A/N: This chapter was hard to write. I poured a lot of feels into it. No lemons here. I WILL warn you: there is a mention of depression and suicidal thoughts in this chapter. Nothing too severe, but I wanted to put up a trigger warning just in case. ALSO. There are two lines in this taken from the wonderful The Importance of Being Earnest by the late Mr. Oscar Wilde. I could not have set up a later twist without his genius. So, now that credit is given to whom it is due, on with the show.
Creeping through the halls at late hours was not something unfamiliar to Hermione; being part of the Golden Trio necessitated this quite often over the years. Now, being a war heroine and a highly regarded student, she needn't hide under the invisibility cloak as in years past. Even though she refused the Head Girl position (in an effort to live as normal a life as possible), she still was resigned to taking to the corridors as she pleased without caring how late the hour.
Unsure of where she was being anticipated to arrive, Hermione opted to go first back to her dormitory. It couldn't hurt to freshen up a bit after the evening's activities. After all, seeing Draco after having thoroughly shagged George would be awkward enough, what with this whole tethered emotions bit.
After taming her curls, changing into a pair of leggings and a Weird Sisters t-shirt she had acquired through Luna, Hermione realized there was something on her pillow. A quick note was scribbled on the front of the envelope.
"Hermione, an owl came with this for you before we left the common room for bed. Where the hell are you, anyway? It's almost midnight and you're not back. Oh, well, it doesn't matter I suppose. Hope you and George are ok; saw you leave together. Love ya, Gin."
Thank gods for Ginny. Maybe now I'll know where to go. All the while she was getting ready, the anxiety that was sitting in her chest had grown more frantic. As Hermione opened the wax seal on the envelope she noticed the dragon pressed in to it. Yes, this was definitely from Draco.
The hand writing that composed the note was graceful but not feminine. It read:
I request your lovely presence later this evening. I fear not seeing you on the train as I had hoped has left me wanting. I'll be in the Charms classroom around one am. I hope to see you there, Granger. Yours, Draco
Quickly Hermione donned her dressing gown a pair of simple flats before she hurried out of Gryffindor tower and made her way to the Charms classroom. She wasn't thinking at all of the irony of meeting her unrequited love in her boyfriend's classroom.
As she neared the room her footsteps echoed up the corridor; she felt her heart falter. No, wait, not hers, his. Reaching the door she took a sharp breath before turning the handle and entering, quickly shutting the door behind her.
Draco stood against the right wall near the front of the room, gazing out of the window toward the Dark Forest. His mind was going back to all those years ago when he, Harry, Hermione, and Ron had all been sentenced to detention with Hagrid in the Dark Forest for being out after hours. How stupid he had been assuming he would not suffer consequences for breaking the rules too… But, attempting to assuage his anxiety with memories had not been working. She had felt all of his emotions, and he knew it.
Suppressing the urge to smirk out of nerves Draco turned slowly to see Hermione perched on a desk a row away. She was looking at him with a mixture of curiosity and sadness. Draco's heart sank immediately, and he saw the expression on her face drop as it did. Goddammit I hadn't even a chance, did I? She's with him and I have no way of winning her heart. She's only come to tell me she is with that fuckwit.
"Draco, stop. I know what you're thinking, don't I? I can feel it" Hermione whispered as she beckoned him to come sit with her.
"Well hello to you, too, Granger" was all Draco could muster as he strode towards her, choosing to sit on the desk in front of the one she had chosen.
"Tell me, why did you want to see me tonight? Why not tomorrow?" probed the witch, looking nothing more than innocent.
"Thought you could feel what I was thinking?" Draco knew his defense mechanisms were pointless but, when you think your heart is about to get crushed beyond repair, sometimes defense mechanisms are all you have left.
"Draco," sighed Hermione "I can feel your emotions, not read everything that goes through that brilliant mind of yours. Now, are we going to banter until the sun comes up or do you suppose we could be productive?"
Taken aback at her backhanded compliment Draco paused before laying the ground work for confessing his love to her. As a Malfoy there was no way he could just word vomit all of his emotions onto the floor of this classroom. His classroom….
As the moonlight slid across Hermione he saw it for the first time since that night in his drawing room. The top of that nasty, vulgar word that his aunt, the thought of sharing genes with that trash made him sick, shone across her forearm as it rested on her knees. He couldn't wait anymore to tell this woman how he felt. She broke him and made him whole all at once and he had spent enough time being in denial over it.
"Hermione, I asked you to come here tonight because I can't keep lying to myself, or you, or anyone else any longer. I'm just going to lay everything out as best I can and hope you don't turn your back and walk out of my life when I'm done, eh?"
There was a smile in Hermione's eyes that told him she was opening her ears and her mind to whatever he had to say. He had no Gryffindor courage that was plain to him in this moment. But, he did have charm and for that he was thanking Salazar. He moved off the desk and took Hermione's hand in his, much more deliberately but with the same placidity as he had at Platform 9 ¾. All the same, he focused his eyes on their hands rather than her face. She was just too striking in the moon light for him to keep his wits while looking at her.
"Hermione I have had feelings for you longer than I can remember, probably since our first year but definitely since third. You possess the only mind that rivals mine; you are the only soul that draws mine. You are strong, loyal, quick-witted, brilliant, and courageous; you are far beyond beautiful inside and out. Most of all, you are kind. Your kindness drew me to you immediately, made me seek something that I had never experienced in my life. My parents, they love me and they want success for me, but they were never kind. My…Bellatrix had not a gentle bone in her body, and Voldemort was the essence of hate and greed. I was surrounded most of my existence with these…people. But you, you exuded something soft and sweet, despite your harsh exterior, which was foreign to me. The prejudices with which I was raised prevented me from being a proper human being to you, let alone the gentleman you deserve. Our sixth year I sought to be near you, to be ensconced by your light and goodness because of what I had been charged with by Voldemort. I reached my heart out, though I never spoke to you kindly. I sought you in my mind, and somehow, I feel it connected to you."
Tears had formed in his eyes, and they were brimming over Hermione's as he continued.
"I could feel you in me, somehow. I could feel you at your weakest and your strongest moments. I don't know how this works or what happened, but I never felt alone. At my darkest, when I was so low…god I sound like a nutter…." Draco paused, giving Hermione an opportunity to run. Instead she stood, and put her arms around his waist, leaning her head against his chest.
"I just need to hear your heart. Please, continue" was all she whispered.
Wrapping his arms around the petite woman, Draco went on, feeling far less unstable than he had before. He managed to breathe properly between sentences once she was closer.
"When I was at my darkest hour it was almost as though you were responding to my fears and depravity with comfort and warmth in your heart. I knew the night I went to the Astronomy Tower to kill Dumbledore that I was not alone. I knew that, somehow, you would be my savior and I wouldn't have to kill him. I knew that there would be a way out. Now, I know that Severus was going to do it all along but, still, I had told myself it was because of you. When I went into hiding with Voldemort and his followers I never once felt like my time was ending. Your strength buoyed my spirit to keep me alive. If it weren't for you I probably would have created a reason for the Dark Lord to kill me. The depression that manifests when you are surrounded by nothing but evil and depravity could drive most people insane in a matter of weeks. But you kept me alive. You are the reason I am here. And I have loved you more and more every day for saving me, though you did it unknowingly."
He was shaking now; nearing what he was sure would be the last time he ever got to tell Hermione how he felt. She held him tighter, and planted a chaste kiss on his chest waiting patiently for him to finish. This was the most intimate contact Draco had ever received and it was completely unhinging him.
"When I was aching for you after the Final Battle, after the war was over, I know you felt it. I felt you trying to find me after I was exonerated, yearning to know if I was ok. I felt your anger a few months ago, then I felt you become happy and content. You were falling for someone else. I felt your anxiety, but I still felt you drawing closer to someone, loving them as I love you. I felt…your time with him late at night. My heart broke, and I know you felt it because I felt your resolve crumble and I felt you become anxious as it happened. Most of all, I felt you today at Kings Cross. I felt your hope at knowing at was back in England and your fear-mingled joy when you saw me. I felt your heart stop when we made eye contact. And tonight…I felt everything while you were with George. I am nothing less than broken, and nothing more than pleading. Let me love you the best way that I know how. Teach me to love you better. Please, for the sake of the Founders, give me a chance."
Hermione gripped Draco closer before loosening her hold and backing up so she could see his face. Tears were falling, leaving his face stained and his eyes glassy. Her lower lip quivered knowing what was to come.
"Draco, I need a little while to figure this out. I love you more than you can comprehend, more than I think you know how to love yourself, even. But I can't tell you what I'm going to do with this yet because I don't know. I just…I thought I knew what to do. But this is more than I can handle. This love that we have, and that George and I have, is so much. Give me 48 hours. I will meet you at the edge of the Forest in front of the Astronomy Tower in two night's time. I swear I will not leave you wanting nor waiting any longer."
Tears fell from their eyes as Hermione stretched up and kissed Draco on the lips, gently at first. Slowly, all the passion they had held for each other for so long flowed between them through their locked lips. There was nothing in the world that could sever the bond between these two for that moment. Then, suddenly, Hermione broke the kiss. She turned her back to Draco and walked to the door. As she reached for the handle she faltered. Over her shoulder she said "I hope you will always look at me just like that, especially when there are other people present" before opening the door and disappearing from his view.
Rather than dissolving into a sodden pile of tears, Draco was struck dumb. Where the hell have I heard that before? Wait. Even when there are other people present…who else? Surely she doesn't expect me to open my soul up in front of the whole school. I don't know what it all means. I think she is perfectly absurd.
Clearly, Draco was just as confused about what Hermione had said as she was herself.
