft would go unnoticed. Turning sharply in front of the twins, Jazz looked at both, then settled on Sunny, "I'll be back for you."
The yellow twin proceeded to fall into the fetal position and mumble about how he was going to die. Sides decided that he wouldn't go down with the ship and fled, screaming about evil seductress femmes as he went.
Wheeljack looked down at Sunny as the mech stood up as if nothing had happened (but still looked a bit nervous).
"I told you it was a bad idea!" Wheeljack exclaimed.
"Oh shut your face mask you thought it was a dandy idea or else you wouldn't have agreed with us." Sunny smirked.
"But I also said it was a bad idea!"
"No... you just said-." Sunny found himself being chased with a wicked looking device that he'd rather not find out the function. Fortunately for the yellow mech, Wheeljack only chased him to the door.
Sunny huffed, looking to the left and the right. Now that his interesting day had been taken away from him, that meant he had to figure out something to do to entertain himself. "Hmmm..." The yellow mech rubbed his chin in thought then grinned wickedly, "I wonder if Stalker has seen Diana yet..."
Meanwhile, amidst piles of paperwork - which he didn't even know why he was helping with it since it wasn't his concern - Stalker tensed and looked around the room, a sudden overwhelming sensation that his normal day - as normal as it gets with Dea around - was about to be turned into a spectacle of mockery and 'oh my god' moments...
Diana paced outside the base, wringing her hands together tightly. She'd finally gotten used to her larger form but that wasn't the point. The point was the base was full of needy mechs that were otherwise gentlebots (most of them), Dea was enjoying the situation WAY too much... and Stalker would be disappointed and she was freaked out and...
"Waaaahhh! Whyyyy did they have to add this dramaaa!" she sat down hugging her knees.
Diana played with the ground near her feet as she spoke to herself - completely ignoring how much like Sparkle she was being and ignoring her surroundings - "Evils twins with their evil plans and this evil body which attracts to much attention which creates evil drama..." She grumbled a few more choice words, and lowered her chin to her pulled up knees, "Laaame."
"Really, I find it all amusing."
The ebony and purple femme froze, her head lifting up in small jerky motions until she was face to face with someone she had most definitely NOT been expecting, "YOU!" She screamed and pointed an angry finger at him as she used cartoon physics to nimbly leap up and away from the mech.
Blackout straightened up, "Yes, me."
"How the hell did you get past the scanners?!"
He arched his brow ridge.
"Riiiiiiight... 'black out'.... anyhoo...." Diana now realized she'd leaped AWAY from the stupid door back into the base. She started sidestepping toward it, "I gotta go..."
However, Blackout had other plans in mind and scooped the femme up, "Oh I don't think so. Barricade got to have his fun - however brief - with the little red femme. I get to have my fun with you." Throwing her over his shoulder, her only thoughts were of the kind that are way too graphic to be thought aloud and were aimed at the twins that put her in this condition, and therefore this predicament.
Diana grabbed his wingblades and pulled on them as hard as she could but he just flicked them, almost cutting her hands. He was such a heavily armored individual that all her kicking and screaming did not good. She tried accessing her communications line like she had as an attachment but it seemed that Blackout was blocking her line as well.
"Let me go or I swear I'm going to lock Stalker in your spark chamber so he can rip you apart like those aliens on AVP!!!" she growled.
His ego kicked in, and the mech scoffed and rolled his optics, "That scrawny little thing couldn't make a scratch on a real mech like me."
Diana rolled her optics back, "Yeah, because you're a manly man!"
"What?"
"Er...mechy mech... ah that doesn't work. Frag!"
Blackout made a sound that sounded like a snort, "You're cute when you're flustered."
"NO I'M NOT CUTE!!" Diana managed to reach around and pop him in the face as hard as she could.
The mech scrunched his nose, scowling at her from over his shoulder, "Now now, no need to get testy. It's just a compliment."
"YEAH! Well Dea says I don't take compliments well so LEMME GO!"
Instead of letting her go he smacked her on her aft, "Nah... I don't think so... you make such good company.
Diana screamed at her indignity and continued to struggle until a warning sign came up that her energy reserves were low and that she needed to recharge them.
All worn out, Diana was running out of energy to physically fight against him, and so resigned herself to verbally assaulting the mech, "You're an idiot. I freaking hate your guts. I hope you crawl in a hole and rust." At her remarks he just laughed.
Diana had no idea where they were but when he dumped her on the floor she saw that they were in some sort of chamber... much like that empty warehouse barricade used except this one was rigged with all sorts of gadgets and what not.
"Ow..." she rubbed her skidplate and stood up, looking for a way to escape.
She checked the room quite a few times before deciding that escape was not an option at the moment, and banged her head against the wall a few times when she realized who her rescue would rely on.
Aside from Stalker, Dea would be the first person to notice that she was missing, and knowing her arm scratching thing and the fact that the girl is quite paranoid when she wants to be, Dea would be the one to run off to some unknown location, dragging along more reliable Transformers with her, to try and save the black and purple femme.
Realizing this, Diana whined to herself, "Oooh god I'm screwed..."
Back at the base, Stalker ran in and nearly smashed into Dea's leg.... and what a... huge leg it was.
"Oh... my Primus what happened to YOU Dea?!"
Dea, a little disappointed at being interrupted with her flirting turned to the little mech, "I was turned into a femme by a horny Wheeljack what else?"
"Then where's Diana??"
"Uuuooohh..... riiiight.... Diana...." she itched her arm (trying to not ruin the paint job).
- - - - -
Diana sat in the corner of the room hugging her knees like a disturbed person praying to all forms of higher beings that they'd get there before the torture started.... then again with her luck so far for the day....
"ALRIGHT!" shouted Dea, calling the attention of all nearby mechs to her shiny new form, "I need some volunteers to distract Jazz. Is there a mech here who is up for the challenge?" A few of the mechs started walking away with their heads down and their 'tails' so to speak in between their legs, "I'll give you a special Cybertronian-version of a Swedish massage if you do it."
The amount of hands that shot up at her statement made the maroon femme smile evilly, and she snagged the arm of a light blue mech with navy accent colors, "You'll do just nicely. Now, what you're going to do is talk about how sexy Dea is around him, and run as fast as you can if he comes near you." The little mech nodded, and she shoved him in Jazz's direction, "Buddha be with you."
"What?"
But Dea had already nabbed up the little ebony mech and was bolting down the hallway before anyone could say 'banana' or any other word for that matter...
"Why didn't you want to bring Jazz?" Stalker shouted as Dea ran, "We could have used his help!!"
"I can't deal with that overbearing overly protective mech right now! We can save Diana on our own."
Stalker crossed his arms and frowned, "How the slag do you expect to do that?"
An evil grin encompassed Dea's face as she glanced down at Stalker, "I've got a plan."
"Well on the bright side at least he can't draw on my flesh... on the dark side though he can still do it but it just won't hurt and I'll be branded his tramp!" Diana muttered to herself, trying to keep her morale up and failing miserably.
Curling herself into a tighter ball, Diana only heard the sound of a door opening. When she brought her head up, there was no one there, which caused her to frown, "Hello? Who's there?? Blackout if you think you're going to scare me, that's just plain stupid and pathetic..."
A giggle followed, and Diana felt that if she was still in her human body she would have paled of fright. Because that giggle was one she recognized well, and was the giggle of the one and only person who could make her want to kick a puppy, and was also apparently her only hope at escaping unharmed.
"Oh god... Dea?"
Dea leaned over with that grinning face, "HIIII."
There was a gasp and the lower Diana looked, she found Stalker on the floor.
"Wheeljack turned you into THIS?!" Stalker pouted.
Diana rolled her optics, "Gee thanks Stalker... how did you two get in here without Blackout knowing?!" she whispered.
The way Dea stated her sentence was as if the fact was obvious, and Diana restrained herself so that she wouldn't slam her head onto the wall, "I'm a ninja." She tilted her head in confusion when Diana shook her head slowly, "Anyway, Stalker get over your whiny EMO problem about Diana and get ready to sneak back out."
"What are you going to do?" Diana asked, standing up and automatically dusting herself off, though it wasn't really necessary.
Dea made some mental calculations in her head, "Jazz is probably tracking my signal right now, so he should arrive within ten minutes... That means if we get lucky and can stay under Blackout's radar for five more minutes, then I can distract him while you and Stalker get out of here. Then Jazz will come, get pissed off, kick the tar out of Blackout and I'm good to go."
She paused, the rephrased her sentence, "Well I'll probably be grounded to my room, but other than that I'll be good to go..."
"How are you going to distract him?" Diana said with morbid curiosity. She didn't want to complement the Decepticon or anything, but he was kind of hard to distract.
The maroon femme smiled, "If I can make Ratchet do a double take, I think I can use this body of mine to distract Blackout."
Diana nodded, then froze, "Wait, you made Ratchet do a double take?!??"
"Yeah, Sparkle kicked his ass for it too, you should have been theeerrr..... Oh... Sorry."
"Yeah, thanks..."
Diana and Dea with a moping stalker started tip toeing back the way they'd came, hoping they wouldn't resort to plan B...
"Nice tattoo Diana... I didn't notice it before."
The blue and purple femme gasped and looked around... not at Blackout but behind her and noticed that indeed... if she'd been in a car mode it would've been one of those designs people stick on the back of their cars... in this case...
Diana covered her aft and turned around, "So not cool Blackout!"
Everyone turned to look at the Decepticon except Dea, who was still busy creeping towards the exit, "Hey, the little red femme's got one too."
At that, Dea spun herself around - looking much akin to a dog chasing its tail - and yelled, "WHAT?!?"
"Dea! FOCUS!" Diana shouted at her friend, who regained her composure, as best she could, and looked at Blackout, who was watching this all with a raised eye ridge and an amused expression.
There was silence at first, and Stalker made a coughing sound, trying to get Dea to start Plan B. However, Dea was still pretty absorbed with her 'tattoo' that the only thing her brain could come up with was pointing and shouting, "LOOK! THE ALLSPARK!"
And by some grace of fate, Blackout got a confused look on his face and turned around to look towards were Dea was pointing. Diana took a moment to say, "I can't believe that worked." before shouting at Stalker and Dea to, as she so eloquently put it, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!"
They could hear a rather peeved Blackout cursing and running after them.
"IMO this sux!"
"No time for quoting that flash Dea!"
They screeched around the corner heading for what looked like an exit. It was at this point that Dea realized her buddy wasn't running next to her.
She slid to a stop and glanced behind her to see Diana had been caught by the large mech.
"Not so fast sweetspark."
"Oh I think it's going to be fast..."
Dea opened her mouth to comment but was smacked on the cheek by Stalker.
"Plan B!" the ebony mech glared at her. For some reason when it was with four eyes instead of two Dea felt a little more intimidated... somehow... don't ask. Dea was about to pull of Plan B when she saw Diana give Blackout a rather... strange look. It was the kind of look that was dark and teasing.
"You know Blackout.... " Diana said in an alluring voice, "You need to stop being so harsh with me... I could break..." she stroked his jaw line. He shuddered pleasantly... and accidentally dropped her.
That part wasn't in Diana's plan but she took advantage of it to kick the mech between the legs and roll away, "RUN AGAIN FOR YOURS LIVES!!!" she screamed.
Dea would have glomped her friend if they had the time to do so, but what with the running, and being chased, the maroon femme decided that a rain check was in order.
"DEEEAAAA!!!!" an angry voice yelled from in front of them, and Dea grinned ear to ear and ran faster.
"THE CALVARY HAS ARRIVED!" Immediately upon reaching the area where Jazz was, Dea began limping like she was hurt and wounded. This caused Jazz's boyfriend instincts to kick in, and he ran forward to catch her as she started to fall.
"Dea what happened??"
Blackout, who had regained his composure and again started after them, reached the clearing as well, and Dea pointed an angry finger at him, "He hurt me!!" Jazz glowered up at the Decepticon, who froze in his tracks.
"What?!? I didn't touch her!! Diana, yeah, but not that one!"
"LI-AH!" Dea shouted, clutching at her chest defensively. "He leered at me Jazz!" Dea exclaimed.
That certainly sped Jazz's boyfriend instincts into high gear. The silver mech tackled the clearly larger one.
"Run!" Dea exclaimed to her friend. Stalker just held on to a shoulder guard for dear life as the skedaddled out of the place.
Diana shook her head as she ran, looking over at her fellow femme, "No one is going to believe that worked!!"
Despite that being true, Dea simply laughed it off, "I still saved your aft what good!"
They kept their speed until they finally breached the grounds, skidding to a halt when the sunlight began to warm the metal they were now made of, "Well... That was eventful..." Stalker pointed out as he situated himself on Diana's shoulder.
A few minutes of walking later, Jazz joined them, looking slightly scuffled but certainly proud of whatever he'd done to the larger black Decepticon, his smile being one of smugness. Dea slipped her arms around on of Jazz's and grinned, a wicked one that went unnoticed by everyone by Diana, who shook her head yet again, "Shall we go home?"
"Honestly!" Stalker exclaimed.
"Oh here we go..." Dea sighed.
"Don't you dare start complaining Stalker!" Diana glared intensely at the small mech on her shoulder.
"Look, all I'm asking is what the heck Wheeljack was thinking?!?" Stalker whined uncharacteristically, and Dea rolled her eyes.
"Um, IDK maybe his libido and not yours?" Dea stated flatly, propping a hand up on her waist. Stalker was nabbed up in Diana's hand before the small mech could even start to lunge at the maroon femme, who was staring innocently at the duo, "What'd I say?"
"Oh you know what you said!" Diana rushed out.
Diana stuck her head back in, "By the way Jazz, I think that's why mech's optics strayed to her aft a lot... check out the tattoo Wheeljack gave us!" she grinned and ran out.
"Eeek!" Dea ran away holding her hands over the small of her back as Jazz tried to look.
- - - - -
Back on the base, Ratchet was having one of those days... You know when the twins were planning something and you just KNEW, but you could never catch them plotting? It was like that. He just KNEW that something bad was going to happen today... He just couldn't figure out what.
"Ratchet, is it okay if Diana and I wreak havoc in Wheeljack's office and lock the twins up until they cry?"
The medic turned his head slowly to look at Dea, decked out in her Cybertronian body again. His eyes shifted to Diana, who was looking rather uncomfortable again, then back to Dea, "Do I want to know the back story to this?"
Dea gave that some thought before replying flatly, "Probably not."
"Torture to your heart's content, just make sure you clean up afterwards."
"Roger roger!"
"Dude... how are we supposed to get Wheeljack out of his lab? Usually the only thing that gets him out of there is an order from Optimus or the need for energon.... which... is kinda rare actually... I think he has his own energon making machine in that pack rat of a lab in there." Diana said.
This question brought a smile to Dea's face, and Diana could already tell where this conversation was going to go, "Oh, well since he's taken such a fancy to your new image, I thought I'd leave that up to you and your feminine charm."
"Do I even have feminine charm?" Diana asked in a flustered tone. Dea shrugged, and smiled her 'I'm going to love watching your pain' smile before shoving Diana towards the door of the scientist's office, which of course they'd magically made their way to, "Hey! What the-- Damn anime physics..."
Wheeljack looked up from where he'd been moping at his desk... the lights on the sides of his face flickered a bit when he saw who had entered.
"Eeehhh.... .eehhm... h-hello Wheeljack." Diana squeaked out.
"Diana..." he stood up.
'Crap crap crap crap think think think think!' the femme's brain was working as fast as it could and it was coming up with zip! Nada! Zero! El she felt screw-o-ed.
'Oh god... What does Dea do when she wants something from Jazz?? Ummmm....' Diana filed through her memories of Dea making a pouting face with big puppy dogs eyes at Jazz and the mech melting and giving in, "Worth a try..." she mumbled to herself, before lifting her head, clasping her hands together, and making the famous 'puppy dog' face at Wheeljack, "Wheeljack, can you help me with something? Plleeeeeeease?"
The scientist cleared his vocal processor before speaking, "What do you need help with?"
"I..uh.." Diana froze, and filed through her memories of Dea yet again trying to find inspiration.
She jerked forward, grabbing his hand before she had any idea of what she was going to do, "Come with me and I'll show you!" 'WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Diana shouted at her brain as she and Wheeljack bolted out of his office and down through the hallway.
Behind them, Dea crossed her arms with a smile and jerked her head towards the door, following which Stalker, Jazz and Zan entered, "Time to have fun."
Zan hopped in with a can of silly string clutched in his tail claw. He looked around and clapped his hands excitedly before doing Dea's bidding.
Meanwhile Diana finally had to stop running to cool her systems down. It seemed that they were a very basic shell... pretty to look at but as far as effectiveness went... they were delicate damsels.
And in Diana's case a damsel in distress.
"What was it you wanted help with?" Wheeljack asked, not even slightly heated.
"Gaaaaeeeee I ..... I.... uh..." Diana straightened up, "I nneed you tooooo..." she looked around and realized they were in the rec room, "SHOW ME HOW TO PLAY F.E.A.R.!" she nodded.
There was an awkward pause that followed, as Wheeljack was busy trying to process and link together Diana's frantic running with just wanting to learn how to play a video game, "Teach you to play F.E.A.R.?"
Diana nodded, "Yup, that is EXACTLY why we are here. In the rec room. To play F.E.A.R." She nodded a few more times for good measure, and tried to make a smile stay on her face despite the other type of 'F.E.A.R.' that was present in the room.
"Weren't you and Dea playing that game the other day?"
".....that was F.E.A.R. 1 this is F.E.A.R. 2.... and besides... i'm terrible at first person shooters..."
Not to mention this game is a horror game...' she thought. She couldn't stand these sorts of games.
"Isn't it the same concept as the first one?"
Diana started, "Aaah... no! COMPLETE change! I have NO idea what to do..."
"Really..." Wheeljack said, his voice betraying that he didn't believe her a bit.
'Crap! Dig yourself into a DEEPER hole why don't ya.... well.. this calls for the one thing I would normally never EVER do....' she thought to herself.
She closed her eyes and tackled Wheeljack into a tight hug, "Wheeljackie! This game is really scary and Dea won't play it with me! Can you please play it for me?" she whimpered cutely.
Wheeljack's face plates heated up at their contact and he fumbled to find words that fit into a coherent sentence, "Aaah, uuuggh... umm... weelll.. suuur..e.e.....sure, yeah uuuuhmm.... why... not?!?" the last word came out as a squeak, and Diana looked up when she felt herself falling forward.
"AAH!" Diana screamed as Wheeljack fell backwards, banging painfully on the floor. The femme quickly pulled herself off him, but came back to start poking the mech's shoulder, "Ooooh... I think I just broke him..."
"What happened to Wheeljack?!"
Diana nearly jumped out of her husk at Jetfire's voice at the door.
"Eeeuuhhmmm.... nothing!" she stood up and dusted herself off, "Absolutely nothing!" she tried to NOT squeak.
Jetfire crossed his arms, "So he's just taking a nap in the middle of the rec room then?"
"Yeah, pretty much..."
He stared at her for a little bit before shrugging, "Whatever. You know what's happening in Wheeljack's lab? I walked past and heard some evil laughter, but since he's in here I don't know who's in there messing around with what."
Diana frowned, "You didn't check?"
"Not my job."
She shrugged as well, "Okay then... Well, I've got to uh... go... check on Wheeljack's lab.. so... I guess I'll see you around..." Diana started to inch towards the exit, "And stuff."
Jetfire plucked Diana up from some sort of easy hook on her back.... Diana would call it a scruff bar.
"Are you... sure you don't know what happened to Wheeljack? He looks... a little singed around the audios."
"Positive."
"Liar."
Diana wished she could sweat like a human or something to relieve the stress short of kicking Dea's aft. What was she supposed to do when she was being called?!
"Look, I have business to attend to, so if you wouldn't mind releasing me..." Diana said in a business-y tone, crossing her arms while trying not to look like a pitiful kitten getting scolded. Jetfire arched an eye ridge, but put her down nonetheless, and the femme dusted herself off, "Thank you."
"Sure thing... But whatever happened to Wheeljack... It might just come around to bite you in the aft later," replied Jetfire, before stepping aside to let Diana pass, "So I hope you know what you're doing."
Diana smiled sheepishly and ran for her poor femme life!
She burst into Wheeljack's office... which looked like a clown had ran in and puked while destroying the entire place.
"Emm.... Dea?" she pushed aside the streamers hanging from the ceiling.
Dea's head peeked out from a large pile of toilet paper that was being stuffed into all of the drawers in Wheeljack's desk, "Yes?"
"We might have a problem..."
The red femme came around the side of the desk so that she stood next to Diana, "What do you mean?"
"I hugged Wheeljack and now he's broke and Jetfire is suspicious because he found broken Wheeljack on the floor and he might try to find out what happened..." Diana rushed out in a burst of air, slurring her words together.
Dea popped her hip out and crossed her arms, tilting her head as she followed a train of thought, "Well that is certainly going to make torturing the twins harder, but it's still doable."
From the corner of the room, where a mural of Wheeljack getting his butt kicked by Jazz was being painted, came a giggle from the silver Pontiac, "Doable..."
"Not the time Jazz honey," Dea said, shaking her head and sighing.
"Sorry..."
"Well what'll happen to me if Jetfire decides to pull official punishment on me for making their head scientist wig out?!" Diana asked the lieutenant.
"I doubt he can do much... you're not a soldier after all." Jazz assured her while he tried to get the toilet paper from between some of his joints.
"wweeeeeooooo!" Zan went swinging by on a streamer.
Dea nodded and turned to help Jazz with his TP problem, "Besides, we had permission from Ratchet to torture as we please."
"So long as we cleaned up our mess," Jazz added, and gave Dea a small kiss on her forehead as thanks for her help.
The maroon femme nodded, "Right. Which means, and this is me assuming you just left him there, we need to go get Wheeljack from the rec room. Oh! That way he can wake up to his beautifully redecorated office!!" Dea squealed in glee and jumped up and down a few times while clapping her hands, "Jazz, go hurry and drag him in here!"
"Fell asleep in a dream and wakes up in a nightmare... sheesh..." Jazz chuckled as he ran out to the rec room and started dragging Wheeljack back. Diana dragged on behind, suddenly feeling tired of all these games.
"Aha!"
Diana would've leaped and clung to the ceiling if she could have.
Jetfire stepped out of the shadows, "So I WAS right..."
"I'm a victim in this just as much as Wheeljack!..... Although... Wheeljack deserved it too...." Diana squeaked.
Jazz dropped Wheeljack's feet, looking to Jetfire with a solemn expression, "Just let her get it out of her system or your next."
"Who?!"
The Pontiac and Diana shared a look before replying in the same scared tone, "Dea..."
As if God decided to hate them that moment, said femme skipped down the hall towards the group, saw their lack of movement, saw Jetfire, and frowned, "What's a goin' on?"
Jazz glared at Jetfire in warning to play along if he liked his sanity, "Jetfire here offered to help me carry Wheeljack to his office."
Smiling, Dea steered Diana into Jetfire's arms - who squeaked at the contact with the mech - and said in a overly cheery tone, "That won't be necessary. Why don't you take Diana to get some energon? She's looking a little green around the gills, probably worried about poor Wheeljack here. But don't you fret, we're on our way to his office where he can take a little nap and sleep off the shock of whatever happened to the poor guy."
Her eyes shone with danger, and Jetfire caught onto it immediately. He wrapped an arm around Diana's waist subconsciously, steering her away from the lieutenant and his girlfriend. Once they were far enough away, the mech bent down low to Diana, "Is she always radiating that evil aura?"
"Only when you interfere," was Diana flat reply.
"Hey now I'm just looking out for my fellows."
"You can't win with Dea around... she finds SOME way to make you question your sanity." Diana sighed. Then she realized he was still holding her.
"Eh... you can let go now." she said, "We're out of the danger zone I think..."
Jetfire released his hold on her, "Oh, sorry..."
"Yeah... Anyway, it's really for the best if you just pretend that you saw nothing." Diana explained with a sigh, "You don't want to open that can of worms."
"You humans ingest worms?"
"Only in Hatchet and the movie."
"Ratchet???"
"Never mind..." Diana rubbed her face.
Jetfire shook his head, "I'm so confused..."
"It happens." Diana said, "Anyway, I guess we could really go get some energon. After all the running I've been doing I'm pretty dead tired right now..."
"Yeah, I could too," the mech replied, grateful for the conversation change.
A bit later Diana peeked into the storage area to make sure no one was there before jumping in and looking at the stacks of energon.
"So... which one is NOT high grade?" Diana asked, not wanting to get all tipsy. Dea would love to find out what being drunk like a Transformer would be like though.
"Those ones," informed Jetfire, jerking his hand toward a small pile a dull glowing energon cubes, "You should do fine on one of those," he said as he plucked up a high grade for himself.
"Mkay," came Diana's reply as she grabbed one of the cubes he'd pointed to.
Diana suddenly made a face after she'd ingested the energon. She looked at Jetfire with a wierd look in her optics, "Now look who's the -hic!- liar...." she leaned against the wall.
"Oh god, don't tell me..."
"OMIGOD JETFIRE I FORGOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!!!" Dea screeched as she pulled herself to a halt in the room. She saw Diana giggling at something the other two didn't see, "Oooh s**t."
Jetfire sighed and placed his head in his hand, "She's a lightweight, isn't she?"
"......yyeeeeaaah........"
"Wait how did you get here so fast?!" Jetfire gave her an accusing look, "You were spying on us weren't you!"
"...well... it doesn't take long to drag an unconscious Wheeljack to his office...."
The purple and black femme leaned against Jetfire with yet another Energon cube, "Thas not the 'alf of it... you should hear her -hic!- when shez talkin' 'bout makin' out with Jazz... mentioned somethin' about having a fou....foursome."
The mech arched an eye ridge at the maroon femme, who grinned in response, "It's true. You intersted? With her so far gone it'd be pretty easy."
"Heeeeey -hic- nuuuunna dat!" Diana glowered - or at least tried to - at the two of them before giggling again at something.
"Is it just me, or is she getting more drunk by the second?"
Diana looked at her cube and handed it to Dea, "Dun wan no mores..." she hung on Jetfire so that she wouldn't fall on the floor.
"So... what do you say Jetfire? We both have to lose it eventually!" Dea grinned that mischievous grin.
"Ehhhh...." It wasn't that it WASN'T tempting... but... Jetfire was a gentlemech for the most part...
"Hello Dea."
Dea nearly leaped out of her husk when she heard Optimus' voice. The femme was standing out in the hallway with the cube of high grade in her hands.
Thinking on her feet, Dea made a sobbing noise, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!" The shoved the cube of high grade at Jetfire, who was still trying to hold up Diana, "I told her the left side, and she went and grabbed a high grade! A HIGH GRADE!"
The femme slammed her hands against her thighs in anger, "This is freaking ridiculous, I don't even want to deal with her right now. OMG!" Dea stormed off, leaving Jetfire to stand with the intoxicated Diana and deal with Optimus.
"What's her problem?" the commander asked.
Jetfire managed a shrug, "Oooh, you know how femmes can be..."
"Yeah... sneaky..." Optimus eyed Jetfire, "YOU didn't happen to have anything to do with this, did you? I know Dea can... lure everyone to her cause."
He sighed in response, "I'm an innocent bystander lost in the sea of confusion that apparently is Dea..."
"Hmm..." Optimus hummed, "Well, just be careful. She's a tricky one..."
Jetfire waved a goodbye to his commander, "Will do."
"Jetfire!"
He looked down at Diana who seemed to have at least regained a tiny bit of composer, "Di I ever mentionz how hot you look as femme to mechs?" she huggled him close, straying a finger along his chest plate.
Due to lack of femme contact for Primus knows long, Jetfire couldn't stop the shudder that went down his system. Dea's head appeared from the door frame again with a grin, "Fooour soooome~!"
"Dea!" Jetfire hissed, "You're not helping me maintain composer!" his knees almost buckled when Diana kissed his cheek plate.
She giggled, "Yer funny when yer flustered!"
Dea produced a Cybertronian style camera, along with a boombox that, once Dea pressed the play button, blared out Honky Tonk Badonkadonk, and began taking pictures of Diana as she started dancing on Jetfire. The mech flung himself against the wall so that he wouldn't fall to the ground, but that only served to let Diana pin him against it, "Ooooh Primus save me..."
"Primus is a little busy at the moment, may I take a message?" asked Dea in a sweet operator tone, and clicked the camera a few more times when Diana decided to 'get down low.'
Jetfire pulled Diana up by her arms (which was difficult considering she was tipsy and floppy), "Dea! Stop that this instant!"
"Foooouuurrrrsssoooome~!" Dea sung as she snapped another picture of Diana giving Jetfire a nice intense kiss on the lips.
"Dea...?"
Said femme froze, turning her head slowly to the left and down until she saw a little black and green bot that would be Stalker. With a squeak, she slammed the door shut, blocking his view of Diana smothering Jetfire with hot passionate drunken Cybertronian love, and also trapping said mech with said femme and said love.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah! Dandy... Just fine!" she blurted out, smiling and trying to hid her camera from the little mech's sight, "How're you?"
Stalker raised an optic ridge, "What are you doing outside the energon storage area?" he ducked down, trying to see what she was so readily trying to keep him from seeing.
"Eehhh... I... thought it had a pretty glow is all." Dea laughed... then nudged him aside with her foot.
"Hey! I want some energon!"
"NO!"
He stared at her.
"Ehhh... because.... there's a spill in there! Yeah, and I still need to clean it up!"
"....is that techno music I hear in there?"
Dea suddenly remembered what this bot's function was... to spy. So of course his instruments would be super sensitive. At the moment she couldn't hear anything.
"Yeah, see I was having a dance party of one, so you know my boom box is still in there, but since I have to clean the spill anyway I just left it there so I could still have my dance party of one whilst I cleaned." Dea said in a rushed breath.
There was a moan - even audible to Dea - from the other side of the door, and the femme tried to suppress her laughter as she imagined what Diana could be doing to Jetfire to get such a sound to come from him, "Aaah, yeah I've got the weirdest songs... Haha, but it's a good beat so..."
"Dea..." Stalker warned, but the girl held her place in front of the closed door with her smile.
Something shifted on Stalker's head and after a second he made a 'WTF?!' look and shifted his head back to normal mode, "Dea... that.... doesn't sound like a dance party in there..." he tried to get past her again but of course couldn't. He glared up at her, "Dea! Get out of my way or SO help me I'll bite your foot!"
"I will stomp on you, QUITE QUESTIONING ME!!!" Dea yelled, angry that she was losing precious pictures to add to her blackmail file, "or so help ME I will make your life a living hell yet again!!!"
Stalker and Dea stared glowered at each for what seemed like WAY too long for Dea's blackmailing comfort.
At last Stalker walked away and around the corner.
Content with herself, Dea opened the door to see how the Jetfire/Diana situation was going, only to find Diana pinning Jetfire to the ground, straddling his hips with his hands pinned in one of hers above his head, "Ooooh yeah. This is SO perfect..."
The two were so absorbed into their...er... rough housing as it were, that they were oblivious to Dea's picture taking. And so absorbed into her picture taking was Dea, that she didn't even noticed Stalker creeping back - invisible of course.
"DEA BARR WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO DIANA!!!!"
The red femme fell over since the bot had apparently climbed up to her shoulder and yelled in her audio.
Diana looked up at the noise, her smile suddenly gone. She flopped onto Jetfire as she tried to focus her over energized sensors on the unpleasant noise in the hallway.
"It's not my fault!!! SHE DRANK THE HIGH GRADE OF HER OWN FREE WILL!!!" Dea defended, picking herself up to sit Indian style, "I'm just using her embarrassment for my own gain!!"
Stalker glowered at her, "So you just let her throw herself at Jetfire instead of stopping her?!?!?"
"It was a chance for blackmail!!!"
"SO!?!?!"
There was a solemn silence as Dea deadpanned, "Um... Stalker... You've met me. Right?"
"Shut up....."
Diana watched them from where she lay on Jetfire, then an idea came into her head, "Heeeyyyy Stalker.... whyyyy don't you get an upgrade?"
"Upgrade?!" Stalker turned his angry optics on her.
She smiled at him with those droopy and suggestive eyes, "Yeah... ask Wheeljacks... so that you can... join us? -hic!-"
Not being able to slap a filter on her mouth, Dea grinned and shouted, "ROBOT ORGY!!!" before getting her head impaled with a cube of energon via Stalker.
Jetfire crawled out from under Diana since she was distracted, his frame weak from their 'play time'. He had to get out of there before-.
"Dea?"
Optimus had come back, and he was eying Jetfire suspiciously... but mostly eying Dea, "What's going on here?"
"I'm being abused for things that are out of my jurisdiction," was her curt reply before trudging down the hallway with a cartoon black cloud following her and drenching her with water.
"What the--"
"Upgrade upgrade!!!" sang Diana, managing to pick up Stalker and throw him up in the air and catching him, "Like the TAMPON COMMERCIAL!!!"
Stalker leaped from her hands and clung to a shaking Jetfire, "PURGE HER TANKS! This Diana is too weird!"
Optimus stopped Dea with a touch of her shoulder, "Easy Dea... I wasn't blaming you for starting things... just... not stopping them." he chuckled. Then he turned to Jetfire, "ESPECIALLY you... as second in command I'd expect more self discipline... especially with a young femme."
Jetfire held up his hands, "It wasn't me I swear!"
Jazz took the opportunity to enter the scene, still shaking off ropes from his person, "DAMMIT DEA! If you ever tie me up again I swear to Primus I'll--" the silver mech froze when he saw the scene before him; and angry Stalker, a depressed Dea, a flustered Jetfire, a tipsy Diana, and a confused Optimus, "What the hell happened?"
His gaze settled on Dea, which caused the femme to cry out again, "IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!"
Diana held up her hand as she leaned against Jetfire again, "Nope... I picked up the wrrroooong energon cube cause I can't read -hic!- Cybertronian.... or know the differenceszzz between the gradez anyhoo... ssssooooo.... -hic!- ....hmmm.... Dea? Does this stuff make you playz out those dark fanatasiesss that nobudy is to know but yerself?" It seemed that Diana was starting to lose her buzz a little bit.
Dea paused, thought about it then shrugged, "I wouldn't know. I'm pretty intolerable to the stuff." Jazz nodded in agreement, then stopped himself when Optimus glared, "I mean, I'm sure it could... But I wouldn't know..."
She turned to look at Jazz, "You're a lightweight. Does getting drunk make you wanna pounce on me?" Jazz cleared his throat, and bent down low to whisper something in her ear, to which she just giggled, "That's not helping any!"
"I'm just saying!"
"Saying what?!?" inquired Optimus, but Dea waved away his question.
"Never mind that, me thinks it's time I get Diana to bed. Lord knows she's going to be hating herself in the morning..."
Optimus just shook his head, "Ok... you do that while I go talk to Wheeljack about turning you into femmes all the time... and YOU..." he pointed at Jetfire, "Go take a cold shower and we'll have a talk about proper behavior." He sighed again and noticed a mopey Stalker on the floor.
"Don't worry, Stalker, this will all settle once they're human again."
Stalker grumbled, "You say that, but you know it's going to only get worse from here... What if she likes being that sized?!? Primus knows Dea seems to..."
At her name, Dea lit up with a grin, but shifted her attention to making sure Diana and she didn't fall over.
Stalker chased after the femme, "Give me that camera you femme you!"
Diana - fully passed out by now - didn't even wake when Dea dropped her to the floor so that she could flee the smaller mech, holding onto her camera for dear life.
"It's been a long day..." said Optimus with a sigh, "A looong day..."
