A/N

Hello faithful readers, thank you so much for following along with me!

This chapter is a touch on the sad side. Elsa deals with anxiety and depression throughout the entire movie of Frozen and this chapter focuses upon that aspect of her. But not to fear, all is well.

Enjoy~


Fleeting Moments

"Tempus enim non cessat. Time stops for no man Jack Frost."

Chapter 9

"Vivid Hallucinations"

Anna was worried. She was more than worried, at this point she was frightened. Not long after Elsa and Bjorn left on their date, Bjorn had stormed back into the castle. He called for his companion and in a flash they had packed their things and left. They left about an hour ago and Elsa still wasn't back yet. Anna began to pace the courtyard as she waited. Her cloak sat heavy on her shoulders as she endured the snowstorm. "Oh Elsa…" Anna sighed, "Please be okay…"

Soon the gates opened and in walked the Queen, her features pulled into a placid, numb look. Anna rushed to her sister and embraced her in a hug, her words tumbling from her lips before she could stop them. "Oh Elsa there you are! Thank the gods!" She held her sister at arms length to inspect her for injuries. "I was getting worried…" Her tone softened as she continued to look over her sister. Anna realized she hadn't even smiled when they embraced. At the sight of her sister's look, dread laced itself into Anna's heart as she frowned, "Oh Elsa…what happened?"

Elsa simply shrugged a shoulder, completely uninterested in the subject. "What do you think happened Anna?" She asked deadpan, her hands falling away from her sister to hang limply at her sides. Those grey-blue eyes were defeated and somber, like the life had been sucked right out of them.

Anna's face instantly fell, but she tried to lighten the mood somewhat, "Oh…well its okay…more suitors will –"

"No more suitors Anna." Elsa interrupted sternly. She took a large step back from her sister, hands balling into fists. "I can't go through this again Anna. I can't." Defiance settled into her eyes as she raised her chin a bit, and the edge in her voice was unmistakable, "I don't want a man. I don't need a man. I just want to rule my kingdom." A slight waiver was in her voice and she it took a small pause to rein it in. "Even if I have to do it alone."

Anna frowned at her sisters outburst, her hands fell to her sides as they looked at one another. An eternity passed between the few seconds they regarded each other but soon she nodded weakly, "Okay Elsa…okay…"

Without so much as a second thought Elsa strode past her sister and walked into the castle. Her legs carried her swiftly, taking her down hallway after hallway and up a few flights of stairs until she made it to her room. Elsa sighed as she leaned her back against the door and slowly slid down to the floor. She pulled her knees up against her chest and wrapped her arms about her legs. She just wanted to curl up in a ball and sink into the floor. She never wanted to leave the comfort of her room.

"Of all the nights…why…why tonight…" She whispered to no one in particular, her voice trembled as tears threatened to make their way to the surface. "Everything was going great…" She mused. "Everything was so perfect…" the grief she felt in her heart manifested itself into frost, which shot up the door and to the adjacent walls, covering the surface in swirling patterns. It would have been beautiful, if she weren't so sad. "He was even going to kiss me…"

Her room had thawed out last year after she accidently froze the Kingdom, thanks to the warmth and sisterly love Anna had given her. Now lost in her grief and loneliness the room was starting to return to what it was. Elsa couldn't hold in the tears any more, so she let them flow freely. Happiness was right there, it was within her grasp, and it was all right there: waiting for her to reach out and grab it – but fate was a cruel mistress. "Why…?" Was all she could whisper into her knees as she curled further into them. The temperature in the room plummeted and soon the Queen of Arendelle could see the soft clouds of her breath as she breathed out ragged sobs. She curled in on herself a little more to stave off the cold, her shoulders gave a hard shiver as she buried her face further into her knees.

The ice and frost that grew up from around her spread to the far walls and down the banisters; it swirled around the floor and crept up the bedposts. It froze the lights and the handles of the door and windows. It was surrounding her with its cool embrace, and for a moment Elsa allowed herself comfort in her powers. Despite all it did to her, at least it was always there.

"He left you alone again…when he promised…"

She raised her head to rest it against the door, Elsa watched the frost slowly overtake her room, its swirling beautiful blue patterns brought her no comfort. Jack had promised her and where was he now?

The room grew darker as the shadows of the moonless sky slunk into her room through the window. They lurked in the corners and slithered across the walls, engulfing everything in their inky blackness. Elsa rolled her head to the side and looked to the nightstand, where a candle flickered at some unknown breeze. Though it shone, the light it emitted didn't seem strong enough to pierce the surrounding void. Something moved in the corner of her eye, but when she turned she saw nothing there. She looked back at the candle only to discover it had been snuffed out. There were times when Elsa thought that the shadows were sentient, with the way they crawled up the walls and lingered in the room. Yet she always dismissed it as a trick her mind was playing on her, the shadows held little danger to the most dangerous thing in the room – her.

As she closed her eyes, Elsa sighed as she listened to the deafening silence that overtook her room. It was as if no sound could penetrate the tangible silence, not even the grandfather clock could pierce the void with its metronome. Tears continued to fall freely down her cheeks but no sobs escaped her throat. She was too tired to sob, too tired to openly cry. Tired was a good word to describe the Queen of Arendelle; she was tired of her powers, tired of living in fear, tired of running the Kingdom. She was the most tired of being alone. She enjoyed solitude yes, but that didn't mean she wasn't lonely. She longed for conversation with someone else besides Anna or the advisors, she longed for connections beyond political. She longed for true friendship, true love even. Yet her powers always scared people away, and left her alone in this gods forsaken room.

As sorrow eclipsed her mind, Elsa let herself go. She allowed her limbs to relax, and allowed her shoulders to slump and she gave into the silence and the loneliness of the room. It was easier to succumb she found, easier to simply allow it all to happen instead of press herself against her defensive walls. There were some storms she couldn't weather, some pains hat hurt too deeply. This was one of them. Bjorn was a lifeline, a chance at true happiness and companionship. He was a beacon of light in her world of darkness, his charm and obvious interest had set her heart ablaze with hope: but now it was gone.

Darkness hazed over her mind and as Elsa considered giving up to the sorrow that plagued her. Death was a better alternative than this sham of a life she was living. It would be easier – she thought – to feel all the pain once and then never again. Quick and easy and she would slip away like falling asleep. Sleeping wasn't painful so death shouldn't be much different. She would simply close her eyes and never wake up again. It would be better than trying to survive in this hell.

The sound of a rhythmic tapping sliced through the silence. She opened her eyes and looked towards the clock across from her, trying to see if the old timepiece was making noise. The shadows in the room seemed to scatter at the sudden sound, as if the onslaught had scared them away. The moon had come out of the clouds and bathed her room in its pale light, beating the shadows back and away from her.

Her eyes drifted from the clock to the window and fixed upon the glass, or more importantly the person behind it. Her mind went blank as she stared, unsure if she could believe what she was seeing. Her legs moved without her consent, taking her towards the window at a pace much faster than they should have. Her knees clamored up to the cushioned bench that sat before the window ledge and her hands fumbled with the latch as she allowed it to drift open.

She stared dumbly at ice blue eyes and white hair. How long had she yearned to see that stupid crooked grin on that pale face? How long had she longed to see tossled white hair? How long had she yearned to see the blue of that tunic and stare in amazement at his bare feet? For a year she had wanted to reach out and feel the cool fabric of his tunic and feel the warmth of his hand upon hers. For a year she had yearned to see those eyes light up with mischief and joy. And there he was, crouched on her window ledge, one hand gripping onto his staff and the other resting lazily across his knee. It was a dream come true - a terrible, awful dream.

"Why do you torture me…?" She whispered, half to herself and half to Jack. She looked away before she could see the confusion form on his face. Her legs swung over the edge of the bench and she wrapped her arms about her middle. She felt like she was falling apart, and the sudden reappearance of Jack was her minds way of coping with madness.

"Torture you? On the contrary your highness, I'm here to help." She heard him say behind her. The fact that he could talk made her doubt her sanity even more, now her hallucinations were talking to her – great! She wrapped her arms tighter around herself as she rocked back and forth on the seat, attempting to get a grip on her loosening sense of reality.

"Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel…be the good girl…" The mantra she was taught as a child tumbled from her lips as she tried to find something to cling to. She needed some form of stability to anchor herself too or she would lose herself in the storm.

Jack watched in stunned horror as Elsa seemed to crumble before his very eyes. He hadn't been expecting this when he made it back to the castle. He eased himself into the room. Jack leaned his staff against the bench and crouched down before her, watching as she continued to rock back and forth and chant her mantra. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat as he spoke, "Elsa…?"

He said her name softly, afraid his words would unhinge her more. She stopped her rocking and the mantra died in her throat as she slowly lifted her head. Jack felt a pain in his heart as he met her gaze. The sorrow in her beautiful eyes made him physically ache. This wasn't the same Elsa he had just seen in her ice castle just a few hours ago – was it a few hours ago for her as it was for him?

Jack reached out his hand and gently placed it upon her trembling shoulder and as if that touch was all she needed, Elsa tumbled against him and gripped the fabric of his tunic. She buried her face into his chest and sobbed against him, unable to find comfort in anything else other than him in this moment.

Her sudden weight against him caused Jack to loose his balance and fall back. Elsa curled in his lap as she held him tighter than she had ever held anything in her life. Shocked by the sudden flow of emotion, Jack wasn't sure what to do but wrap his arm around her – so he did. His hands rubbed softly at her back as he murmured soft reassurances into her hair; he'd do anything he could to ease her pain, even if he didn't know what the pain was.

Elsa pressed herself harder against Jack as she felt his arms wrap around her and heard his whispers in her ears. Her fingers gripped his tunic so tightly her knuckles were white. She tried but she couldn't find her voice. "Wh-where…wh-ere…where y-y-you…" She managed to ask between ragged breaths and hard sobs.

Jacks arms wrapped tighter around her shoulders as he held her close to his chest, his chin resting atop her head as he contemplated his answer. "I've been off with a madman honestly." He tried to joke to lighten the mood but when it didn't work, he changed tactics. The question he wanted to ask fell from his lips before he could stop it, but it was a good way to get her talking and hopefully calm her down. "How long has it been? Ya'know, since we last saw each other."

Elsa rubbed her forehead against his chest a little as she sucked in a few breaths to try and find the strength to respond to him. Jack chuckled a little bit at the gesture – it was almost as if she was still checking to see if he were real. He felt her hands slowly release the fabric of his tunic and rested flat against his chest while she pulled back to look him in the eyes. For a moment they simply stared at one another. Swallowing a lump that had formed in her throat, Elsa tried to tell him. "Its…" She sniffed, "Its been a…a year, J-Jack."

The smile he gave her was a little disarming. She had expected him to be remorseful or perhaps even a little bit worried that a whole year had passed since their last meeting: but instead he just smiled. Elsa felt her brow knit together as she frowned at him, her tears slowly drying. "What's there to smile about?" She said through a few sniffles.

Jack moved one of his hands from around her shoulders to wipe away a few little tears that had drifted down her cheek. His smile softened however and he shrugged, "I was afraid I had been gone longer." He wiped another tear away, "At least it wasn't thirteen years." That crooked grin he gave her brightened up his entire face, and Elsa couldn't help the small giggle that left her throat.

She felt her cheeks heat up at the sight of his grin and for the first time since she saw him she realized how close they were. She could see every detail of his eyes, every individual eyelash and could even inspect the slope of his brow and nose. She had never been this close to anyone other than Anna, and it was rather embarrassing. Slowly Elsa moved to try and put some distance between them but found that she was sitting, quite literally, in his lap. That was a problem because his hands had also settled around her waist, and his eyes looked into hers. She felt her ears warm as his strong hands resisted her attempts to move away. As soon as the pressure was put against her he quickly relented, and realized what he was doing. He untangled his legs from under her and allowed her to move away, his hands flew from her body and quickly occupied themselves with something else. One ran through his hair while the other stuffed itself into his tunic pocket, and Elsa was sure she saw his cheeks warm up.

Elsa scooted back and away from Jack, resting on her knees a foot or two before him as she smoothed out her dress and tried to fix her hair. She thought she looked a mess right now, and so her hands moved furiously to try and fix up her hair and wipe away any remaining tears To her surprise Jack chuckled and reached out to take her hands in his. "Hey, easy now highness." His smile softened, "Even though you're a Queen, I doubt you're going to go to bed with perfect hair." He chuckled again and held her hands for a bit, his mind lost as he looked at her. She shared in his moment, allowing her walls to crumble around her and take him in. No words were spoken, but none were needed to be as they sat and existed in each other's presence. He shook his head and realized what he was doing, Jack quickly let her hands slip from his. He moved to stand up then, making a show to stretch his arms high above his head as he yawned; Elsa forced herself to looked away when his shirt pulled up to expose his stomach.

She cleared her throat to get his attention and then slowly got to her feet as well, her hands clasped before her in the same neutral posture she gave everyone. "I'm going to retire for the evening Jack." She said politely, even though her cheeks and ears were still burning red from their earlier closeness.

Jack relaxed a bit and stuffed his hands in the front pocket of his tunic and nodded with a grin, "Alright your highness." He then twirled around on the ball of his right foot and strode to his staff, scooped it up and hopped gracefully onto the window seal. He turned around and smiled, "See you tomorrow alright?"

Elsa felt her heart squeeze at the idea, dread gripping her like a vice. "Promise me you'll be there?" She asked nervously. The smile she got in return however, managed to put her heart at ease.

Jack's eyes widened and pouted his lips; he made it quiver for good measure as he lamented, "Would I lie to you?" He asked, feigning hurt in his voice. Elsa felt a smirk tug at the corners of her lips.

She lifted her chin to look down her nose at him and shrugged, "Well you have lied to me in the past Jack, am I to expect any different this time?"

Jack shrugged a shoulder and tried to look aloof, "Well I mean, I'll have to check my schedule and make sure I can show up in time to grace you with my presence." He gave a flourishing, over dramatic bow, "But I'll make sure I give you the honor of seeing me sometime tomorrow."

Elsa had to raise a hand to cover her giggling. He was an absolute dork, and she found it rather endearing. She found it easy to joke with him, to smile, to be happy in his presence. She decided to play along and gave her own overly flourished curtsy. Elsa smiled, "I will await with baited breath then." Though she had meant to say it sarcastically, genuine anticipation had crept into her voice.

His ears seemed to perk at the tone in her voice and he smiled a big, bright smile. "Good night then, your majesty." His voice was soft as he moved to exit the window.

He paused however when he heard her response, said back just as sweetly. "Good night Jack."

And with that, he was gone.