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Harry was immersed in his thoughts for a while when he was disturbed by the sound of muffled sobs from Nikki's room, dressed in Pyjama pants and a t shirt he left his own room and headed to her.
"Nikki , Nikki darling stop crying for me, please …. what's wrong …. come on talk to me..." he sat next to her on the bed.
"Ga .. Gareth … text me …... he called …. me a ….. a … "ch … cheating … whore ." he said I deserved it …. I didn't cheat .. I wouldn't.. I can't … and it hurts so badly" she gasped beginning to hyperventilate, her hands shaking uncontrollably, her heart thumping like she had brrn running from something.
"I know you wouldn't Nik's that's not who you are... nice slow deep breaths for me darling in for five out for ten nice and gently …. and again … you will be fine and again for me ….. there we go keep going you can do it … when you are calm I can go get the painkillers which will help... and if he texts or calls ignore it …. he is a liar... OK"
"OK ..." Nikki managed as she still fought to control her breathing.
"Its OK Nikki you are going to be fine …. I'm pretty sure that was an anxiety attack …. I had them after … after Hungary I know they are scary but control your breathing and think of somewhere or something that makes you feel happy and safe … you will calm down a lot quicker. I know they are kind of embarrassing as well but mine always faded quicker if someone was around or I was talking to someone."
"Thanks Harry …. I … I when you bring the painkillers back will you stay with me for a while I don't want to stay alone … I'm too scared."
"Of course darling I hated being alone afterwards as well." he soothed yet again not realising he was calling Nikki darling,she puled a slight face of confusion on realising it herself it but didn't comment, he was trying to calm her that was all it was the sort of thing people said after all. He wouldn't mean in any other way. Would he? No, she couldn't begin to hope for that
He slipped off to get the painkillers, his heart sad for his friend not only did she have to face the physical agony of the deep tissue bruising Gareth had inflicted, she now had the emotional agony brought by anxiety attacks. They would hit and she would be scared , out of control and feel so alone in it not only could no-one else fix it, nor could she, she could talk through the emotions true and that would help but something could happen and she would be returned to that place and she would shake and hurt and cry and worst of all remember. He knew, he had been there.
That was worse than the physical pain, it was that it could come back, the physical pain was gone after a time and could be medicated against. The memories of finding Anna murdered and then running for his life would linger for many years, but Nikki and Leo had pulled him through that, they had been his family. That and a stubborn utter refusal to sink into the swamp of depression that had destroyed his father, his family and his childhood had kept him going. He knew Nikki was as stubborn if not more stubborn than he was and he knew this would help her survive.
"Nikki can I come in", he asked with a light tap on the door.
"Mmm yeah ….bloody hell that hurt," he heard her say as he opened the door and saw her in her pyjama bottoms and the shirt he had leant her the evening before.
"Still sore bending to change?" He asked as he crossed to her passing her the painkillers and water.
"It is …. Im … I'm.. a bit shaken after the anxiety attack … could you stay with me for a while till I'm ready to be asleep again... I'm so scared Harry."
"Of course I said I would didn't I, I'll sit just here OK try and relax you can get through this Nikki, I know you can."
"Thank you for believing in me Harry"
"Always have, always will you are a determined, intelligent woman Nicola Alexander and you can do anything you put you mind too."
"Thats a polite way of saying I'm a stubborn know it all isn't it Dr Cunningham" she smiled.
"Maybe" he smirked as she relaxed back into the pillows.
"Relax Nikki I can tell you about Leo before you knew him or my uni days or something just lay back" he stroked a hand over her hair as she winced shifting in the bed and he began to talk softly.
Time passed and Harry began to shift away slightly in the belief his friend was now fast asleep. He could happily sit and watch her sleep for hours but one he thought that could be considered more than a touch creepy. Two it really would not help him in the fight he was putting up against his more than friendly feelings to her and that was a battle he couldn't lose.
So he moved again weight on his hands as he carefully pushed up off the bed. A hand reached out to grab his wrist.
"Don't go Harry, stay with me … I don't want to be alone" came Nikki's voice slightly muffled by the blankets.
