This is an Elsanna pairing fanfiction. It's been formulated to be the most hidiously emotionally-jarring story ever. You've been warned. Also: will contain much smut. And whatever else I'd like. Read at your own risk.
Chapter Nine: Sisters
Elsa POV
I feel my heart pounding in my chest and it takes everything within me to heed the nurses' orders and not lurch out of bed to throw my arms around my baby sister. The way she's looking at me, with utter adoration in her eyes, is simply breathtaking. It's like nothing we've ever said or done to each other matters; we're here now, we're both here and alive and it's alright. I know I'm nowhere near off the hook; Anna deserves a thorough explanation and apology at her earliest convenience- but I feel a sense of relief, like the day I let it all go.
Although maybe you didn't actually let everything go, because if the events of late are any clue...
"I still have a lot of discovering to do." I finish aloud, warmly squeezing the hand Anna places in mine. For a moment she smiles at me, her warm gaze melting away and remnants of fear, and then her eyes flit to my mother.
"Mom," she asks nervously "Elsa is ok, right?"
Our mother comes over and smiles at Anna softly, placing a hand over mine on the bed. "Yes honey. She's stablized and she'll come home soon. I just..." I watch as tears fill her eyes, and my stomach clutches. "I just wish she hadn't felt the need to..."
I'm about to cry out, tell my mom it'll be alright, when I notice Anna's face. It's completely fallen, her cheeks are splotchy red and her owls-eyes are brimming with tears that slip silently down her cheeks and land on her dress, dappling the purple. What she says next floors me completely.
"It's- it's all my fault mom!" she sobs. "If it wasn't for me Elsa would have never- I told her to go away-" a hiccough- "And she did. And I'm so, so sorry Elsa. And I-I-I...I didn't wear the green dress!" An enormous wave of guilt reflects across her face as she divebombs for our mother's chest, where she sobs her heart out in racking, jerky movements that make my heart break for the millionth time today.
"NO." It takes me a moment to realize I've said it, even when I see my parents' and Anna's heads flip in my direction. "No." I say, bracing myself higher against my pillow and setting my jaw determindly. For once, I will do things right. I will not let Anna live under this horrendous guilt any longer. "It's not your fault, Anna." I tell her, staring deep into her eyes. "It's my own fault. I never was able to open up to you. And for that I'm really, really sorry and I don't know what to do about it now except keep trying, again and again and again until it finally works. I'm never giving up on you." My voice starts to waver on the last sentence and I swallow to regain my composure. "Oh Anna, you don't now how incredibly much I love and adore you."
"Elsa..." Anna separates herself from mom and stares at me, wiping away tears and teetering on her feet like she's about to fall over.
"What is it, Owl Eyes?" I ask gently, hoping she's ok.
"Can I..." She clears her throat and tries again. "Can I have a hug?"
Eyes brimming with tears I nod furiously, holding my arms open wide for her. The room is empty except for our family, but I wouldn't care if we were out in a field surrounded by all of Kristoff's ice guys. She slowly walks into my arms, shaking like a leaf, and my maternal instincts kick in, shocking me.
I haven't felt like this in years I think as I cuddle her tightly to my chest. The feelings that swell up inside me are comparable to nothing else; pure love, intimacy and possesion. Anna is my little sister and I'm never going to let her get hurt like this again. Not by me, not by anyone else.
"Elsa?" I look up at the nurse and almost curse as Anna jerks back and, smiling shyly, sits on the bed some distance from me.
"What is it?" I ask, trying to keep my tone even. After all, it's not the nurse's fault. But I already miss Anna, as she sits there studying me as though she's never seen me before or something. Which is kinda true; she's never seen this side of me, not for more than a few moments, at least.
"You've been cleared; you can go home now." She hands me a plastic bag with papers and brochures in it and leans closer before adding "I've given you some resources dear, and don't hesitate to call our help-line if you need anything." My face turns the deepest crimson; as good intentioned as this nurse is, I'm embarrased.
"Um, I...thank you." I mumble awkwardly. "But I...um...I think..."
"It's nothing to be ashamed of, sweetie. I just want you to get the help you need." The pretty red-haired nurse gives me another menaingful smile and the situation is just so awkward that I nod and bury my face in my hands.
"It's ok, Elsa." Anna says quietly when she's gone. And as my own little redhead comes over to join me I can't help but smile.
Everything's gonna be way, way easier now. I tell myself.
As my parents help me gather everything up and get into the car, I peek into the bag and can't help but notice the scribble on the brochure cover.
Feel better sweetie. If you need anything, call me. ~April Followed by a little heart and her phone number.
"She's just being nice." I mumble, glad Anna doesn't hear me. But what would it matter? It's nothing. As the car pulls away, I smile to myself. Yes. Everything will be fine.
It's two hours later before I realize how very wrong I am.
"Anna...why don't you come in here and um, read?" My voice seems so little and desperate, but Anna stops hovering around the doorway and comes closer to me.
"Elsa...I can't. I...I'm just...waiting."
"Waiting for what?" I ask, noting the nervous look in her eyes.
"For you to be well enough so that we can...um...talk. And I can get your advice on something." The way she's grinding her bare foot into the carpet, I know something's up. Something big, but I have no idea what. I try to take deep breaths against the panic gripping my middle.
"Ok. Alright. Well." I take another breath and sit up higher against the pillows my sweet little sister has meticulously arranged behind my back. "I'm well enough now."
"Oh. I'm sorry. I mean-"
"Anna." I try to catch her eyes, and after a moment, suceed. "Listen. It's ok. After all I've done to you when I should have been helping you, I owe it to you-"
"No you don't, I-"
"Anna. Let's not play the blame game." I giggle nervously, and pat the bed beside me; Anna sits down, nervous, as though I'm made of glass. "So what's up?"
After a hard swallow that plays with the fine freckles over her throat, she begins.
"Well it's about me and um...Kristoff."
No...NO!
Calm down Elsa, you don't even know what she's going to say yet!
But it can't possibly be good. What if...what if-
"Wh-wh-what about you and Kristoff?" I blurt, unable to sit with my tumultous thoughts any longer.
"Don't be angry, Elsa!" Anna cries, and I can see her almost sinking into the bedsheet below.
"No, I- I'm not mad, Anna. Shh. I..." I can feel myself starting to break apart. Backup plan. I need a backup plan. I need some way to get out of here if I can't hold it together for Anna and I. Anna sees it written all over my face; fear, anger, panic. There's no fooling her. She gets up, and I'm afraid she's going to leave, but she startles me by placing her small, warm hands over my icy ones.
"We...we can get through this, Elsa. Together." Her voice is shaky, but she's resolved. "Ok, now. M-make something pretty."
"What?" Confusing joins the emotions doing a whirling dance across my features.
"With...your hands. Make me something pretty, Elsa! Like you used to when we were little..."
I swallow hard and, Anna watching every move I make, I slowly fold my hands together several times, in a motion similar to the one I used to when I was conjuring snowflakes for fun as a little girl.
"Um...I don't...what do I do next?"
Anna's eyes are blank as she shrugs. "Just...let it go."
I can't. It'll make a huge mess, bare minimum, and who knows how bad it could be. Maybe even worse than last time. No, I-I can't. Not here anyway.
"I wanna go to the window, Anna."
"But your leg-"
"I wanna go to the window." I slip my palms under the thin sheet and against my bare thighs, where I lace a small layer of ice between the stitches. "There. I'll be ok. Can you hand me my robe?" Annd jumps off the bed and hurries to comply, handing it to me like I'm some sort of queen; which, if he eyes are any indication, I sort of am, to her anyway. "Alright, here I go."
Anna takes my hand and leads me delicately over to the window where she helps me sit on the seat and shoves up the screens. I nod at her, smiling, glad she realized what my plan was. "Ready?" she asks.
"Now I'm ready."
I fold my hands together again and, barely aware of the smile slowly spreading over my face, I focus hard on the micro-icicles making their way out of my hands; through my skin of my palm, under the tips of my nails, gathering together into a beautiful icy snowflake over both sides of my hands. I'm going to make Anna chocolate; not real chocolate mind you, but ice chocolate sculptures. First I make a little round one with swirls on top; I hear her gasp as it flies into her outspread hands. Then I make a square, and a crazy mishapen one, and I just keep making little quirky ice-confections until I almost forget why I was so upset. Anna catches them all, and laughs as they start to melt between her fingers.
"Elsa, what are you doing?" she giggles.
"I...I don't know!" I giggle back, euphoria overtaking me. Right now, I don't care that I just got out of the hospital, or that Anna has something big to tell me about Kristoff, or that we ever fought. All I care about is using my power again to make my little sister smile.
"Oh, Anna." I murmur, as the last peice in her hands falls half-melted onto the carpet, and I don't even care.
"Elsa..." She hops up onto the window seat beside me and snuggles close, pushing her shoulder into mine. For just a moment, it feels like old times. Then I feel a heat flush over me that has nothing to do with sharing body-heat but everything to do with who I'm sharing it with. My heart starts pounding and I cross my legs, trying to ignore my feelings. I want to say something, anything, but all I can do is focus on the top of Anna's sweet little head; the not-quite-even part she's put into it, the end of her braid tickling me where it falls across my bust. Her hair is so shiny. I raise my shaking hand and pinch the braid, running my fingers down the length of it. I'm rewarded with an even closer cuddle as Anna puts almost all of her bodyweight on my side. She's halfway onto my lap and I can't let this happen. It's not that I don't want to be so close to her- I do! more than anything!- it's just that, I feel so odd and uncomfortable because of my thoughts. Such terrible thoughts come raging through my head, and try as I might, it's very difficult to stop them.
She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.
The freckles on her forehead...on the back of her neck...on her chin...
Her skin is so velvety where it touches mine.
I want to kiss-
"Ooookay. Um, Anna?" I shift my position slightly so I can look into her happy turqouise eyes, the little reddish brows raised in curiosity. "Don't you think you ought to tell me now?"
"Oh! Um, ok. Yes." Her little cheeks turn the most adorable of pinks and I bite my lower lip, forcing myself to stop fanticizing. "So um, today when I didn't know you were hurt, I um, I was with Kristoff. And I...I didn't have my cellphone-" Her eyes droop, and I rub her hand reassuringly. "And um...anyway, before I found out and came to see you, we were hanging but then I was so upset that I- that I- I- I kissed Kristoff!"
My eyes pop open like a buiscut can and I feel my mouth drying out with alarm.
She kissed Kristoff? But I thought- I...
"Oh." I finally manage to say; Anna's practically squirming with embarrasment so I search for a better response quickly.
"Um, that's...good."
"It is?" Anna's almost as surprised as I am now.
"Um, yes." I resituate myself again and smile. "It is. If you like Kristoff then...then I'm happy for you that it's working out."
"He likes me back." she adds, looking down at her splayed fingers, and I can't quite read her.
"That's good."
She nods, then finally looks up, and her face is almost blank, but smiling. "Well then. Um. I should go. That's all I had to say. I got my advice. Thank you." She stands up. "You need help getting back to bed?"
"Nah, I think I'll just sit here for awhile." I respond. "Enjoy the pretty day and the fresh air."
And worry over my baby sister, and these terrible feelings of perverted rejection.
"Ok. Seeya!" She's chirpy, but can't quite hide the confusion on her face. I'm about to call out to her to come back, to tell me more, to explain what she's feeling, but I haven't the heart, and she's already halfway gone.
"Oh Anna." I murmur, letting myself lean back against the windowframe, tears beginning to fill my tired eyes. "If only I could tell you how I feel. If only you knew..."
