A/N: With thanks to everyone who's followed and reviewed!

Chapter Eight: The Doctor

When I woke up, it was cold.

Very, very cold.

I was lying on soft, muddy ground, my mind informed me. I could hear the sea-like sound of water lapping at a shore behind me. No, wait, around me. I could feel it as well; surrounding me on all sides, like I was lying in a puddle.

How odd.

I remained with my eyes closed, creating a mental map of the things around me before I opened them; there were birds, not far away, their cawing noticeably sea bird- like. A dull roar behind me- like tons of water hitting rocks after rock after rock- thudded away in my unconsciousness, sparking a memory- hazy and undefined; but distinctly special, in some way. Falling, hearing a scream- a woman's- the loveliest of screams I'd ever heard. A face…

Rose's face.

I don't know where the name came from- it was just… there.

* * *

I rolled over and opened my eyes.

The white, cloud-filled sky greeted me; the harshness of it making me squint. A quick glance around me told me I was lying on a muddy river-bank, half-submerged in the water.

I didn't know how I got there.

My mind was clouded, my thoughts thick. An unpleasant sensation of sickness and vertigo swept over me as I stood up, half grimacing in anticipation of seeing the mud caked to my clothes.

But there wasn't any. Not a single speck of the shining, sticky mud was on me.

Frowning, I glanced around in confusion for an explanation- and my eyes fell on it.

"Ah." I murmured, stepping forwards and looking at the body that had been laid on the grass at the centre of the garden.

"Now," I announced to the garden, walking around the circular patch of grass as I talked. "Assuming I know stuff- which I do, and very much stuff, might I add- then I would say this patch of grass here is a Beyond Circle. Very religious." I frowned. "I hope they don't keep it there forever…" I coughed, remembering what I'd been talking about and turning my attention back to it in a flash. "As I was saying- it's a Beyond Circle. Called so for the place of the Final Journey. The deceased are put at its centre, and it is believe to aid the flight into the afterlife. And, if I am correct- which I always am- then that there would be me." I sniffed, examining the me in the middle of the Circle. I hoped I still had his crazy hair. "Which means I'm, well, dead." My eyebrows raise as I contemplate this piece of information curiously.

And then the wise, centuries-old Time Lord manages to produce the universe's best comeback to being told you're dead.

"Huh."

I hadn't needed to see myself dead- I already knew.

I sighed heavily- being dead wasn't all that different. Bit boring really.

And then I glanced up, and saw who was standing at the other side of circle, and my chest contracted.

Rose.

"I don't know what to do, Doctor." She whispered- her voice was so hoarse; it sounded painful, like she had swallowed sandpaper. "Help me. Please." I could see tear marks on her face, even from over here. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but it refused to disappear as I watched her head drop into her hands, her shoulders shaking.

Oh, how I wished I wasn't dead right then- wished so strongly with every fibre of my being.

I longed to cross the scarce distance and envelope her in the hug I could see she so badly needed. But I knew it would make no difference. She wouldn't feel it. My embrace could no longer bring her the consolation she desperately needed.

She turned then, away from me and my body, breaking into a run, disappearing down the track to the beach, the very same one that we had been heading for when everything went wrong. I can recall everything, now I let myself; the fall, hitting the water and the rocks underneath; safe in the knowledge that Rose was above me. Safe, because I wasn't, from the sharp, unforgiving edges lurching under the water- and now I am glad I took the time to memorise Rose's face before I saved her. Now it will be forever engrained in my sub-consciousness.

I watched her go- a small, broken woman now- and I feel the guilt well in me. In saving her, I killed myself, which is now killing her. My Rose- the one I sacrificed myself to save- was dying; fading away like a watercolour left in the sunlight too long.

And without meaning to, I followed her.

* * *

She was sitting cross-legged on the sand when I emerged from the trees. The beach was long and blank- empty, unadorned, juts miles and miles of sand, a tiny blonde figure sitting in the middle. Alone in her grief.

It broke my hearts to see her so alone- because that's what she was now. In saving her I had stranded her here; the TARDIS wouldn't fly now. Not now I'm gone. She was never going to see Jackie ever again. When I had gone, I had taken everyone else she loved with me.

Slowly, on silent footsteps, I moved towards her.

I made no imprint on the sand- and I suppose that summed up everything. Life is only a footprint in the sand, I thought nostalgically as I walked. When the tide washes it away, it leaves such a blank canvas behind; but one that can never be drawn on properly again.

Rose gave no sign that she heard me as I drew level with her, sinking to my knees next to her slumped shoulders. I was content just to watch as she looked unseeing, out into the waves, the horizon; the days dying light casting her face in a pale pink glow. I studied her face- seeing the sorrow there, and closed my eyes against it. I wished I had told her about the exceptions- wished I'd prepared her. She had had such limitless faith in my regenerations- never occurring to her that I could really, truly die. A small, bitter laugh escaped my lips- I had always worried that I would have to watch her grow old and die, whilst I stayed like I was, immortal in my Time Lord form. Never had I imagined I would be dead long before she was.

Wind fluttered her hair, creating a fan around her face as she looked, paying no attention to the brown-suited Time Lord with the crazy hair next to her, who was as much a part of the background as the sand was.

I just sat there, drinking in everything- remembering. Preserving. Saving.

Letting go.

And then her head snapped towards me, my name already on her lips.

I held my breath as she blinked in confusion; as if she'd thought she'd seen me, but when looked properly, only the sand greeted her. She turned to look back at the sea. I let myself relax slightly- trying to ignore the gut-wrenching pain at the hopelessness of my situation as it swept over me. I would never again be able to speak to her, to hold her-

"Doctor?" Her voice- her lovely, Cockney drawl of a voice- that I heard so many times before, dragged me back.

And I found myself staring directly into her eyes as she looked at me. Straight at me. No hesitation at all- no confusion. She could see me.

"I… I saw you- from the corner of my eye." She whispered- and I heard the hope in her voice; hardly daring to spark into life for fear of being crushed. "Doctor? Are you… are you there?"

I didn't dare try and speak- what would happen if I tried; dared to even imagine that she would hear me- and then realised she couldn't? I shook my head at myself silently; it just wasn't worth the heartbreak. I had enough of that to deal with already.

I watched the light that had sparked into Rose's eyes die as the silence lengthened, and any hope she'd had that I was there faded away, and she laughed bitterly.

"Stupid idiot." I heard her muttered, and I yearned to reach out and touch her- she was so close, so tauntingly, deliciously close- to tell her that she wasn't that I was sorry, so sorry for what had happened. I wished so desperately that it wasn't me causing her this grief, that it wasn't real, that I would wake up tomorrow and it had all been a dream. I wished-

I wished I'd told her the truth.

I wished that I had told her I loved her. Just once. Even if it had just been a whisper in her ear as she slept; even that would have been better than her never knowing.

I couldn't bear it any longer- the dead light in her eyes, like a black hole, devouring everything I loved inside her. And so when my hand reached towards her, I didn't stop myself; I was screaming, begging, pleading at myself just to please, please, please let me touch her; just once, just one fleeting feathery light brush against her skin to get me through an eternity of this meaningless nothing-

Rose jumped as my fingers- just the very, very tips of them before I snatched my hand back- brushed her shoulder. And then she was looking at me again, really, really seeing me.

"Doctor." She whispered my name through her tears- fresh ones, I could smell the new salt in them- and she smiled then; really, truly smiled, as if seeing me had lifted the world off her shoulders.

And I allowed myself one second touch; lightly pressing my lips to hers. Telling her everything in that fleeting touch; every single thing I had ever said in my head when it should have been spoken out loud to her- telling her of how she had never left my thoughts, of how I did not regret dying for her. Not once, not in the seconds that had followed my death nor the eternity that would follow this meeting would I ever, once feel even the barest flicker of regret for what I had done for my Rose.

Just one touch- so fleeting, like the brush of a butterfly's wings. The barest of contact between us before I stood, turned in the sand and walked away without looking back; leaving the woman I loved to mourn me on the sand.

A/N: LAst chapter up tomorrow, if I can managed it. Reviews?...