Chance or Choice?
Chapter IX
I look in the mirror and see your face
If I look deep enough
So many things inside that are just like you
Are taking over
-Evanescence
~
Perfect.
The way her hair sat on top of her head like a statue in a museum. The way her makeup was so delicately placed on her face like a china doll. The way her dress seemed to hug close to her body, show off her curves and then melt away at the edges and float across the floor. The way her smile placed so much joy and wonder to passerby's but held a hidden agenda. The way she clasped the tear-stained tissue in her left hand as she watched her own reflection in the mirror. The hairstyle – short and neat – the makeup – so fine and yet so beautiful – the dress made from silk – a light baby pink- and the smile that hid her sorrow.
"This isn't me"
Her voice was weak and she tried hard to choke out her words to make them sound audible. Slow piano music wafted in through her half closed door, coming from the downstairs party in the Mansion Foyer. Her father had decided to throw a quiet party for his friends and colleagues in the business. After all, he was the General of the greatest troops of Galbadia. It was considered polite to throw a party for such guests and friends. She had joined such a business, in becoming her father's personal secretary and she had even planned this party, so she was expected to be there. As she had said. But something had tugged her from that party and made her come up here to admire – or rather criticize – herself via the mirror. She sat down on the bed, as if in slow motion and tried to recover herself from the sudden shock.
"I need to get out of here…" She breathed, and looked at her dresser. A tiny photo was taped onto the side of the mirror. It caught her eye like every other time and she walked up to it to take it down. Its surface was crumpled and cracked from being handled too much, it was beginning to wear. She looked over the frozen fragment of time and wept.
"Squall…"
~
Diary of Squall Leonheart
October 25th
Guess what Kadowaki decided to do?
Amy is going to come home with me once a week. She said she was going to make it three times a week but then she knew it would interfere with my SeeD duties and yada yada. Besides, the exam is about a week and I can't afford too many distractions.
After I took her to the park, Amy had lunch and then slept. I took her back to the Garden after she woke up and I filed some papers then went home. As boring as this may seem, there really is a point to all this. My point being that when I got home, I found a very interesting message on my answering machine. It was from a number in Deling, and in fact, whoever they were they didn't leave a message. They said nothing at all.
Could it have been her?
I didn't recognize the number as any that I had seen her use so I'm not sure. If it was her, then it was the first time she had tried to call me. Well, the first time she had built the up the courage to let it ring out.
When I saw that number I felt a slice of hope. Maybe she had finished her business and decided to come back to me. Soon. Maybe she was just ringing to let me know. Maybe she could turn up tonight and surprise me!
Maybe it was just Senate Bates returning my call from last week.
Who knows? I don't and never will.
I've also decided to take up Sally's offer. I don't drink 'cuppa's' but it can get me a chance to meet more people in the general neighbor hood and maybe she has some suggestions to help Amy. Also, Amy had an interest in her little girl Candice so maybe she could make a friend and make things just a little bit easier. I think it could help Amy out really well if she made a friend, emotionally and mentally. By this age she should be meeting more people and not be so afraid. I hope it helps her.
~
"So far we have four SeeD teams to dispatch an hour prior to the exam. The cadets will be transported to the base via Ragnarok and are to be briefed for a second time whilst onboard. This is going to be so much fun!" Selphie started jumping up and down mid-sentence and laughed. "So basically Xu, Quisty and I have everything covered. Squall is going to go with the SeeD's and set up for the exam before the cadets arrive" She finished off with a quick salute.
"Please raise your hand if you think this will be the most boring exam of all time" Zell yawned. We all raised our hands, excluding Selphie and Xu.
"Aw come on guys, happy thoughts!" Selphie said, while flailing her arms and trying to boost the moral of the occupants of the office. We all looked on with half closed eyes. Irvine stretched out and groaned.
"Selphie, sweetie, I think everyone's just having a 'Squall moment' lets leave them be" He winked at me and saluted.
"I hate you" I whispered sarcastically.
"Ditto. Does this mean you really hate me or you're just chillin out on some quiet time because we're so tired? I mean everyone says things they regret in times like these sir, Commander Leonheart, sir"
He was mocking me. I hate it when people mock me.
I smiled and pointed my finger at him. "No…I'm planning your death Irvine…but in a happy way"
"Gee that's comforting!" Zell laughed.
"Thank you Selphie" Xu smiled, while trying to contain her laughter. Selphie skipped back over to the couch and sat back down on Irvine's lap. "And thank you everyone for coming out so early, I just have a few things to clear up before we begin our schedules" True to her word, Xu had dragged us all up at four AM to do this meeting. I was in the middle of a very cold shower due to the lack of sleep I had been receiving lately. The past three days had been tiring, but busy. Everyone in the room was either happily snoozing or trying to look on with half closed eyes. The rest of my body didn't register but I could feel pins and needles in my arms.
Cindy stretched and took her place in the center of the room. She rubbed her eyes in a tired matter and grinned. "Hey everyone. I just wanted to give you all a quick rundown on a few things Xu and I were talking about last night. We've decided for me to accompany Squall in marking and grading the cadets for the exam as well as being in an actual SeeD backup squad as well" She turned to me and gave me a thumbs up. "Don't worry Squall, I'll only be there to give you feedback on how some of the more elusive students are doing because we have such a bigger ground to cover then normal" I nodded back and caught a small yellow file that Xu threw over.
"Go through it Squall. Laguna sent it over. It's just a few maps showing the sewer levels and manholes throughout the base. Also the fine lines represent where the scaffolding will be placed and the cage drop off points"
"Homework?" I groaned.
"Yes, to put it in other words, have fun wont you?"
"Sure…"
"Dismissed everyone" Xu laughed and began pulling out a very large pile of paperwork.
~
"Amy, I know this isn't scheduled or anything but I have permission to take you out again to see Candice today. She lives near me" Amy dipped her bubble blower into the soapy container and blew at it as hard she could. The thin film of water broke instantly and no bubbles immerged. She looked angry for a moment, then dipped it back in again for another attempt. "I noticed while we were at the park, that you didn't seem too worried being around that other little girl and maybe that's what you need. Maybe adults freak you out and you need to be around people your own age" Her second attempt at making bubbles failed and she almost threw it across the room but decided for a third try. "Amy…are you listening? You need to meet people. I can't just let you sit in here everyday, all day…blowing bubbles and throwing kidney dishes at the nurses. I can understand your hate for the medical staff because lets face it…everyone hates them. But this thing you have going with me isn't good for you. You can't depend yourself on me because I'm not a dependable person. Don't rely on me, please. Is any of this registering with you?"
When her third attempt went down the drain, she placed the bottle on the dresser and looked out the window. "This is important stuff, and at only two you probably don't understand me too well, do you?" She almost sneezed. "I thought so. But if you have problems with communicating your…well, problems let me help"
I reached my hand out and pulled her away from the window so she sat at the end of the bed with me. I then picked up the bubble bottle and dipped it in. "Some things are meant to spoken out Amy" She watched in amazement as I produced about twenty decent sized bubbles. They floated up to the ceiling and stuck on the light, fan and windowsill. A few smaller ones landed on her hair.
"I tried solving my problems by forgetting about them, pushing them aside and not letting anyone know. Trust me it doesn't work" She popped a bubble in her hand and started playing with the sticky goo on her palms. "If you can't tell the doctor or her nurses, then tell me. Amy, tell Agee"
For the first time she looked up at me and tilted her head to the side like a puppy. She reached her arm up and placed a hand on my face. "Agee?" She whispered.
"Yeah. That's me. Agee. You are Amy" I pointed at her. "Amy"
"Ah…mee" She lowered her hand down to herself and sighed in understanding. "Meee?"
"Yes that's it. Amy. Say it to me"
She shook her head and sighed. "No Agee" She leaned in closer and wrapped her arms around me.
"Amy all I need you to know is that if you try bottling things up you'll grow up like I did. Unhappy and lonely. Don't do that okay?" I pulled her up on my lap and tilted her face to look at mine. "So will come with me to see Candice? Please…I need you to make a friend and be better. I don't know if I rest easy knowing you're this lonely" She tried to look away and groaned but she gave in and rested her head against me.
"Okay Agee" She smiled and pointed to herself one last time.
"Amy" She whispered, loud enough for me to hear. I looked at in amazement and pulled her off me to get a look at her face again. She was smiling from ear to ear. "You said it?" I asked.
"Amy!"
"You said it again! Amy that's great!" She started jumping on the bed and laughing. She picked up her pillow and threw it at me. I dodged it expertly and slid off the bed. I picked up a cushion and threw it back at her. It hit her in the back and she lightly fell back onto the bed. While she was trying to contain herself from laughing too much, I wrapped her up in the sheets and slung her over my shoulder. She was giggling and laughing so I hard I thought she was going to have a heart attack.
"Hmmm…where's Amy gone? Amy! Where'd you go?" She went partially silent and stopped wriggling.
"Maybe she's at the windowsill" I walked over to the window. "No not here…or under the bed…no not there either. What about this pile of sheets I found" I placed the bundle of white blankets and assorted sheets onto the bed and looked inside. Like a leaping frog, Amy jumped out grabbed my shirt. I fell down onto the bed and stood up and jumped on me.
"Amy here Agee!" She shook her head in mock disbelief and patted me on the shoulder.
"Found me Agee" She giggled.
"Okay" I smiled. "Enough playing, time to go"
~
"I'm so glad you decided to come. When I got your call it said on the machine that it was a military number. I had no idea it would be you so basically that meant I was so totally shocked and well Candice hasn't a good friend to place with in a while and she's really looking forward to meeting Amy and might I say what a lovely dress you have on Amy"
I was beginning to get a headache and I only just walked into her house. Sally did seem to take a breath while she spoke and she was speaking too fast. I nodded meekly and looked down at Amy, in her pink dress, who seemed to be looking the same as me. She rubbed her eyes and stood behind me.
"Thanks for letting us come…I really want Amy to meet some new people"
"Yes of course! Always the best way to help a growing mind. Come to the back, Candy is there in the sand pit"
We followed her through the small cottage-like house and out to the back patio. To left of her very grassy yard, was a pool. To the right hand corner, I saw Candice sitting in a small yellow sand pit. She looked up and waved. Surprisingly, Amy waved back. I leant down to her level.
"Amy…that's Candy. Do you want to go and play with her?"
"Andy?"
"Yeah…play?"
"Play!" She let go of my hand and ran over to corner. Candice stood and handed her a bucket full of mud. They both giggled and started burying a truck in a hole.
"Don't worry. Its special sand so it doesn't stain their clothes and the mud dries up in a few minutes flat" We sat down at the table as I looked on in disbelief. I felt lonely all of the sudden. Feeling so strange because she was intently focused on someone else, someone other than me. And for just this one moment, her mind wasn't racing with the thought "Agee". As I watched on with a mixture of despair and amazement, Sally poured two cups of tea and slid mine over to me.
"Don't worry hun, she'll come back"
"Wha…?"
"I know it feels strange when they leave you for the first time and well…you've gotta wander if you actually want to let them go sometimes"
"Yes, I know exactly what you mean"
She took a sip and leaned back in her chair to examine me. "Squall are you sure she doesn't belong to you? It just seems to me, you act as if she was yours"
"No really, she's not mine…I just….I" Really care for her. "Feel the need to look after her. She needs strong support right now. Amy hasn't been through the same stages that kids her age have and has special requirements…you know?"
"Of course. And when they're this young, you just want to buy some sort of drug to stop them growing! I think it's nice to keep them so young. Learning everyday, not begging for the computer or a new car and nagging me about their career options. Goodness, when Candice is older…I'll have gone to hell and back again" She laughed good- naturedly and took a few more sips of tea.
"I don't know Amy too well though…"
"Oh Squall it doesn't long for you to know them. It can take only a day to end up loving one of these kids. From the moment they start giving you pet names, they love you like their own parents"
I turned my attention back to Amy. The girls were chasing after Sally's blue heeler puppy on the grass. It jumped up onto the play set. What Sally had said really got me thinking. How did Amy really feel about me? Was I like a father figure to her, or was she just growing attached and needed some attention. I had only known her just over a week and already I was having these strange and intruding thoughts. Never before had I put 'Father' and myself in the same sentence!
But then something really did happen to change my mind.
"A-Agee!" I heard Amy screaming out to me before I heard her falling to the ground.
"Amy!!"
A/N: Dun dun dun dunnn! I just need to say that the reviews you all gave me were so…nice, that I started writing this straight away. I've never felt so proud of my writing then now, so thank you.
Here are some honorable mentions that I just have thank individually.
shatteredjade
Angefantasy
greeneyedgirl1 – omg! Seriously!? Thanks!
DBH- You've given me a really good idea for future chapters, thanks.
dfourthhorseman
