Chapter 9. What's worth fighting for

All silent, Lawrence was sitting on his couch. He wasn't doing anything. The TV was off, just like everything else. Even the lights, although it was in the middle of the night already. He hadn't eaten anything. It was only one person haunting his mind.

Adam.

He exactly recalled the last thing he had said to him.

"We're gonna be OK??"

Well, they got out of there. But not together. They both were on their own. He was on his own inside his apartment and Adam was on his own in some dark room of which he didn't even know what building it was in. Lawrence was barely moving. He only got more worried. He sighed. It had been a mistake to call the police, he thought. They hadn't done anything yet, although Adam was in danger already.

A sudden sound ripped him away from his thoughts. Someone had knocked on his door. Lawrence looked up. Who could that be, around 11 PM?

He rose. Perhaps it was the police. Perhaps they had news for him!

With his heart beating rapidly, Lawrence approached the door. He actually was a bit of a pessimist. For the first time in his life, he dared to hope. But when he opened the door, his disappointment couldn't have been any worse.

"Good evening, doc. Am I interrupting something?"

Lawrence had to swallow. It was Zep standing before him. He was standing there as if he wasn't a criminal, as if he even was one of the tenants. His lips curled to an evil grin. "Well then? May I come in, or is this some kind of holy ground?"

Glaring at him hatefully, Lawrence stepped aside for him to enter his living room. He closed the door quietly, turned around to him. Zep beheld his apartment, pacing it out. But Lawrence for his part came to the point at once. "Come on, tell me! What now?"

Zep turned around to him. Lawrence looked him up. In his eyes, Zep was pathetic. The fact that he felt so confident because of the clothes he was wearing and that he knew how to handle a gun was just as ridiculous to Lawrence. But he had him over a barrel. If he didn't play along, he would hurt Adam. And he didn't want to risk that.

"The next step," Zep started, "… is for you to do, doc. It's your turn now. You have to justify yourself to me now, whether you like it or not."

Lawrence blinked. What was the meaning of this?

But he didn't get the chance to think about it. "Why do you wanna help Adam, hmm?"

He grinned at him with amusement while saying this. Lawrence sighed. He would so love to grab the closest knife and stab it right into his cold heart now. "Because I know him. I can't act as if I don't know who he is!"

Zep raised a brow. "Even though he took pictures of you and presented your private life to Detective Tapp? How very selfless!"

Lawrence sighed again. "He's in need of my help. And he's done just the right thing. It was long over between me and Alison already. He only showed it to me," he said. "I just have to help him."

Zep looked directly into his face. Lawrence was indeed not able to read his expression.

"The boy means a lot to you, doesn't he?"

Lawrence blushed. He didn't know how to respond now. He couldn't tell him. He couldn't tell him how much he loved Adam. How much he longed for him. How much he wished for him to be there with him, kiss him, hold him, push him onto the floor gently to ravish him.

"I told you," he hemmed and hawed. "I can't just ignore it."

Zep laughed. "And I can't understand it. Do you really think he'll repay you, or even be grateful? If you were in his position, he would just leave you to rot miserably!"

Lawrence growled. "That's not true! That's just a horrible lie! Adam may be imprudent and still young, but he wouldn't do something like that!"

Zep smirked. "He's a major piece of work. Talking about you all the time, Dr. Gordon." He looked up at the ceiling dreamily. "He's just so young… so naïve. Nothing to be compared to guys like ourselves. Another generation."

Lawrence's eyes narrowed. He couldn't talk like this about Adam.

But, much to Lawrence's chagrin, Zep didn't stop. "You should see him. He'so cute… by the way, I've noticed him getting big eyes like a little kitten happy to get its milk, everytime I mention your name."

Lawrence gulped. His heart started beating rapidly. But his joy faded away again. He realized that Adam might just wanted to be rescued, that he wasn't caring about him. He looked at Zep thoroughly.

"When will you bring me to him?"

Zep folded his arms. "Hold your horses, Dr. Gordon. Did you think I was gonna lead you to the boy at once? Think again! I guess you can say the game is still in progress. You'll have to pass a few… tests!"

Lawrence looked at him in bewilderment. "Tests?"

Zep nodded. "Exactly. I'll go now. Don't you dare following me or setting the police on me. In case you do it anyway, be aware I'll get very awkward." He turned around to him, his expression more serious than it ever was before. "I'm not kidding, Larry. Should there go anything wrong in this game, you'll highly regret it. Don't forget I'm having your little Adam over a barrel. If you allow yourself to make just one mistake, I'll beat him up until he won't be able to move even one of his muscles and fuck him to death afterwards!"

Filled with rage, Lawrence charged at him with his fists clenched. "You fucking bastard, don't you dare…!"

But Zep was holding the gun on Lawrence's chin already. "Attacking me would be very foolish, Dr. Gordon. Believe me, I would love to shoot at you or hell knows what else… but I had to make a promise to your precious Adam. He has made a great sacrifice in order to protect you. So, contain yourself, you fucker!"

Lawrence stepped back at once. But he was still growling with rage, lowered his fists. Grinning in victory, Zep opened the door and left. "See ya, Larry."

Out of rage, Lawrence fell to his knees, bashed his fists onto the floor angrily. He was helpless against him. How he hated this helplessness. But if he wanted to help Adam, he had to play by the rules. Those fucking rules!, he thought.

OooO

Adam had fallen asleep again. He was dreaming. But he had to learn it wouldn't be a pleasant dream at all. There was Lawrence. And him.

But it wasn't the Lawrence he knew. Not the one he wanted. He was different. Full of hate, anger and aggression.

"You little, blasted fucker dare to interfere iny my life?!"

Adam whimpered. "I'm sorry, Lawrence!"

"You're sorry, you're sorry! Oh yes, you will be sorry! You squealed on me, you bastard! You're so gonna regret that! Come here, you!"

Adam felt a fist hit his face, and fell backwards. Lawrence sat down on his stomach with his entire weight, pushing his fists onto the floor. "I'll teach you some respect, boy!"

"Let go! Lawrence, please! I'm sorry!" Adam begged desperately. Within seconds, Lawrence had ripped off his shirt. "You should have thought about that ages before!"

"Adam?"

A hand touched Adam's shoulder. Adam woke up, started screaming.

"I'm sorry! Leave me alone! I'm sorry!"

"Adam!"

Now, the hand was shaking his shoulder to bring him back to his senses.

"FUCK YOU!"

Adam was struggling. He was trying to fight. But he wasn't able to tear himself away from the cord and the chair.

"ADAM!"

"I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!"

The hand let go of his shoulder. But only to grab his hair and to push his head up harshly.

"Adam! Nobody is going to hurt you! I promised!"

Adam blinked. The nightmare was over, he was awake. He knew now. He was looking right into the pale face of Jigsaw, who seemed to pierce his icy blue eyes through him. "Adam… you were dreaming."

Adam's fast breathing faded away, just like the fast racing of his heart. And just like the fear. "But… but it felt so real… it… he…"

John untied him, took a chair and sat down in front of him. "But it wasn't." he said. "What kind of dream, or rather nightmare was it?"

Adam felt ashamed. He looked at him. His face expressionlos as always, his eyes all cold. He couldn't tell him. Not him. He didn't want to.

"I… I don't remember. I forgot." He looked away with shame.

John didn't took his eyes off of him. It was as if he wanted to force him to talk to him by just staring at him. "Tell me about Lawrence Gordon, Adam."

Adam's eyes went wide, he stared at him unbelievingly. "W-what?! Why should I…!"

"Well, that's what your nightmare was about, right? I heard you… you've said his name…"

Adam was silent. He didn't want to talk to him about it. It was terrifying enough for him. He knew Lawrence wouldn't do this to him. And still, he had seen him – like he had never seen him before. And it scared him to no end.

John leant back a bit. "Talk to me, Adam. That's all I want from you for now. Tell me."

Adam sighed. He felt he had no choice but to do what he actually would never do. He hated to talk about his feelings. It was nobody's business. But John made them his business. Which was exactly what made Adam even more desperate than he already was.

TBC…