They bring me food every day, but I don't eat it. I just won't do it. They could have poisoned it, but mostly I don't eat it because I want nothing to do with them. Being back at my small chamber again I've put the rage behind me and have now entered a state of confusion and just silence. Sitting here, day by day, just staring into the source of light coming into my cell.
Starving myself wasn't a problem for me. If I didn't eat, it would mean I win. The humans have no power over me. Not at all. They come and go, changing shifts guarding me. Sometimes they talk.
''I still don't think she is human. We know Noah is safe from the parasites, but this –her- could be a new trick of theirs.'' They still despite me, thinking I was one of the souls. I wish I were.. but somehow, it already felt like it.
''I bet she brainwashed Noah or something.'' Even though I feel nothing inside me, I feel the angry me growl in the backside of my head. Ignoring it, I start wondering about this Ian guy. Even though most of the conversations passing my halls and later coming into my tiny cell often were about me, the new topic was a guy called Ian. He was hurt and was currently with Doc.
The humans were complaining about how they couldn't heal him quickly enough for the upcoming raid. Noah pops up in my head, and even though I hate him, I find it odd they wasn't using the medicine he and I had got when he was injured. He hadn't shared them with the others? No, he was one of them now. The monsters. Maybe they were saving it all? This means people don't really care about this Ian guy. But why should they care about one of them in pain? They have no feelings or compassion.
After being here for a few days I've started to recognize the voices, and I soon found out their names. Firstly, it was the old man, Jeb. We carried something metal, because every time he came through the corridors, he held the metal thing against the wall while walking. Wondering, I think it might be a warning, because it sounds loud and sharp. Dangerous. The old man's name is the hardest to find out, but then finally I catch it. Its Jeb, and it's called by a tiny boys voice. But the boy referred Jeb as Uncle Jeb. I am surprised by the humans to have children here. It was horrible to raise a child in this violent environment.
Then there is Aaron and Geoffrey, but neither of them speaks very often. They just stay there in silence. My impression of both of them is icy and careful. They are both sly and cunning. And then finally, there is Wes. One of the first humans I've met sense I got here. Even though I hate the humans and am grossed out by them, I preferred Wes above all the others. Maybe it was because he was a talkative person. I found him interesting in a weird way.
He had tried to speak to me, asking me questions, but I didn't answer. I just kept staring out in space, trying to keep focus. My head was all bubbly after not eating in days, but I still kept my eyes open. One day, Wes even went into my little chamber, sitting next to me. After not moving in days, when I shift away from him, my whole body, all bones give away many creaks. I see Wes flinch in the corner of my eye, frowning in a pained look. He is asking me about how I found my way here. How I knew Noah.
Somehow, I like it when he talks to me. I don't answer, but still. Its fascinating how this guy still holds the spirit up, getting no answers to his questions. He is practically talking to himself. Sometimes he falls into silence. Even though we both just sit there, it feels comfortable and relaxed.
The next time he comes, I wake up by his sound. Opening my eyes, I see him sit there next to me. But this time, I don't feel any panic over him. I just stay, trying to gain my conscious again. My nose caught up something in the air. Food? My mouth is watering, needing to feel the food on my tongue. But no, I can't. That would mean I've given up. Wes sighs and I realize he is still here. My mind isn't working quite as well as it used to…
''You should eat.'' He had told me this before, but I don't obey him. Usually, I am still staring out into the darkness. Only thing, it isn't darkness anymore. My eyes got used to it and adapted. But this time, I can feel a connection to my body again. This past few days had felt like I was floating in mid air, going nowhere. I had been air – nothing. But now I managed to move. To change.
Shaking my head, Wes head snaps up, feeling the movement in the room. Staring into my eyes in wonder, he gives me a small smile. Why he care I don't know. It was just like Doc. Why care?
''I thought we had lost you.'' I raise one eyebrow at this. Lost me? I wasn't part of them. Never was.
''Why won't you eat? Please don't continue this way, starving yourself. I won't force you, but I am begging you to,'' he continues, his voice now louder. His first statement had been just a small whisper.
I can't eat. I want to disappear, I wanted to tell him. But I couldn't find the strength. He is looking down at his feet in front of him, his legs crossed. He wasn't expecting this. Maybe he didn't want a reaction from me? Maybe I should disappeared again…
''Jeb has the next shift, you should talk to him. He could explain.'' No, there is nothing to explain. These people are murders, there is nothing to explain. He feel myself shrink, thinking about it. But I keep my head up, staring into the light.
''How is Ian as a person?'' We are both shocked to hear my voice. It was barely a whisper, sounding so weak. It was raspy. My whole body was dehydrated. Or at least it felt like it. What did I just say? Why would I even say something? I won't want to talk to Wes. I didn't want anything to do with him. My mind had just drifted of to this Ian person, wanting to focus somewhere else but the poor souls and their life's being taken away from them.
''He is strongest in the caves I guess. He is here with his brother Kyle.'' As if regretting bringing up Kyle, he stops. But when I don't say anything, he takes a deep breath and continues.
''He is pretty awesome and he kicks ass in football. Even though his reactions are very familiar to his brothers, Ian is a marshmallow inside. Or well… He is the nice one of the two brothers. Sometimes he is just plain boring, but I just annoy him and he becomes funny again. We're all friends.''
I wonder why I asked the question. Ian had been a mystery to be for days, and now I could finally picture him before me. Wes saying he was the strongest in the caves I wonder if he is even larger then Kyle. Shivering by the thought of Kyle I push him away and return to Ian. Having no idea what is happening to me, I wait for more. As if reading my thoughts, Wes gives me some final words.
''He is hurt really bad and Doc is freaking out.'' That's it. Wes isn't giving me anymore.
''Thank… you.'' I can feel him staring at me again, forcing my eyes to meet his. I don't want to, but I finally turn. I drown in his deep green eyes. They are startling and I find myself lost. What I say next I have no control over. But it feels right, and I owe Wes this.
''Take Noah and his backpack to him. Heal Ian with our medicine.'' His eyes widen, then overfills with joy. Not saying anything, he stands and get out of there. I feel satisfied, even if I shouldn't. Why would I help them? I am left alone here with questions and no answers.
Jeb walks into my cell for the first time just a few minutes later. He is studying me and my small figure, all pressed together into a small ball, trying to keep itself together. Jeb sights before sitting down.
''Wes told me to talk to you and that you wouldn't yell at me. So I guess it's time.''
''Why?'' I squeak. He looks around, avoiding my eyes.
''Did you expect us to just give up? We have a stronger survival instinct than that. Of course we want to find a way to get our minds back. It could be any one of us someday. So many people we love are already lost.''
I don't like his answer, but as the minutes of silence pass, the words fall into me and I am starting to understand them.
''There is always two sides of a story,'' I whisper. He looks as surprised as Wes did by hearing a whole sentence leaving my mouth. Then he nods, understanding what I am trying to say.
''Want to get up and move a little?'' he suddenly say, raising up from the floor. I stare at him, confused. Then he just smiles.
''My house, my rules.''
Sorry, but the mystery person didnt appear in this chapter. But Wes and Ivy had some bonding.. man, I miss Wes in the books :(
