Well, I promised I wouldn't keep you waiting too long...:). Thanks for the reviews, and hope you enjoy this one.
'Maura?'
Jane looked astounded. Shocked. As if she didn't quite believe what she was seeing - a little, Maura thought, like a deer caught in headlights. She supposed that she couldn't really blame her. Until approximately five seconds ago, Jane had thought that Maura was in Boston.
Boston to New York was a long way to go in five seconds.
For a moment, Maura couldn't speak. She didn't know what to say, and she didn't know how to handle all the emotion that was suddenly flooding through her. She wanted to ask Jane what she had just seen, but she wasn't sure that she would really want to know the answer. She wanted to sit down on the stairs and cry. She wanted to slap Jane for making her look and feel like the world's biggest, most gullible idiot. And she was slightly horrified to realise that, despite everything, what she wanted most of all was to go over and kiss her and never let go.
Torn between talking, kissing, self-pity and physical violence, she decided that it was best to do none of those things but to just go. She should have gone earlier, before Jane saw her.
She should never have come in the first place.
'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come'. She started to back away, one eye on Jane and one eye on the stairs. The last thing she wanted was a broken neck from falling. 'I should have called first...I...'
'Hey, wait!'
Maura tried to ignore her, to turn and walk down the stairs, collect her suitcase and get the hell out of there before the tears that had suddenly welled up in her eyes started to fall. But she heard rapid, soft footsteps behind her, and felt Jane's firm hand on her shoulder. Stopping, she took a deep breath, willing herself to hold it together for just a few moments more, and turned around.
She was expecting guilt. She was expecting some kind of apology, excuses, whatever. She was expecting anything except the slightly dazed, confused, but delighted smile that she saw lighting up Jane's face.
'You're really here'.
It wasn't a question, but it sounded as if Jane was having trouble believing it and Maura shook her head. She wished that Jane had been imagining it. Blinking rapidly, she pulled away from Jane's grip and took a step backwards.
'Yes, and I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry. If you'll just let me...'.
'Hey...no, wait, Maura!' Jane still looked amazed, but she was also still smiling as she reached out again, closing the tiny distance that Maura had managed to put between them. 'I'm sorry, I'm just surprised, that's all. I'm...' She paused, shaking her head as her smile widened. 'I have never been so pleased to see anyone in my life'.
Maura froze as she felt Jane's arms slip around her, felt herself being pulled tightly into the warm embrace that she had been dreaming about for so many weeks, but her mind was whirring around in circles. Jane said she was pleased to see her. Jane was acting as if she was pleased to see her. Jane wasn't that good an actress. And yet...Casey.
'Maur?'
Jane pulled back a little, still keeping her arms around Maura as if to prevent her running away. Her brow was wrinkled in confusion, and her brown eyes were full of concern.
'What's wrong, sweetie?'
Maura swallowed, hard, but it wasn't enough to stop the single tear sliding down her cheek.
'Ah, no, Maura, please don't cry! At least, not without telling me what's wrong?' Jane looked slightly panicked, and Maura felt her tighten her grip. 'Come in and talk to me, I'll...'
'Who was that?'
She'd blurted out the question before she really thought about it, and now she stood, watching, dread turning into despair in the pit of her stomach as realisation slowly dawned on Jane's face.
'Casey?'
Despair turned to disbelief as Maura saw Jane's eyebrows shoot upwards, and saw the corners of her mouth edge the same way as she began to shake her head.
'You thought Casey and I were...? Oh, God, Maura, no. No, no, no'.
And disbelief turned into a tiny flicker of hope as Jane pulled her once more into a crushing hug that left her struggling to breathe. The brunette was still shaking her head, as if she couldn't understand how Maura could have thought such a thing, and she was laughing a little as she finally let Maura go. Maura thought that she looked relieved - relieved that Maura's problem, the reason she was upset and crying, was actually nothing that important or awful after all - and the flicker of hope grew.
Maybe she had got it wrong.
'Casey and I...we're just friends, Maura. I've known him since I was knee-high'.
'So what...?' Maura stopped. What was he doing kissing you? Holding you? She didn't ask, but Jane got the general idea and sighed, her smile gradually fading.
'He came to talk something over with me. I had a decision to make and...well, I'd already made up my mind, but he came anyway. We just had a couple of beers and talked, Maura. Nothing else'. She wrinkled her nose. 'It would be like sleeping with my brother, or something'.
Maura blinked, struggling to take it all in. Then what...?
Jane saw the look on her face, and held up one finger to stop her speaking. 'He kissed me on the cheek, nowhere else. And I gave him a hug goodbye because he's being reassigned to a base in Germany in a couple of weeks. I don't know when I'll see him again'.
The wave of relief that hit Maura was almost overwhelming, and without Jane's arms around her, she sank to the floor, running her hands through her hair and letting the tears flow because she didn't have the energy to hold them back anymore. She was aware of Jane sitting down next to her, and felt herself being held again as Jane's fingers wiped away the salty drops that were streaming down her face. She hadn't realised how sick she had felt, how heavy and numb, until now, when those feelings were gone as quickly as they had come.
Jane waited until she was all cried out before taking hold of her arm, and gently pulling her to her feet.
'That's yours?'
Maura wiped her eyes one last time, and followed the line of Jane's finger down towards her suitcase, abandoned halfway up the flight of stairs. She nodded. She'd forgotten all about it.
Jane padded down to rescue it, before taking Maura's hand and leading her back up and into the apartment. The front door opened straight into an open plan kitchen and living area, with a couple of doors off to one side that Maura guessed were bedroom and bathroom. It was small and fairly cluttered, but the muted colours were warm and soothing, and the worn furniture looked comfortable. She saw a couple of empty beer bottles on the coffee table, a rumpled cushion on the armchair where either Jane or Casey had sat, and a sweatshirt thrown carelessly over the back of the sofa. She had to resist the urge to go over and fold it.
It felt like a home that was lived in, and Maura couldn't help but compare it to her own house that was larger, tidier, without a scratch on the furniture or a cushion out of place, and yet had never felt so welcoming as this tiny, messy apartment.
'Sorry about the mess'. Jane had deposited Maura's case by the sofa, and was heading into the kitchen area. 'I meant to tidy up yesterday, but didn't have a chance'.
Maura smiled ruefully as she pulled off her boots and placed them neatly by the door, before hanging her coat on a spare hook and following Jane across the room.
'I didn't exactly give you much warning'.
'True'. Jane smiled back at her, before turning to fetch a couple of mugs from a cupboard. 'Coffee? Or tea? I have those herbal things you used to like.'
Maura was grateful that Jane didn't offer any alcohol. Much as she would have liked a glass of wine - or even a beer - she knew it wasn't a good idea. But...
'Since when have you drunk herbal tea?'
Jane shrugged, looking slightly embarrassed as she took a box down from the shelf above the mugs and held it up for Maura's inspection.
'Since I got back from tour the last time, I guess. I was off the coffee and these were ok'.
Maura peered closer. Camomile tea.
'Bags not leaves, I'm afraid'.
'That's ok. Thank you'. Maura looked on in amazement as Jane made herself one, too. She would never in a million years have thought that Jane would drink herbal tea...but then, she thought suddenly, she maybe didn't know Jane nearly as well as she thought she did.
'Here'. Jane walked back over to the sofa, moving the sweatshirt onto the floor and sitting down, patting the space next to her. And this time, Maura couldn't help it. Giving Jane a quick look of admonishment, she followed her back into the living area and, putting her mug down on the coffee table, picked up the sweatshirt and shook it out before smoothing it down, folding it neatly, and placing it on the armchair.
Jane's mouth twitched as she curled her legs underneath her, getting more comfortable.
'It's a gym sweater, Maura. Not a party dress'.
Maura didn't reply as she sat down next to Jane. She felt exhausted, and she was also starting to feel embarrassed. Everything that Jane had told her was going round and round in her head. She was still a bit sore and shaky from crying, but she was beginning to relax, and to think a bit more clearly. And the more she thought, the more embarrassed she became.
'Are you angry with me?'
'What for, folding my sweatshirt?'
'No, for...'
'For accusing me of sleeping with Casey?'
'I didn't exactly accuse you...' Maura felt her face grow hot as she squirmed under Jane's gaze. 'But yes. Aren't you cross with me?'
'No'. Jane smiled as she reached over for Maura's hand. 'No, I'm not. Although maybe next time give me a bit more warning, hmm? Just so I can tidy up, and get the latest guy out in plenty of time'.
Maura looked over in shock, and then caught the twinkle in Jane's eyes.
'Joke, Maura'. Jane shifted forward a bit to take Maura's other hand. 'There's no one else. I promise'. She paused, looking down at their entwined fingers, and bit her bottom lip. 'There never really has been. And I don't want there to be'.
Maura took a deep breath, Jane's words swimming around in her head. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. She couldn't believe how stupid she had very nearly been, and she couldn't grasp how Jane could not be furious with her for jumping to such an awful conclusion so quickly. But still...Jane's words hung in the air. Jane had spoken them, and Jane usually meant what she said.
'Really?'
This time, Jane didn't answer, but leaned in and captured Maura's lips in a long, soft kiss that said everything for her. Finally, Maura knew without a doubt that she had got it wrong. Jane wanted her, perhaps even loved her, and no one else.
From sinking into despair less than an hour earlier, Maura now felt so happy that she could have cried again. But instead, she kissed Jane back with everything she had, holding her close and running her hands through the unruly brown waves of hair that tumbled down Jane's back.
She never wanted to stop.
When they pulled apart, she rested her forehead against Jane's, letting the smile spread across her face and allowing her body to relax against the brunette's. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she still had questions. Jane had never explained why Casey had come over to talk, what decision it was that she had had to make, or why it was she had chosen to talk to Casey and not Maura. Maura could only think that it had been an army issue. Perhaps Jane had needed some advice on a case she was working. But, right now, she didn't want to ask. She wanted to forget about Casey, forget about all the emotion and the tears and the horrible, sick feeling that she never wanted to experience again, and just lose herself in Jane. She wanted to hold her and kiss her, be held and be kissed.
There would be plenty of time for more talking later.
