Chapter 9

I said I love you and I swear I mean it

AN: courtesy of Nickelback for the title.  I'm really into incorporating songs lately aren't I?  Ok you didn't think I could just leave you with one chapter did you.  Heck no.  When my muse visits I use her to death.  Maybe that's why she disappears for so long afterward.

            Logan woke up alone.  For the first time in months he wished that he hadn't.  Sure he always wanted things to be different between the two of them but that didn't mean he was ready to wake up to her face everyday.  Today however was different.  Last night had been special and he hadn't wanted it to end.

            For a moment he had been able to pretend that things were ok.  Reality hit him hard upon waking up alone however. 

            Rolling onto his back he stared at the ceiling as feelings he'd tried hard to suppress washed over him.  Moments like these were his weakest.  Had she been right beside him he knew he would never be able to keep his hands to himself.  It should have been a good thing that she was missing.  It did after all save him from cracking and hurting her more.  But right now all he wanted to do was confess. 

            Max kept making it easier and easier for him to confess.  Her words last night seemed to confess that she wanted something more from him but at the same time they pushed him away. 

            Last night was the perfect example of how confusing this thing really was.  Sure he could stay with her, sure she didn't care about his disability, but then again she didn't want to talk about it either, and she only reaffirmed it by her absence.

            Her scent was still heavy in the air and as Logan ran his hand over the place she'd been he felt the last bits of heat slip from the sheets.  Burying his face in her pillow he breathed her in.  She caught somewhere in his chest and brought a stinging to his eyes.

            Damn he loved her.

            That seemed to be the problem however.  He loved her too much.  Beyond reason, beyond logical thought, beyond his own life.  That's why he could let her go.  That's why he held her so far away from him.

            Hugging the pillow to his chest he played with the idea of becoming a selfish lover and taking what he so wanted.  Claiming her as his. 

            But he knew he couldn't.

            Opening his eyes and pulling himself up into a sitting position he found her note on the table beside him.

            I don't know what to say.  I never have known what to say, that's your department.  I guess I'll see you later.

            Crumpling the note in his hands, he felt his heart crumble with it.

            How long could she avoid this feeling?

            Max pedaled faster. 

            She loved him.

            And it left her paralyzed.

            Her feet flew in fear.  Her heart raced and her mind was all over the place.

            It was ok.  She could deal with this.  So leaving him this morning may not have been the wisest thing to do but if she hadn't of left...  Well there was no way they could of avoided talking about what would have happened.  And this time it wouldn't have been heat induced.

            Her shirt still smelled like him and it was driving her crazy.  She should have taken the time to change before darting out of there.  It would make thinking now a lot easier if she couldn't smell him on her.

            Pedaling faster she headed over to Original Cindy's for a new shirt.  It was all she could do not to turn around and well for not being in heat any longer she sure was horn---

            Beep!! Beep!! 

            Max swerved just before running into the car headed straight for her.  Ok she had to pay attention or she'd end up getting hit.  Again.  Well she hadn't really gotten hit more like she clipped the car.  She really had to stop riding her bike when she was this distracted.

            Screeching to a stop in front of O.C.'s building, she climbed off and fiddled with the lock.  Logan's scent still assaulted her nose and after only five seconds of trying, Max threw the lock into the street nearly causing an accident.  Swearing softly she left the bike unattended.  If someone took it she'd just have to deal with getting another, right now it was definitely unimportant.

            Running up the stairs and charging into Cindy's apartment, Max helped herself to one of Cindy's shirts and flung the tainted Logan shirt over to the corner of the room.

            "Ok boo.  What is going on?" Cindy asked when Max walked back into the kitchen where Original Cindy had been standing when Max had blazed through the room.

            "Nothing." Max lied.

            "Yeah, and I met myself the perfect guy last night.  You running from something?"

            "No."  Max looked like she was ready to laugh or burst into tears at any moment.

            "That bad huh?" Cindy asked concerned. 

            "I smelled like Logan."  Max clipped out confused at her own words.

            "Whoa boo.  Did you two..."  Original Cindy hinted.

            Max chose this moment to decide on tears and as a few streamed down her face, Cindy came around behind her and put a hand on her shoulder.

            "If he hurt my boo, Original Cindy gonna kick his ass down, wheelchair or not."

            "We didn't.  He didn't."  Max smiled at her comment.  "I...he...last night..." Max tried again with no success.  Frustrated she slammed her fist into a wall causing Original Cindy to jump.

            "Damn boo.  What happened?"

            "Sorry."  Max muttered as she pulled her fist from the wall.

            "Let me look at that for you." O.C. offered as she caught a glimpse of Max's bruised and bloodied hand. 

            "It isn't that bad." Max offered pulling her hand down to her side and ignoring the shooting pain that radiated from it.

            "Look baby girl, you gonna tell me what happened or is Original Cindy gonna have to call Rollerboy for the 411."

            Original Cindy was not totally in the dark, when Max had disappeared for three months an excuse had to be offered and O.C. wasn't dumb enough to believe just anything.  So Max had told Original Cindy about Manticore.   It was one of the hardest things she'd ever done but Cindy came through for her like always.  You my boo...for life.  No matter what.  So Max decided to tell the truth because coming clean was her only option if she wanted help.

            Sitting down at the counter, Max proceeded to tell her story.

            "When Manticore made me they crossed some wires somewhere and as a result I go through these cycles, like a cat.  During these humiliating times in my life I crave well, point blank I'm like a cat in heat." Max paused looking at the counter humiliated that she actually had to tell O.C. or anyone for that matter this.

            "It's ok Shuga.  Ain't no body gonna blame you for what you can't control."  she offered.

            "No it isn't ok.  I slept with a guy I barely knew to hurt a guy that..."  Max stopped not wanting to expound on it.

            "Yet ya wake up smelling like Logan?  How does that work Shuga?"

            "He came over afterwards.  I told him what had happened and he...I really hurt him Cin; he wanted me to believe that I didn't but I know I did.  I was just so mad at him and..."

            "Confused."  Cindy offered sitting next to her friend.

            "Yeah. I mean Rafer was the last guy I wanted to kick it with. I just..."

            "Wanted to hurt Rollerboy for holding back."

            "Yeah and..." Max tried to continue but didn't know how.

            "You wanted it to be Logan."

            "Whoa I never said that." Max interrupted jumping a little at the suggestion because she knew it was true.

            "Right boo.  But why did you have to run over here and change your shirt?"

            "I told you because it smelt like him." Max answered exasperated.

            "He smell bad to you?"

            "No.  Not at all."  Max smiled.

            Cindy cocked an eyebrow at her.  And Max rolled her eyes in response.

            "Ok, so you wanted to get out of a shirt that smelt like something that wasn't all that negative.  But Original Cindy's still got one question for ya.  How did it get that way?"  Max couldn't hide the smile that crept across her face.

            Original Cindy's eyes lit up in amusement.

            "Thought you two weren't like that," she offered just as slyly.

            "We slept together but we didn't you know..." Suddenly she felt very shy about sharing her sleeping habits with anyone.

            "Bang the gong."

            "Yeah."

            "Kick it."  Max's face was starting to turn red.

            "Yeah." Max admitted shyly.

            "Get busy." O.C. taunted.

            "Cindy!"

            "Ok. Fine. I'll stop... Jumped his-" Max's hand flew to her mouth and stopped her from continuing. 

            "He held me and I held him.  Nothing else."  Max defended.

            "It's getting real between you two isn't it." Cindy half stated half asked.  Max only nodded.  "You're scared and you wanna run."  Max nodded again. "Don't." she finished and Max turned away guiltily. 

            "He's still at your place isn't he."  Again Max nodded.  O.C. sighed understanding just how real it was between the two of them.  Pulling Max to her feet she marched her back to the bedroom and the shirt crumpled in the corner.

            "Pick it up.  Put it on and sit down on the bed.  If you have the urge to remove that shirt go home and talk to Logan about it.  Cause sista he is the only one who can help you."  That said Cindy left the room closing the door behind her.

            "Come on."  Max whined to the closed door getting no answer.        

            Stomping over to the bed she flung herself down face first, screaming into the blankets in frustration.  After her fit was through she managed to walk over to the corner and pick of the offending object.  Crushing it to her face she breathed him in.  Why did he have to smell like everything she wanted in life?

            "Whoever planned this cruel joke, I hate you."  Max flung to the ceiling.  Tearing off the shirt she'd borrowed Max then dawned her "Logan" shirt and tore open the door to find Original Cindy waiting.

            "Ok I love him. Are you happy?" Max demanded.

            "Took ya long enough."

            "Yeah well I'm emotionally unavailable, a fog bank really."  Cindy smiled.

            "Were." she corrected.

            "Right."  Max agreed her voice full of uncertainty.  "What if-"

            "What if you just shut that pretty mouth up and went to talk to Logan about it?" Cindy interrupted pushing her friend to and out the door.

            "But." Max tried.

            "But nothing, and next time wait till after seven its Saturday morning.  You may not like your sleep but the rest of us do."  With that said Cindy shut the door and Max was left with no choice but to leave.

AN: well you know the routine REVIEW PLEASE. And yeah you're going to get another chapter soon.