Aztec Goddess: Wow, still only the second day.

Timeline: About an hour since the last chapter has passed.


Trigger Words

"Fuhrer, we've successfully awaken all the sleeping militants," Sloth reported to Pride in his office. She looked though some of her notes. ". . . Except for Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc, but Colonel Roy Mustang and his units are dealing with him."

"Okay, that's fine," Pride answered. "But where are Envy and Lust?"

"Lust?" Gluttony repeated. He sat depressed in a corner. "Where's Lust? Where did Lust go?"

Sloth scratched her hair, not sure how to explain the situation to Pride. "When I went to the basement earlier, Envy was already gone. And that scarred man was awake . . ."

Pride chuckled. "I knew it! The way Lust always complained about that man; it was bound to happen!" Then he got serious. "But where are they now?"

"Lust told me she is leaving us so she can pursue the philosopher's stone on her own with Scar. They mentioned the name Zolf Kimblee. I tried to change their minds by force, but they killed me several times and made their escape. They can be anywhere by now."

"Kimblee," Pride repeated. "Now why does that name sound familiar?"

"He's the Crimson Alchemist, the one who killed his own men during the massacre at Ishbal. He was sent to prison and presumed executed. But he was one of the prisoners that were supposed to be used as a sacrifice. I suppose he made his escape when Lust, Envy, and Gluttony failed to get the Elrics to Lab 5 on time."

Both Sloth and Pride gave Gluttony a disappointed look. "But I was hungry!" Gluttony defended himself. "And that reminds me. We lost the prisoners. Maybe they're hungry too."

Pride shook his head. "This is embarrassing. We must never let Dante discover all this." Then he thought for a moment. "I think the fair thing to do is to ruin Lust's plans. I'll order all available units to search for the Crimson Alchemist. And if we're lucky, maybe he'll prove useful."

"How much more time do we have?" Sloth asked. "I mean, until–"

"Yes, I know. Our only choice right now is to rely on Colonel Mustang and the others to prevent those things." Pride closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He knew how his military worked so he knew those things he was talking about were not going to be prevented. "You're dismissed. Go do things secretaries do."

And so Sloth made her way to the cafeteria to brew some coffee. But her timing was horrible. Ed was there, gobbling down some lunch as Maes talked to him and showed him the research he had made concerning "Juliet Douglas".

As Sloth strode by them as quickly as possible, se heard some of Maes words: "–Douglas died – Ishbal – chicken pox! – this one's a fake – look at my daughter!" Sloth glanced at Maes and saw that he was now showing off pictures of his daughter to people nearby and his voice was loud and clear: "Can you believe this little angel has the chicken pox! What is this world coming to?"

"You have no idea," Sloth muttered under her breath. Then she saw that Ed noticed her and was motioning for Maes to follow him. Sloth abandoned the idea of making coffee and walked out of the room. She knew she was being followed – their footsteps were obvious – so she quickened her pace. They were now walking down a corridor with a few other militants walking around here and there. At least she was not trapped.

"Miss Douglas," Maes called out.

Oh, so the weren't trying to be sneaky, Sloth concluded. She almost forgot she was a secretary. Sloth cautiously turned around and asked in her patient voice, "May I help you men?" She shot Ed a mysterious look. Ed backed off a little.

"Can we speak privately?"

"I don't see a reason why," Sloth answered.

Maes gave her his most serious look. "It's about you not being the real Juliet Douglas."

Meanwhile, not far outside, at a park bench to be exact, a little partnership was facing more problems. Lust and Scar were tired of searching for the all-so-wanted Zolf Kimblee without even the slightest clue on where to look. They were hungry too and Scar still needed a new shirt. Scar does not like looking poor by wearing tattered clothes so he really had nothing covering his sexy chest that Lust was so fixated on.

"Quit looking at me. Quit looking at me," Scar repeatedly mumbled as he tried to relax on his side of the bench. He was staring straight ahead at nothing in particular.

Lust was offended. She scooted closer to Scar and crossed her arms in a way to show off her cleavage. "Why are you being so mean? We're partners, remember?"

"Quit looking at me."

"Look at me when I'm talking!"

Lust expected Scar to stare down at her breasts like any other man, but Scar is so devoutly religious, he did not even think to look there. Scar stared right at Lust's face and she was looking back at him. Staring into each other's eyes is usually considered romantic, but Scar killed the potential moment by repeating, "Quit looking at me."

"Why are you being so difficult?" Lust pouted.

"You're the one being difficult," Scar replied. "How can you even think we're supposed to be together when you don't even know my name?"

Lust frowned. "Are you sure your name isn't Abel?" she asked with a suspicious look on her face.

"Yes, I'm pretty damn sure."

"What if I can guess your name?"

"I'll be impressed."

Lust immediately guessed, "Rumplestilskein!"

Scar almost felt like laughing at how sure of herself Lust looked. "Wow, and to think you couldn't get even more ridiculous." Noticing that Lust somehow came closer to Scar, he scooted to the edge of the bench.

Lust pouted again. "Fine, if you're not going to tell me, I'll call you whatever I want, muffin." Scar flinched. And someone giggled madly. The partners faced forward and they saw a happy palm tree. No, not literally – it was Envy again! "Damn it, Envy!" Lust yelled. "How long were you here?"

Envy did not hear Lust's question since he was too busy laughing. But he suddenly stopped and asked: "Do you know the muffin man?" A faint, annoying tune began to play in the background.

"The muffin man?" Scar repeated.

"The muffin man!" Envy looked genuinely confused. "Do you know the muffin man?" he asked Lust, then bit his lips and looked down at himself as if something was horribly wrong.

"Shut up, Envy," Lust scowled.

The annoying tune suddenly stopped. Envy blinked several times and slowly said, ". . . That was weird." Then he looked happy. "Hey, I'm back in control!"

Lust's eyes widened. "You mean to say you didn't purposely say all that crap just now?"

Envy nervously shook his head. "Oh, hell no! But, but that stupid curse can't be real! And it wouldn't start so soon, right?"

"Wait, what just happened?" Scar asked.

But Scar did not get an answer since a woman came up to them and asked, "Excuse me. Are you Scar, the man who killed all those State Alchemists?"

"Uh . . ." Scar brilliantly answered.

The woman gasped a happy gasp. "You are! You fit the description perfectly! I love those stories about you – can I take some pictures?"

Scar and the homunculi stared dumbly at the stranger. "Are you serious?" Scar asked.

The woman nodded happily as she took out her camera and a wad of cash from her purse. "How much do you usually pay for a picture?"

Was this stranger a tourist? Did she think Scar was nothing but one of Central's main attractions? That seemed like the only logical explanation, so Scar decided to take advantage of her. "That huge wad of cash looks like enough," he replied.

The woman stared fondly at her money. "Yes, I suppose that's fair. I'm sure a picture of you will be worth much more in the future." She handed the money to Scar – roughly enough to buy a nice car if he chose to – and then pushed the homunculi aside, got Scar to sit right in the middle of the bench and took some pictures. She then turned to Lust. "You're his girlfriend, right? Would you like to be in a picture?"

Lust gave a hopeful glance at Scar. He rolled his eyes in response, but did not say "no" so Lust sat herself right next to him, rested her head on his shoulder, and smiled for the picture. Then the strange woman cheered, "Group shot!" She handed the camera to Envy and sat herself on the other side of Scar. Envy was too confused to oppose, so he took a picture. Then the woman took back her camera, thanked them, and went away.

"Wow, that was even weirder," Envy commented. Then he looked at Scar and Lust. "Aw, look at the cute couple!" Scar was deep in thought, possibly wondering who that strange woman could be, so he had not said anything to Lust, who was still leaning on him. Lust was very happy with this.

"So, why the hell are you here, Envy?" Lust asked.

Envy crossed his arms. "That's none of your business!" Then his face twisted into a devious smirk. "But as you should already know, considering that the military has no interest in recapturing Scar, they have a new target. Guess who it is!"

Lust did not know where Envy was going with this. "Just tell me," she said.

"It's the same guy you're looking for! And if they find him before you do, he'll be under a lot of protection by the military! Ha, now you can't win!" Envy laughed triumphantly.

"So where's Ed?' Lust sneakily changed the subject.

"I'm off to get him because he's not supposed to know about Sloth yet. I already told some people everything about her, but they totally understand now." Envy stood silent for a moment again. "Damn, I did it again! Why's it so hard to keep all these dramatic secrets?"

"You mean people know about Sloth now!" Lust spat. She stood up from the bench and confronted Envy. She gave him a smug smile and calmly told him, "As I said before, anyone with that father turns out unreliable, weak, and stupid. So very stupid."

Envy glared angrily at Lust. "Shut up about that! Hohenheim's the only stupid one – I'll show you!" And he angrily stormed away to his original destination: HQ.

Scar came out of his deep thoughts. He stared at all the money he got, then at Lust, who was contently watching Envy go away. Scar was feeling very giving, so he said to Lust, "Hey, you." Lust immediately turned to him. "You haven't nagged at me for five full minutes. Let's go find good use of this money."

Lust brightened up, grabbed Scar's hands and pulled him off the bench. "Shopping! We both need new clothes and then we can have a romantic dinner and rent a room in a fancy hotel and–"

"Don't push your luck."

"Okay." But Lust still had high hopes for them.

Now let us go back with Ed, Maes, and Sloth. They were now in a vacant room having a crucial conversation. Sloth stood across from the other two and she was pleasantly calm. She knew if things did not go well for her, she can kill them. "So are you men calling me an imposter?" she politely asked.

"The real Douglas died and is no longer on the roster," Maes explained. "Care to explain yourself?"

"And why do you look like that?" Ed added.

"Oh dear, you're getting warmer," Sloth replied, smiling at Ed. "I can't have that." She extended her arm; it turned into water and shot at Ed. Maes instinctively threw a dagger at her and when she was hit, her body momentarily rippled like water.

"What the hell . . ." Maes wondered.

"Your body," Ed examined. "It's like some sort of substance between a solid and a gas."

"You could have at least said liquid to not sound like an idiot," Sloth replied. Then she changed fully into water then back into her human form, now with a black dress and black hair. "Can you die happy now that you know who I am?"

Maes and Ed exchanged confused looks, then shrugged. "Um, you didn't tell us who you are," Ed replied.

"Did you just threaten us?" Maes asked.

Sloth examined Ed and Maes' genuinely confused looks. "Wait, so you really have no clue?" She pointed to her ouroboros. "This doesn't look familiar? Surely you, Ed, should have figured this out by now." Then she smiled mockingly. "Oh, wait. You haven't even figured out Marcoh's notes yet."

Ed was offended. "But how do you know about that?" He gasped. "Are you another crazy stalker that wants me to make the philosopher's stone? Is that why you make yourself look like my mom – so you'd gain my trust? But how do you know my mom?"

Sloth's smile softened. "Ed, honey, I am your mom."

Ed became speechless. Maes rubbed his chin. "Was that supposed to be one of those 'yo mama' jokes? It's not very funny."

"You men know too much already," Sloth said. "It's time to say good-bye."

Sloth turned both her arms into water and – thump! The door broke open and Envy came running in yelling, "Sloth, you better not do anything to these guys!"

Sloth stopped her attack, annoyed. "Why?" she sharply asked.

"Because I still need nene to make the philosopher's stone," Envy explained. Then he pointed at Maes. "And you can't just kill him! His wife is the most awesome human around here and I won't let you make her sad!" Envy gave Maes a thumps-up. "Good job on marrying her!"

"Aw, thanks!" Maes replied, rubbing the back of his head from embarrassment.

Sloth raised an eyebrow at Envy. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Of course!" Envy answered. "I ate a little while ago and Gracia's an amazing cook! And she was the most understanding when I explained how you're Trisha Elric, the homunculi your sons made when they wanted their mommy back." Envy turned to Ed. "Yeah, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It took a while for Winry to understand it all and Al's still a bit shocked, but he's alright."

Sloth was pissed off. "You told people about me? How 'bout I tell Ed your life story?"

Ed did not know if he wanted to understand. "But homunculi don't exist! This isn't possible!"

Envy patted Ed's head. "Just let it all sink in."

"This isn't fair!" Sloth was still ranting. "Now that people know about me, how am I supposed to secretly go on with my work?"

Meas did not know what the hell was going on, but he wanted to help. He told Sloth, "Um, you can stay at my place until all this is sorted out."

"Hey, that's great!" Envy said. "Al wants to see her. Oh, and Gracia's letting me stay at your house, too. I'm Envy!" he finally introduced himself.

Maes tried to make sense of all of this. "So . . . Ed and Al are living with me. And that girl Winry too, who happens to be old friends with them. And the secretary's their long-lost mom, if I'm not mistaken. And you, Envy, seem to know everyone." Envy nodded. Maes was amazed. "Wow, it's a small world af–"

"NO!" Envy shrieked as he tackled Maes to the ground. "If you value life itself, you will not finish your statement!"

Sloth was quick to understand this and she gasped. "You mean the trigger words are in full effect? But it's so soon!"

"Trigger words?" Maes asked.

Envy hopped off of Maes. "There are some words or statements that trigger really bad things."

"Singing and dancing bad," Sloth added. "That's what happens when our world becomes to closely connected to fairy tales. And it'll get worse the longer this keeps going on."

"How can we stop this?" Maes asked. "How did this even start?"

"Sorry, I only know the answer to your first question," Sloth said. "According to the information I've gathered, the first thing that showed up here was Sleeping Beauty's spinning wheel. Many people fell under its curse since then and all this will end once they're all broken."

"Havoc . . ." Ed whispered the only thing he could think of.

"Yes, Jean Havoc still needs to be awaken," Sloth nodded. "However, if that takes too long, chances are other curses will show up and then those will have to be broken as well. This could easily get out of hand."

"Wow, that sucks," Maes commented. "Does the Fuhrer know?"

"Of course. He's helping in his own way." Then Sloth glared at Envy. "And you better learn how to keep your stupid mouth shut."

Envy glared back. "I'm not stupid."


Jean Havoc – 1 day, 8 hours, 45 minutes

Aztec Goddess: Heh, ironic that Envy saved the loveable Hughes here.