Thank you everyone that has read/reviewed/favorited/alerted!
Not only does it keep me aware that people are still reading, but it reminds me this story exists as well!
Also, thanks to everyone who participated in handing out ideas. It got my creative flow rolling!

Nada: I've got some bad news peeps, there's a high possibility that Silentium will be taken down in a few months. I don't know how long I can keep it on here, but I know it's a breach of contract if I don't remove it before October, just a heads up.

Warning(s): OOC, Spelling Errors (I can't spell Squall's last name for the life of me)


Chapter Nine


They thought I was asleep, lost safely within the void of dreams, but they should have known me better. They should have realized I wouldn't be asleep, that I would be coherent enough to hear them speak about me as though I weren't there. Maybe to them I wasn't, being deep asleep was a good enough excuse for them. How foolish.

I heard them, my family, my friends, speak around me in different intervals of the day. I don't know who was first or how I managed to keep myself from being discovered for as long as I did, but somehow I did and I was rewarded with their conversation. They were speaking about me, nothing important at first. Sora and the others mostly spent their visitation reminiscing about the good times while I "slept." They were far too kind to let me sleep. I guess they thought it would help… but it was foolish.

It had been Olette who started the conversation. She asked the one question I had feared since my awakening: would things be different now between us? Sora protested of course. He believed that nothing would change; I was still Roxas, just like they were still my friends, but Olette sounded unsure of his words and she wasn't the only one. Things couldn't stay the same after this. Too much had happened, too much had changed. Olette believed I wouldn't be the same and Riku had agreed with her… and my own sister did as well.

Sora still refused to believe any of it.

The topic was different when it came to my family. It was the same situation, yet a different cause for concern.

"He needs help," I heard my mother say; though I wasn't sure as to who she was speaking to. "Professional help. This has been going on for too long. Once he gets discharged, I'm going to hire a psychiatrist."

"You really think a psychiatrist is going to help?" Oh, she was talking to Cloud.

"With a little bit of medication and the right guidance, I believe it'll do wonders."

I heard a gasp from the left side of my body. It sounded small and feminine-it must have been Naminé. "Medication?" She cried, until someone harshly shushed her. She spoke again, this time her voice now a whisper. "Mama, you can't put onii-chan on medication!"

"Imouto is right. I don't like the idea of having him on meds."

"The psychiatrist will do what must be done," My mother said, her voice firm. "I will not have this incident repeat itself again. Do you hear me?"

The rest of the world faded out before I could hear my sibling's reply, sleep finally embracing me. This time, I was grateful for it.

-x-X-x-

It was the eve of a new school year and the anxious excitement that filled the air multiplied tenfold. At first I thought it was because school would start again tomorrow that my family seemed a lot more jittery than usual, but I was wrong. They weren't anxious because today was the last day of summer vacation. They were anxious because today was the day I would be discharged from the hospital and come home.

I watched my mother fret over my vital readings for the fourth time that minute. I watched as my sister nervously packed away the cards our friends had given me and I watched as Cloud stiffly laid out the clothes I would wear out of the hospital. As they moved, lost in their own tasks, I sat quietly on the hospital bed in observation. They didn't say a word to me or acknowledge my presence, but I didn't mind the momentary invisibility because I knew, the moment I left the cold hospital room, my freedom would disappear forever.

If only my roof had been tall enough.

-x-X-x-

Sora and his brother waited for us in front of the house when we arrived. They greeted my mother the moment she pulled up into the drive way and asked her, as politely as they could, how her day had been so far. It was all pointless conversation.

"I'm sorry to have you do this on such short notice, but there's no one available to cover for me right now," My mother explained even though she really didn't have to. "If anything happens-anything-just call the hospital desk. You know the number, right boys?"

"Sure do!" Sora replied just as Leon nodded.

"Is this really necessary?" Cloud asked in annoyance. "I can take care of them both-"

"And look at the wonderful job you did, Cloud!" my mother snapped at him, her hazel eyes narrowed into slits. "You have two siblings-two! Not one, TWO! I put you in charge for the sake of keeping your baby siblings out of trouble, not to deliberately ignore them-"

"I get it!" My brother growled. He angrily unbuckled his seatbelt and marched out of the car, slamming the door shut in the process.

Naminé watched him go, her eyes flooded with worry. She bid our mother farewell and quietly left the car without another word or glance in my direction. I followed pursuit, ignoring the watchful eyes of my mom as I left the backseat.

"We'll keep an eye on them, Mrs. Uchiyama." I heard Leon say.

"I'm counting on you boys. Oh and one more thing, did you baby proof the house like I asked? Is your father okay with you babysitting like this on such short notice?"

I clenched my jaw, aggravation bubbling beneath my skin. I hadn't been home for five minutes and already I felt like a useless child. I ignored the rest of their conversation, missing out on whether or not Mr. Leonheart knew where his sons were and ignored my mother's goodbyes as she pulled out of the driveway and sped off for another shift of work. Her promise from the other day filtered into my mind, fueling the festering anger.

Work, work, work, that's all that matters to you.

"Roxas," I heard him say. I felt his fingers tentatively wrap into mine. "Let's go inside."

It took me a moment to realize I hadn't moved from my spot. I glanced into Sora's eyes and saw the same well of pity swirling in his beautiful blue irises that seemed to be permanently stuck on everyone who saw me. Guilt overtook anger and exhaustion overtook guilt. I allowed him to lead me away, my will to fight extinguished for the day.

I was so tired of it all that I wanted nothing more than to crawl into my bed and sleep forever if I could.

He led me through the living room where Leon and Cloud stood murmuring about everything that had transpired. Naminé sat in the kitchen, her thoughts just as lost as I felt. We followed the stairs to the second floor and made the short trip to my room where he almost tripped over a sleeping bag, nearly dragging me down with him.

"Sorry," he sheepishly grinned, kicking the bag aside. "I thought I left that somewhere safer."

I ignored his apology and eyed the innocent sleeping bag with mild curiosity. "You're sleeping over?"

"Just until Dad comes back from his business trip," he replied. His eyes suddenly focused intently on his feet. "Unless you prefer that I don't stay…"

His grip on my hand slackened and sent my heart into panic. I tightened my hold, his attention back on me with eyes that swelled with mixtures of emotions. Having him here, with me, with only the four walls of my room as shelter, brought warmth into my chest. A faint trickle of tranquility wormed through my mind, easing the fog of emptiness. Sora was the only person who could calm me. Ever since the day I woke up, he was the only soul whose touch was all it took to make me feel at peace with myself. Maybe my mom was onto something when she asked him to babysit.

"What do you think you two are doing?"

Sora and I broke out of our revere and turned to the door, our hands still interlinked. Cloud and Leon stood by the doorway with arms crossed and eyes sharp. Well, Cloud anyway, Leon looked at us with mild amusement.

"You don't seriously think I'm going to let you two share a room, do you?"

Sora tried to protest. "But Cloud-!"

But my stiff ass brother narrowed his eyes in a gesture that screamed he wouldn't be swayed. Sora turned his infamous puppy dog eyes to Leon. The older brunet sighed, opening his mouth in protest.

"Shut up Leonheart!" My brother snapped before Leon could get a word in. "Don't get involved."

Leon's expression darkened. "A little too late for that, don't you think?" the older teen grumbled. "What's the big deal? It's not like Roxas is a girl or anything."

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Thanks Leon. You're so kind.

"We'll be good, I promise!" Sora pleaded. "We won't make any noises!"

"You better damn well not," Leon suddenly murmured. "Don't give Cloud a reason to castrate you." He quickly furrowed his brows thoughtfully. "Then again, I guess it wouldn't matter if you were castrated. It's not like you're gonna have kids-or could have kids-with Roxas."

"You're not helping Leon!" Sora cried his cheeks red with embarrassment.

Cloud heavily sighed, his entire body stiff with aggravation from our wonderful guests. He ran his hand through his cornflower locks of hair, messing it up even further.

"Look, I get no one wants to leave Roxas alone, but I'm not letting you stay here alone with him without supervision-"

"What's Sora going to do?" Leon interjected. "It's not like my brother is going to jump Roxas the moment we turn our backs. I know he's your precious baby brother but you're starting to sound like a father who's over protective of his youngest daughter."

Cloud turned aggravated eyes toward Leon, who was taken aback by the sudden severity of his friend's expression.

"What?" Cloud's glare intensified. "What?"

"Get the hell out of my house before I murder you."

Leon snorted with a roll of his eyes. "Deal with it. I'm getting paid by the hour for babysitting your ass." He crossed his arms over his chest, completely ignoring my brother's usually stoic expression growing angered by the second.

"You're not here to babysit me! You're here to babysit them!"

"Tomato, tomahto." the brunet impassively shrugged.

Cloud shook his head in defeat, not wanting to waste anymore of his precious time on the useless argument. He turned his aggravated stare back to the two of us, the original bite no longer there thanks to Leon's interference.

"For reasons I don't have to explain," he spat the last word to his best friend, who shrugged his shoulders impassively again. "I can't have you stay with Roxas in the same room."

"But Cloud-!" Sora tried again, but Cloud raised a hand to stop him.

"My house, my rules."

I felt my jaw clench for the second time in a day, my heart pounding with anger. My grip on Sora's hand tightened as a result, his eyes were back on me before I realized it.

"My freedom is already gone, Cloud." I began fury evident in my voice. "Can't I have something go my way for once?"

That had done it. I saw his body stiffen before my words registered fully into his brain. I said something I shouldn't have. Cloud's eyes hardened the same way mom's eyes did to him in an instant. His brows were furrowed again and his slightly feminine face contorted into an expression mixed with anger and disappointment.

"Your way?" He scoffed, as though the idea in itself was ridiculous. And who knew, maybe it really was. "If you had it your way, we'd be hosting your funeral right now." His voice raised an octave on the last word, his temper quickly matching my own. "Your way is selfish Roxas!"

"So what if it was?" I yelled. I felt Sora's hand grow tight in mine, a simple reminder that he was still there by my side. I tried to suppress the guilt that rolled through me in constant waves. I tried to change it into anger, to feed my growing rage, but the guilt only grew stronger, reminding me once again of my failed escape.

"I already said I was sorry Cloud. What more do you want from me?"

"You're not sorry for what you did," his voice came out low and deep, his blue-green eyes shifting from rage to disappointment and frustration. "You're only sorry that you were caught."

My fury withdrew as an onslaught of shame accompanied the hurricane of guilt. The adrenaline that had surged through me during the argument ceased, leaving the heavy weight of exhaustion to fall on my shoulders. I hung my head, too ashamed to stare at anyone as the silence persisted among us. Cloud used the silence to collect his thoughts and released a heavy sigh.

"Forget it. He can sleep here if only to keep you from doing something stupid again."

I don't need to be babysat! My mind wanted to scream, but my tongue refused to obey the words that wished to be spoken. I heard Cloud and Leon shift down the hall without another word. Sora's presence drew closer to me, his free hand resting gently on my shoulder now in a comforting gesture. I leaned into his touch, appreciating the serenity his warmth brought me. He wrapped his arms around me, as I did to him, and lay my head against his shoulder. His presence continued to comfort the chaos within my mind, but Cloud's words still rang through my ears.

-x-X-x-

Later that day, when nightfall had fallen and dinner arrived-because there was no way in hell Cloud was going to cook for any of us when he was pissed-Sora, Naminé and I sat in the dining room eating left over pizza and going over tomorrow's schedule.

"I can't believe we're second years," my sister gushed for the third time since the topic came up. "I'm going to miss seeing Riku in the halls next year. Where's he going for college?"

Sora reached across the table for another slice of pizza. "He's not going to college. His brother wants him to work right away. But don't worry, Riku promised to be available whenever we make plans."

"For Kairi's sake, huh?" my fair haired twin giggled.

"Yeah," he returned the gesture.

I watched them in silence, my stomach sour. It didn't really surprise me how easily Sora and Naminé got along, but sometimes I did forget. They were both optimistic souls, so open and friendly to the world around them. They were like little angels full of so much happiness and purity it was almost sickening. I hated the way Naminé stared at him with her pretty blue eyes or how she could so easily touch Sora without having to cringe. She was just like Kairi and Olette-

My train of thought crashed abruptly, leaving me confused as to why. It wasn't until I realized Sora and Naminé were watching me with concern lacing their features. I raised my eyebrows in a questioning manner, too annoyed with them to bother to speak. I didn't think I could keep the anger out of my voice anyway.

"Are you okay, onii-chan?" Naminé laid a delicate hand on top of my right hand, but the warmth of her flesh made my arm twitch. She retracted her hand in an instant. "Sora and I asked you what your classes were like this year." She tried to smile; she tried to pretend like this week had never existed, like it was all nothing more than a horrible nightmare, but the truth was hard to forget and her eyes showed it. She was angry with me, just like everyone else.

"You have anatomy together, right?" She asked forcing the muscles in her face to form what she thought was a sweet smile. It looked so fake to me.

I gave her a shrug, mostly due to the fact that I couldn't remember what my schedule was like, let alone where I left it. Naminé must have realized it because the next thing I knew, she rolled her eyes with a sigh and held out a hand to Sora expectantly. With one hand preoccupied with pizza, he reached for a bended envelope and gave it to Naminé.

"Luckily for you, I managed to find your schedule the other day." She said, pulling out the sheet of paper and unfolding it.

Her eyes trailed over the list, her blonde brows furrowing and unfurrowing repeatedly. Sora and I watched her expressions shift by the second when she finally laid the schedule in front of her.

"It's official, we have no classes together." She announced.

Sora nearly dropped his half-eaten pizza crust in horror. "But you said you were in almost all of my classes!"

"Yes, you and me, but I'm not with Roxas this semester. It looks like we only have homeroom together."

"Let me see!" Sora grabbed the schedule and examined it for himself. He mimicked Naminé's expressions until he was fully convinced that Naminé was right. His face morphed into a pout. "I only have one class with you this semester, other than homeroom."

My mood suddenly darkened some more. "You and Naminé have the same schedule?"

"Sort of. The only class we don't have is Anatomy."

"I have Art at that time," my twin happily chirped. The thought of those sharp scissors crossed through my mind. They were still beneath the bushes…

I need to get them later…

I snapped out of my thoughts, suddenly feeling older than I should be. I stood from my chair, their anxious stares burning a hole through me again. I hated it. But I was too tired to deal with the onslaught of emotions their gazes made me feel.

"I'm going to bed," I quietly announced. I had no energy to raise my voice. "Night."

Sora made a move to get up, but Naminé's hand grabbed hold of his arm.

"I need to talk to you for a second, please?" She added at his moment of hesitance.

Sora glanced from me to her, his eyes troubled and unsure. Her grip on his arm tightened, silencing any room for argument.

"Roxas-" he tried, but I ignored him and left the dining room. "Roxas!" I heard him sigh and addressed my sister.

I pressed my back against the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen area. I could hear every word even though they couldn't see me.

"He's going to take it the wrong way if I stay here too long."

"Sora," She began her voice oddly serious. "Please? This needs to be said."

"What's on your mind?"

"You don't have to do this."

"Do what?" I heard the sound of his voice harden as though he knew what she was implying, but refused to openly acknowledge it.

"This. You don't have to deal with this." My sister's voice rose in emphasis. It made my heart race. "We would understand if you wanted to leave, Sora. We really would. No one would blame you for it."

"I can't do that."

"Yes, you can-"

"No," he said, his voice stern. "I can't. I made a promise to protect him, even if I have to protect him from himself, I'm not leaving him. I love him too much to walk away."

There was a moment of silence, Sora's words hung heavily in the air. I wasn't sure what they were doing and I was tempted to peak over the side of the wall in order to find out, but I suppressed my curiosity. The silence didn't last too long, thankfully, as my sister's voice spoke up again.

"That is so romantic," She sighed, the thick tension completely destroyed. "You would be the greatest brother-in-law ever."

"Na-Naminé!"

"Sorry for being so serious, but I really needed to know where you stood."

I heard the movement of shifting chairs and dishes being placed into the sink. I took that moment to leave, my mind still buzzing with Sora's proclamation. The cloud of gloom lifted slightly from my shoulders, my heart a lit with warmth and joy. As long as I had Sora, I would be okay. My mind kept saying. I would be okay.


But for how long, Roxas! How long will your saving grace be by your side! Anyway, I made a list of unresolved issues Roxas needs to clear through before Coinquinatus reaches completion. He's got a lot of issues, I realized. And to think I had planned to end the story at chapter 8! What the hell was I thinking?

The scissors are behind the bushes.
Roxas has only ONE class with Sora.
And then Kairi-well... that's a spoiler.

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