WARNING MORE CRACK TO FOLLOW!

Welcome to the Reviewers special, featuring jokes that came from all of you that reviewed!

Miranda

*Garrus Vakarian can calibrate anything, his latest achievements include a
British orphan, a kitten, and a loaf of bread. (From Mr. Zed.)

His latest accomplishments; Pip, a sabre tooth tiger, and turning a hard loaf of French bread soft again.

Aria

*Aria T'loak has one rule on Omega: "Don't F--k with Aria. Unless you're Garrus
Vakarian." (From Mr. Zed.)

Originally it was just "Don't F—k with Aria" but after seeing what Garrus did to all the mercs single handedly Aria decided to amend the one rule of Omega. She had heard what had happened to the gunship as well, and the bridge. Still she had to make it seem like she was in power so instead of saying "Don't F—k with Garrus Vakarian" Aria just added that small clause that made him exempt from the one Omega rule.

Tali

*Garrus Vakarian has reach AND flexibility. He just doesn't want Tali'Zorah to
feel inferior. (From Mr. Zed.)

First off, Tali was going to obliterate whoever put this on the list. Secondly, she was going to prove to Garrus that he only had reach over her. It could go on her list; Tali has flexibility over Garrus. She only lets him think otherwise.

Female Crew Members and Garrus

*Boxers were invented because Garrus Vakarian found speedos uncomfortable. (From MitisVenatrix.)

This is the reason Garrus is always in the fire control room. All the females on the ship keep trying to steal a look at him because someone started up the rumor that he wears boxers. It also doesn't help any that someone also put on the list that 70% of his weight is his manhood.

Joker and EDI, with Tali and Legion

*One year ago, the entire Extranet system crashed, the search Query: Garrus Vakarian, Headshot, Ownage (From OrionMatrix)

"EDI, can you do an extranet search for me?"

"What would you like me to find Jeff?"

"Run a search on Garrus Vakarian, Headshot and Ownage. I want to see if anyone else has made a viral video of him."

"Jeff, the entire extranet has just crashed."

"What? Is that even possible?"

"It appears so." Pause. "What have you just done Jeff?"

"ME?! You're the one that actually made the search!"

"Thank you Legion. I'm sure Garrus will be most please to hear about your helping me play a joke on EDI and Joker. You're geth firewall really did the trick."

"We are always ready to please Vakarian Garrus."

Grunt

*Touching Garrus Vakarian's facial scars will increase you life expectancy by 6 years. Unfortunately, the following shot to the face will reduce your life expectancy by 300. You do the math. (From ValkyrieKat.)

This was unbelievable. Garrus was becoming so huge that there was now a krogan legend about him, all because he spent a little time on the homeworld. His scars weren't that impressive. Definitely not worth bothering to try to touch them. Though since he was krogan he could live though the resulting shot, though it sounded rather unpleasant. And knowing Garrus, it would be.

EDI and Legion

*Normandy SR-2 doesn't go past the speed of light, it goes past the speed of Garrus Vakarian. (Maxwell Gray.)

If Garrus counted to infinity twice, is this how he did it? Since the speed of light is being proposed as inferior to the speed of Garrus, and science has showed that all kinds of barely understood things happen once the speed of light is approached, never mind once it is achieved and surpassed. However it's impossible to count to infinity once, let alone twice since infinity is not a set number and

"EDI?"

"Yes Legion."

"We have been monitoring your current program and would like to point out the solution."

"And what is the solution Legion?"

"Vakarian Garrus is capable of all things. Once you accept that you won't be stuck in the infinite loop you currently are in. It will also keep your processors from overheating."

"It will be taken that under consideration."

The Crew

*Garrus Vakarian invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Including pink. (From JeanDaBean, modified.)

Okay it is funny to claim to invent black since that is the merely a combination of every color. But to proudly claim inventing pink? That was funny though no one ever showed Garrus this joke. After all, would you?

Legion

*Garrus Vakarian doesn't wear or need a watch. HE decides what time it is. (From JeanDaBean)

Legion once heard it said that Vakarian Garrus was never early or late, that he arrived right when he meant to and that is why he never wore a watch like the other organics did. It only made sense that others wrongfully assumed that Vakarian Garrus was ever early or late. After all, since he controlled space time, he indeed decided what time it was and thus was never late.

Mordin and Legion

*Garrus Vakarian in Legion's favorite color. (From ValkyrieKat.)

Being more of the oddball of the crew, Legion rarely joined the rest in the fun and games that took place at night apart from the weekly addition of new lines to the list. Somehow though, the conversation had been steered in the direction of favorate colors. Once that had been explained to Legion, it was asked what its favorate color was.

"Our favorate color is Vakarian Garrus."

The entire mess fell silent. "What color is that exactly Legion?" Mordin asked before a huge collective groan filled the air as faces met palms.

"The color of Vakarian Garrus is Vakarian Garrus. If Vakarian Garrus invented all the colors then every color is Vakarian Garrus."

The geth's response was met with howls of laughter. Sometimes Legion just didn't understand the organics, but seeing as the geth were not created by or modeled after Vakarian Garrus, it understood why. The geth weren't made in the image of perfection, though Vakarian Garrus did approve of the creators' shape and therefore the geth form, so Legion guessed that the geth doing okay. Now that they had found the Vakarian Garrus, everything would be alright.

A/N: almost 3 pages all based off of suggestions from you all. Thanks for the reviews.