Chapter Nine

Want

"What are we going to do with all of these kids?" Hawke asked.

"I know where we'll take them and it's not far from here," Fable said. "Two days travel at the most."

"And the bodies?" Cullen asked.

Fable sighed and looked to the Knight-Captain. His fallen expression seemed to despair over such an overwhelming loss of Templars. "There aren't enough of us to deal with so many."

He nodded. "There must be something we can do."

"Do you want to burn the bodies, Cullen? We can do that, if it is what you wish. We don't have the time or the manpower to bury them all," Hawke said.

"Could we? Burn them, I mean. I hate leaving them here for the gulls and crows."

Hawke nodded grimly and tied a scarf over her nose and mouth. "You get a pyre ready, I'll start dragging them into a pile."

They all pitched in and hours later, it was done. They secured the tower, locked the gates, and crossed everyone over the lake. They had one last body to attend.

Knight-Commander Greagoir was laid to rest in full armor with sword and shield and placed in the small boat meant to ferry the mages to their prison.

"Nobody will be having any immediate need of this boat for a while," Fable said. They shoved it off into Lake Calenhad. The sun cast a long golden road on the glittering lake for the final departure of the Knight-Commander of Fereldan.

Cullen said the words and Nathaniel sent the flaming arrow into the sky. It dropped gracefully into the boat and set it aflame. They watched the boat drift off, the smoke curling into the twilight sky.

"It is done," Cullen finally said. "I thank you." He gave a humble bow and walked away.

They stayed the night at the abandoned inn. Cullen kept to himself for most of the evening and stationed himself near a window so he could watch for trouble. Merrill told Dalish stories, and Hawke told some Fereldan fables. Fenris fell asleep with his head in Hawke's lap on the couch. Anders conferred quietly with Nathaniel and Fable in the corner about their next move and where Fable had picked up her new trick.

"Avernus," she said. "He's had a few amazing breakthroughs with the tainted blood. Darkspawn can find us through our blood, their sight and smell isn't the best. They 'feel' our life in our blood, it seems that we can do whatever they can because of the taint."

"Can you show me how to do it?" Anders asked her. "It could be incredibly useful for a healer."

Fable nodded. "We'll work on it. Not tonight, perhaps." Anders followed her gaze to the Templar sitting by himself. "If you gentleman will excuse me."

She walked over to where Cullen sat and handed him a cup of mulled wine. "Oh, no, thank you," he began.

"Drink it, Cullen," she said and waited until he took it. She pulled up a chair next to his. "How are you holding up?"

"I am weary of being weary, to be honest."

Fable nodded. "I know exactly what you mean."

"Do you miss him?"

"Who?"

Cullen looked at her and then he looked back out the window. "Your king."

"That's not a fair question. I feel as though I can't answer you truthfully for fear of hurting you."

"I want to be your friend, Fable, that is all. I am well aware I couldn't compete with the King of Fereldan. I have no other illusions."

"What would have happened had I stayed in the Circle, Cullen?"

He took a deep swig of his wine. "I don't know. I was so glad that you weren't there when everything happened with Uldred. And then, well," Cullen inspected the dark red liquid in his cup and drank the whole thing. "You saved me," he said roughly. "You and the bloody King of Fereldan." She handed him her cup and he drained that one as well. "You can't imagine the things I saw when I was locked in that prison."

She stared into the fire beyond him. "I could. I really could. And I hate that I could. I've seen so many terrible things."

He reached across the space between them and took her hand. "You are the strongest woman I have ever known."

"Cullen, it's not that he's a king, that's honestly the least of it."

Cullen's thumb brushed across the tops of her fingers and she saw him almost for the first time. He had a certain charm that she was left wanting to name.

"He's my best friend, that's the hard part. Alistair is my best friend."

Her dark hair was in her face and she brushed it away. She stood up suddenly and punched the wall. Cullen looked surprised. The room turned their attention to her.

"I don't want to be tied to someone who isn't free to love me. You and Alistair, you're both not allowed to be with me because I'm a blighted mage. Do you think I wanted this? Do you think I like holding the power to burn this entire building to the ground with a snap of my mood? I am not just a mage, I am not just a Grey Warden, I am certainly not the Hero of Fereldan. I am Fable Amell and my heart aches that I am told I am brave and beautiful and remarkable and so many other things and I am dying inside because the man I love can't love me back and the man that claims he loves me wears the uniform of my enemy. You were my jailor, Cullen! How dare you! How dare you love me, how dare you!" She broke into sobs and slapped at his chest and arms.

He grabbed her and pulled her into him. She began to cry into his chest for everything she had lost, for everything she never had. Fable hadn't realized so much had gone unsaid. She lost the strength in her legs and he kneeled down on the floor with her and let her cry.

"I don't have the strength to save the world without him, I can't," she sobbed.

Cullen held her like she was drowning. He stroked her hair and rocked her while everyone looked on. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispered into her hair. "This isn't how I wanted it, Fable, I swear."

She looked so small in his arms. Nathaniel Howe stood up and left the room.

"I just don't know if I have anything left to give, Cullen," she breathed with her forehead against his chest.

"Then leave that to me," he said. "I don't have a kingdom, but you have my sword, and my word, and you have my heart." Cullen took her hand and placed it over his heart. "Let me give you my strength, let me give you a reason to save Thedas." He took her hand off his heart and kissed her palm.

Fable touched his cheek and rested her forehead against his. "Would you put down the shield for me? Would you leave the Templars?"

"I have," he said.

Fable looked up at him. His hazel eyes hid nothing from her. He was so full of life, he was so good. Cullen had waited so long for her. He wasn't Alistair, but he was… something to her. She wasn't sure what yet.

"Oh my goodness, kiss him already," Merrill said from her spot in the corner. She was popping blackberries in her mouth while she watched.

Fable looked around at the room staring at her and Cullen. She reluctantly untangled herself from his arms. "I'm just going to, erm, wash my face and head to bed," she said as she hooked a thumb at the washroom.

Cullen offered his honest grin to Hawke and she smiled back at him.

Merrill turned with mouth agape to Hawke. "I have to write this whole thing to Varric immediately," she said and got up to grab her pack.

"Well, that was awkward," Anders said. "And speaking of awkward," he looked to Fenris sleeping in Hawke's lap.

"He did pull six burly long-dead Templars back into a tower today each from six feet of rope and then dragged them down the stairs again so he could spare the children the sight of Templars dropping from the sky. Cut him a break, Anders."

Anders leaned in, kissed her good night, and took his leave as well. Cullen sat down across from Hawke.

"Thank you, Serah Hawke."

"For what?"

"For allowing me to accompany you on this journey," he said. "I used to often wonder what it was like to be part of your merry little band, now I know." He left her with Fenris and sleeping children scattered all over the great room of an abandoned inn.

Hawke carefully unsnapped and slid Fenris' gauntlets and pauldrons off. She unbuckled his belt with his packs and let them fall to the floor. Her fingers brushed his hair back away from his face and she traced a finger down his cheekbone. She wiggled her way beneath him and fell asleep with his head resting over her heart.