A/N: Hey first of all, today is Mijo54's birthday, so happy birthday. I hope you have a great day! :D

The things are start to get difficult for Becker. Will he be able to fight his own deamons?

Thanks to lovingthis for doing the beta-read. You're awesome, as always! ^^

Enjoy!


"Thanks, Donalds." Becker stated as he stopped in front of the SUV. "I'll be back in forty minutes."

The LCpl stepped forward to block the driver's door. "I'm coming with you, Captain."

"No need. I'm fine." The Captain countered, trying to cast him off.

Donalds shook his head. "Sorry, Sir. But this is a direct order from Mr. Lester. Galant is still out there and he's after you. You need a second pair of eyes to look out."

Not having the strength to fight with his 2IC, Becker quickly gave in. He went to the passenger's side and took seat. What he didn't know was that Cian by himself asked the team to accompany him. They knew that if anyone then it was the LCpl who could make the Captain talk. Becker trusted him, and he needed to talk. They all were worried about him due to his strange behaviour and therefore agreed instantly to Donalds plea.

Donalds placed himself behind the wheel and drove out of the basement car park. As they arrived at the building, they both left the 4x4 and stepped up to the front door. Silently, the door was unlocked and the soldiers entered the spartanly furnished flat.

"Make yourself at home, I'll need ten minutes." Becker explained in a numb tone, gesturing to the couch.

The soldier nodded but followed his commander to his bedroom, watching him taking some fresh clothes while he looked out for any suspicious. As the Captain disappeared to the bathroom the LCpl quickly secured the other rooms before he placed himself in front of the closed door to keep watch. Becker needed protection, not only from Galant. Cian had a feeling that the Captain needed more to be protected from himself. The way he acted, the way he spoke was something strange, and Donalds didn't like it at all.

Becker laid the fresh clothes on top of the washing machine and pulled his togs off. Turning on the warm water he stepped under the shower. Following an routined action of sequences he did every morning without even think about it. He took the shampoo from the dish and washed his hair, closing his eyes to keep the foam out of them. After moving himself right under the shower head to wash the lather out of his hair, he took the shower gel and started to slather it onto his body.

The water flushed away the suds on his face and he opened his eyes again, blinking several times to get a free sight. He lowered his head, wanting to wash the area underneath the navel, as he spotted the water on the ground turned into a shade of pink. He looked down, realising that he still had blood on himself, Jess' blood. Rage and hatred overwhelmed him as he rubbed the blood away. He took more gel and more force to clean every slightly spot, leaving the skin in a painful red, but it didn't help soothing his anger, it worsened it as his feelings were mixed with shame for himself, as well.

Flashbacks of the day went straight into his head again and he saw Jess lying on the ground, wincing and crying in pain. Pain, he had caused. And the rage grew further. He panted, his eyes full of fury as he threw his fist against the tiles. A dull sound resonated through the room and a sharp pain exploded in his knuckles and rushed right up his arm into his head. He threw his fist a second time against the wall, and again, and again. The pain increased, silencing the pain in his heart as he kept on ramming his fist against the tiles over and over again like a machine out-of-control, freeing his anger.

Startled through the strange sounds, Donalds came running into the bath; darting forward under the shower as he saw Becker hurting himself. He grabbed him, taking him out of the shower, and kept him from punching his knuckles against the now blood-painted wall.

"Steady, Captain! Calm down." He tried to assure him but Becker struggled, trying to get free to continue his self-punishment.

The 2IC tightened his grip, pushing him against the wall and grabbing his wrists with one hand, the other one on the commander's throat, gazing him right into his blankly eyes. "You're not helping anyone with that, Becker! Least of all Jess. So stop it!" Cian shouted, trying to bring him back to his senses, and finally Becker focused him.

"It's my fault. It was me! … It was me!" Becker shouted back before he sank prostrated to the ground, covering his eyes with the palm of his hands to hide his tears.

Cian looked baffled down to the picture of misery. He reached for two towels, the larger one wrapping around the soldier. With the smaller one he made a makeshift bandage to bind the bleeding hand.

Placing himself next to the Captain, Donalds offered in a calm voice. "You know, you can tell me anything you want."

His eyes filled with tears, Becker turned his head to his friend, nodding he whispered. "I know." He snuffled, took a deep breath and began to tell.

/-/

Becker woke up, lying on his bed, the blanket was half coiled around his legs, half laying on the ground. His tantrum and the following telling of the whole story made him that exhausted that he fell asleep. Donalds ordered him to rest, while he kept guard. Peeking at the clock, which said that it already was the next day, he started, jumped up, putting on his clothes and heading for the living room.

"How are you?" The LCpl asked concerned, standing up from the couch as he spotted his commander leaving his bedroom.

Ignoring the question, Becker demanded. "We need to get back to the ARC. Now! I already wasted too much time." He said in a hurry, putting on his shoes and jacket.

"Captain, it's in the middle of the night! And you didn't waste any time, you needed the rest." Donalds countered, folding his arms in front of his chest to affirm his point.

"Anyway! I need to be at the ARC. I need to be near her." The dark haired man replied and walked towards the front door. Jess was all he could think about at the moment, and all he cared about.

Knowing that he didn't had any chance against the commander's obstinacy, Cian nodded and followed him.

/-/

With Becker on the driver's seat it only took half as much time back to the ARC as Donalds needed to drive him home and the Lance Corporal decided for himself that he wouldn't let his Captain drive again whenever he was concerned about Jess. With slightly shaking hands and a prayer to heaven to thank that he survived this drive, Cian got out of the car as it finally stopped in the car park.

Becker jumped out of his seat as well and headed for the elevator. His 2IC was struggling to keep up with his quick pace.

As the lift finally stopped, the Captain hurtled off it and walked directly to the medical bay. Nobody was sitting outside Jess' room and he became worried, quickening his pace a little more until he reached the entry. He wanted to step inside the room but stopped there and then as he heard laughs sounding out of it.

His hand still at the handle he leaned his head against the door and listened: Newt was chatting and Jess laughed hilarious at that. Oh, how he missed her laugh, the most beautiful sound in the world, and her cheerful, light-hearted nature. He stepped back, refusing to enter. He didn't want to disturb them, to let her happiness end so abruptly by his appearance, to make her sad again at reminding her of what had happened. Crestfallen he let himself drop into the chair on the other side of the corridor, deciding to wait and keeping watch for her again.


A/N: What will Becker do in the next chapters? Will he back off? Will he find his way back to Jess? You'll read soon. ^^

I hope you liked the chapter. Please leave a review.

Have a nice day!

:o)