Chapter Eight
Thank you to AngelFromBeyondBelow for pointing out that I had posted the same chapter twice! Here is the real chapter - sorry for the confusion!
Disclaimer - I do not own Harry Potter or anything recognisable. I do own Katherine and her own personal plight.
Moony,
Hogwarts is . . . very different to what I expected. But I don't take it personally, as everyone seems to be going through a tough year, not just me.
Harry is becoming very secluded, cut off from a lot of people because they believe what they've read in the Prophet. I'm concerned that, if it becomes worse, he'll cut all of us out of his life completely. If that happens, he'll be an easier target and we all know that's a bad thing.
Dolores Umbridge is vile and makes Padfoot's mother look positively charming. Her teaching methods wouldn't help a grown adult hold a wand and Harry has already been in detention for two weeks because she evidently despises the mention of Voldemort. Everyone knows why she's here: to keep an eye on Dumbledore and Hogwarts. Fudge's paranoia had pushed him to employ her, so that the next generation won't learn anything he deems 'threatening'. Passing OWL's is looking like a dwindling dream for most people and those taking NEWT's don't have a prayer.
Minny is cooking something up, I know she is. She has already asked our fearless leader to teach us Defence, due to his experience, and I can't count how many times she's brought it up with me. I can understand why I'm more approachable: he just doesn't have that air anymore. All the same, I wouldn't put it past my best friend to rally a rebellion, the state she's in about Umbridge and her lack of teaching.
There isn't much else to say, really. I've come to the conclusion, funnily enough in my first Occlumency lesson, that I need to make some changes. I've listened to your advice and I talk to people about anything bothering me and Minny has woken me up more than once from nightmares – but there's more to be done. Apparently, I've been hasty in some decision making and I need to fix that, because it isn't right.
I'll update you next weekend, as usual, or sooner if there's an urgent matter. Tell Padfoot to stay away from the bloody fire.
Fluffy
P.S. Percy is a little git – he wrote to Ron and I want to meet him even less now.
Katherine finished writing her letter and rolled her eyes at the name Remus and Sirius (probably Sirius, for a good laugh) had made her use. That way, anyone who intercepted the letter, which was a possibility, wouldn't know who it was to or from – an extra security measure. It was a pain to be changing everyone's names though.
Sighing, she left the common room alone, unaware of where the others were, and made her way to the Owlery. With no owl of her own, she also dodged another risk as she could keep switching as she chose. Moody should have been proud. Katherine certainly was.
After she selected a tawny owl that was actually quite mean, she stood at the window and thought over her first two weeks at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. They certainly weren't what she expected but all of those that spoke to her assured her that it was because of Umbridge that it was terrible, not anything else.
Were it not for Hermione, Katherine would have found herself in detention along with Harry. Her best friend had stopped her yelling out in protest, highlighting that she had been held captive by that monster for most of her life, and Katherine was later thankful. Remus had pointed out that it would be a bad idea to get detention when she needed to be focused on her work. Katherine had the strange feeling that he, like her, suspected there was more to detention than simple lines and he didn't want her reliving unfortunate memories.
"Knock me down, it's all in vain, I'll get right back on my feet again," she sang quietly to herself, recognising the song from one of the stores during her shopping trip with Hermione. She hoped she'd be able to adhere to the lyrics – she knew she had to.
Not realising how much time had passed since she started staring out of the window, Katherine was surprised to see that it was getting dark. As she'd left the common room around four, it had to be at least six and she was late for dinner. Dreading going to dinner because going to dinner meant following through on the changes she'd mentioned to Remus, Katherine decided food could wait. She'd practically starved for ten years, missing one meal wouldn't hurt.
Then she started laughing at herself. How pathetic could she possibly be? She couldn't avoid him forever and she needed to stop being such a coward. Hopefully, everything would go smoothly and he'd understand – though certain others might not –and, if it didn't, she would have to live with it. It was the right thing to do, at the end of the day.
"You look like a crazy person."
Squeaking, Katherine whirled away from the window to see the person she'd been planning on avoiding in the first place. Apparently Fate saw it as ridiculous as she did – either that, or Remus had found some way to get George up to the Owlery from London. She doubted it.
"It wouldn't be a strange occurrence. I have to be missing some brain cells," she quipped in reply, using all her control not to appear hesitant as George crossed the room and took her into his arms. Clearing her throat, she pushed away slightly and ignored the tingling feeling his hands left on her shoulders.
"What's wrong?" he asked immediately. Katherine took a few seconds to compose herself. It had not been the plan to go through with her decision in the Owlery when she could have been eating dinner but she went with the abrupt change.
"George, I need to say some things and you just need to listen." He nodded silently and she wondered vaguely if he knew what she was doing. "I think we rushed into this relationship. I still don't know you that well and I'm still getting to know little parts of Hermione, who's my best friend. My mind, right now, revolves around training and trying to not only push through my pain but talk about it to people.
"You're a wonderful person and I really hope you stay in my life, because I need you. I just don't think it's right for us to be together until I've fully figured things out and I'm adjusted. It's not fair to do this to you, I know it isn't, but I'm barely functioning as it is. You know, because I've told you, that my strength comes and goes. I need you to understand."
Speech finished and praying she'd got across that it was her potential mental instability and obsession with Voldemort that was causing her to break up with him, she glanced up through her eyelashes at him. He gave her a half-smile.
"I knew this would come. And I get that you need the time. Both Fred and I figured it would be Hogwarts that made you realise how big a step you'd taken with me." Her eyes almost bugged out of her head as she stared at him. Sparing her mouth from gaping unattractively, she shook herself mentally.
"You . . . you saw this coming?" Katherine stuttered, almost overwhelmed. George gave her a fuller smile and nodded.
"I was always cautious about your vulnerability and now I see you've seen that entering a relationship just isn't right, not so early. So, I'll still be here, helping you, but we won't be together in that sense of the word." Utterly gobsmacked, Katherine continued staring at her apparently ex-boyfriend. Then she smiled too.
"Thank you, George," she said quietly and received a hug in response. He pulled away from her and kissed her head before heading to the top of the stairs. Katherine, knowing she had completely missed dinner at that point, decided to stay up there for a while longer and turned to the window.
"Katherine?" Confused, she glanced over her shoulder at the attractive red head still at the top of the steps. He was giving her a stern expression that she knew was far from fake. "Don't let You-Know-Who control you. I don't want to see your obsession drive you insane."
With that, he departed and Katherine was left reeling. His words were so similar to what Sirius had told her during the summer and she recognised that she'd lied to Remus. She didn't have everything under control, she was a mess and what she'd seen as obsession was actually craziness.
Defeated, she slid down the wall and pulled her knees to her chest. She was so focused on revenge and protecting herself that she was making herself more vulnerable – even George had mentioned it! But she didn't know how to stop. For ten years, desperation for freedom and continuous torture were all she'd know. Given her own choice and the ability to make her life her own, Katherine had continued to ruin it, because she was in no way over what had happened to her.
How was she supposed to fix herself? She could rely on George safely without the guilt of jumping into a relationship too soon. That had been the major problem. She had experienced freedom and she'd launched herself into too many things at once. Stopping her relationship with George was necessary at that moment – but she was left clueless on how to deal with everything else. She needed help.
She needed someone who knew just what her mental stability was like.
XXX
"Miss Prevett," Severus said in surprise when he'd opened the door to his office. Katherine, who'd grown used to his usage of 'Miss Prevett', shuffled nervously before clearing her throat.
"Can I come in?" she asked and her Potions professor gestured her inside, a carefully blank expression on his face. Katherine seated herself in front of his desk and waited for him to walk around, dark robes sweeping quite gracefully. He eyed her shrewdly and she started telling him her fears then her reasoning behind coming to find him.
"You fear you are losing your mind," he stated some fifteen minutes later, when Katherine had vented all of her thoughts including the break up with George. A further three minutes were spent with her in a tense silence and Severus analysing her like a first year's potion – likely messy and unfixable.
"It's not a far reach," she mumbled uncomfortably. Ever since their last conversation during the summer, Katherine hadn't really spoken to him. Add in her necessary personality transplant in order to talk to other people, she felt intensely awkward.
"Those that believe they are losing their minds logically are not. If you are coherent enough to think like that, you are fine." Katherine glowered at him, temporarily forgetting that he was her teacher and they were no longer in that run down house.
"If this continues, I'm going to be next to my mother on the Closed Ward! Everyone knows that I can't keep going on like this for much longer, but I can't stop! I constantly need to be focused on something otherwise I feel weak and I can't keep going or I'll lose my mind!" she practically screamed, very close to gripping her hair from strain. Severus remained perfectly calm.
"Miss Prevett, do you want professional help?" he asked and Katherine shook her head quickly.
"No! I just want . . . I want this to stop. I know I'm never going to be normal, but I want to stop obsessing over revenge. I need something to distract me from probably getting myself killed. I can't handle this stress." She was almost whimpering by that point and she could tell that Severus was finally coming to grips with the fact that she truly was concerned over her mental wellbeing.
"Katherine." She barely registered the use of her first name. "I never believed I would say something like this, but Lupin is right. You need to stop telling yourself to listen to his advice and really take it. Focus on corresponding with the Order and talking to that group you call friends. We will deal with the Dark Lord and you need to trust us."
Swallowing thickly, Katherine looked at Severus and saw, really saw what he was saying. She had taken that first step by breaking up with George to focus on herself and now she needed to put it all in motion. Her opportunity would come and she needed to remember that there were people – Harry – that had it worse. Voldemort wanted to kill Harry much more than he wanted her and she had to become the friend he needed.
That didn't mean she was any less scared or conflicted, but it meant her getting her priorities in the right order. As had been a repeated mantra in her head for weeks, her friends were important. To make way towards recovery from desperation and revenge, she had to fully let them in. Katherine had to accept that revenge just wasn't an option and had to remember her mother, all locked up on the Closed Ward, to motivate her. She did not want to become like that, she needed to be there, in Hogwarts, with other people her age.
So she would.
And there you have it: the inevitable break-up. I hope this one was enjoyable, let me know in a review? Here's next chapter's sneak peek:
"That Zacharias bloke's a wart," Ron was complaining and Katherine, sufficiently distracted, turned to face the group of three she walked with.
"Yes, I don't think you're the only one that thinks so. Katherine over there looked ready to violently attack him with her butterbeer bottle, but I had to invite him." Ron and Katherine scoffed in unison at Hermione's explanation. Katherine didn't care what the little bugger had overheard, if he spoke out of line again, she'd shove his wand up his nose.
I will hopefully see you all soon - before the end of the week, if you're lucky. Love, Bianca :) x
