The silence was suffocating; no one knew how to break it. Though they knew Kai cut himself to hear the boy admit to it finally made it settle fully in their minds.

"W-why?" Ray stuttered out after a few long tense minutes.

"Why what?" Kai asked, completely lost in his thoughts

"Why do you cut yourself?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because we can't help you if you don't tell us" Tyson added, chewing on his lip as he stared at Kai, for once the bluenette didn't have his guard up and he could see emotion on his face. He looked...scared.

"I don't need help, so I went a little far, I won't do it again. For a while at least"

"What do you mean a while?!" Mr Dickinson shot up from his seat, his features etched with worry and confusion.

"What it sounds like, for a while. I'll probably end it before I'm too old. But I want to wait till after something. That's why I've been cutting more than usual"

"What do you mean more than usual?" Ray asked before they could cut in again, he knew pressing softly for answers would be the least likely to make Kai's walls go up. Shouting would just make him go on defence.

"I don't usually cut, just when I need to, just for self-punishment. But, with everything that's happening I'm slipping, I'm going back to how I was as an abbey child. So much so that I've found myself cutting simply because I didn't like how I was breathing"

It took a moment for anyone to regain their breathing at the information that flooded their brains.

"W-what do you mean self-punishment?" Ray asked, pushing the last bit of information back for later.

"I cut myself as punishment. I know what is wrong and if I disobey the rules I've been given I must be punished. If Voltaire or Boris aren't there to fulfil my consequence then I must do it in lieu of them."

"What do they do?" He questioned, ignoring the lack of 'grandfather', he knew the two weren't close. Though instead of an answer Ray received silence from the eldest teen. "Kai?" Training his eyes on him he saw emotions flickering through his crimson eyes. There were too many to decipher and the sheen glazing them attracted a large portion of the neko-jin's concentration. Kai's emotions were conflicting, battling each other to decide which was correct. And, it seemed Kai was on the verge of...crying?

That couldn't be right.

Kai never cried, it wasn't in his nature. Yet the evidence all pointed to that exact thing.

"They...they punish me" he finally settled on, his disappointed sigh evidence that that wasn't what he wanted to say.

"We know that, but how? How do they? We won't judge Kai. Just try and help in any way we can"

Taking a few more seconds Kai finally found a resolve and stated clearly.

"They abuse me" licking his lips he elaborated "if you want to name it, they abuse me. I'm starved, beaten, whipped. Everything you could think of I've probably been through it. I've never told, I can't. There's no one to tell. My friends go through the same and everyone I can trust knows. But, this is the first time I've used that word"

They didn't know how to respond. How could they know so little about the bluenette? They knew him as the cold enigma. The boy too high and mighty to spare them a glance. But, Kai was nothing like that.

Coldness was the only way he knew to protect himself; if you didn't have people close to you you wouldn't be hurt. That was how Kai saw life, something that hurt him, something where no one cared enough to help.

"Kai..." Kenny started, but he trailed off, words of comfort dying on his tongue. Just because Kai was letting down one of his hundreds of guards didn't mean he had the right to comfort him. He definitely wouldn't appreciate it.

"I can't believe we never knew" Max sighed, he was slumped forwards in his chair, hands cradling his head. Max was the first to admit his world was sugar coated, he saw none of the evil in the world, and if he did he could explain it away. Convince himself they were just misguided. But how could he explain this away? And Kai spoke about it so candidly, almost as though it was normal.

To him it was.

"I never told" he answered simply

"You should have!" He snapped, shocking everyone by his outburst.

"Maxie-"

"No Tyson, he should have. We should have known! We could have helped for Christ's sake!" Tears were slipping down the blonde's face as he tried to control his anger. But he couldn't, there was so much he wanted to scream about.

About Kai not trusting him, about being so naïve he hadn't even noticed the bluenette's problems. Anger at himself for being blind to the world.

"I never wanted help"

"Why?" Max cried, his voice losing its anger to be replaced by pure confusion.

"I was taught to believe relying on others was a fatal weakness. That no one could be trusted and if I let my guard down they'd stab me in the back"

"Who taught you that?" Mr Dickinson asked, speaking for the first time.

"Voltaire"

"Kai, how can you trust his word after everything he's done to you?" Tyson challenged. Pausing Kai tried to think, but he couldn't. He had no answer.

"I don't know" he admitted, self-loathing filling him at being unable to answer a simple question.

"Kai, all he's ever done is hurt you. You should trust anyone more than him. Especially us, we came back for you. We never believed you were gone. And even though you deny it constantly you were always a part of the team. Kai; let us help. We'll help anyway we can. You can live with me till you get on your feet. And I promise, we won't pity you. Lord knows you don't need it. You just need someone who won't mess with your head. So, what do you say?" The navy haired teen asked after his impromptu speech.

"I don't have a way to repay you"

"Doesn't matter"

"I'm not going to start being nice to you"

"Wouldn't expect it"

"Alright"

"W-what?" Tyson stuttered, not having expected that.

"Alright, I'll let you help. But only a little" the insistence on the last part made Tyson smile.

"Yeah Kai, only a little"

Holding his hand out to the teen he chewed his lip hoping he'd take it. And with only mild hesitation Kai grabbed onto Tyson's hand.

"Good" he told himself, it was a strange feeling that filled Kai at the simple action. He'd shaken Tyson's hand before, once, but he never realised that was the first time someone's touch hadn't hurt.

It was definitely a strange feeling. One he'd have to get used to.

Sorry it's short. Please read review