No Depression
Chapter the Ninth:
Search and Destroy
Must I be reminded how little I own?
About five weeks since the last chapter.
insert Rocky-esqe musical training montage. +Eye of the tiger and the na na na, uh thats all I can remember.+
Ukyo awoke with a groan. She was sore, stiff, slightly sticky and it was all Ryoga's fault. It had been like this ever since they admitted their feeling for each other. The boy had absolutely no sense of moderation, he just wouldn't let up. She would ask, desperately, for a break but he would just look at her with those big soulful brown puppy-dog eyes and before she knew what was happening, they were at it again. Most days they did it until she collapsed into sweaty exhaustion. Not that it was bad. She had done it before, y'know, on her own and she had to admit this was much more...satisfying, but it was getting to be too much of a good thing.
There was more to life than training.
She felt around her futon, searching for someone before she remembered he wasn't there, he hadn't been there for awhile now, she thought sullenly. Ryoga had taken to sleeping out in the hallway, "To prevent accidents," he had said. Ukyo sat up, yawned and rubbed her tired eyes. 'Stupid Ryoga.' she thought, he was being such an old lady about this. She yawned again and made her way to the bathroom, skillfully navigating around the martial artist inconveniently sprawled in her path. At least she didn't have to worry about waking him, Ryoga slept like a dead rock.
She entered the bathroom and shed the grungy workout clothes she had collapsed in the night before. Ryoga's 'Special Hibiki Endurance Training' was just as harsh as he said it would be. There were definite benefits though she admitted as she looked at her naked reflection in the mirror. She looked really good, not that she'd looked bad before, but now her body had a certain... sharpness, that hadn't been there previously. 'Sleek,' she thought, she looked sleek. She flexed a little, realized what she was doing, felt embarrassed and entered the shower.
As the warm water flowed down on her she thought back over the past few weeks. Although her training was progressing, her relationship with Ryoga seemed stuck in neutral. Apart from sparring and the post workout rubdowns, which she considered possibly her best plan ever since she had convinced him that massage after exercise helped enhance flexibility and encouraged muscle growth, (who knew, it might even be true) he hardly touched her, It was like he thought she was made of glass. At first she had thought it was kind of sweet, but now it was just frustrating.
She didn't even what to do anything bad, just cuddle a bit. Heaven forbid she should get to cuddle with her very nearly boyfriend. She exited the shower and toweled herself off. Thankfully it wasn't going to last much longer, Ryoga had said last night that she was ready and after a few days rest he would take her up into the mountains and teach her the Breaking Point. Then they could...
She blushed faintly.
Covering herself with her towel, she exited into the hall. Cautiously, she approached the slumbering lost boy. The nights had been rather warm of late and he had kicked his blanket away, exposing his muscular, boxer clad body. He frowned in his sleep and rolled over onto his back. Ukyo's gaze was inevitably drawn downwards towards the rather substantial bulge in the front of his shorts. She stared at it for quite a while. She'd seen guys before, she had gone to an all boys junior high after all, but never anything quite to this um, scale. All she had to do was reach forward and... No, this was wrong, he was asleep and she wasn't like that. Seemingly against her will she knelt down next to him trying valiantly to keep her hand from reaching for it, almost touching, almost grasping, almost...
Ryoga grunted and rolled away from her, regaining her senses Ukyo jumped up and sprinted back to her room, closed the door behind her and sagged against it, short of breath. Eventually she calmed down enough to get dressed and open the restaurant.
0-0
Ryoga awoke from his dream with a start. He and Ukyo had been watching a rocket take off, Ukyo had gotten too close and her clothes had caught fire, so he had to chase her with a giant fire hose in order to put her out. He wondered if it meant anything. Just to be sure he would try to keep her away from any open flames.
He'd been having a lot of dreams about Ukyo lately. It wasn't that surprising really, he didn't have much exposure to women so he hadn't really developed a resistance to them yet. At least he didn't have to change his sheets after this one.
He had learned something new about himself in his time training Ukyo; he was a leg man. Ukyo had nice legs and when they trained she wore such small shorts, and the noises she made during her rubdowns...it was supposed to be therapeutic, Dammit!. He sighed, he needed a cold shower but because of the curse he couldn't take one. Enough thinking about Ukyo, he had stuff he had to do today! In the end, he wound up taking a lukewarm shower instead.
0-0
"And this is the Chief of the tribe that wanted to sacrifice Akane to the volcano god." Ranma narrated. Ukyo suppressed a groan. She was starting to understand why trapped animals chewed off their own feet. Nermia's golden couple had returned, and they'd brought movies.
"Thankfully that was on the second night and she was no longer qualified." Ukyo wondered idly if she could get away with faking an aneurysm. It wasn't that Ranma's honeymoon videos were boring, interesting things tended to happen around Ranma, it was just that, well, it still hurt a bit that he was with somebody else.
"They were real good sports about it though," continued Ranma, completely oblivious to his audience. "They threw us a big uh, luau, I think it was called, and paid for us to stay an extra two weeks to apologize." The tape ran out and Ranma went to put in another one. "I think this is the one," he said, reading the label. "Akane got some really nice shots of the waterfall where I had to fight the King of the Lizard people."
"Ranma," interrupted Akane, "Why don't you get us something to eat, unless you'd rather I..." There is no word in the English language that adequately describes how quickly Ranma left the room. Akane smirked and turned to Ukyo. 'Oh great' she thought, was Akane going to give her a "stay away from my man" speech?
"How are you doing?" asked Akane sympathetically.
"Okay.." Ukyo answered warily. Akane noticed her guarded response.
"Relax,"she said smiling. "I just wanted to thank you for looking after P-chan for me while I was gone."
"I-I don't know what you mean." Ukyo replied unconvincingly.
Akane sighed in an exasperated fashion, "Why does everybody think I don't know? Do I have the word "Stupid" written on my forehead or something?"
"So... you know that P-chan-"
"Is Ryoga?" Akane snorted in a most unladylike manner. "How could I not know? The bandanna, the fainting, always getting lost, Ranma's constant hinting, oh and let's not forget that NORMAL pigs don't turn their backs when you change, yes how could I possibly see through such a cunningly crafted deception."
"You asked Nabiki didn't you?"she said with sudden insight. Akane got a little redder, whether in embarrassment or anger Ukyo couldn't tell.
"Only for confirmation!" Akane protested, then began to settle down.
"Anyway, I hear you and 'P-chan' have been spending a lot of time together lately." Akane resumed, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.
"Akane!"
"What? He's my friend too. I have to make sure your intentions are honorable."
Ukyo sputtered, grasping for words that wouldn't come.
"I'm kidding, I've always hoped you two would get together."
"Really?" Ukyo replied, genuinely surprised.
"Oh yeah, ever since the cave." Ukyo winced at the mention of the Cave of Lost Love. It had been something of a personal low point for her. One of the things she prided herself on was that she played fair. She didn't use tricks or magic potions to get her way, The cave was more like something Shampoo would do and Ukyo had been deeply ashamed of herself afterwards.
"But I was awful to him for that whole trip."
"No worse than Ranma and I."
"I guess." Ukyo conceded.
"You two just seemed to have such good chemistry."
"We do work well together..."
"Ryoga's a really sweet guy, you should give him a chance."
"Well, um, that's one of the reasons we've been together so much..."
"Thats great!" exclaimed Akane.
"Well there is this one problem."
"The fainting?"
"Amazingly no, he seems to have a handle on that now, as long as you don't catch him by surprise, it's um, well..." she stammered "he thinks he'll crush me."
Akane looked thoughtful, "Could he really do that?"
"He thinks he can and I can't say I really want to find out."
Akane's eyes opened wide. "Ukyo, I'm so-"
"Don't be, we think we have a solution."
"What?"
"He's going to teach me the Breaking Point."
Akane looked stunned. "Is that safe?"
"Probably not, but it's all we've been able to come up with."
"But the Breaking Point training is just..."
"Yeah, I know, he describes it to me every chance he gets."
"Well, if you're sure..."
"I am, oh, and could you sort of keep this to yourself? I don't want to have to deal with Ranma 'protecting' me."
"No problem."
0-0
"You have reached your destination." intoned a flat mechanical voice. Ryoga looked up. 'Nekohaunten' read the sign. He gave silent thanks to the gods of GPS before making his way to theentrance. It looked closed. He knocked on the door.
Nothing happened, he knocked again.
Still nothing. Did they all go back to China? With Ranma married they didn't really have any reason to stay. He tried the door. Surprisingly it was open. Slowly Ryoga made his way through the empty restaurant. Suddenly he heard a weird noise, a kind of grunting and banging, it was coming from upstairs. He followed the noise and as he got closer he could hear raised voices speaking Chinese, it wasn't a dialect he knew, but the voices sounded familiar, was Shampoo trying to kill Mousse? Concerned for his friend, he threw open the door to the room from which the noises were coming.
It was Shampoo and Mousse.
They weren't fighting.
Ryoga fainted.
0-0
Someone was slapping him, quite forcefully too.
"Stop it." he said, swatting the hand away.
"See, Shampoo tell you he not dead." Shampoo said over her shoulder to Mousse, then turned back to Ryoga and pointed towards the door.
"Get Out!"
"Shampoo, don't be rude." chastised Mousse. She turned and shot him a glare, then faced Ryoga again.
"Get Out, Please?" she asked/ordered.
"Is Cologne around?" asked Ryoga. Mousse opened his mouth to answer but Shampoo beat him to it.
"Great(x9) Grandmother no here, she go back to China, if you leave now maybe you catch, yes?"
Mousse ignored her and helped Ryoga to his feet, "So what did you want?"
"I need permission to teach Uk- someone the Breaking Point."
Mousse shrugged, "Go ahead, it's not like it's a secret or anything."
"I don't have to give up my first born or swear allegiance to the tribe or something?"
"I don't think so."
"Oh." said Ryoga, slightly disappointed. There followed a long awkward silence. Shampoo looked back and forth between the two men and rolled her eyes in a frustrated manner.
"GET OUT!"
0-0
Ukyo was back at the Ucchan's. Upon her release from Saotome video hell, she had been trying to arrange for someone to run the restaurant while she and Ryoga traveled to the mountains.
"No 'Natsu, not her." she said into the phone. "I'd like to have some customers left when I get back." she listened to Konatsu defend the girl.
"I know you like her, but there is no way I'm letting Aino anywhere near MY kitchen. Send Kino and one of the RESPONSABLE girls, Hino or that Quiet one, what's her name, yeah, Mizuno (A/N:Yes, I made a Sailor Moon reference, I am deeply ashamed)
She paused and listened for a bit.
"Look, Ucchan's hasn't been open full time for nearly 9 weeks, we're still in the black, but it's only a matter of time... Hey 'Natsu hold on for a second, I have a call on the other line."
+click+
"Hello, Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, how my I help you?"
"Mrs. Saotome?"
"Sorry, Auntie Nodoka."
"I'm okay, and you?"
"Yes, he came to see me this morning."
"Uh-huh."
"Uh-huh."
"Look, Mrs S- uh, Auntie Nodoka, not to be rude but I've got 'Natsu on the other line, so if you could get to the point."
"You want me to be Ranma's what?" She couldn't have heard that correctly.
"His MISTRESS??" She was shocked into silence, did he still want her? Perhaps the more important question was did she want him? It surprised her that she didn't. It still hurt that she had been rejected, but not so much that she would go running back to him and forget about everything she had with Ryoga. Besides, she would feel like a whore.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Sao- Auntie Nodoka, but I'm afraid I must decline."
"No, no your son is quite manly, it's just that, well, I met somebody and..."
"Thank you, oh and just to satisfy my own curiosity, did Ranma ask you to do this?"
"That's what I thought, maybe in the future you should ask him before trying to set up something like this. Goodbye" as she hung up the phone, Ukyo felt a great sense of relief, like taking off a weight she had been carrying for so long she had forgotten it was there. She was finally over Ranma. Feeling like celebrating, she went into the back to get herself a drink. That's when she noticed her back door, it was open, hanging on one hinge with the knob crushed into an unrecognizable mass.
"Ryoga..."she whispered and bolted after him.
0-0
Ryoga was angry, not that this was unusual but this time he was so angry that he had passed through anger and out the other side, as it were, into the eye of the storm, where it was calm. The solution seemed so clear now.
Kill Ranma.
Ranma Wanted Ukyo.
Kill Ranma.
He wanted Ukyo too.
Kill Ranma.
He had wanted Akane.
Kill Ranma.
Ranma already had Akane.
Kill Ranma.
Now he wanted Ukyo as well.
Kill Ranma.
'Greedy bastard'. He commented.
Kill Ranma.
Leaving him, Ryoga, with no one.
Kill Ranma.
That was clearly unacceptable.
Kill Ranma.
Therefore the solution was simple.
Kill Ranma.
Ranma had to die.
"You have reached your destination." intoned a flat mechanical voice.
0-0
Ranma and Akane were walking together back from the market with groceries for Kasumi, not arguing for once, and not because they weren't speaking to each other either. Each was just enjoying the other's company.
"It's nice to be back." commented Akane.
"Yeah." agreed Ranma.
"You have reached your destination"(small font)
"Did you just hear something?" she asked. Ranma's danger senses kicked in and he snatched Akane and leapt as far away as he could. A huge explosion followed.
'What the hell?' he thought as debris rained down, 'Was that an asteroid strike?'
Dust and smoke obscured the area but he could make out a figure in the impact zone. Angry chi rolled off of it in great heavy waves.
"Akane, get away."
"But…"
"NOW!" The dust had settled, revealing the figure's identity.
"Ryoga?"
Next Time:
Ranma and Ryoga drink tea and discuss their feelings in:
BERSERKER
see you in 4-6 months. (I'm slow. sweats)
A/N: huge response to the last chapter, 12 reviews, that double my previous high, maybe I should whine about reviews more often. I'd like to thank Clancrusher for filling in as beta and also supplying this omake, which I thought was funny:
OMAKE BY CLANCRUSHER
"Akane, get away."
"But…"
"NOW!" The dust had settled, revealing the figure's identity.
"Ryoga?"
"Damn you Ranma! Because of your honeymoon videos, I've seen HELL!"
"Oh come on man! They weren't that bad!"
