"I'm fine. I just needed some air and I opened the door. And then I ended up on the ground."
"See? This is exactly why I can't leave you alone. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I just cut my stomach on a rock. It'll be okay."
She put our food down and lifts up the hem of my shirt. Her fingers trace over my scars, most of them were ugly from stitches. She didn't dare go near the stitches from the bullet or my new soon to be scar.
"Em, it's going to need stitches. Come on, we ought to get you to the hospital."
"Can't we just put some bandages on it and eat? I just got out of the hospital and I'm starving."
"Em, we have to get you fixed up. Well have the food while we wait for you to get stitched up."
"No. Wait until we get back to your house. We've been eating in the hospital forever."
When we got to the hospital, I was rushed into a room. Apparently it's not a good sign when you've been discharged and return in the same day. They sent me down to CT and just like I could have guessed, everything came back negative. It took a while to get the results back, and for them to close my wound up. 10 stitches, another ugly scar, and 3 hours in the hospital. My shortest visit yet. I've been craving the food since we got here, but I really want to be able to sit down at a table. Just like a normal human being.
We arrive back to Alison's house and she sets the table. I offer my help, but she refuses to let me do anything. She gets out 2 glasses, and pours water into one of them. She slides the glass over to me, and she pours herself a glass of wine.
"I definitely need this after today."
"Sorry." I can't help but feel bad. I could've gotten up. She wouldn't have even known that I'd fallen.
"It's perfectly okay. How come you didn't call me? When you fell out I mean."
"I was fine, and you were only going to be a minute."
"What if I'd have been longer?"
"Can we just not talk about this now? I want a nice, real dinner. Not a lecture."
It's crazy how good something tastes when you haven't had it in so long. I think Alison is just enjoying watching me eat. I missed this. I feel like she would be happy if I told her about this. She gets angry when I keep things from her, so now it's not any different.
"I missed this."
"Missed what?"
"A real dinner. Back in Iraq, I really never had time to sit down, enjoy my meal, socialize with my friends. I always had work to do. Sure, the others could do that..but I didn't have that luxury."
"Well it's going to be even better when it's a home cooked meal. When did you get promoted anyway?"
"I might miss that the most." I smile, but can't help but think the great food my mom would have made me. "Uhhh like 3 years ago maybe. So it's been a while since I've actually been able to do this."
"Well good for you, it does really take a toll on people. I get it."
She collects our empty dishes and puts them in the dish washer. She pours herself another glass of wine, and pushes me into the living room.
"Do you want to go on the couch. I can't imagine that chair to be very comfortable."
"Yeah, my ass has been numb since we got back."
She set her glass of wine down and helps me onto the couch. We turn on the TV and the fireplace. She puts on some movie I've never seen before, and she swears it's like the one of the greatest movies ever. It's called The Fault in Our Stars, and it's about some girl who has cancer. This was all the information that she gave me, she didn't want to spoil it. She ended up falling asleep half-way through it, but I don't mind. It's a pretty sad movie, but it is actually good. I browse through the channels and I glance over at Alison. She's curled up into a ball, normally she'd be snuggled up next to me. There's a blanket on the back of the chair, but when I go to get up, my good leg is very weak. I won't be able to hop over there and back with out waking her up anyway. So I just slip down to the floor and crawl to the chair. I use all the strength I have in my arm to get myself back on the couch. I do my best to cover her up with the blanket, it's a little hard to do with 1 arm. I haven't been able to sleep with out the pain meds. I'll be high as a kite in the morning, that's when Alison can pick up my new prescription. I've been taking Tylenol, and the numbness from my new stitches have helped my pain.
I decide to put on Bridesmaids. I am enjoying this moving, and I am actually able to laugh without pain, due to the numbing shot. It's bound to wear off soon though.
"I'm life, Annie, and I'm biting you in the ass."
God, could that not be more true for me?
"This training is a pain in the ass, but you will all be better for it." My drill Sargent likes to yell at us all the time, but for once, he spoke in a normal voice.
"Fields, get your ass moving, or your doing 3 more miles!"
I don't think my legs can even take me 3 more steps, but they can't go 3 more miles. I've always been in pretty good shape, at the beginning the hardest part was doing 100's of push ups and sit ups. Now, it's the exact opposite. It is different when you start running 15 miles a day. My drill Sargent shot near my feet. It was the first time I'd been shot at.
Not only that, or this whole situation, but my regular life has really kicked my ass. I'm tired of fighting, and I don't have to anymore. Alison is getting married, now I just need to get back to step 1. Another movie starts playing, but I don't even pay attention to it. My eyes are fixated on the fire. I've always loved fires as a little girl. I love just watching them. The fire is going to go out soon, there's only coals left. I turn the TV off and just watch the coals burn, it's enough entertainment for me. I don't know how long I've been sitting like this for, but the coals aren't bright orange anymore, they're red. Alison starts moving around in her sleep. She's having a nightmare. I want to wrap my arms around her to calm her down but that would be too awkward. She wakes up and I feel her eyes on me.
"Hey. What time is it?" Her voice is raspy.
"I don't know." My voice is a soft whisper, instantly giving away that I hadn't slept.
"Have you slept at all? How did I get this blanket?"
"No. I watched another movie and then I just sat here watching the fire. I crawled over to the chair."
She clicks the button on her phone to check the time. I didn't want to look at my watch, there's no point. I know it's late-or early for that matter, but it doesn't change that I haven't been able to sleep. Her phone light is bright, I've been siting in the dark for probably 2 hours now.
"It's 4:30 in the morning. Emily you need to sleep. Come on, let's go upstairs to your bedroom."
"No, you go up. I don't want to hop up the stairs right now, just leave me here."
