A/N: Ok, so I've never been one to put a trigger warning in a chapter before, but this chapter will deal with the physical and emotional abuse of a child and suicidal thoughts. If you're sensitive to such things, I apologise. This chapter should also end the MAJOR ANGST between Harry and Lily.
Chapter Eight: Rachel Smith
The students of Hogwarts were used to unusual events since Harry Potter had been sorted in '07. Teachers being Voldemort, Basilisk attacks and Dementors were something people got used to thanks to Harry, but this was strange to most the students. Two red and gold metal men were flying around the castle, blasting small holes in the walls to place odd coloured ropes into the building.
Harry watched from the courtyard with Hermione as the suits continued to work. "I can't believe he's using J.A.R.V.I.S to power the entire labour force."
Tony approached with Lily, sitting near them. "Well I have workers on the inside to ensure that the work is done properly. But using the suits for the heavy lifting is just normal." He chuckled, fixing his sunglasses on. "What's the skinny?"
Harry shrugged. "The muggleborn students are really excited about the new ideas. Most half-bloods are on the fence about it though, they tend to live magically." He explained, sipping a butterbeer.
Hermione grabbed a bottle, observing the suits closely. "I've never seen those models before."
Tony smirked. "Igor and Tank were created for construction purposes. They've little to no battle or manoeuvring capabilities, they're construction suits." He tapped his earpiece. "J, how's the Common Room coming along?"
"Marvellous sir. I believe it will be ready for tonight." Jarvis responded through the transceiver. "How goes installation of the reactor?"
Harry sighed. "I'll be taking the team down today since the elevator is finally installed. We're three days behind schedule, but we've still another nine to go before we've to unveil the new Hogwarts." He checked his watch. "Lunchtime's over people, time for the reactor crew to meet at the location."
Lily stood to her feet, linking her arm with his. "And I'm coming too. I've heard about the Basilisk and I want to see what a twelve year old boy could do against a XXXXX magical creature."
Harry sighed. "Damn rumour mill." He walked to the bathroom, holding the voice recorder close to him. 'Open!' He hissed. He handed the recorder to Tony. "Have everyone bring a copy of the recording to this room." He stood into the elevator. Lily, Tony, Hermione and the crew members followed suit.
Lily and Harry cleared the debris from the collapsed ceiling, making their way into the Chamber. She gasped loudly when she spotted the freshly preserved Basilisk carcass. "I-It's...how..?" She whispered to herself. "How did you survive?"
Tony wrapped his arms around Lily, trying to calm her nerves. The colour had drained from her face and he swore he could smell urine, though they were in the main pipe system. "How big is it?"
"Scans indicate that the beast is sixty foot from snout to tail and eleven foot in width. It weighs just under two metric tons and died of a stab wound to the brain." J.A.R.V.I.S responded.
Harry stood forward, keeping his nerves in check. "Work on the harvesting." He told half the crew. "When it's broken down fully, move the reactor into place. We have nine days people." He turned to his mother. "Tony, take mum upstairs and bring her to Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital Wing."
Tony nodded, walking out with Harry, Hermione and Lily. "He's alive, Lils." He assured her.
Lily placed her hand on Harry's shoulder. "You ever go near another class XXXXX magical creature again, and you'll be grounded until you're seventy!"
Harry chuckled weakly. "Duly noted." He whispered, rubbing the old scar tissue from the Basilisk bite. "And I don't plan on slaying anymore Basilisk or Dementors."
Lily frowned. "Dementors?!" She shouted loudly. "That's it. You and I will be having a large talk about this tonight."
Hermione smiled slightly, rubbing his hand. "If it's ok with you, Mrs Stark, I'd like to come along and fill in the gaps."
Lily nodded. "Of course. And Ron too...I want the full story." She whispered, walking towards the Hospital Wing with them. She sat down on one of the beds. "This reminds me so much of seventh year." She laughed weakly.
Madam Pomfrey raised an eyebrow as she heard the voice. "Ah, Lily." She walked out. "I remember that day, the scared girl asking for a pregnancy test." She chuckled. "What can I do for you?"
Lily sighed. "I just discovered the story about the Chamber of Secrets and the Basilisk were true. My husband and son think it could be a problem with my current pregnancy."
Harry kept a slight distance from them. "I hate hospitals..."
Tony smirked. "No one likes 'em." He gently massaged Lily's shoulders, trying to keep her stress levels down. "As for you, Lils, you're spending the rest of the day doing something relaxing."
Lily rolled her eyes. "I'll be fine." She said sternly.
Harry thought for a moment. "You know, the library has an entire new wing since you've been a student."
Lily smiled. "Is that so?" She asked curiously. "I could do with checking out the newest books on advanced charms." She said softly. "How about we have our talk in the library?"
Harry nodded. "Ok." He said softly. "But just you and I. No Mrs Weasley. No Hermione. This is just for you and I, mum. I'll tell you everything you want to know...for a price."
Lily frowned. "What's the price?"
Harry looked at her. "I want to know who she was. I saw the letter addressed to you from the Auror Corps. You know who she was." He clenched his fist. "I want to know who gave their life for mine..."
Lily nodded. "Ok. But I want to know everything."
"..." Harry stared at the wall behind her. "You'll regret saying that..."
-HS-
Lily sat at one of the older tables in the library. Madam Prince had allowed them to speak privately in the area, since it only held basic information about old runes that hadn't been used for millennia. She tapped the table gently, staring into his eyes. "You first." She whispered softly.
Harry messed with an old quill, taking a small breath. "I can't remember a time before magic when I was happy." He chuckled bitterly. "My life was just hell. My first memory is the nightmare of a woman being hit by a blinding green light before waking up in tears. If I asked Petunia about it, I'd be beaten..." He ran his hand across his arm. "I've had bones broken for asking questions." He shook his head. "My life was nothing but pain and suffering."
Lily closed her eyes. "Surely your teachers knew something was wrong?" She asked sadly.
Harry laughed. "Are you joking?" He asked sarcastically. "Vernon had all the right people paid off!" He banged the table. "Teachers, nurses, police officers. There was no one to help me." He growled out. "No one! I didn't have a billionaire and his butler to hold my hand whenever I cried!" He shouted.
Lily sighed. "Are you trying to get a rise out of me?" She asked. "I'm sorry for not coming back sooner...but I thought you were dead!"
Harry smirked. "Yeah, and you never went to visit my supposed grave." He pointed out. "And I've held my tongue about it long enough. You should have at least came to see your dead son. But you were too busy playing secretary for Tony fucking Stark and I hate him for that." He admitted. "I hate how he just dances over responsibilities and how he thinks me helping him with a suit will make us BFF's. I'm sick of having to accept things. My upcoming lordship. Cramming a decade of information into less than a year. I'm sick of feeling guilty for being who I am. And I'm sick of having to deal with everyone telling me how happy I should be!" He bit the inside of his cheek. "Ask what you want to ask..." He said blandly.
"Can you write down a list of people who Vernon paid off?" She asked.
He grabbed a piece of parchment, writing down a large list of names. "Two are dead, one's in a coma."
Lily scanned the document. Most of the names were only last names, but Harry had placed their title beside their name. "Was it ever sexual?"
He shook his head. "Vernon despises gays, he'd never lower himself down to that." He said simply. "I was beaten, kicked around and told I was trash for all my life. Isn't it enough to just know that?" He asked. "You think that talking about this will give either of us closure?" He laughed bitterly again. "You're trying to find a way for you and I to connect, but you're going the wrong way about it, mum. You need to think about the Harry in front of your eyes, not the boy who needed a mother."
Lily sighed, placing her hand on his cheek. "You're right." She whispered. "All I thought about was the past." She whispered. "What do you remember about your seventh birthday?" She asked curiously.
Harry thought for a moment. "That would've been '03, right? I spent it in hospital..." He whispered. "Laceration to my lung..." He smirked to himself. "Check the hospital records, it'll say I fell off a wall."
Lily frowned. "What really happened?"
"Cricket bat to the chest..." Harry closed his eyes.
Lily moved closer to him. "Do you hate me?" She asked softly.
"No." He answered truthfully. "I wanted to. But it's not your fault. It's nobody's fault really. Your ward scheme worked just as it was supposed to, it protected me from dark wizards." He whispered.
"But not from them." Lily said softly, wrapping her arm around him. "That was the first and only time I'd forgotten your birthday. Mr Jarvis' wife had died the previous day and we were working on the preparations..." She sighed. "I cried for a week after that..." She turned to him. "All because I had forgotten that day." She sniffled. "I hate myself." She whispered. "It's hard for me not to. I was too much of a coward to come home and deal with your death..."
Harry looked at her. "The worse memory I have is from 2004, I had made Petunia a card for mother's day...it was my teacher's idea. I gave it to her and asked a question...could I go and visit my mother's grave?" He sighed sadly. "I was basically told that nothing I could ever do would make Petunia love me like a son..." He chuckled bitterly. "You try and make me feel loved, but the sad fact is, I'm beyond love." He shook his head. "I'm broken. I'm defective. I'm not...I'm not worth the time." He ran his hand through his hair. "I'm broken." He repeated quietly, tears slipping down his cheek.
Lily pulled him close to her. "Never say that again." She whispered firmly. "You are not broken." She stared into his eyes. "You are Harry James Potter, my son. You are not broken." She gently played with his hair. "When I saw you that day, when it finally sunk in that you were alive, it made my heart soar with happiness." Harry sobbed softly, hiding his face away from her. "Fuck what that...absolute cunt told you." She said with conviction. "You're my son, Harry." She whispered gently, kissing his forehead. "You could become the next Dark Lord and you'd still be my son." She felt his body relax. "I love you, and nothing will ever stop that."
Harry looked up at her. "I'm sorry." He whispered sadly. "I'm not able to put aside the hatred I have for him." He said angrily. "I can't let the past go." He wiped his eyes. "I can't stop myself from blaming him."
Lily rubbed his hand gently. "Tell me about the Dursleys." She whispered.
Harry nodded. "Vernon always hated me. He blamed me on everything. If it rained, it was my fault. His paper was late, my fault. Cricket team lost, my fault." He closed his eyes. "Petunia liked to make me do everything around the house. House-elves aren't worked as hard as I was..." He chuckled bitterly, staring into nothing. "I'm never going to forget the past...I didn't get a childhood, mum...and it's not going to happen now." He sighed. "I envy regular people...I really do." He admitted. "I've always kept it to myself, my past. And this whole opening up thing, it's draining. I would love a fucking drink right now."
Lily frowned. "Alcohol is bad for you, Harry. It's not a viable option."
Harry's eyes closed. "True...but it numbs the pain." He whispered sadly. "It makes the screaming stop at night." His voice took on a hollow tone. "It makes the world seem less shit."
Lily frowned. "I shouldn't do this, but..." She took out a flask. "I keep Tony's flask of whiskey on me for emergency situations." She handed it to him. "Only this once." She warned him strictly.
Harry nodded, taking a gulp of whiskey. "He's a dickhead, but the man has good taste in two things."
Lily raised an eyebrow. "What's the two things?"
Harry chuckled weakly. "Women and alcohol."
Lily laughed lightly. "You remind me so much of your father at times it's crazy." She took the flask from him.
Harry smiled. "I like joking. People don't think I do, but I do." He rested his head on her shoulder. "Is it a boy or girl?"
Lily shrugged. "I don't know. I'm hoping for a girl." She admitted. "I'm outnumbered at home four to one most times." She teased. "I always wanted a girl." She said casually. "I always wanted to be like my mom...she used to make these amazing cookies." She smiled sadly. "When I married your dad, she gave me the recipe in a beautiful frame..." She felt a tear slip down her cheek. "I wonder if it's in the vault..?"
Harry watched her. "I'd love to have a kid." He admitted. "From a young age, I promised myself I was going to have a family. I was going to be everything they said I couldn't." He held her hand. "I'm not angry." He said softly. "I've said a lot of bad things to you, but, I am excited to be a brother."
Lily smiled. "Thank you." She kissed his hand. "That was my biggest fear...that you'd completely reject us..."
"My fear was being replaced." He said softly, staring at her stomach. "Being...forgotten."
She took his hand, placing it gently on her stomach. "Feel that, baby? That's your big brother." She said softly. "He's a silly git sometimes, but we love him anyway." She smiled at him.
Harry chuckled slightly. "I..." He closed his eyes. "When I was five, I tried to run away...I spent three days living in a park, hiding from people and eating from a bin..." He said slowly. "On the third day this lovely woman finds me and brings me to a police station. She was just being a good Samaritan, trying to help a scared child..." He took a shaky breath. "That was the worst beating of my life. It..." He took her hand, placing it up his back. "Feel that?"
She nodded, gently gliding her fingers over the knotted flesh. "What happened?"
Harry closed his eyes. "Vernon took his belt off and held me down...he held the metal part up and lashed my back until the flesh split..." He tried to steady his breathing. "I lost a lot of blood that night...I...I was going to die." He felt his throat tighten. "I was so scared..." He sniffled. "Why did they hate me..?"
Lily held him close to her, rocking him gently. "It's ok." She whispered. "They'll never hurt you again." She was glad that she erected privacy wards around them, she didn't want her son to be ridiculed by the others. "You don't have to say anymore."
Harry held onto her, sobbing like a child. Years of loneliness and isolation pouring out with his tears. "I...l." He looked up at her. "I tried to take my life..." He said softly.
Lily wiped his tears away, trying not to let her heart break. "When?"
He blinked away the final tears. "Just before my eleventh birthday." He said softly. "A month before it to be exact. I couldn't live with it anymore." He sniffled. "I snuck one of the steak knives out of the kitchen and went to the bathroom. I read how to do it...but I couldn't. Something stopped me." He closed his eyes. "I just wanted the pain to go away."
Lily wrapped her arms around him again, kissing his forehead. "I'm going to make sure that bitch's reputation is torn apart." She said, her voice firm with conviction. "You held up your end of the bargain, now it's my turn."
Harry stared at her. "Who was she..?" He felt his heartbeat slow. He had been dreading this moment.
Lily sighed. "Rachel Smith. She was your father's Auror partner along with Sirius..." She kept her arm around him. "She was also your godmother."
Harry frowned. "So he was cheating on you..."
Lily shook her head. "Rachel was a lesbian, Harry. If anything it would've been my pants she tried to get into." She sniffled. "Rachel was a good friend of mine and your dad's. She was so funny, energetic, loving...she adored you. Merlin, she basically kidnapped you for a whole month when James and I were in hiding."
Harry sighed. "Did she have any family?"
Lily blinked away some tears. "No. Her family disowned her when she came out of the closet." She took small breathes. "Rachel was the only woman who could calm you down besides me." She finally let the tears fall. "Nearly all my friends are gone, Harry. Alice, Selene, Marlene, Rachel, Frank...all gone." She whimpered. "All I have left is you, Tony, Jarvis, Sirius and Remus."
Harry sat there, thinking about the woman who gave her life for his. "I want to bury her." He whispered. "It's up to you whether she's buried with dad or in a fresh grave...but she family...and I...owe her."
Lily hugged him tightly. "You've such a kind heart." She kissed his forehead. "She's family. She deserves to be buried with family."
Harry sighed. "Do you want to know about the Hogwarts years now?"
Lily nodded. "Of course."
-HS-
Tony wrapped his arms around Lily as they relaxed in bed. Jarvis had managed to transport the large camper he used to use as a kid whenever he felt the need for adventure. "Sounds more like a circus than a school."
Lily couldn't help but agree with his statement. Hogwarts had endangered her son's life on three occasions within the first three years of schooling. She sighed sadly. "James wasn't having an affair."
Tony froze. Although he'd never admit it out loud, the idea that he had failed Lily by not bringing her back to England had always plagued his mind. "Who was buried with him then..?"
Lily nestled into his embrace. "Rachel, a good friend of ours..." She sighed. "He died thinking I hated him. He died trying to protect our son. I'm a bitch."
Tony smirked. "Yeah, you are. But that's why James and I fell in love with you. Your bitchiness is your greatest attribute, Lils. You are never afraid to back down from a challenge, to be who you want to be." He kissed her gently. "You've always been a bitch, but I wouldn't have you any other way."
Lily kissed him back, raising an eyebrow. "I don't know whether to be insulted or grateful for that."
Tony chuckled. "Bit of both I suppose."
A/N2: I know this chapter is late, but I've had to amend my schedule to coincide with my new course. From now on chapters will be up on Sundays, or at the latest Monday. Hope you all liked this one.
