Author's Note: (sigh) Mark and Roger just can't find the words to say what they want to… Also mellifluous is like my favorite word. Enjoy!
It was now the last day of classes before Christmas break. School was ending later then normal on the 23rd. There was very little to do in class, for the most part we had passed in all major assignments already. Me and Roger didn't get as good of grade as I was hoping for on our project, even though we put a lot of afford into it. We ended up doing this little play about great rulers through history. It went well, apart from Roger doing a lot of adlibbing chocked full of innuendos. The class loved it, our teacher, not so much. I was so happy it was over though… well kind of.
Everything seemed to be ending. When we returned from the break we would be thrust right into exams. The term would be over. I wouldn't have History with Roger anymore. When this first crossed my mind I thought that it was no big deal, we would still have our play. But no we wouldn't. There were only a few dress rehearsals left and then we'd be performing, and it would be over too. We wouldn't have anymore ties. Would Roger stick around? Unlike me he had other friends. Maureen and a bunch of other musical people; they played together sometimes and were a hit around the school.
That was a concern, but not the biggest one at the moment. I was wrong, I didn't wake up the next morning to find that my feelings for Roger had gone away. They were there and now the only thing I could think about. I felt I wasn't acting normal around him anymore. For some completely illogical reason every time I had one of my thoughts around him, I thought that maybe he could hear me. That I would be found out. I was locked in a battle with my own mine. No matter what I was thinking about it would always slip back to how golden Roger's hair looked in the sun, or how hot those tight leather pants looked, or how perfectly his lips curved when he smiled. I didn't say all that much around him. Luckily, he didn't notice much, he was far too excited about our trip. He had it planned to the last detail. At lunch I happily let him yammer on about which plays we were going to see and in what order.
At practice we were busy going over last minute things thus we had no time to talk. It went exceptionally well, I was shocked that I didn't miss any of lines and that I could move so well in tights. When it was over Miss Angel almost had tears in her eyes and gave each and every one of us a great big hug. I felt a little bad but I slipped out while she was talking to Roger, I just didn't want to see him right now.
I was being stupid; I couldn't keep avoiding Roger forever. I didn't want to. This is what would happen; Roger and I would stay friends, I would never tell him how I feel, and everything would be normal. I finished packing my things for the trip and slipped my weary body into bed. Tomorrow night came seeping into my mind again. I wound not share a bed with him. I would sleep on the floor. In time sleep gave me peace, no more Roger no more anything, it was wonderfully bliss.
The phone rang. At first I thought it might have been part of a dream, but not such luck. As my mind slowly slipped back into reality I saw that it was indeed real. Who could be calling this late? I wondered that for about two seconds before I answered myself. Lord, not this again. I picked it up.
"Mark?" Roger's voice cut me off before I got the chance to say hello. I sighed, not feeling in the mood to talk. "Mark!" Roger sounded oddly panicked. Was something really wrong this time?
"Roger?"
"Hey." He sighed in relief.
"Ah, hey to you too."
"So, are you okay?"
"I'm a little sleepy, but yeah I'm okay." Why would he think I wasn't?
"Oh, good, I-I was just making sure." He still sounded uneasy.
"Is there any reason you thought I wouldn't be okay?" I had to ask.
"No."
"Okay," Roger made no sense. "Well if thats all-"
"No! No, it's not." He didn't elaborate at all.
"I'm listening."
"Well… I just wanted to say, Um… I mean I thought I should tell you…"
"You should tell me, what?"
"I should tell you that…I can't wait for tomorrow." He answered weakly.
"Okay, and you felt the need to call me half past midnight to tell me that because?"
"That's not all."He paused "Mark…"
"Yes?"
"I told you she would make us wear tights."
"No you didn't!"
"Well I thought it. So how do yours feel?"
"Tight, I like yours better."
"Why? They're just as tight."
"Yeah, but yours are black. They don't draw attention. Mine are light blue, I feel like an idiot."
"But I like them, they're a beautiful shad of blue…they match your eyes."
One awkward silence later we said good night. I just don't get Roger some times.
It was too early. If it wasn't so bitterly cold out I think I would have fallen asleep right there at the bus stop. Roger showed up about a minute or two before the bus did with two cups in his hands. I swear Roger was addicted to coffee, he'd pick me up one in the morning sometimes too. Which I drank anyway just to make him happy. I was startled this morning when he gave me my favorite tea.
I didn't do any filming on the bus. I wasn't in the mood, plus it was really boring. Roger was trying to pass the time by reciting all of his lines. Though I was starring out the window the whole time I was hanging on to his every word. Roger had an immaculate voice for Shakespeare it was as mellifluous as a lullaby. I was lazily falling asleep to it. I was just nodding off when Roger stopped.
"Hey, Camera boy, do you feel like telling me what's going on?" That woke me up; I pealed my cheek off the window and sat up.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about."
"No… I don't."
"You've been really quiet lately, I mean I talk more then you anyway but you've barely said anything to me this passed week."
"I'm just not in the talking mood I guest." I didn't seem to be in the mood for anything these days.
"Do you want to talk about why you're not in the mood for talking?"
"No," I looked at him this time. As soon as my eyes hit those lips I wanted to kiss them. I flicked them down and they fell upon Roger's wrist. There were more almost healed scars all over it. "What are those?" I reached to touch them but he pulled away.
"Nothing, stop trying to change the subject!"
"I'm not changing the subject, you are! Are you okay?"
"I was about to say the same thing to you?"
"Well, I said it first!"
"Yeah, first thing you've said all day." He said under his breath clearly annoyed at me.
"I don't want to talk about it right now,"
"Well good, neither do I."
We sat in silence for the rest of the ride. We didn't say anything until we reached our hotel room.
"God, it looks like Frankenberry threw up pepto bismol and fruit loops." Roger was right. The dirty looking carpet was a very off putting pink, the wallpaper was a far too bright shad of orange, and the curtains were a matching pink and orange paisley. The room was small too, a double bed, two bed side tables, a lamp, a bathroom and that was it. "So…" Roger said hesitantly. I looked away form the carpet- my future bed- to Roger. "Do you want to get some lunch before the first play?"
"Yeah, sure."
We were fighting. I guess that is what you could call it. I mean, we weren't in the sense fighting, seeing as how we weren't talking to each other. Needless to say we didn't really like each other at the moment. And we were both trying too hard to pretend that we didn't care. However we did have an unsaid truce well we were watching the plays. Every time the slightest thing funny happened we would turn to see if the other was laughing. Then we'd look away stony faced. The plays were amazing though! God, I swear there are times that I could just live in the theater. We saw three. Twelfth Night, my new favorite play, The Tempest, I didn't really get it but it was cool, and the classic tragedy Macbeth.
It was dark by the time we left and cold as ever. I was not look forward to going back to the hotel. While there I notice that it had little to no heat.
"What did you think of Macbeth?" Roger tried to start a conversation. I only shrugged. He stopped dead in his tracks, I kept going until Roger's hand wrapped around my arm pulling me back and practically slamming me into him. "Mark," He was standing way too close to me, we were only inches apart. "Would you please tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong." I breathed in little more then a whisper. My throat felt like it was squeezing up; I could barely move at all.
"Don't give me that shit. There is. Does it have something to do with Jim?"
"No." And that was the truth. Much to my surprise Jim had been staying away from me. The name calling was still going on but the physical abuse had seemed to have stopped and I was thankful for it.
"Is it something I did?" There was concern in his eyes when I could not answer him right away. What could I say? Yes it is something you did. This is all your fault. You being your perfect self, you making me fall for you. No, it wasn't his fault, it was mine.
"Roger…" I started off slowly.
"Roger!" I was interrupted. I looked behind me to see Maureen fast approaching. What the hell was she doing here? She practically bumped me out of the way to throw herself around him. It made my heart clench to see how tightly her arms held him, how her head was buried in his shoulder. "What are you doing here?"
"We just came out to see some plays."
"So did we! Oh, I can't believe we haven't seen each other yet." She then turned to me. "Mark!" She gave me a little hug. I was stunned, she hasn't said a thing to me all year. "Oh, how are you doing, it's been soooo long we really need to catch up. I never see you around."
"Um, I'm in the play, remember?"
"Oh yeah, sorry I forget sometimes." I wanted to say, yeah forgetting me never seemed to be a problem for you, but I didn't. I just smiled.
"Come on Honey Bear I'm starving." I looked past Maureen to see Joanne, Mimi and a few other of Roger's friends.
"I'll be right there! Hey do you want to come, we were just about to eat." I then noticed that we were standing out side a diner.
"Yeah sure," before Roger got to say anything else Maureen put her arm around him once more, dragging him inside. The rest fallowed him, but Mimi she stayed looking at me.
"You coming too, Mark?" I liked Mimi. I didn't hang around her very much but whenever she was around she was nice to me.
"Ah, you what I'm pretty tired I think I'm gonna turn in early."
"Okay, Merry almost Christmas." And she went inside. I stood there for a moment or two watching Roger laughing with his friend. I loved that silly grin he made when he laughed. Slowly I started to head back to the Hotel, walking past the smiling families and happy couples feeling alone in the world.
