Chapter 9 - The Missionary's Disposition
Zell had arrived in Esthar a couple days ago. He only had brought with him a small amount of money, so, naturally, when that ran out he was a little fucked.
He had been sitting in a bar, drinking his last few gil away, forcing himself not to think of him, when the guy sat next to him.
"Hey what's up, bro?"
Zell looked at the guy. He didn't fucking know him.
"Fuck off." Zell said, taking another sip of his beer.
"Ouch, rough day?" the guy smirked.
"Trying to get over someone."
"Ah, man. I've been there. Need a hand?"
Zell had to restrain himself from punching the guy's teeth in. "Did I walk into a fucking gay bar? Why the fuck would I need your help?"
The dude laughed. "Nah, man. Nothing queer. Here," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little tablet, "this is what I meant. Take it."
Zell raised an eyebrow and glanced down at the blue little pill. He had never been into drugs as they fucked with people's lives.
"Kinda like the way he fucked with yours?" that little voice asked.
Zell swallowed his mouthful of beer and took the pill. The guy just smiled.
"Fuck it," Zell thought, " this seems a good enough time to start."
And he had taken the pill.
All of that had happened three days ago. Just three short days.
Zell looked around. He was sitting in some basement the guy rented out. There were at least 15 other people around, coming down off various highs. Or shooting up.
He was no different, now.
Zell wrapped the elastic band around his arm, and stuck the needle in his bicep. He tilted his head back and pushed the syringe down, pumping Eden's Tears into his blood. When it was empty he removed the needle and the rubber band and just sat back. Zell allowed himself one more image of Van before the drug took over and pulled him along for another ride.
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Van awoke in a very medically designed room in a very medically designed bed. His head was pounding.
The Temporal Phase!
Van bolted up, and, once again regretted his actions as his entire neck burst into what had to be flames.
"You got some fuckin' nerve," drawled a voice to Van's side.
Van tried to turn his head but couldn't. "That's not how this story is supposed to go. You're supposed to say 'Feelin' better, darlin'?'"
"Oh, sorry. Feelin' better, darlin'?" came Irvine's response. Without waiting for Van's he continued on, "Now that that's out of the way, You got some fuckin' nerve."
"Why are you angry?"
"Because you took off outta here like a scared chocobo! And then, after runnin' through a forest and nearly gettin' yerself killed, Seifer had to drag yer sorry ass back here. And now you got major damage done to yer neck. Doc doubts even an X-Potion will fix ya up, and all we got is regular Potions. So now, even if ya recover at all, yer gonna have heavy scarring, you stupid bitch."
Van forced himself to look at Irvine. He. Looked. Livid.
Van closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He pictured Zell's smile, when he had first met him here, in this room.
Holy light began blazing through the thick bandages around Van's neck. The gauze unravelled itself revealing blinding light. When the light faded away, Van's smooth, unblemished neck was all that remained.
Irvine looked stunned.
Van sat up and swung his legs off the bed towards the cowboy. "Better?"
"Ah...yeah...that about does it."
"How did Seifer find me?"
Irvine sighed. "He said you were actin' funny so he was following you. When you found Zell's note, and took off outta here after 'em, he tailed you. Apparently, you moved faster than he could and he ended up losin' you for a while, and by the time he caught up with you, that Caterchipillar was already eatin' you. He shot the fucker and brought you back here."
So, that's what that loud bang was. A gunshot.
"Why didn't you just tell us what happened?"
"Because...because...," Van slid his face into his hands, and came completely undone.
Irvine sat beside him and wrapped an arm around him. "Because you felt like you fucked up and wanted to fix it, right?"
Van was sobbing too hard to give an answer, but Irvine understood. So he just waited for Van to get it all out of his system.
Eventually, he calmed down and looked up at Irvine. "I'm going back. I have to find him."
Irvine shook his head. "Van, I'm sorry darlin', but ya can't, you-"
Van reached up and caressed the side of Irvine's face. There was a flash of light and the cowboy became still. His eyes darted around trying to force himself to move, but he was paralyzed by Van's holy light.
"I'm sorry, but yes, I will," he said as he tossed his hair over his shoulder.
Van got up and left.
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Zell couldn't afford to keep his habit he'd developed, so when James, the guy who had met him in the bar approached him, he wasn't surprised.
"Ran outta cash, hey Zell?"
"Look man, I'll come up with the money, just don't hold out on me." Zell practically begged. He already needed his next fix.
"Nah, man. I ain't gonna hold out on ya! I just thought, given your position, you might be interested in a little work. You know, to keep your cash supplies well stocked."
"Yeah, for sure, anything."
James smiled.
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Van had made it to the entrance by the time he was accosted. Irvine must have had some resistance to break out of his prayer like that.
Squall was standing in the gate way with Quistis. When Van came to a stop, he realized Selphie and Siefer were coming up behind him.
"Taking a walk?" Squall asked, his tone without any humor.
"I...why are you all trying to stop me! Don't you care about him? I have to fix this!" Van yelled.
Irvine had caught up with the rest of them. "We ain't tryin' to stop you, darlin'. If you had just listened to me in the first place, you'd know I was gonna say this is yer seventh-"
And then light began to flow endlessly out from a point in space next to Van. When it had cleared enough for anyone to see, Selenia was standing beside him.
"-day." Irvine finished lamely.
Van looked like he had just been slapped.
"Have We missed something? You seem less pleased to see Us this time around, Our chosen." Selenia said with haunting voice.
"I..." started Van, before he slumped to the ground in a dead faint.
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"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" Zell muttered.
The soldiers ran passed the alleyway Zell was hiding in and he let out a sigh of relief.
James had given him work, alright. Fuckin' robbery!
He had done just like James said, and gotten the money, but not before the Esthar City Soldiers had nearly busted him.
He had to get back, now! Zell began working his way towards the hideout clutching his bag of money.
When he arrived, he walked up to James and tossed it at him.
"Nice work, Zell! Here ya go man, well deserved payment." James handed him a couple of vials of the shit.
Zell grabbed them and walked over to his corner and began the process of injecting them into himself.
While he was waiting for the effects to take over, James came up to him.
"Hey, man. Again, great work."
"Whatever," Zell said, wishing his high would come as fast as it did before. Maybe he'd have to start taking more?
"No, really, man. I mean it. In fact, I gotta little bonus for ya."
Zell glanced up at him, and James made a beckoning motion to someone Zell couldn't see.
A blonde girl with huge tits came to his call with a sly smirk on her face.
Zell suddenly realized what this 'bonus' was. "Ah, no thanks man. I don't need that."
James raised an eyebrow. "Sure ya do. Young guys like us need all the pussy we can get. You don't want anyone around here thinking you're a fag now, do ya?"
Zell pictured Van in his mind, one last time as the high took hold of him. The girl slinked over to him and leaned over, putting her hards on his shorts to undo the button. The image of Van faded from his mind as the drug took over completely.
James was still smiling.
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They had brought Van back to the Infirmary as it was the closest place with a bed. He had come to relatively quickly, and everyone had left the room at Selenia's request.
"They've been in there for a long time," said Selphie. She was sitting on the floor leaning up against the wall next to Squall.
Siefer was surprised Squall we even still here. He figured the great Commander would have lost interest or had to go back to work or something. He must have taken a liking to the kid.
Just as Quistis was going to suggest someone should check on them, there was a flash of light from under the door.
Irvine had to hit the keypad four times before the door responded and opened it to find...nothing.
Van and Selenia were gone.
"They're gone," he said, redundantly. "I guess that's that then. So, what do we do now?"
Quistis was first to speak. "I...I guess we should-" she stammered before she was interrupted.
"Go! Quickly! Vanity has fled..."
The entire group heard Selenia's disembodied voice and then Irvine shouted, "The window is open!"
Selphie, without missing a beat, sprang like a nimble cat into the room, over the bed, and out the window. She saw Van running full steam in the grass along the side of Garden. She took off after him like a shot, and thought he had a lead on her, he was no match for her training. She spear-tackled him around the middle and they both tumbled over each other before coming to a rest.
They were both desperatly trying to catch their breaths when the others caught up to them.
"What the fuck, kid!" Seifer snapped.
Selenia appeared beside her sprawled Saint. "Forgive Us, We had no idea he would take things this far."
"We...th-thought...you guys...w-went back home..." wheezed Selphie.
Selenia shook her head sadly and the temperature dropped a few degrees.
"Vanity has declined Us. He has chosen to forsake his own world, in favor of yours. He is determined to find the one named Zell. We asked him if he was certain and he said he was. So, We departed. No sooner had We left, did he flee through the window."
Everyone looked down at Van. His white robes were scuffed with dirt and stained with blood. His usually immaculate long hair was sweaty and in complete disarray. Even his normally soft, beautiful features were drawn and hard.
Selphie felt a knot in her stomach. "He's in love."
"Van...are...are you sure this is what you want?" Quistis kneeled down next to him. "What if your Goddess can't come back and get you later?"
"We cannot. We have informed Our Vanity of this, and still he remains determined. If he does not leave with Us now, he will never be able to return to the world he calls home." Selenia said, with a hint of sadness.
But, not enough sadness to be coming from one who was supposedly losing her Chosen. Squall's eyes narrowed.
"You're speaking as though this isn't really a big deal if you lose him or not."
Selenia looked at him, shocked.
"We love Our Vanity, make no mistake, Squall."
"Then why are you not as upset as someone who truly had something to lose?" He was holding the goddess' gaze, unblinkingly.
Selenia frowned slightly and the earth shook minorly, as the plates holding up the crust shifted.
"You would question Us?"
"Yeah. You're damn right I'm questioning you. I don't understand how you could speak about someone so carelessly if they were so important to you. And, sorry, but we happen to be friends with the guy, and if he's incapable, then I'll stand up for him."
The entire collected group stared at their leader silently. Even Seifer, for once, had nothing to say.
The Goddess did not move, did not smile. She just continued to hold Squall's gaze with an unnerving one of her own.
Finally, after a long, tense silence, she spoke, "We are pleased to see he has made such loyal friends. But, allow Us to explain something to you, mortal, that you seem to have missed in your judgement of Us."
She looked down at Van, who looked straight down at the floor, clearly ashamed of the way he had been acting.
"When Vanity declined Us, he knew, full well, that he was revoking his own right as a Heavenly Saint...as Our chosen."
Squall was about to interrupt, but she held up a slender hand. "Let Us finish."
"His whole life had been leading him up to what he now has. He has Our power, Our trust, Our undying love, but still he has chosen, after two short weeks, to throw it all away for one whom he had just met."
Selenia smiled to herself.
"That...is love. Mortal love. And, it is a love that We...no, any god or goddess could never imitate. He has chosen one that he is willing to fight for, to sacrifice for, to die for. He so willingly threw away his life...threw away Us...for love."
The goddess looked upwards, towards the sky, and she began to rise.
"If Our chosen would scour this realm for the one he loves, than We will not stand in his way. We will not shed tears or express sorrows. Why should We? He has, by denouncing Our will, honored the very thing We stand for most of all."
She began to glow with such brilliance, even Squall couldn't keep his gaze on her.
From the light she spoke, "So, go, Vanity. Leave Us for another. But, We will not be saddend. For, even in all of this, even in you attempting to revoke your own powers as a Saint, even in you telling Us to leave you, in you casting Us aside ...you go as Our chosen. As Our beloved. Your rank as Heavenly Saint has been lifted. You will be, now and forever, Our Favored, and though you will never see it, We will rearrange the stars of your world and fashion a constellation in your image."
The light faded, leaving them all in a stunned silence.
Van slowly began to rise until he was on his feet. Staring at the spot where Selenia had just departed from.
"And that, dear mortal, is why We speak as We do."
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Zell smashed his fist through the wall.
He was sitting in the clinic and had just gotten his test results. That fucking bitch gave him something.
He had asked the doctor what treatment methods there were, and the doctor just shook his head sadly.
Zell knew what that meant.
Incurable.
So, now, for the rest of his life, he was stuck with this disease. This curse. This dirt little secret that turned his blood to a toxin that would infect anyone else who he ever had sex with. Ever got close to.
He stormed out of the clinic and headed for James'.
He was the last person Zell wanted to see right now, but he had his shit.
And fuck...Zell needed a reason to feel good right now.
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The next day, Selphie went to check on Van. After his goddess left, he had simply gotten up, retreated to his room, and remained there for the rest of the night.
Everyone kinda understood and left him to it.
Selphie knocked on his door at the breakfast hour. There was no response.
Quistis thought this problem might arise and gave her the Master Code which would unlock his room. Selphie punched it in, and the door slid open.
But, Van wasn't here.
Selphie whirled around and bolted up the way she came, down the corridor into the foyer. "Fuuuuck, where would I be if my goddess just left me forever?"
Then she knew.
Selphie ran outside of Garden and towards Selenia's Field. She could see him standing there, amongst the flowers...with...was that a knife!
Selphie full out sprinted, fully intending to deliver another of her increasingly popular spear tackles. Maybe she'd get them patented.
As she approached her friend, and prepared herself to spring, Van turned around to face her and she froze. He was gonna..."NO, DON'T!" she screamed.
But, it was too late.
The blade came out and down before being dropped. It fell to the ground and kicked up a cloud of dust.
She looked at her friend with tears streaming out of her eyes, as she felt something inside of her break; like a dam bursting under too much pressure.
Van slowly fell to his knees, his eyes closing, and his clenched fist fell limply to his side.
"Van...why...?" Selphie sobbed, falling to her own knees in front of him. "Why would you..." her voice trailed away and she brushed her hand over the side of Van's pale face.
His eyes snapped open. "My name is Vanity," he said, his voice full of conviction, as his fingers unclenched, and his immaculate endless hair, fell to the earth.
