Brennan had woken at least a half dozen times during the night, and every time Angela's words had echoed in her mind, Wouldn't you want him to come to you personally to tell you he was back? Wouldn't you be furious and hurt if he didn't?
Angela was undoubtedly correct, but Brennan wasn't sure what to do. Call him? Knock on his door? Then she remembered that the next day was Sunday. She could catch him after church, assuming that he still attended mass at the same time that he had a year ago.
It was nearly 5 am, and more sleep seemed unlikely, so she threw back the covers and decided to go for a run to work off some nervous energy.
After her run, she took a long shower, making the water so hot that her skin was bright red and she felt light-headed when she stepped out.
She dried her body methodically, silently naming the bones of each part of her body as she dried in an effort to avoid worrying about seeing Booth.
As she combed her wet hair, she regarded herself in the mirror. She catalogued the physical changes to her body. A few more laugh lines around her mouth and eyes. Her breasts were less firm than they had been a decade age, her skin less supple.
It was easier to focus on the physical changes than to contemplate the personal transformation that had been set in motion when she met Booth seven years ago.
She attempted to pass the time reading a recent journal that contained several articles of interest, but when she read a passage for the third time and still couldn't comprehend its meaning, she decided it was futile.
Determined not to sit and worry endlessly, she began cleaning. When it was finally time to leave, her kitchen and living room were spotless, and all of the laundry was clean and put away.
It was finally time to go. She pulled on her trench coat, retrieved her keys and purse and carefully locked the door behind her.
Brennan fidgeted nervously in the back of the cab. When the driver pulled into the circular drive in front of the church, she noted that Booth's SUV was there. She was both relieved and terrified.
Before she could change her mind, she paid the driver and looked at her watch. 11:20. She likely had at least ten minutes to wait before the service would end.
When a crowd of parishioners flooded out if the main door, Brennan felt her stomach flip uncomfortably. She wasn't sure what kind of reaction to expect from Booth. He was likely both angry with her and worried about her while she was away. He might not appreciate being ambushed, but she felt like she would be able to handle this encounter better if she were prepared and she didn't want to do this over the phone.
The crowd dispersed, but she still didn't see Booth. She frowned and looked at the license plate on the SUV. She was certain that this was Booth's vehicle. Trembling slightly, she wondered what she should do. Perhaps he was still inside?
She sat down on the curb and began nervously shredding leaves. A short while later she heard his voice, and when she looked up he was hugging Parker, and then leaning into a car to speak to the driver while his son climbed in the back seat. Assuming it must be Rebecca and not wanting to intrude, she stepped behind the SUV to conceal herself until Rebecca pulled out.
She observed him as he watched the car leave. As soon as the car turned a corner his shoulders drooped and his smile disappeared. She saw him slump onto a bench and bury his face in his hands.
Taking a depth breath and steeling herself, she stepped towards him and called his name.
His head snapped up. "Bones?"
Booth desperately wanted to jump up and wrap her in his arms. But the memory of her last words to him, leave me alone, echoed in his head, so instead he stood and shoved his hands into his pockets. He was determined to let her set the terms of this encounter.
Brennan was taken aback by his response. He wasn't even looking at her; instead he was examining his shoes with some avidity. She was forcibly reminded of a conversation they had about her decision to go to Maluku when he refused to meet her eyes.
She had come here this morning because Angela had convinced her that Booth was worried about her and would want to know she had returned, but his welcome was less than enthusiastic. She hadn't been sure what to expect, but that he might be indifferent to her presence, that he might ignore her, hadn't made the list of possibilities. Her pulse pounded in her ears as she considered what to do.
Feeling unsure, and wondering if she shouldn't have come, she said softly, "Booth?"
When she repeated his name, he eyes raised his eyes to meet hers, but he still said nothing. Dark circles under his eyes stood out in contrast to his uncharacteristically pale face.
The silence seemed to stretch between them, punctuated only by the sound of passing traffic.
Finally, he spoke. "What are you doing here, Bones?" His voice was strained, and she detected a little bitterness in his tone as well. His jaw worked and hit bit the inside of his cheek, forcing himself to keep his hands in his pockets and off of her.
"I just…I came to see you?" It should have been a simple statement, but he heard the question in her voice, as if she were looking to him for a cue. She looked distressed and uncertain.
Suddenly uncaring of the consequences, he grabbed her and pulled her into a crushing hug just as she began, "Booth, I—"
As soon as she was pressed against him, he felt a peace he couldn't quite name. Whole. It was as if she'd taken a piece of him with her and now that she'd returned he felt whole again.
"God, I missed you," he breathed in her ear.
It took him about three seconds to realize that holding her was dangerous. He'd finally gotten his head on straight, but just feeling her in his arms made him begin to question everything again.
And just as suddenly as he'd embraced her, he released her and stepped back. He saw tears shining in her eyes as she answered, "I've missed you, too, Booth."
He sensed that she was referring to more than just the past week, and an all-too-familiar wave of guilt washed over him.
A litany of questions cycled through his head. Why did you leave? Where did you go? Why didn't you call me as soon as you got back? Are you back for good? Are you mad at me? What the hell is going on with you? Are you okay?
But instead he asked, with forced casualness, "So where'd you go, Bones?"
Her eyebrows raised in surprise at his cavalier tone. "I went on a cruise."
"You went on a…" he cleared his throat. "Where?"
"To Canada."
"But you didn't use your passport," he countered, and immediately regretted this revelation.
Then again, she had to figure he was going to look for her, or she wouldn't have gone to Max; she could have just called her travel agent. Her eyes widened and he shrugged.
Brennan was surprised at the rush of relief and pleasure that she felt at this admission that he'd tried to find her. She clung to this scrap of proof that at least some things hadn't changed between them. She could examine the irrationality of simultaneously desiring not to be found but also to be searched for later; for the moment, her focus was on Booth.
They sat down on the bench, shoulders not quite touching.
After a brief silence he asked, "Why did you leave?"
She drew in a deep breath. "I just needed some perspective. I had some…things to figure out."
"And did you? Figure things out?" His voice was rough.
"I believe I did."
"So?"
She turned to face him, her eyebrows raised.
"So what did you figure out?" he clarified.
She didn't answer right away, but he could tell she wasn't avoiding the question, just choosing her words carefully.
Finally, she said, "I realized that my work is not enough anymore. I realized that I need to cultivate relationships with people outside of my professional life. I need to…broaden my horizons." She paused and then leaned toward him and continued in a confidential tone, "That's a colloquialism that means I need to engage in more varied leisure activities and expand my social circle."
A faint smiled curved his lips. "And how do you plan to do that?"
"Well, I'm having lunch with a new acquaintance, Victoria Marinello, this Thursday."
"Oh?" He looked slightly amused. "And where did you meet her?"
Brennan struggled to calm her racing pulse. She wasn't planning to lie to Booth, but, as with Angela, she had decided to omit a certain key fact about Benjamin. It would be simpler if everyone believed that there was a possibility, however remote, that she might someday become romantically involved with him.
Besides, it wasn't her place to reveal personal facts about him, and sexual orientation, especially when it deviated from the norm, certainly qualified as personal.
"I met her on the cruise. Initially I was befriended by her brother, Benjamin, and we enjoyed one another's company very much, but I also spent some time with his sisters. Victoria lives in the DC area. She is an archaeologist, a curator at the Smithsonian, and we have lunch plans this week."
Booth's entire body became rigid at the mention of Benjamin. She met someone? He studied her face, trying to figure out what this meant.
Not that it's any of your business, he told himself. She should have someone. You just want her to be happy.
But in the back of his mind was a nagging feeling that he'd always thought that would happen with him. He thought of the totems he'd burned for her in Founding Fathers after the case with the witches, wishing for her happiness. He'd secretly been wishing for their happiness. Together. Not that he'd admitted that to her.
You just resolved to fix things with Hannah, and now you're jealous that Bones might have met someone? Don't be an asshole.
"So…tell me about this…Benjamin."
"He owns an antique bookshop in Philadelphia."
"And are you…I mean, is he-?" he broke off when she looked at him sharply.
"Are you attempting to ascertain whether or not I had intercourse with him?"
Booth flushed guiltily. "Right to the point, like always, huh, Bones?"
"Benjamin and I are just friends. We have a plethora of common interests. It is possible for a man and a woman to be friends without a sexual component." He could tell she was being truthful, but suspected she was also holding something back. He wasn't certain he was ready to hear it anyway, so he let it go.
Booth was quiet for a moment, considering. The relief that he felt when she confirmed that she was "just friends" with this man was a little troubling, but now wasn't the time to analyze that.
He was a little concerned that this Benjamin might actually be interested in Bones, regardless of what he told her. Reading social cues wasn't her strength.
On the other hand, she probably just stated it outright to him. Something along the lines of "I am not interested in engaging in sexual intercourse with you, but if you'd like to converse, I'd be delighted to participate in spirited debate about a myriad of topics." He smiled to himself at the thought.
Then again, there were some men who might just see that as a challenge. Relax. Bones can take care of herself.
"What?" she asked him, curious about his sudden smile.
He glanced at her, mildly surprised for the warmth in her gaze. "Oh…I was just imagining what you said to him when he approached you. I'm guessing you told him outright that you weren't interested, but you probably said it in Squint-ese."
"What makes you think I wasn't interested?"
He looked stricken for a split-second, but recovered quickly. "Because, Bones, if you'd been interested, then you'd be telling me all about your new sexual partner, instead of your new 'friend.'" He tried to sound cavalier, but her comment unsettled him.
She picked at the front of her sweater. "Well, you were correct. I merely informed him that I wasn't looking for romantic or sexual companionship."
"And he stuck around?"
She nodded, "I'll admit, I was a little surprised myself. Usually that sort of comment results in a rapid retreat." Changing the subject she asked, "Why did Rebecca pick up Parker early? Don't you usually take him home Sunday evening?"
"Yeah, but he had a birthday party this afternoon that he didn't want to miss." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Do you want to—I mean, Parks and I usually go for brunch after mass. You wanna grab a bite?"
She looked at him carefully, and, determining that his invitation seemed sincere, she nodded.
