A/N: RANDOM CONFESSION TYME: I'm really concerned for my well being. I think I might actually be an emo kid. O.o I think I've been one all along, I just didn't know it. My friend told me last year that I was the most cheerful emo she ever met, and I was like "whatever," but I'm afraid that she's right! Oh no! Anyway…that was my journal entry for the day, since I'm a deadbeat and I never get on ANY of my THREE LIVEJOURNAL ACCOUNTS . (btw, lj is totally an emo site, but I kinda blocked that out of my mind when I joined.)
Now to something actually relevant to the story: KANKUROU'S HERE! Yay! Will they hit it off or will it be hell? You should know me well enough by now to figure that out on your own. :)
Disclaimer: Uh…the only thing that belongs to me is the insanity. The rest belongs to some rich dude who actually has good ideas. DX
--
Shikamaru was surprised. For once, Temari was actually happy about something. He was under the impression that she only laughed at the expense of others, especially when they were in pain.
But no. Here she was, crazy hair and all, looking as if she weren't touching the ground as she danced around the house. It was beginning to scare Shikamaru, but then again, everything about Temari was at least semi-scary.
Except her skin. It was smooth and supple and had that natural golden tint that is only acquired after living in the sun. Shikamaru suspected that it was as soft as it looked, too. Her hands were certainly softer than they should be. He wondered what the skin on her legs felt like. The toned calves, the thighs, the gently rounded hips…
Shikamaru was horrified at himself. He immediately substituted an image of his grandmother for the mental image that was sure to come next. "What the hell is wrong with me?" he muttered, pressing his fists to his forehead. "This can't be happening, especially to me…I'm not supposed to think about stuff like that. I'm supposed to be the egotistical genius that doesn't give a crap about anything. Not some…some…mind perv who gets pornographic mental images from his stupid imagination…"
He felt a tap on his shoulder. "Uh…Shikamaru?" Temari said as he turned and glanced at her, then quickly looked away and groaned. "…Are you okay? You seem kind of…I don't know, weird."
"Who, me? Weird? Never," he said, laughing oddly. "I'm just fine. I'll be even better if you go do something instead of asking me irrelevant questions," he said, back to his old self.
Temari huffed. "Well, fine," she said, sounding offended. "I was just seeing how you were, because you were talking to yourself like a crazy person, and you tell me that I'm asking you 'irrelevant questions,'" she mocked, making quotation marks in the air. "I'll leave you alone, don't you worry about that." Temari turned, casting one strange look over her shoulder, then lifted her chin and left the room.
Shikamaru slapped his palm to his face. God, I'm a moron. She was just starting to like me. He grimaced and slapped himself, harder this time, to knock some sense into himself. You idiot! What makes you think that she likes you? You think that because she put a band-aid on your hand and watched a movie with you, you're gonna live happily ever after? Get real. She's just as stubborn as you are, and she's definitely more evil. Sorry, kid, but this ain't no fairy tale.
Well, it's not like I care whether she likes me or not, Shikamaru thought, switching back to first person. Because I absolutely don't like her. We're enemies, we made that clear from the beginning. Besides, I'm sure that even if I did like her, which I don't, she probably has some tanned muscular boyfriend back in Suna who could pick me up and throw me as far as he wanted. I'm just some tall, lanky, pale guy. What do I have that he doesn't have? Well, brains, for one. I'm sure that intellect is just as rare in Suna as it is here. So I could totally beat him in a fight just by using my smarts. I mean, I'm a genius. He wouldn't stand a chance. But why am I thinking about this?! Shikamaru knocked his head against the wall repeatedly, frowning. Here I am, planning to beat up Temari's boyfriend (and I don't even know whether she has one or not) like some lovesick schoolboy! I should find out if she's actually taken first. No, wait, what?! No! It doesn't matter to me whether she's single or taken. She could be a pimp, for all I care, because I will have nothing to do with someone who wants to see my steaming entrails strewn across the ground!
Shikamaru took a deep breath and let it out slowly, before he got overexcited. It wouldn't help him if he got all worked up. The best thing would be to stay calm. Very calm. So calm that he would go get a glass of water. He watched his feet carefully as he headed for the fridge, vaguely remembering that his parents had bought bottled water the day before. As he focused on his sandaled toes stepping into the kitchen, he abruptly collided with someone. The pleasing scent of sandalwood mixed with something vaguely floral wafted up to his nose as he fell to the ground in a tangled heap of arms and legs. As he struggled to right himself, he caught a glimpse of a pair of tanned thighs that definitely looked as soft as he'd thought. Then the view was gone as the owner of the gorgeous legs stood and brushed herself off. She looked down at Shikamaru, who was still on the ground.
"Why does this always happen to us?" Temari asked, shaking her head.
"Because life sucks," Shikamaru answered.
"That was a rhetorical question. You weren't supposed to say anything."
"Well, forgive me for recognizing my right to free speech," he said with mock apology, finally on his feet.
The two stared each other down for a few moments until Temari sighed and broke eye contact, looking down at something on the ground. "You made me spill my Coke," she said, pointing at the can lying in a puddle of liquid sugar. "Help me clean it up."
Shikamaru hesitated, but decided that it would work out in his favor if he just did as she said. He fetched some paper towels and sopped up the mess while Temari took the can to the recycling bin. When they were done, they stood there in the awkward silence that always comes when you want to say something but you can't.
Finally Temari said, "I'm gonna get another Coke. You want one?"
"I'll get some water instead," Shikamaru replied, following her to the fridge. She opened it and looked at him strangely.
"Since when are you Mr. Health?" she asked curiously, giving a short laugh as she grabbed a brightly-coloured can and tossed him a bottle of water.
"Since always," Shikamaru said defensively. "Water's just better for you than soda, everyone knows that. I don't even know why you're drinking that."
"Because caffeine is good," she said simply as she popped the top. "And who are you to tell me what I should and shouldn't drink when you came home last night stuffed with ice cream and ready to pop? You're the last one who should be preaching the laws of health."
Shikamaru shuffled over to the table and sat down, wishing that she hadn't mentioned that little episode. He was hoping that she had forgotten it, but no such luck. Temari plopped down across from him, clutching her ice-cold treasure in both hands. Shikamaru felt like he should say something, so he said, "You seem pretty excited about your brother coming over. I'm guessing you guys are really close."
Temari snorted. "I'm just happy that I'll finally be with someone from Suna. You Leaf-villagers are a bunch of pansies. Anyway, I guess we're pretty close, but we're not like best friends or anything. I would be just as happy with anyone from my hometown. Don't expect any love and hugging and stuff, that's not how we operate. Most of the time, we act like we hate each other's guts. I guess you'd call it tough love."
Shikamaru blinked. "Okay then. What's he like?" He was trying to piece together a description of this guy so he could figure out whether he wanted to try and make friends or run and hide when Temari's brother came a-knockin'.
"He's a total dweeb. Clueless, gullible, not to mention to stupid…" Temari shrugged. "Despite his many shortcomings, he's an okay guy. You might like him."
"Sure." Shikamaru thought for a second. "Is he anything like you?"
"Why?"
"I just wanted to know if there might be any family resemblance in behaviour…"
"Oh, we're nothing alike."
Shikamaru exhaled in relief.
"I'm better," Temari added, smirking.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes and asked, "Is that so?"
"Oh, yes. I'm superior in everything. The only thing where he's got me beat is being a guy. As I'm sure you know, I am not currently in ownership of a penis."
"Hold on, wait. How am I supposed to know? I haven't been anywhere near close enough to your crotch to figure out whether you've got one or not," Shikamaru argued.
Temari smirked. "What, the boobs aren't enough to convince you that I'm a girl?"
"Well, there are plenty of people who have both a penis and breasts," he pointed out.
"Those, my boy, are called trannies," Temari said with a mock-teacher tone, "and I can assure you that I am not one."
Shikamaru suddenly lost control of his vocal chords, and they decided to take a risk without consulting his brain first. "Talk is cheap," his mouth said, while his brain tried to tell it to stop. "I'll believe it when I see it." Oh my GOD. Did I actually just say that? Goodbye world, I'm officially dead. Write on my tombstone that it wasn't my fault.
But to his surprise, Temari merely grinned and leaned forward across the table. She beckoned to him, and he obediently moved close enough so that she could speak in his ear. Her lips brushed against his ear and he could feel her warm breath as she whispered, "I don't think you're ready for that yet." Then Temari promptly rose and left the room, chuckling as she left Shikamaru sitting dumbly in his seat, still halfway across the table.
Okay. Am I crazy, or was she flirting with me? No, she couldn't be. She said I "wasn't ready." But she also said "yet." Did she say "yet" or am I imagining things? Or am I just completely insane?
--
Temari was still laughing as she passed through the foyer on her way out of the kitchen. She hadn't had that much fun in weeks. Shikamaru was so easy to mess with, it almost made her feel guilty for taking advantage of him. Almost. The hilarity of it all definitely overpowered the potential guilt. As she passed by the door, the bell rang. She sauntered up to the window and peeked out.
That black hood with kitty ears on it was awfully familiar.
Temari backpedaled away from the door and ran smack into (who else?) Shikamaru, who had come to get the door. Temari whirled around, grabbed him by the collar, and pushed him up against the wall.
"This is so sudden," he joked, until she whipped out a kunai (where did she get that?) and pressed it against his throat.
"If you act stupid or make me look bad, I will tape your eyes open and make you watch as I slice open your stomach and strangle you with your own intestines," she growled. She glared at him for a few more moments until the doorbell chimed again. Then she calmly put away the weapon in some hidden spot and went back to the door. Shikamaru rubbed his throat as she opened the front door.
"Hey, you stupid asshole!" she shouted happily.
"Hey, you evil bitch!" replied a male voice that Shikamaru didn't recognize. He peeked out and saw some guy dressed head-to-toe in black (never mind that it was the middle of summer) with…were those cat ears on his head?
The siblings punched each other a little bit, laughing about some private joke. Finally Temari said, "Well, why are you standing out there? Come on in." The guy stepped into the house and saw Shikamaru.
"Oh, so is this the guy you shacked up with?" he teased.
Temari crossed her arms. "I said we'd continue the conversation later. That didn't mean you would be able to continue making stupid comments, Kankurou." She snatched Shikamaru by the shirt (while he was trying to make his escape) and yanked him over to where she was. "This is the guy I told you about. Shikamaru, say hello."
"Hey," he grumbled, glaring at her. Kankurou snickered.
"Aw, don't be embarrassed," he said, laughing. "She does that to everyone. You aren't alone. Trust me, I had to deal with her bossing me around until I got big enough to fight back."
"You wish, Kankurou," Temari scoffed. "I can still order you around, and there's nothing you can do about it. You can't fight me, that's for sure."
"Sorry, Temari, but I can't be provoked right now," he said haughtily, putting up his hand. "I know you're feeling violent, but I refuse to fight you in this nice family's home. It might catch on fire."
"What? How would it catch on fire? Neither of us uses fire as a weapon."
"From my hotness, of course," Kankurou replied, smirking and polishing his nails on his shirt in the perfect display of a conceited frat boy.
Temari made a disgusted noise and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. And I am not feeling violent."
"Oh yeah, I forgot. You're like that all the time." Shikamaru snickered, and Kankurou high-fived him.
Temari frowned, narrowing her eyes at both of them. "You think I'm mean now? You haven't seen anything yet. Especially you, Shikamaru. You've only lived with me for a couple of weeks. Ask Kankurou what happens when I get mad. He can tell you."
"Yeah, I'll tell you, uh…what was your name? Shikamaru? Yeah, I can tell you," Kankurou said, trying to hide a grin. "I can tell you that when Temari gets really really mad, she spouts a lot of hot air and empty threats."
"Oh really? When have any of my threats turned out to be lies?" Temari demanded, her hands on her hips.
"Well, before you left you told me you were going to, uh…make sure I never have kids," Kankurou said, skirting around that part.
"What, neuter you?" Temari said, smirking wickedly. Both boys cringed.
"Yeah, that," Kankurou said. "And so far, testosterone production is going on as usual."
"That doesn't mean I won't do it in the future," Temari said, suddenly serious.
Despite himself, Kankurou shivered. "Uh, yeah right," he said, trying to regain his composure. "Like that'll ever happen."
"It'll be your birthday present, Kankurou," she said cheerfully, grinning as she left the room. "Your balls in a box. Maybe with a bow on top." She strolled into the guest room laughing.
"You wish, Temari!" Kankurou shouted after her with a touch of bravado. Then he glanced at Shikamaru, who was looking depressed. "What?" Kankurou asked.
"Looks like we're in the same boat," he responded, shaking his head dejectedly. "I was hoping that maybe you'd have figured out how to deal with Temari by now."
"Yeah, well," Kankurou said, shrugging, "I'm still working on it. It's an ongoing process. Hey, do you play cards?"
Shikamaru was slightly thrown by the random question. "Uh, what?"
"You know, blackjack, hearts, poker? Playing cards?" Kankurou said, holding up his hands.
"Yeah," Shikamaru answered. "But what does that have to do with anything?"
"I'm bored, and since I'm gonna be here a couple of days…" He pulled out a deck of playing cards. "I figure I might as well start beating you at cards now instead of later."
"Wait, you're staying with us?" Shikamaru asked, suddenly wary.
"Well, that's what I was assuming," Kankurou said, looking confused. "Are there plans I don't know about?"
"I mean, I just wasn't aware that you were…"
"I understand. It's fine," Kankurou said, waving his hand. "You guys have a hotel around here, right?"
"Oh, you don't have to do that. You can stay with Temari, can't you?" Shikamaru asked.
Kankurou snorted. "You can't be serious. I already live with her. The one time she's away from home for seven weeks, and you want me to actually spend the night with her? You must be kidding."
Shikamaru reddened. "I just thought…"
"No problem, dude. I'll rent a room somewhere. It's worth the fifty bucks just to get out of staying with her."
"I wish I had a choice," Shikamaru muttered. "I can't exactly leave my house and go stay in a hotel at a moment's notice."
"I know," Kankurou sympathized.
"No you don't."
"You're right, I don't," Kankurou said, grinning. "I do whatever I want. You poor unfortunate soul, you have to stay home and deal with my alleged sister."
"Alleged?"
"They claim that we're biologically brother and sister, but I say she was adopted from Hell's orphanage," he whispered, looking around as if someone would be spying on them.
Shikamaru laughed. "I totally agree with you," he said. "You know, I thought you were going to be evil like your sister-- sorry, 'alleged' sister. I guess you aren't so bad after all."
"Yeah, and I thought you were going to be the jerk who was fucking my sister," Kankurou said sincerely. "But I guess that's not happening, is it?" Shikamaru rolled his eyes and groaned. "What? Seriously, I thought I was gonna have to kick your ass."
"Yeah, well, there's nothing between me and Temari," Shikamaru assured him. "You can rest easy."
Kankurou snickered. "Are you sure about that?"
"About you resting easy? Yeah, I--"
"No, stupid, about you and Temari!"
"What? Of course I'm sure! Have you not noticed the evil glares and death threats coming my way?!" Shikamaru protested vehemently. "Your sister wants to kill me with her own two hands, man! Are you blind?"
"No, I can see plenty," he said solemnly. His sudden seriousness startled Shikamaru out of his rant.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Shikamaru asked suspiciously.
"Oh, nothing," Kankurou said innocently. "Now, are we going to play cards or not? I'm bored, and it's only three in the afternoon, so there's no nightlife. Although I'm sure that everyone here is asleep by eleven."
"What is with you desert people?" Shikamaru muttered. "Alright, let's play."
--
A/N: Damn, this is a long chapter! I think it's the longest so far. Eight pages on Microsoft Works, and counting. I'm so glad Kankurou's here! HE'S A KITTY XD and we all love him so. I need to finish my homework. Gawd, I absolutely loathe math of any kind. Logic doesn't do much for me. I'd much rather roam the endless roads in the fantasy worlds of my imagination…Or write completely random perverted stories about people who don't exist. . I need to go print my English homework, so I'll see you all next chapter. So long and good night!
P.S. I love you! XOXOXO
