A look of horror came over Christian but it was nothing compared to the sheer terror in Syed´s eyes. Christian had been able to afford a glance at Syed for Masood´s glare was now exclusively aimed at his son. The baby started crying through the monitor and, after a minute, Masood finally gave in.
His words were painstakingly slow. "I´m going to get Kamil to sleep. When I come back down," his eyes shifted to Christian, "I want you gone, so I can speak to my son alone."
He went upstairs but the pair stood rooted to the spot. After a few seconds, Christian found the capacity to speak.
"Sy, I…" He couldn´t yet make sense though. The shock had removed all logic and practicality from his brain. "What are we gonna do?"
It wasn´t even a question, for there was no way Syed could be expected to answer: he´d brought his hands up to his face and tears were streaming from his eyes. Christian reached out to him and put his hand on his arm, getting the distinct impression that the only reason Syed hadn´t rejected it was because he couldn´t move. They heard Masood come back down the stairs with the baby in his arms and Christian thought better than to leave his hand on Syed.
Masood saw that Christian was still there and, turning to his son, spoke quietly. "Right. Well then Syed, you´d better go." Syed still couldn´t move, or speak. Masood spoke again. "Unless you want Amira to hear this, you´d better go right now and take her with you."
Christian nodded at Syed who finally found the strength in his legs to act upon his father´s advice. Whilst Syed was upstairs, presumably waiting for Amira to put on her face and shoes, Masood addressed Christian – again in a very soft voice.
"When they´re gone, we´ll sit down and talk about this quietly so there´s no danger of waking up my son."
Christian had always seen Masood as a friend and equal rather than the authority figure he was to Syed, but the eerie calm in his voice acted as warning enough and Christian did not dare go against him.
It was almost ten minutes before the young pair were out of the door. In the meantime, both men had sat in silence – Masood on the sofa with his baby in his arms and Christian on the footrest. It had felt like hours and Christian had never felt so uncomfortable in all his life.
The front door shut and Masood spoke, his voice barely audible. "So, do you want to tell me what this all about?"
"First off, Mas, I just wanna say…"
"How about you just tell me what´s going on? The advantage of having you here and not Syed is that I may actually hear the truth."
"OK." Should he go chronologically? Get the main points out? "Syed´s gay, Mas. … He´s gay and we´re a couple."
Masood´s face was free of expression but Christian could tell he was digesting the news. He could tell he must have a thousand questions racing through his brain and maybe he didn´t know where to begin either.
"We´ve been together since June. It just… happened." Masood remained quiet so he carried on. "We ended things before the wedding though – Syed wanted to make his marriage work. It´s only recently that… things have changed."
Masood exhaled. "He´s just a young man, Christian. He´s a young man and you… well, you know what you´re doing."
Masood gave him a look daring him to read between the lines. This wasn´t the reaction Christian was expecting. He didn´t know quite how to respond. "What are you saying? That I´ve taken advantage of him? There´s…"
Christian wanted to tell him that Syed had slept with others before him, that he hadn´t made him gay, but instead his words got stuck. He was being blamed, again. Christian contra mundum! He felt the frustration like someone who had been framed for murder, desperate to convince otherwise but unable to.
Masood used the silence. "I understand you´re both adults. But, you see, with Syed, he gets all these ideas in his head. He´s like a puppy really…" Oh great, thought Christian, I´ve corrupted innocence itself. "He gets excited by one idea and dedicates enthusiasm to it – next minute he´s pursuing something else."
Christian just did not get Masood´s wavelength. Was he suggesting that he was a blip? A corruptive, evil blip? Masood went on…
"Maybe you have managed to charm him, seduce him – we know it comes easily to you…" Christian was despairing. Yes, this was all just a bit of fun to him. Twisted fun, as Zainab had put it. "But even if Syed has been with you, he now has a beautiful wife and maybe soon he´ll have a child. You expect you´ll be able to compete with that?"
If only Masood knew. Christian had been struggling to compete with it from day one. And he was still failing. But that was beside the point. What didn´t Masood understand here?
"He´s gay, Mas. If you´d seen how much he´s been struggling with it, you´d soon realise it´s not something he takes lightly. I think he´d give his right arm not to be."
"And Amira?"
"He´s not in love with her."
"So why is he with her? Why did he marry her? How are they still together now, trying to extend their family?"
"Because he´s scared!"
"That´s reason enough, is it?!" Masood checked his voice as he glanced down at Kamil.
"Not in my eyes, no. I haven´t wanted all of this. I wanted him to end it with her from the start."
Masood was lost in thought for a few seconds. "Christian – forgive me if this sounds too personal, but I don´t want to see you with Syed anymore."
"He doesn´t love Amira, Mas, he can´t."
"OK, so maybe he is gay. Maybe he is. But I don´t want him with you."
Christian stared at him, aghast. "Why not me?"
"Because you have betrayed this family, because you´re far too old for him, because your lifestyle is an insult to Islam and I´m not just talking about the obvious."
"What if I told you that we were in love?"
Suddenly, a flash of belligerence flitted across Masood´s face. "Don´t push my buttons, Christian!"
"It´s true, Masood! I´m in love with Syed and maybe if we hadn´t had to have kept it a secret, people could see that what we have is something really beautiful!"
Masood gave Christian a warning with regards to keeping his voice down and then spoke once again in a low voice. "So no one knows about this?"
Christian shifted in his seat. "Lucy knows. Jane." He took a long pause. "And Zainab."
Masood looked at him in disbelief. "Zee knows?"
Christian nodded as if confirming a fatality.
"Since when?"
"The day of the wedding. I told her before the ceremony."
Masood sat there stroking his chin for a while, clearly taking everything in. "Will you go now, Christian?"
Christian got up and turned to leave when Masood stopped him. "And Christian… if you touch my son again, I won´t be responsible for my actions."
