Warning: It gets a little hot in the end. And there's underage drinking. Don't like, don't read. You have been warned.
CHAPTER 9
Thursday, 27.11.14
We had already practiced the songs to perfection, so meeting up after school was only to keep it that way. Therefore, we all met up in the music room, prepared only to stay for no more than 20 minutes.
It ended up taking longer than that though. I kept screwing up the chords, and I refused everytime Rivaille tried to teach me.
"I can do it!" I kept saying, taking a step back, and furiously tried to create the chord again. "I can do it … "
The others looked at me worriedly, but didn't say anything. When I got to the point of being so frustrated that I couldn't even think straight anymore, I went down from the stage and grabbed my jacket.
"I'm sorry guys, I don't know what's going on with me today," I mumbled, embarassed. But of course I knew.
I wasn't able to concentrate with Rivaille so close. I still felt awkward from the other day's incident, especially because we had just pretended that it had never happened, instead of actually talking about it.
"It's okay Eren. You'll get it eventually," Armin said, turning off the keyboard and walking towards me. My eyes flickered from Armin to Rivaille and then again to Armin, suddenly feeling the knot in my stomach once again.
"You need to get yourself together. The competition is on sunday," Mikasa said with a calm look, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I know, I know … I won't let you down," I said with a sigh. I felt Rivaille's gaze on me, but I ended up turning around to avoid it. Armin put an arm around my shoulder, looking at me with a worried look.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Armin asked, concerned. I sent him a quick smile, but still pulled away from him. I was suddenly afraid of Rivaille's reaction to Armin being so close to me.
"It's okay,"
I turned around to wave at the others.
"I'll just practice at home, okay guys? We talked to the principal about practice, so he gave us the green light to use the music room on saturday, before the competition. I'll be sure to be better by then!"
They all nodded in agreement, so we ended up shutting everything off, and the proceeded to walk out of the school entrance together, in silence.
Connie had to take the bus to get home, and Mikasa joined him since she had to go to work. Me and Armin was both on bicycles, even though we lived in completely opposite directions.
Rivaille wasn't going towards the shed with us, so I guessed that he was on feet again today. I felt a sudden urge to walk with him, and I had to speed up towards my bicycle to ignore it.
"Hey, Eren," Armin called out, surprised my my sudden speed. "Let's hang out today,"
He said it loudly, and I caught myself looking over at Rivaille to see if he had heard it.
"S-Sure," I mumbled, suddenly nervous.
For fuck's sake. Rivaille's stupid comments had apparently made me uncomfortable around Armin now, something that I had never been before. Armin twined his arm around mine, and the unexpected touch made me jump a little.
"Eren, are you alright? You don't seem to be yourself today," Armin said, looked up at me with big, concerned eyes. I gulped, backing away from him.
"A-Ahh, I'm fine Armin, really! I just … have a lot on my mind lately,"
Armin looked over at Rivaille, who was already close to the corner at the end of the road.
"Does it has something to do with Rivaille?" He suddenly asked, making my jaw drop in surprise.
"W-What?! No, that's absurd!" I put both of my hands up to my face, waving like a maniac.
"I see the way he looks at you," Armin raised an eyebrow, smiling calmly at me. "And the way you look at him,"
What the hell was he referring to? My face started to get flustered.
"I like girls!" I almost screamed, my cheeks burning up. That was certainly a rather popular sentence for me to say these days.
I didn't know why I had had such a strong reaction to it – it just really pissed me off how everyone kept referring to such things, when it wasn't true.
Why was everyone so eager to hint that I had these feelings, that I so clearly didn't have?
"Alright alright, relax Eren," Armin said, grabbing my hands to lower them.
I took a deep breath.
"I like girls, Armin," I repeated, but now as a whisper. I wanted him to believe me, not just say that he did. I wanted to tell it to everyone, just as I had been telling myself.
"Then why is it, that you've never even looked at a girl before?" He asked in a calm manner, holding my gaze with his. He was still holding my hands, though.
"Why is it then, that even though a dozen girls have liked you, you've never even responded to their declarations of love?"
I looked at him in surprise, not able to form words with my mouth. He went on, undaunted.
"And how it's so easy to be around you. You don't even realise the effect you have on people, no matter their gender,"
Armin furrowed his brows, pausing for a moment.
"I'm not stupid, Eren. I know you better than you know yourself. You just can't … No, you won't realise it. You're not ready yet," He realised my hands, and walked over to his bike.
"Just remember Eren," He said, climbing up on it. "It's unhealthy to lie to yourself for a longer period of time,"
And then he drove away, leaving me breathless.
Friday, 28.11.14
The conversation with Armin had not helped at all – it had only made me even more confused than before.
Mikasa and I had gone home after school to do homework, but since she was better at math than I was, we made them quickly. After dinner, we just ended up lying in my bed, watching TV.
"Shouldn't you be practicing? I mean, if you haven't got it down yet, then …"
"I got it," I hissed at her, annoyed by her concern. Her eyes looked at me, and I quickly calmed down. "Sorry. I think I just need to not think about it today,"
Mikasa sat up, straightening her back.
"I have an idea!" She said, suddenly excited. Intrigued, I sat up as well, raising an eyebrow.
"What?"
"Let's go out,"
"Where?"
"I heard some girl from senior year is having a party tonight. Apparently everyone can come,"
"That's crazy! How is she able to fit so many people in her house?"
"I heard she has a huge house, because her parents are rich," Mikasa shrugged, standing up.
"Come on, Eren! Get dressed. You need to get out a bit,"
I watched her leave my room, not closing the door after her. Mikasa was a quiet one herself, so she was really going out of her way to cheer me up.
Realising this, I got up as well. I didn't want to disappoint her, even though I wasn't in a very partyish mode.
I ended up wearing black jeans and a tight, beige t-shirt. I let my hair be as it was, since it seemed to be untamable. Sometimes I was even convinced that it had a life of its own.
"Are you ready?" Mikasa yelled, to be sure that she wouldn't walk in on my naked, or something like that.
"Yeah," I said, just in time to put my old leather jacket on.
She walked over to stand in the doorway, so we could both look at eachother from a distance. She was wearing high heels, and a tight, black dress to reveal her curves. It had no straps, but at least it almost went to her knees.
Thinking about what Armin had said, I kept staring at her. But nothing worked.
It's just because she's my sister than I can't see her that way, I told myself with obduracy. That was it for sure.
"You're beautiful," I said, sending her a big smile. She blushed, smiling as well.
"Thanks. You look nice as well,"
We quickly informed dad that we were going out, not expecting him to be against it. He just yelled from the livingroom that we had to be home by midnight, too busy watching TV to even look at us.
"Connie is coming to pick us up," Mikasa said, fumbling with her cellphone. I just nodded, enjoying the fresh air outside for once.
Not even 2 minutes after had he arrived. He rolled down the window, and stuck out his head to show us his grinning face.
"Yo guys, what's up? Are you ready to pa-ah-tay?!"
Mikasa and I looked at eachother, breaking out in laughter, before getting into the car.
"Looking damn good, Mikasa," Connie said, winking at Mikasa who had gotten the seat behind my. I nudged Connie's shoulder, laughing.
"That's my sister you're talking about!"
"Sister or no sister, she's still looking hot," Connie grinned, before starting to drive. The comment made me think of Armin again, and what he had said.
Sister or no sister.
I tried to supress it, looking out the window while we drove.
"We're going to pick up Armin and Sasha also," Connie informed us, as we turned a familiar corner.
To people were standing on the sideroad, waiting for us to stop in front of them. The door opened, and I watched as Armin and Sasha crawled in on the back seats with Mikasa.
"Hey guys!" They shouted in unison, already smelling of alchohol. They had probably started drinking already, which made me turn my head to look at Mikasa.
"You had already planned on going?" I simply asked, raising an eyebrow. She just smirked at me, sending me a little wink before joining in on Armin and Sasha's conversation. I rolled my eyes, but in reality I wasn't even annoyed. I felt comfortable here with my friends, together. My eyes turned to look at Armin and Sasha's clothes. She was wearing a white dress that went in good contrast with her tanned skin and brown hair. She had a lollipop in her mouth, looking rather sexual. Yet, I didn't think of her as sexy at all.
But of course, my brain said automatically. She eats food all the time. It makes her skin greasy. She doesn't even pick her teeth when there's food stuck in them. Of course you can't think that someone like her is sexy!
That made sense. Even though she looked pretty right now, how could I be attracted to her when remembering how carelessly she ate food or fooled around with Connie, as if she was a boy?
Yes, that was probably it.
It took no more than 20 minutes of driving to get there, and by then the party was already going crazy. Seeing it from the outside, there was lights and people and music everywhere.
Connie parked the car, and we ran inside, excited to see how it was. It wasn't often that I was out partying, but I had definitely never tried coming to a party that I hadn't been invited to. But then again, half of the people there probably hadn't been either.
We walked through the main door, and the loud music quickly made it impossible to talk to eachother. Armin, already very tipsy, clung to my arm, clearly not really able to walk by himself that good.
"This looks amazing!" He yelled, and I quickly sent him a smile and a nod so I wouldn't have to yell as well.
There was so many people in the room, and the light was dimmed a bit, making it hard to recognise anyone. Something was pressed into my hand suddenly, and before I could see who had giving me it, they had disappeared into the mass of people.
It was a red cup filled with alcohol, probably cola with vodka. Wanting to get to the other peoples level, I quickly drank it, and before I even put the cup down I could already feel my heart beat faster.
10 minutes after, Armin and I were dancing in the middle of the dancefloor. I was already sweating, but that was the least of the things on my mind.
No, actually there was nothing on my mind at all. I just threw my body around, moving my hips to match the beat of the song. My hair kept getting in my eyes, causing me to shake my head several times. There had become so many people dancing on the floor though, that we couldn't avoid touching eachother.
At some point, Armin had went to find Connie and the others, leaving me to myself. I didn't mind though.
Didn't Mikasa want me to loosen up and have fun?
That's was exactly what I was doing. I wasn't paying attention to the people around me, only focusing on the music playing in my ears. I hadn't danced like this in years.
It felt really good to be able to just move like this, not having a single care in the world. Not worrying what other people thought. Not worrying about my own thoughts as well.
The alcohol were running through my veins, and my heart was beating so loudly, that I could feel it in my eardrums. Or was that the bass from the song?
I couldn't tell. I didn't care.
I closed my eyes, and kept on dancing. When I opened them again, a different sight was waiting for me.
Two people had gone to stand up on the table not even 2 meters from me, so that everyone could see them. They danced close up of each other, they're bodies moving along as if they secretly belonged together. I couldn't remove my gaze from them – it was too mesmerizing. The girl had her brown hair up in a ponytail, wearing only leather pants and a top that showed her stomach. The guy was wearing no shirt at all, only black pants. In the flicker of lights, I noticed of the sweat glinsed from his clear abs, and I bit hard down on my lip.
It looked so sexy, when he moved his body, making me wish that I was up there instead of the girl. She threw her head back just as the lights flickered again, and I recognised her in a heartbeat.
It was Hanji, the girl that had called Rivaille for Riri.
I started moving past the people between me and the table, to get over to her. When I finally had pushed my way through, I looked up again. They hadn't noticed me yet, seeming as if they were spaced out in their own world.
It looked so hot when they danced together, both bodies pressed up against eachother, and in the second that I thought to myself that the guy was probably her boyfriend, the lights flickered again to reveal his face.
Rivaille.
I gasped, throwing my hand up to cover my mouth. What the hell was he doing here? He didn't seem like the person who liked parties, and he certainly did not look like someone who could dance like that.
Before being able to back away again, the song stopped and that made Hanji look around, noticing me.
"EREN!" She almost screamed, jumping down from the table to hug me. I returned it awkwardly, smiling at her.
"Hey!" I yelled, but she didn't seem to hear me. I tried to stop myself, but I ended up looking at Rivaille who was still standing on the table. His eyes were on me as well, but the black locks of hair was covering the most of his face, not giving me the chance to see his expression.
I waved at him in an awkward manner, not sure what else to do. Hanji had disappeared from my side, making me feel rather insecure, something that even the alcohol couldn't supress.
A hand was suddenly in front of my face, and before I could think, I just grabbed it. Rivaille pulled me up on the table with incredible strength, making me dizzy for a second. The new song had already started playing, and before being able to do anything myself, Rivaille had already started dancing again. It was easy to see that he had been drinking himself, even more than me, but that didn't have an effect on his moves though. He pressed his chest close to mine for a few seconds, moving his hips against mine, before turning away to do spin around.
Letting go of all the things that told me not to, I started dancing as well. With Rivaille, it was easier to move my body against his than it had been with Armin, making it feel more natural. Rivaille suddenly grabbed my leather jacket, pulling me towards him before removing it slowly from my body. I let him, trying to hold my breath when his face got close to mine. He threw it away, giving me no chance at all to even see where it landed, before mesmerizing me again. This time, though, our eyes locked together as we kept dancing. This went on for a few more songs, totally caught up in ourselves to notice how others where watching us.
When the fourth song ended, I was sweating so much that I almost couldn't breathe. I forced myself to tear my body away from his, so I could stumble down from the table, and try to get through the tight crowd. Not knowing where the hell I was really going, I ended up going up the stairs and into the first door that was there.
Luckily, it was bathroom, which was just what I needed. I turned the water on in the sink, and cupped my hands under the running, cold water. I drank until I had fulfilled my thirst, and then proceeded to splash water onto my flustered face. It cooled me down instantly, and I then turned the water off. When I looked up again and turned around, I wasn't alone anymore.
"Not only can you sing, but you can also dance," Rivaille said, crossing his arms while leaning his one shoulder against the closed door. He was smirking, and his eyes were almost smouldering. I bit my bottom lip.
"You just keep surprising me,"
The way he looked at me, like I was a delicious meal for him to eat, made me shiver.
It was lust.
"I could say the same thing to you," I said, pressing my back against the counter. The cold surface wasn't enough to calm me down though, as my heart kept on beating faster. Or maybe that was because Rivaille had started to walk towards me.
"I'm sorry about our fight," He said, first stopping when he was right in front of me. "I mean, you were right, of course. You like girls, and that... That was why you were dancing with me like that … " He looked at me, challenging me to say something.
"Y-Yeah," I muttered, too drunk to be able to think straight. Or maybe it was Rivaille being so close to me that influenced my thought process. Whatever it was, my sight was a bit blurry, and my breathing was becoming irregular.
"And when I do this," Rivaille put his hands on my waist, and pressed his hips against mine. He was swaying slowly, pressing his lower body against mine. I bit my bottom lip hard not to let out a moan. "Then you don't feel anything towards me, right?"
"Y-Yeah … That's right," I muttered, trying to stay calm, something that I clearly wasn't really able to.
"Then how can you explain this?" I saw how his hand moved down, and he removed his lower body from mine, so he could place the hand over the bulge in my pants. I gulped, yet I wasn't able to look away from his eyes.
"Nghhh," I groaned, when he gently started moving his hand up and down, making me pant loudly.
"Rivaille, please," I said, placing my right hand on his shoulder and the other on his chest. I didn't push him away though, my whole body just shivered. He leaned in, pressing his chest against my hands weak strength, and I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
"You say that, but your body is telling a whole other story,"
His other hand had undone my pant's buttons and zipper without me even realising it, so when he removed his hand, I only had time to take one deep breath, before I could feel his small fingers slipped under my underwear. I gasped loudly when I felt his fingers wrap around my throbbing member, making my hips erratically thrust themselves forward. I saw how Rivaille smirked, before his index and middle finger started moved my foreskin down to expose the forehead. His finger touched it lightly, but it was enough to make me moan.
When he finally felt like he had teased me enough, he started moving his whole hand, slowly up and down. My hips moved in the same pace as his movements, even though he trying to press his body against mine to reduce the motion my body made.
"R-Rivaille," I gasped, boring my fingernails into his skin. I wasn't even aware of it myself, but luckily Rivaille didn't mind. Or react to it watsoever.
"F-Fuck," I panted, when his moves started becoming more wild and quicker.
"You don't like girls Eren," Rivaille said, staring deeply into my eyes. "Admit it. You like this … "
I wasn't able to answer him. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't have enough air in my lungs both to speak and to breathe.
"Admit that you got turned on by me, that you like it when I touch you like this,"
I could hear how his breathing had become like panting as well, but not as bad as mine was though.
"Y-Yes … " I was finally able to say, but it didn't satisfy Rivaille enough.
"What did you say? I don't think I heard you?"
His movements became slower again, almost torturing me. I felt my whole body yearning for me to reach climax, but he wouldn't let me. Not before I said it.
"I-I admit it!" I yelled, boring my nails further into him. "Rivaille … Please,"
I was at the point of literally begging him. Finally pleased with my answer, he started moving his hand quicker and quicker, his grip tightening. It hadn't even been 10 seconds, before my hips thrusted forward for the last time, as I came into his hand.
My head fell forward to lean on his shoulder, while I tried to get my breathing under control. I felt how he released his grip on me, removing his hand from my underwear, and then gently pulled away from me, so he could wash his hands.
I was still supporting myself against the counter, not really sure if I would be able to stand up by myself.
I tried blinking a few times, looking down at my pants that was still unbuttoned.
My mind was hazy, and my sight was a blur, stopping me from a complete realisation.
What had just happened?
I'm really excited to see what you thought about this chapter! You are more than welcome to leave a review and tell me!
I really enjoy reading all of it, and it makes me really happy to know that you guys like this story!
Stay lovely xoxo
