The Agreement: Chapter Nine
YAY NEW CHAPTER. This chapter was originally going to be a one-shot once upon a time, but I ended up turning it into this full length story instead, so I actually wrote this chapter a super long time ago. So it pretty much just needed some editing (since I wrote it in present tense originally, and this story is written in past tense. Good going, Amanda), and now here it is!
I hope you like it, because I definitely do. It's by far my favourite chapter.
He watched her, intensely so. Wonder and confusion filled her eyes as she stared blankly into him. Her eyes slightly widened, and her cheeks filled with colour. "I'm sorry, what did you just say?" she asked, pretending like she hadn't heard him. Even though he knew she had.
He shook his head. "Please don't make me say it again."
Her expression didn't change, he noticed. Just a blank stare that could mean anything if you read into it enough. He decided this conversation (confession) wasn't going to move forward until he did just that: repeat himself.
"I love you."
Three damn words to change an eternity. Two best friends, and a simple set of five rules, suddenly ripped in two by the simple uttering of three syllables.
A silence around them grew, then fell, leaving only the sounds of his shallow breathing to hit his ears. He looked straight at her — so focused that from her opinion it must've looked like he was looking through her — and the anger and disappointment was apparent on his face. Truth be told, he was disappointed in her. Her soft promises that she would never hurt him have been put to rest, because truth be told he is hurt. And it's all her fault for making him feel all of these god awful things.
"Sorry," she whispered, cutting the dreadful silence in two. "But I-I just don't feel the way you do."
He nodded — not because he understood but rather because it was what she expected of him — and looked harder into her. "I guess that's understandable."
"It's just," she began while tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "We had an agreement. And I think you just caught me off guard, y'know... we had an agreement," she told him. The second time she said this, it was in a whisper. As if he needed a reminder of what was happening between the pair of them. The agreement was the worst choice he ever made.
He found himself shrugging — an attempt to lighten the mood. "I guess that didn't stop me from feeling something."
Her eyes closed, and she shook her head slowly from side to side. "You make it sound like we are little kids and you have a crush on me or something. This is a huge deal, Benson."
He blinked, and wasn't quite sure how to respond to her, not this time. "Remember rule number one, Sam." Saying her name out loud sounded weird, suddenly. He had said it so many times in his head — Sam, Sam, Sam — that when it was transferred back into reality it had a weird side effect to it. "You and I — our feelings and stuff — come before the agreement. We are friends first, right?"
"But this isn't just friendship you're talking about Fred! This is love! We've never even begun to talk about that!" Her facts were right, they had never talked about love. "I've never even thought about that!"
Something in him sank, fell, then broke into a million and one pieces. He thinks it was his heart. "Oh," was all he could manage, making him look and sound just as pathetic as he felt.
"Shit," she mumbled. "I shouldn't have said that! That was mean. I — that's not what I meant."
But he knew it was exactly what she meant. And she isn't sorry about saying it, thinking it — or not thinking it, depending on how you looked at it. "I know you didn't," he lied.
She nodded, and slightly ran a hand through her hair. "So, when did you, y'know, come to decide you felt this way. I mean, like, how long have you even liked me for?"
He swallowed, thoughts of whether to lie or confess switched through his brain. He finally settled on somewhere in between. "Long enough."
She shook her head. "That's not an answer."
He broke all forms of eye contact, because he knew that there is no way in hell that he will ever be able to tell her this while looking into those god damned blue eyes. "Since I saw you kissing your ex-boyfriend."
The sentence came out rushed and messy, but she heard every word anyways. "That was like, months ago!"
"Four," he mumbled. "To be exact."
"Oh really, and how many days?" she tested.
He knew the answer, fifteen, but he would never admit it to her. "I don't know," he lied, again. "That's not the point!"
"Oh, really. Then what is the point?"
"Look, all I know is that I'm absolutely not supposed to feel this way! Not about you, anyways," he explained.
"Tell me about it," she whispered.
He ignored her and continued. "And it's like we're sworn enemies, or whatever we are! But then in the back of my head there are just these feelings for you! Sometimes they are so strong that I can't even think straight, but then there are some days when I think they are gone and I can get back to normal. But every time I think I'm finally over you, you smile at me. Like a real genuine smile! And then I find myself falling for you all over again!"
"Sounds like a mess," she said with a half smile, clearly forced, trying to lighten the mood.
"And then," he continued, after taking a long breath. "There is the stupid agreement! And I blame you for that part, because it was your idea to become friends-with-benefits, or whatever the hell we are, and that triggered all these messed up feelings."
She shrugged. "I'd just like to point out that you broke half of the rules of the agreement in the last, like, ten seconds."
"I didn't re-read the manual," he told her sharply. "Is that all you have to say on the matter?"
"Does this mean the agreement is over?" she asked, obviously kidding.
For the first time that afternoon, he smiled. "Yeah, it does."
She nodded. "Then yeah, that's all I've got to say."
He nodded too, wondering how to bring this painful conversation to rest. "So what now?"
"Now?" she questioned as well, thinking over their options. "Now, we try and start over."
"What, as friends?"
"As whatever we were before this agreement mess," she clarified. "Do you think that'll be okay?"
He debated it - something inside him screaming to get out, get out now! - but he knew he would miss her far too much if that were to ever happen. He has grown accustom to seeing her face everyday, and the absence of that would only bring withdrawal. "Yeah, that should work," he told her with a small grin.
She took a few steps to close the gap between them, holding him in a tight hug. "I'll miss it though," she confessed. "The agreement, I mean."
As she stepped back, he sighed. "Yeah, me too."
She grinned and grabbed her coat off the back of his couch. "So, see you around," she said as she began to back away towards the door.
"Right," he agreed before she slipped out, leaving him alone to wonder what the hell he was going to do to recover from this girl.
Please review! Next chapter up ASAP!
