A/N; A tip, in the first part of this chapter I had the song "Don't Forget Me" by Way out West on repeat, in the background. Look it up on youtube, it's a really good song!

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Chapter Nine

…A Liberation of Darkness Awaits

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Numb.

She felt numb. Like the world was moving too fast and she couldn't keep up with it. Signals kept firing away from her brain, but they went unanswered. The sensation blocked every thought and every other emotion in her mind, and she was left standing still. Angel and Psylocke's backs were perfectly framed in her field of vision, as the couple walked towards the mansion. Something had just happened, but she couldn't tell what. In the blink of an eye, the world had gone alien to her and she didn't know how to process it.

Kitty ran across the lawn, her brown ponytail bobbing and flowing in the wind. She stopped short just before Rogue, her face contorted into one of worry and apprehension.

"Rogue?" She asked gingerly, trying to make eye contact with her. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." Rogue answered automatically, her voice thin and hollow in her own ears. "Ah'm fahne." A pause lengthened between them. Kitty frowned worriedly, her eyes searching for something in Rogue's face. Rogue however, stared out in thin space, unable to look Kitty in the eyes. None of them knew what had just happened, but the question hung in the air, prodding them with its existence. For a moment Rogue closed her eyes, and just listened to her own breathing. Slowly, the numbing feeling loosened the hold of her, and let her ability to move creep back into her limbs.

"Ah'm-" There was a slight hitch in her voice, and she cleared her throat to remove it. "Ah'm gonna go back inside. The others are probably waiting for meh." Rogue sidled pass Kitty without a single glance at her friend.

Inside the introductions had already begun. It was customary between mutants to display their powers on the first meeting, to establish a sense of identity and common bond. So when the Professor introduced each and every of the present X-men to Psylocke, they gave a small demonstration of their powers. Apparently, Psylocke had already been introduced to everyone, because in her right hand she held her red glowing katana. Rogue gave it a fleeting glance before she joined the other X-men.

"…this is Alison Blaire, also called Dazzler…" The Professor introduced. A small orb of light appeared before Alison, dancing around in the air while changing to different colours at a rapid pace.

"…Laura Kinney with the codename X-23…" SNIKT! Laura's adamantium claws shot out of her hands and feet. Rogue entwined her fingers behind her back and silently waited for her turn.

"…Ray Crisp as Berzerker…" Lightning crackled from the tip of his fingers, an eerie blue glow emitting from the discharge. Rogue peered at Angel through her eyelashes. He was smiling the same brilliant smile he always wore, curiously following the introductions with his glinting blue eyes, despite the fact that he already knew them all. Rogue bit her lip as something pulsed through her entire body, making her skin prickle on the back of her neck.

"…Amara Quilla… called Magma…" The Professor's voice trailed away in the periphery of her mind. The same numbing feeling started to return, but this time it was accompanied by a slight tension inside of her. She held her breath.

"…Hank McCoy…doctor…Beast…" God, what was happening to her? The slight tension started to slowly build up. She didn't like the straining feeling, and she aggressively tried to counter it. It hurt.

"…Kurt…as…crawler…" She closed her eyes. A faint sound of pattering feet made her aware that Kitty had went inside to join them, but she didn't react to her friend's presence. How could she? Her mind was too busy suppressing the oncoming feelings that welled inside of her. A small glance at Angel. She had to admit it. Behind the sensation of being turned to stone, there was something more. Her feelings for Angel stretched further than the common affection for a friend. It was quavering and undefined, but it was there. Something Rogue had never felt before, and the arrival of Psylocke had made her come to face it. It had made her realize that there was something more… But what exactly?

"…Tabitha…Boom Boom…" A crush? Was that it? It would make sense…A stupid crush. But now that Angel was together with someone else, she could just forget her feelings and leave them far behind. Everything could go back to normal, a perfect solution. Nothing amiss. It all would be as it should be. The Rogue couldn't afford crushes. Romance just wasn't in the cards for her. And then, little by little, the tension eased and she could let go of her breath. Back to normal… But why then… Why did it still hurt?

"…and this is Rogue…" Her name spoken out loud made Rogue snap out of her reveries. She looked at the Professor inquiring, who only smiled at her, kindly. Oh, right. The demonstration of her powers. The tension inside her started to mount once again. Her gaze fell on Psylocke, who observed her with what seemed like polite curiosity. Swallowing, she set her focus inwards to find the right psyche. Two seconds later and with a tap of her senses, her hand started to glow red. With a heated flash of light, a katana extended from her hand, identical to the one Psylocke had been holding not a moment before. With an unusually lack of feeling, Rogue explained.

"With a touch Ah steal your powers, your memories and your life energy." The radiant katana disappeared from her hand, and she met Psylocke's frozen stare. "You could say Ah steal yoah soul."

An awkward silence followed the last of her words.

Rogue had a habit of talking about her powers in a very blunt way, so it hadn't been that which had made everyone go silent. It had been to the fact that Rogue had chosen Psylocke's own powers as demonstration. With one simple act she had driven home her point with an astute accuracy. No one could hold anything sacred when it came to Rogue. She took everything, whether she wanted to or not. It was a crude lesson to learn at a first meeting, but Rogue was unaware of it in her inner chaos of disordered emotions. Outwards she looked calm and ignorant to everyone's surprise, borderline apathetic. What they didn't know was that she still tried to suppress her flooding emotions, battling for understanding of herself.

Psylocke's frozen features shifted, and became unreadable. Through Rogue's unrelenting pandemonium, she could feel someone prod her outermost mind defences, searching and exploring. Her walls stood firm.

»Comes with your telepathy, sugah« Rogue projected to Psylocke, her voice slightly coated with an amusement she didn't really feel. Even her telepathic voice had a hollow clang, but she hoped it went unnoticed. Psylocke narrowed her eyes slightly, and stitched a faint smile on her face.

"I don't remember to have met you before, luv." She stated with a polite tone in her voice. "Much less have been touched by you."

"Ah'm not surprised yah don't remember." Rogue said in a low-key tone, her fingers fiddling with the sleeve of her shirt. "It was on a Christmas party a few years ago, and Ah went along with the Professor. Ah slipped and touched your wrist for a fraction of a second and absorbed yah. You probably only felt a faint dizziness, too insignificant to be worth remembering."

An ephemeral silence. Then a nod from the purple-haired telepath. When it was clear that it was the only response Rogue would get, she reverted inwards to dwell in the world of her mind again. The Professor continued the introductions as if nothing significant had happened. Rogue didn't look, but she could feel Psylocke's lingering gaze on her before it turned away.

When the all the introductions were finished, they set out to the Rec Room. Rogue followed without thinking, but she was stopped short when Kitty laid a hand on her arm.

"Rogue-" Kitty cautioned.

"Ah'm fahne." Rogue stated firmly and shrugged off her hand. Without another word she left Kitty, to join the others.

Really. She was fine. It's only a stupid crush, nothing else, she thought stubbornly. It was an obstinate streak of hers to sit down among the others, feigning indifference. See, Ah'm fahne. I can handle this. Angel and Psylocke sat down on the love seat and snuggled up against each other, exchanging a small tender smile. Rogue's throat constricted but she did her best to ignore it. Push back the feelings. Push back the pain and erase the bitter taste on her tongue. She was fahne. But still, the tension inside of her started to mount.

"So how did you guys meet?" Alison asked with a dreamy look in her eyes. A small twitch in Rogue's face, a pinch in her heart. Tension building. It's only a crush, a stupid crush.

"Well…" Angel smiled. "There was this charity party, and we both were invited."

"Was it love at first sight?" Rahne asked with wide eyes. Surging feelings. Painful breaths. Biting her lip, Rogue tried to push it far, far away in her mind. She was fahne.

The pair chuckled good-humouredly. The conversation continued but Rogue didn't listen. All she could think about was Angel, his smile, the hand he held over Psylocke's, the slow circular movements he did with his thumb over the her skin. That look he had in his face when he looked down at her. He had never looked at Rogue like that. He had never… There was much he had never done with Rogue. They'd always been just friends. Talking. Laughing. But never…

The tension inside her came to a breaking point. Pain, pain, pain, pain. She tried to deny it. Tried to smother it. Tried to kill it. And that alien feeling she hated so much. It was invading her, sipping through every pore of her skin, coursing through every vein of her body. He was with Psylocke. He was with someone else. That tender loving smile… It was for her. Not for Rogue. Because…

Something inside her snapped. Abruptly, she stood up.

"Ah'm sorry, Ah don't feel so good." She mumbled in excuse. "Just gonna go out and get some fresh air." Calmly, she walked out of the room, hardly anybody noticing her exit. When she had finally gotten out of sight from everybody, she increased her pace to a light jog. The jog soon erupted to a run, and then into a full blown sprint. Get away, away, away! Why couldn't the feelings just disappear? Why couldn't she just stop feeling? Away, away from it all. Something had broken. Deny it. There was pain. Ignore it. It hurt. No. She felt. No!

"Rogue!" Kitty called after her, but she ignored it and continued to run. "Rogue!" Where was she going? She didn't know. She didn't care. Just away from there. From him.

Without any intentions she had somehow ended up in the women's wing of the mansion. Rogue quickly ran into her room and closed the door behind her. Breathing heavily, she looked at the door, hoping it would stay closed. Hoping that she could shut out the world and leave those cursed feelings behind her. Walking backwards, she felt the edge of her bed dig into her calves, and she sat with her eyes still on the door. It only took a few seconds before Kitty phased through the door. Her gaze fell on Rogue, filled with such sorrow.

"Oh, Rogue." She whispered. Rogue twitched.

"Ah'm fahne, Kitty." She said reassuringly with a conviction she didn't own. "It was just… About Angel. It was just a stupid crush. Nothing to be hanged up about." But that sad look didn't leave the Valley girl's face. She didn't believe Rogue, she wasn't fooled by her brave words. Inexplicably, Rogue felt that she had to somehow manage to convince Kitty of its authenticity, to make it come true. If Kitty somehow believed her, everything she said would be real. She would be fine. Call it a trick of her mind, but that is what she thought.

"Ah'm telling yah, Kitty. Ah'm fahne." She stressed, with a small quiver in her voice. Chuckling, she stretched out her hands. "Ah'm just surprised Angel hadn't found anyone before. Girls are probably throwing themselves at him all the time, with his high standing and all." Sad, brown eyes watched her intently, piercing through her barriers. Swallowing, Rogue tried again but with a more steady voice.

"Kitty, Ah'll only say this once. It was a crush. But he has found someone else now, and Ah'll just have to get over it, okay?" She hoped her voice sounded as calm and assuring as she had aimed for. But no matter what she said, she couldn't make the sadness leave Kitty's eyes.

"I don't think it was a crush, Rogue." She whispered tenderly. Rogue blinked in surprise.

"Not a crush…? What? What else could it be?" Then it struck her, a realization that made all her strings chime in infuriation. "Yah mean like…Yah mean love? That Ah love Angel?" She laughed a rich sardonic laugh, her tone suddenly laden with bitter venom. "Love? Ah don't believe in love. What, you think Ah broke mah heart when Ah saw them? Get real, Kitty. This is not one of your stupid chick flicks!" The moments she uttered the last sentence, she immediately regretted it. Hurting Kitty was the last thing she wanted to do, but she couldn't find it in her to take the words back. Despite the harshness of them, it was something about them that rang true in her mind. Fortunately, Kitty didn't take them to heart as she continued.

"No, Rogue. That's not what I meant." Rogue looked at her with a genuine confusion, the sarcasm in her tone rapidly fading away.

"Ah don't understand. What are yah trying to say?" She asked in puzzlement. Kitty continued, her eyes never leaving Rogue's face.

"I don't think you loved him. Not in that way at least. Maybe as a friend but not in that way." She paused, a small tragic smile tugging the corners of her mouth. Rogue looked at her, perplexed. "No, that's not what I meant. What I think is… I think you hoped. You hoped Angel would be the one. The first to look past your mutation and see the girl behind it." She kneeled down to slid into Rogue's direct line of sight. "When you first arrived at the mansion you were so lost, so uncomfortable with people and yourself. He was the first one who actually tried to connect with you, despite the cold attitude you showed everyone. He unmasked the coldness and revealed that you were just scared and lonely... I think it was then you started to hope. Hope that even though you couldn't touch, you could still have a future with someone. That you didn't have to spend your life in loneliness." Kitty's voice broke, and one single tear slid down her cheek. With a trembling voice she continued, "That despite the harshness and cruelty you have experienced in life, there was a light at the end of that long dark tunnel. That despite you were the untouchable girl who couldn't talk about her past, even you could be loved by someone. That even you could find someone who truly cared for you." A sob escaped her and her lower lip quivered. "I think that Angel was your beacon of hope. But when you saw him with Psylocke, your hope and your faith for a better life, shattered. And I- I helped you build that hope." Here Rogue shot up from the bed to embrace her friend tightly, feeling hot tears prick her own eyes.

"I'm so sorry." Kitty sobbed. "I saw your happiness the past days, and I thought finally, finally. You had let yourself hope. And I encouraged you, didn't I? I encouraged you to hope, to try and live regardless of your mutation. But now it is all to ruin. He chose someone else, and left you bereft of hope. And I can't help but to think, if I hadn't-"

"Shhh." Rogue hushed her. "I started hoping long before you came into the picture, Kit. It wasn't your fault, you had nothing to do with it. Ah'm… Ah'm just not meant to be loved. With mah skin mutation it's impossible. And it might hurt now, but sooner or later Ah will come to terms with it. Ah will get past it." Their embrace tightened and Kitty continued to whisper apologies in her hair, saying how sorry she was and how she regretted she had meddled in.

Rogue felt it like knives stabbing her heart. It hadn't been Kitty's fault. It was she who had been a fool to hope. What Kitty had said was true. Angel had been her hope. Her way out of this miserable road she was walking. He had made her heart lighten and flutter at the promise of being loved, of spending the rest of her life with someone she cared for. He had made it look so awfully real when he had smiled at her. And like a fool walking into a trap of her own, she was caught in that beautiful, beautiful lie.

It had been foolish. She was untouchable, how had she even dared to hope someone could see past that? Now she had to harvest the fruits of her labour. A shattered hope. A bitter, acid disappointment. This is what she deserved for her idiocy.

The road ahead of her was suddenly clear. Never, never again would she dare to hope like she had done. Never again… The ways to light was shut. Barred. She had to come to terms with it, because there was no going back now. And yet, she found herself in want to grieve for one last time. Grieve for a future that never would be hers.

"Kit?" She whispered with a course voice. "Will yah do something for meh?"

"Anything, Rogue." Came the muffled response. Rogue hesitated for a moment, but decided.

"Ah… Ah don't know how to cry." Under her breath, she whispered. "Will you cry for meh?"

Hazel eyes met emerald.

Crystal tears dropped.

A whisper, barely audible.

"Sure, Rogue. I will cry for you."

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It was a silent morning. The halls were quiet, devoid of the usual chattering and bantering from the inhabitants of the mansion. Outside there was no birds singing. The sky was in a gloomy grey shade, but there was no thunder. And yet, Rogue had woken up by something. She couldn't tell what it was, but there had been something. Gingerly, she opened her eyes to the grey light and took a deep breath. No, she couldn't say what it had been, so she shrugged and got out of bed to get ready for a new day. She took a quick shower and brushed her teeth. When she was dressed and ready she went down to the kitchen for breakfast.

The kitchen was buzzing with sound from the early morning people. Logan, Storm, Scott, Bobby, Jean, Evan and Kurt were there, consuming their pancakes at an alarming rate.

Angel and Psylocke were also there. Rogue stopped midstep, looking at them hesitantly.

"Rogue, good morning." Storm greeted her gently and smiled. "Have a seat." She gestured at one of the chairs. Feeling that it was too late now to escape, Rogue sat down on the chair Storm had inclined to. Bobby, who was in charge of the today's breakfast, tossed a pancake in the air with a flip of the frying pan.

"Next pancake to you, Rogue." He chimed cheerfully and smiled at her. She was only able to produce a meek little turn in one corner of her mouth in return, but Bobby didn't seem to notice her lack of enthusiasm.

"Hey, what about me?" Evan asked indignantly. Bobby scoffed at him.

"Ladies first." He said firmly and flipped the pancake again, letting the frying butter splatter around him, some of it landing on Evan's back. A small fight erupted between them, until Logan growled threateningly. He wasn't famous for being cheerful in the morning either. The boys stopped abruptly, but glowered at each other. With a deft flick of his wrist, Bobby tossed the pancake flying, making it land squarely on Rogue's plate. She raised an eyebrow.

"Been practising that one, huh?" She asked him. He grinned in response and started on the next pancake. Rogue poked the pancake the pancake with her fork and took a small bite of it. For some reason, the usually very good tasted pancake, tasted like ashes this morning.

"Are you all right Rogue?" Kurt asked her with a concerned voice. Rogue nodded and gave him a quick smile before returning to her breakfast. Something was stirring in her mind, but she didn't take much notice of it. It took her whole concentration ability to chew the dry pancake in her mouth. At the other end of the table Psylocke whispered something in Angel's ear , her voice too low for Rogue to distinguish what she said, and they both chuckled. She twitched involuntarily and swallowed the pancake. Something was different today. But just like this morning, she couldn't determine what it was. There was… something missing?

The murmurs from the couple reached Rogue's ears and even with the low obscure sound she could hear the love in their voices. A bitter feeling pulsated through Rogue's entire being.

Not for her.

She averted her eyes from the sight. But even in the periphery of her field of vision she could see them exchange tender kisses.

It was then the pain in her head exploded like a blazing fire. For two panicking seconds, realization struck her like a sledgehammer. Her mind walls were gone and the psyches were loose in her head. When she had least expected it they had broken down her defences and unleashed themselves on her emotions. The pain was searing through her and she let out a soft whimper. Logan's super hearing caught the sound immediately and his head snapped up.

"Stripes?" He asked, alarmed. Rogue pinched her eyes shut and shook her head. A low wheezing sound came out of her clenched teeth and she bit her lip.

"Ah'm fahne. Just a sudden headache."

The psyches ravaged and pulled in her mind, drinking in her pain and sorrow. They laughed, they cried, they screamed, feeling alive for the first time in what felt like a century for them. But it was hurting Rogue and she tried to calm them, to make them stop.

»Stop it, please! Ah beg you, it hurts! Please« But her plea was ignored and the psyches continued. Gritting her teeth she tried to push them away to the back of her mind. But they remained unrelenting. This was their revenge for being coped up for so long. Now they were going to feast on her painful memories so that they could strengthen the illusion that they were alive. Rogue shook her head forcibly.

"Ah'm gonna go and get some painkillers. Boy, this is really killing meh." She tried to make her voice sound light and humoristic, but she had a feeling that she failed miserably. The need to quickly escape the other's concerned expression was overwhelming and she hurriedly excused herself and left the kitchen. Instead of going to the medbay like she said, she ran up to her room and slammed the door behind her. The pain was blinding, and in her temporary blindness she knocked something down on the floor with a crash. Falling to her knees, she tried to push away the oncoming nausea.

A sudden gasp came from somewhere behind her, revealing the presence of an alarmed Kitty who had just phased through the wall to see what had caused the loud noise.

"Rogue!" Kitty exclaimed and fell down at her side.

"Oh gawd… Kitty…" Rogue's voice was course and cracked from the pain that coursed through her body.

"What? What happened?" Kitty's voice was loud and shrill in alarm. Rogue winced to the sound, but that only caused another wave of nauseating pain to overwhelm her. She coughed and wheezed in struggling breathes.

"The psyches… Ah can't…"She coughed again. "Gawd, it hurts!"

"Okay, okay let me help you." Rogue felt Kitty grab her arm and carefully helped her up on her feet. Slowly she was guided to her bed, where she laid down under the covers. A film of sweat was forming on her forehead. A few salty drops found their way between her eyelids and made her eyes itch. Through the haze of her vision she could render a diffuse figure standing over her, with a worried frown.

"Rogue, like tell me what to do 'cause I don't know what to do! Shall I call the Professor or shall I get doctor McCoy or like anyone else?" Even through the mist of pain, the alarm in Kitty's voice was acute. Rogue shook her head.

"No, no. They can't help meh. Have tah wait until it passes. Will yah explain t' the teachers that Ah can't go to school 'cause of sickness?" She murmured, her accent even more pronounced than usual. Kitty gave her gloved hand a light squeeze in acknowledgement.

"Sure, Rogue, I can do that."

"Thanks, Kit." Rogue gave her a faint smile.

"Will you be all right?"Kitty wondered worriedly, and stroked some of the sweat off of Rogue's face with the bed sheets, careful not to touch her bare skin.

"Yeah, Ah'll be fahne. Yah hafta go tah school now, or you'll be late."Rogue assured her, her voice growing more faint and weak by the second.

"Okay." Kitty hesitated. "Are you sure I can't get you anything?"

"Ah'm sure. Just need some time. Don't worry 'bout meh."The murmurs were barely audible now. Though Kitty wasn't entirely convinced, she let it go. Rogue had closed her eyes and didn't see Kitty cast one last worried look before she stood up to go.

"Okay then. See you after school."

"See yah, Kit." When Kitty had phased through the wall and was out of hearing range, Rogue let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. She cursed as the hurtful spikes of pain took hold over her body once again.

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When Kitty got back from school, Rogue was still in a great deal of pain. It was coming in unrelenting waves, blazing and searing her mind. Feeling like her head would split in half, all Rogue could do was lie in bed and endure. When the time lengthened to days, Kitty's anxiety escalated. But Rogue forbade her to explain the full situation to the others, insisting that that the pain would pass by itself. Fortunately, the X-men were pulled out in missions so frequently at the time, no one had the time to check up on Rogue, beside Kitty.

She was glad that no one saw her in her vulnerable state. It was not uncommon for her to sometimes relapse into such a weak state because of her psyches. But this time, the pain had been taken to a whole new level, and Rogue was left so exhausted she couldn't even stand on her own legs. It was Kitty who brought her food and water when she could. Without her, Rogue would certainly have starved on her own.

But the pain also disturbed her sleep. It was shattered and fragmented as the psyches onslaught continued. She lost track of time and slept whenever she could, whether it be day or night. It was on one of those days when she slept during the late afternoon hours, after being bed tied for three days, she heard a knock on the door. Kitty never knocked, she just phased through the walls, so Rogue knew instinctively that it was not her. Crap, she didn't want anyone to see her in her present state. Her powers had always been something that brought out pity from many people, and she hated it. She didn't want anyone's pity, she didn't need their pity. Taking great care to make herself somewhat presentable, wiping the sweat off her face and arrange her dishevelled hair, she hoped that she wouldn't look too bad. With one last try to push away the pain, and ultimately failing, she called out.

"Who is it?" Even in her own ears her voice sounded cracked and course after days of disuse. The door opened slightly, and through the opening Rogue could see Warren, his face marred with worry.

"Hey, Rogue." He greeted her and let himself into her room. Rogue could feel her pulse quicken, singing beneath the porcelain white of her skin. Of all the people she didn't want to see right now, Warren ranked number one by far.

"I've missed you my friend." He smiled and fell on his knees beside her bed. "Kitty told me you've got the flu or something. How are you feeling?" Rogue tried to swallow down a dry lump in her throat, and gave him a faint smile, ignoring the stir in her mind as the psyches started to pick up on her feelings again.

"Ah'm fahne. Just a slight cold, 's all. Yah know how sensitive us southerners can be 'bout the temperature, 'specially up here." He chuckled and laid his hand on her gloved one. With effort, Rogue suppressed the instinct to snatch her hand away.

"Oh, I know. Still can't forget that winter when you sneezed your brains out for a whole month." He said teasingly, and laughed. With the blazing pain in her head, Rogue only managed a small twitch in the left corner of her mouth as a smile.

"Oh, come on Warren. Be nice to meh." She chided, and hoped he didn't see the film of perspiration that was forming in her face as she struggled to ignore the pain. "Otherwise Ah hafta knock yah out cold to teach yah some manners."

"Hmm" He hummed, ignorant of her inner torment. "I bet you would. But it's always nice to see you smile." And there it was. That smile that always left her feeling a little weak in the knees, now brought Rogue into a new dimension of pain. No longer able to ignore the onslaught in her head, she stopped listening to Warren as he carried on talking about something, and tried to overcome it. Clenching her jaw, she stubbornly refused to give in to the pain. But it was too much, it blinded her and made her limbs go weak. The presence of Angel had only worsened her condition, and now she was afraid she couldn't stand this heightened torment.

"Rogue?" Warren asked, with an undercurrent of confusion in his voice. "Are you okay?" Rogue was trembling something terrible from the effort of not screaming, and her eyes were closed shut.

"Please." The whisper was barely audible but Angel picked up the acuteness in her voice. The trembling got worse.

"Rogue, what's happening?" He asked, alarm creeping into his tone. She shook her head.

"No… no, no, no! Please… Warren." Tears of pain rolled down her cheeks, mixing with glistening pearls of sweat.

"Please what? Rogue, tell me what's going on!" He demanded, streaks of fear and trepidation in his tone. The torment and chaos was mounting, and Rogue almost lost grip of reality.

"Go! Yah hafta go!" She met his worried gaze, her eyes pleading him to submit to her request. But he didn't yield. His great white wings extended as far as the room allowed, and he grabbed her upper arms to hold the eye contact with her.

"What? Go? You have to tell me what's going on, otherwise I can't help you!" She didn't know if he had done it intentionally, but when he had his wings extended so far, the effect was him towering over her to such a degree that she felt a little nervous. But she didn't budge, and she tried in vain to struggle out of his grip.

"Please, Warren. Ah beg you. Just go!" Panic was starting to show on her features as the psyches tore and ripped her mind apart. She threw her head back and whimpered.

"I can't leave you now, Rogue! Just tell what's wrong so I can help you!"

"Yah can't help meh. So go, Ah beg you, go!" Tears rolled down her cheeks, and a overwhelming nausea made her stomach turn.

"But-"

"GO!" She screamed on top of her lungs. He couldn't understand what he had done wrong, or what was wrong with her, but he all the same escaped from the room in a hazy white blur. With the last of her strength, Rogue ran to the bathroom and vomited into the sink. Heaving and coughing, she effectively disposed all of her stomach's content. When she was finished, she was exhausted and weak, but she cleaned up the mess after herself. She staggered back into her room, but when the last of her strength sapped out of her body, she collapsed on the floor and let darkness take over.

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It was a small whisper in her mind that finally woke her up.

»Look at you

She snapped her eyes open and was met by her reflection in the mirror. Her whole body ached, and it felt liked she had been lying on the floor for hours. Groaning, she inspected her reflection. Dishevelled hair, pale in the face, puffy eyes. A ghost. She looked like a faint ghost of her former self. The voice in her head laughed menacingly, his voice mocking and scornful.

»Look at the poor little crippled girl. Can't even stand, can she?« She scowled at the ridicule in his words, and she flexed her fingers, trying to get a sense of feeling back in them.

»Did that awful blond angel break your heart, crippled one? Did he now?« Rogue tried to ignore the derisive ghost in her mind, and made an attempt to stand.

»Crippled heart, crippled life. You will never be loved by anyone. Untouchable! There will never be anyone who will accept you, and you will never experience the joys of motherhood.« The words cut through her heart like hot knives, but she tried to ignore the heartache it brought and pushed her hands against the floor to get up. But the effort was too great and her joints doubled beneath her.

»Lost and lonely forever, Cripple. That is your destiny, the only road that is laid out in front of you. Alone for all eternity!« A sick, maniac laughter echoed in her mind, making her wince. Gritting her teeth, she made another attempt to stand.

»WEAK! You are weak!« Finally grasping control of her trembling muscles, she managed to sit up. She was panting hard, and it took a while before blood returned to her left arm and side. Then something caught her eyes, and she looked at her reflection.

»You will die all alone, loved by no one

Emerald eyes stared back at her.

»You fool to hope! You fool to actually think that had a chance

The greens of her irises expanded, as her pupils dilated.

»But then again, you never are alone, are you…«

Past the greens of her eyes…

»'Cause when it all comes down to it…«

Deep, deep inside of the blacks of her pupils…

»You will always have me

She saw a face of menace, cackling the most fanatic and frightening laugh she had ever heard. Something inside her snapped and she screamed.

"NOOO!" With the force of a sledgehammer, she slammed her fists into the mirror. The impact was so hard that the mirror exploded into a silvery rain of sharp shards, cutting her white, pale skin thousands of times. Crimson blood dripped down her arms and face, a deep contrast to her porcelain hue. The cuts stung like thousand needles, making her scowl. When the last of the shards had fallen down to the ground, she was breathing heavily. Adrenaline was surging through her veins, filling her with a well known anger. The vitalizing concoction revived her, made energy flow back to her limbs and steadying her breaths.

No… Ah'm not weak!

With new vigour, she climbed up on her own two feet. Blood dripped down from the shallow cuts, staining her clothes and made small pools on the floor.

Somewhere the past few days, she had lost herself, she knew. The self-pity had consumed her to such a level, that she had been rendered a victim to the ghosts in her mind.

Never…

In her pain and disappointment she had grown weak and lost control of herself.

She snickered. The self-pity was slowly transforming into self-hate, making the subdued pain in her head slowly dissipate.

Never again…

She had lost control and had put herself to the mercy of others. It was an unforgivable, inexcusable act of weakness. She was the Rogue, and to surrender herself to the psyches was too contradict her own nature. It blemished her, stained her.

Never let that happen again…

Weak. She had gone weak. The realization left a bitter taste on her tongue, and she felt dirty by her own acts. It was a mistake that would take a lot to erase.

She looked down on her saggy, torn clothes she hadn't changed the past three days. The foulness of her past actions was evident on her exterior, in such an obvious way it made her feel sick. There was a need, a craving, for clemency. A way to wipe away the past days and revive her true nature.

Never, ever again…

And then it was decided. She needed to rebel, rebel against herself and against everyone. It was that simple. Her only salvation.

She was going rogue.

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A/N; Finally! Oh my god, I sat with this chapter for three days, and pretty much sunk into the same miserable state Rogue was in. I literally threw my pen away halfway, and utterly refused to continue. A little caffeine brought me back, but it was hard to write this chapter. Plus, it was so damn long. About six thousand three hundred words… I'm spoiling you rotten, really.

Well, anyway. My thoughts of this chapter was that it should be the very opposite from the previous chapter, like yin and yang, sorta. You noticed that the chapter titles are a continuation of each other, right? "At the end of a prayer…" and "…A liberation of darkness awaits". Just to emphasize the point that they belong to each other. The cleverness of me never seize to surprise!

Next chapter, Rogue makes an attempt to redeem herself. Will she succeed? What will she do? And what will happen?

Chapter 10; I Walk the Night, next!

But right now I need some encouragement, I'm completely depleted. Urgh, my hand.

Reviews? Pretty please? .

Hugs,

//Fahne