A/N: I am going to have extreme difficulty updating for a while because my computer has a huge virus so I can't use it and my laptop is not working either so I'll have to sneakily use my mums or my two sisters until I (hopefully) get a new laptop in April for my birthday. So my point is I can't promise dates on updates, I'm on half term now so I will try to update all my stories, but I can't promise anything. Sorry for the long wait on this things are still crazy around here, anyway I hope you like this.
Emotional Whatsits.
1 minute later
Oh my god.
What is wrong with me? Why did I walk off?
I am such a div.
God, please do not let me turn into Jas.
1 minute later
I bet Jas will call me a tart when I tell her about my Dave the Laugh epiphany whatist.
I am not a tart.
Am I?
Oh god, maybe I am.
Even Dave called me a tart.
Okay I will do what good old Baby J would do; show a high level of sophis.
And no more snogging in public.
I will gird my loins.
My loins will be gird-ed
Hahaha? Get it? Gird-ed! Like guarded!
I think I have become hysterical.
1 minute later
My loins are ungirded.
They are gird less.
Oo-er.
Shut up brain!
30 seconds later
It wasn't my fault.
To clear all suspiciouosity in the air, I will tell you what happened.
Dave the Laugh came running up to me like a mad fool, which he is.
Then he grinned at me, and my legs went entirely jelloid, then he picked me up and span me around.
Now bear in my mind, that we were on an aeroplane and that the aisles on aeroplanes are tiny, so when Dave did that it was absoloute aggers.
My knees and legs took a beating from the chairs.
Then he finally stopped spinning me a round like a fool, and snogged me.
So my little pals, as you can know clearly see, Dave ungirded my loins.
Oo-er!
10 minutes later
He really is a tip top snogger.
And a lip nibbler extraordinaire.
Wow woza wow!
Dave the Laugh can neck snog.
Vair well by the way.
1 minute later
The air hostess had a nervy b at us for blocking the aisle.
Well actually she had a nervy b at me.
She was trying sticky eyes with Dave.
I will have to kill her.
Of course Dave used his charm to shut her up.
By charm I mean he winked at her and she practically feinted so we used that as our escape.
As we sat back in our seats, well I say our he was in my nature loving best pallies seat but he claimed it as his.
Anyway before I rudely interrupted my self, when we sat down I said to Dave: "The air hostess lurveees you."
"Who doesn't?"
"You are vair big headed Dave."
"I'm not bigheaded, it's true. Besides which of us has a fan club?"
He has actually got a point, sadly.
The ginger twitches are active members of the Dave the Laugh fan club, along with those girls at party who follow him around like dogs.
"I'll take you silence as an agreement. So are you know part of my fan club Kittykat?"
"Nope."
"But you lurve me don't you?" Aww. His pout is adorable.
"You love that I love you don't you?"
"Ha. You admitted it again! I always knew you did you silly fraulein."
Damn. He had me there.
Ah well live and let lie or whatever it is.
"Okay so I said I love you, so....are...we..erm..you...know?"
Great. I've turned into Ellen.
"Kindly remove Ellen's voice box would you?"
"Are we...horn partners now?"
That was so embarrassing. Dave grinned.
Mmm yummy scrumboes.
"I would love to be Kittykat, but you have got to try harder than that."
What in the name of Vati's smalls he is talking about?
Erlack, now I have Vati's undercrackers in my head.
Get out, get out, get out!
"You need to ask me to be your horn partner first you silly fraulein."
He has well and truely cracked.
I think he must of banged his head when he sat down.
"What?"
"Ask me Kittykat. It's very simple."
"You want me to ask you?"
"Yes."
"No!"
"Why?"
"Because. Why should I ask you out, isn't that the boys job."
"Ah but that rule has an exception." Dave said while nodding his head in a way that he thought was wise. It wasn't.
"What is the exception?" He looked at me like I was dim. Boys are such a mystery.
"Ah don't you see Kittykat? I have told you I lurved you for a long time, but you where always too busy fancying Italian lesbians and wombats and such."
"What in the name of PANTS are you talking about?"
"I have done loads of embarrassing emotional whatsits, so now it's your time. Plus it's a real ego buffer to have the girl ask you."
I just looked at him. He stared innocently back, which slightly made my lips pucker up.
"Do I really have to?"
"Yes. You can forfeit on it but there would be no snoggsies."
Damn him.
"Fine. Dave/Hornmesiter/King of Pants/ The Vati, would you be my hornpartner."
"I dont know Kittykat, the Hornmeister is in high demand you know..." I gave him my most evilest evils.
He grinned and said: "Of course I would missus. Now give me a snog, to make it official."
This horn partner stuff is guht!
10 minutes later
Yes! I am now the Official Girlfriend of the Laugh God!
The Laugh God?! Where did that come from?
It fits though. Hmmm. Laugh God. It sounds good.
Gee, The Girlfriend Of The Laugh God.
Now that sounds fabby.
And if being the girlfriend means laughs and snogs then double fabby.
10 minutes later
Oh joy unbound! My best pallie has come over, and is staring at me.
I stopped snogging, laughing when Dave protested and said to Jas:
"Stop staring at me you lezzie."
Jas got all humpy with me as I expected but she didn't fringe off like I wouldn't her too.
"You're such a tart Georgia. You need to control your redbottomosity or Masimo will never want to go out with you."
"That doesn't matter."
"Whaa...huh?" Jas's goldfish expression is not the most attractive she has looked. But I am a good pally so I didn't mention this.
"I'm going out with Dave silly."
Jas just did that looking at me, looking at Dave thing.
Dave looked down and rasied his eyebrow at me, so I just nodded wisely.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!"
What fresh hell!
Jas is squealing. Actually squealing. I think she may have lost it.
She pulled us both into a hug. Dave looked a touch scared. I can't blame him.
I said lovingly to her: "Let go of us you lezzie."
She actually listened to me for once then said:
"Sorry. I'm just happy she has finally admitted she loved you, and stopped having redbottomosity."
She's such a charmer. But thankfully she fringed off, probably to talk to my vati about exploding bores and badger holes.
Half an hour later
Dave was still affected by Jas's unusually-unusual behaviour. Or so he says.
"You know missus, you could help your gorgeous boyfriend by snogging. It's very therapeutic."
Amazingly he is right, it's very good for health.
It should be part of the p.e fitness regime.
Actually no it shouldn't be, because I go to an all girls school so we would be lezzies.
I bet Miss Stamp would love that.
Erlack, get out of my head!
10 minutes later
Dave looked like he was thinking.
Phwoar! He looks scrummy.
I must not get stupid brain. Dave will never let me hear the end of it.
"What are you thinking about Hornmeister?"
"Well we said we where going to introduce the Hamburgese to the fab world of Pants and Knickers, but we have been slack on that duty. "
"Indeedy. What do you suggest we do Pants King?"
"You shall see." He said grinning. Mmm he really" is gorgey. How did I not notice before?
What is he planning?
I will be the last to know.
Touchdown
Have you ever snogged while on a plane that is landing?
It is painful.
When we hit the ground, it made me and Dave jump and bang our heads.
Although my head was better when Dave kissed it.
Hamburger a go go airport security
Woo! We are no longer in a hoedown, but in the city of fashion gods.
Well except from the hideous airport staff uniforms.
I feel sorry for them having to work in a boring place like this all day in a crappy outfit.
As Dave has told me numerous times: I am all heart.
When I told Jas of my sympathy for the airport workers she just tutted at me.
What is the fascination with tutting?
The sadists at school, Elvis, Mutti, Vati and now Jas all tut at me.
Why?
10 minutes later
Dave just said "Howdy!" to the airport sadist that mooches at passport photos and he just looked at him like he was a loon.
Admittedly Dave is a loon, but the airport sadist lives in Hamburgese so he should be full of love and say howdy back.
He must not be a true Hamburgese person.
10 minutes later
Waiting for our luggage.
Why is it taking so long?
I hope some red faced loon has not stolen my foundation.
It would be so typical of god. Although he has turned up trumps with my new troth so I will not convert to Buddhism.
Yet.
10 minutes later
My so called family are all bored too, but have different ways of dealing with it:
Uncle Eddie is practising his stripper moves.
Vati is twirling his beard and saying Elvis quotes.
Mutti is adjusting her over the shoulder bolder holder.
Libbs is playing with Pantalizer's head.
And Jas is reading a nature magazine.
How did I end up with these people?
20 minutes later
The luggage finally started coming on the moving belt thing.
The belt thing looks like it would be fun to ride.
Shame.
1 minute later
Either Dave can read my mind or he was thinking the same thing because he suddenly dragged me on it.
It was vair funny riding on someones luggage.
Of course my "parents" didn't notice.
But the airport workers did.
Merde.
30 minutes later
I can't believe I am in Airport Jail with Dave and Uncle Eddie.
Let me add something: Uncle Eddie got put in here for actually stripping, so he is only wearing his feather codpiece and his comedy undercrackers.
Marv.
Blimey. I didn't know I would end it like that, but that's the fun of it. Yay, Dave and Gee are together! I wish I could say when the next update will be but I can't. I will try writing more tomorrow. Not much happened in this and their is probably huge grammer and spelling mistakes; I proof checked it three times but I always miss stuff. By the way it would be fabby if anyone could give me any ideas for locations in Manhattan as I've never been there so I don't know much about it. Also if anyone has any plot ideas they would like to share that would be cool, I think I know where I'm going to take this but ideas are welcome. Reviews would be fab. I love you all :)
