A/N: Peter's POV, this chapter is dedicated to Missing Triforce, lovely reader, reviewer, and friend! Sorry, no mashed potatoes in this one. :D
-C
I wasn't sure I liked the way Sirius was looking at Amy as she excused herself from the room. But I didn't have a lot of time to think about that because Sirius picked up a little piece of paper from the floor and handed it to James.
"What's this?" James asked, turning over the parchment with a frown of confusion.
From the smell of the parchment, it had been in Vanessa's bag for some time. Her whole bag smelled like her lotion, which was a mix of freesia and sandalwood, and even her books smelled like it if they spent enough time in that bag.
"Vanessa," I squeaked. "It smells like her book-bag."
"How do you know what her book-bag smells like?" Sirius asked me, frowning slightly.
"How do you not?" Remus chuckled. "It doesn't even take animal senses. She keeps so much scent in that thing that everything she owns reeks of freesias."
"Vanessa Potter?" James read off the paper, eyes popping out of his head. "No! That's disgusting! No offense, mate."
"None taken," Sirius sighed, flopping onto his bed.
"Are those...wedding dresses?" Remus asked hesitantly, looking at the scribbles by the practiced signatures.
"Yup," Sirius said, popping the "p."
James frowned, scratching his head.
"I don't get it," he finally said. "What is it?"
"It's a piece of paper Sarah and Amy found in Vanessa's notes, James," Sirius groaned. "Vanessa doesn't want to be with me. She wants to marry you so she can achieve pureblood perfection. She wants your money and she's using me."
"But I'm going to marry Lily," James said, still confused. "I don't see the point."
"Obviously she thought she could change your mind," Remus chuckled. "I'm not sure why, since everybody pretty much knows that's a useless venture, but obviously she felt up to the task."
I sat down on my bed, watching them try to puzzle out what to do about Vanessa. Revenge, of course, would be the first course of action, and knowing Sirius revenge would take the form a very public, humiliating break-up. While they worked on that I started thinking of the wider implications.
Sirius would start thinking of his next catch soon enough and the list had gotten considerably shorter with his many relationships. The only ones I could think of anymore were Sarah and Amy. He couldn't have Amy, not if I was ever going to have a chance at her, and I wasn't sure he'd be interested in Sarah...
"I'm thinking we make her cry," I heard James say firmly.
"Sounds good," Sirius sighed.
I tuned them out again, thinking of Vanessa's obsession with James. She'd never been dumped before, and I had a feeling she wouldn't take kindly to the dumping, nor did I think she would give up pursuing James, especially if they didn't mention that they knew when they dumped her.
Well, when Sirius dumped her, since it was really his responsibility in spite of the fact that we would likely all play a role.
"Pete, do you think you could figure out some stuff about Vanessa?" Sirius asked. "Gross habits, something really unattractive? I want to make this really embarrassing, in front of everyone."
"Sure," I squeaked, ignoring the unsure look Remus had.
"Why don't we just ask Amy?" James asked. "She's sure to have a boat-load of things-"
"No," Sirius said sharply. "No, that's the other thing, Pete, things Amy probably won't know. Things she only does when she's alone. I don't want Amy getting any more backlash in this than we can help. She's done more than her part in bringing this to me. Don't forget, she was friends with Vanessa first."
"Was she?" James asked, smiling as he tried to think back to first year. "It all feels like it happened on the first day."
"It did," Remus said with a smirk. "She met Vanessa on the train. She met us at dinner. We all know how sacred those train relationships are."
We all grinned at each other, recalling the vast number of sweets we'd eaten on our very first train ride to Hogwarts, courtesy of James and Sirius. A lot of my best memories were courtesy of James and Sirius.
"That's hardly early enough to count as before us," James pressed on, slightly insulted.
"James-"
"I'm going to take a nap," I squeaked, wanting to get out of the whole mess of a discussion which I knew was about to happen. They waved me off and I pulled my bed hangings around me, lying on my side and blocking them out.
Sirius had definitely been looking at Amy in a different way, a way I hadn't seen him do before. I really hadn't seen him look at anyone like that, and that was what scared me the most.
But then I closed my eyes and I could still see Amy's naked breasts bouncing in front of me. How badly I wanted to touch and taste those breasts. I wondered what sorts of sounds she might make if I squeezed them, how heavy they would feel in my hands.
I could feel myself getting aroused at the thought and I bit back a moan as I thought of her hands on my cock. Shivering, I pictured her hands, perfect and soft and small. She was perfectly sized for me, and I knew it. For a tall girl like Vanessa or Sarah, Sirius wasn't so disproportionately tall, but Amy was petite.
Maybe I would say that to Sirius, trying to convince him that Sarah would be his best bet for his next girlfriend.
"Well, I've got a Heads meeting with Professor Dumbledore and Lily," James finally said. "I think we've worked out all the basics and we can focus on the details later, all right?"
"Sounds good," Sirius sighed. "See you."
When the door closed behind James I almost opened the curtains again, but then Sirius said, "I've got something private to talk with you about. You think Pete's actually asleep, or should we do Muffliato?"
"Pete?" Remus asked firmly, and I decided to stay silent, pretend I was asleep, and listen carefully to whatever they wanted to keep James and me out of. I closed my eyes as Remus peeked in through the curtains and declared me asleep to Sirius before heading back by Sirius to ensure that I stayed asleep.
"Amy and I talked about some other stuff too," Sirius sighed, and I could just picture him running his hand through his hair like he did sometimes, the same way James did but with very different effect.
"What stuff?"
"Well, we were talking about her love life, and we were talking about you, actually-"
"Did she say she liked me?" Remus said eagerly. I winced.
"N-no, actually, she thinks of you as a friend," Sirius replied apologetically, which I silently cheered about. "But she did mention that there's someone she knows who has a massive crush on you."
"Really?" Remus whispered, a bit hurt, obviously, but he was curious. That was a good strategy, bringing up the crush right after the big letdown. I would have to write that down for future reference. "Who?"
"Didn't say, mate, but she did assure me that she thought it would be a very good match, so that's something."
"Yeah, I guess, so, but I-"
"Deserve love as much as the next red-blooded male, Moony, which is what you are and you know it."
"Whatever you say, Pads," Remus said, although it was clear he didn't believe a word he said.
"But it wasn't just that, you know. She told me that she had a crush on someone and wouldn't tell me who and it's driving me mad."
"Really? Did she give you any clues?"
My ears perked up. This could mean the continuation of hope or the beginning of the end for me.
"She told me it was someone I like, but if they like her back I'm not sure that'll last long."
"Sirius, you can't just beat up every guy who ever takes an interest in her. How do you expect her to form attachments, fall in love, and get married? Would you have beaten me up for asking her out?"
"No, Moony, but-"
"Then what makes anyone else any different?"
"I don't know, I guess I knew you'd never get up the courage to ask, so that didn't really matter."
There was a silence and I knew that Remus was collecting his pride enough to help Sirius deal with whatever emotions knowing about Amy's crush had caused for Sirius.
I was hoping the main emotion was shock.
"So what bothers you about someone liking Amy is the thought that they might actually do something about it. And... what, that she might accept? Sirius, what would you feel if you saw Amy kissing someone? Picture in your mind the thought of Amy kissing, say, James."
"I can't picture that, Remus. That's just weird."
"All right, well, what about one of the Prewetts, then? You like them."
"Yeah, I guess..."
"Well?"
"I'd want to rip off his face and hands and any part of him that touched her."
I could hear Remus sigh as I imagined Sirius attempting to rip off my face. It wasn't a very comfortable thought.
"Sirius, how can you expect her to live a normal life if you won't let her? You can't run around dating every eligible girl in Hogwarts and then attempt to castrate any guy who even finds her attractive."
"But she doesn't understand, Moony. Those guys, they're not good enough for her. They don't deserve her."
Remus sighed.
"Who does deserve her, then, Sirius? Does anyone, or is every man on the face of the planet just not good enough? Because while I concede that she is a wonderful girl, Sirius, she's just a girl."
"She's not just a girl, Moony! That's what I'm trying to say. She's... she's special and she's perfect and she doesn't even see-"
"Sirius-"
"No, I will find the words! I just don't know-"
"Sirius, is anyone good enough for her?"
Sirius sighed.
I perked up my ears once more, not wanting to miss a word.
"I don't know."
"Don't go off on a technicality, Sirius. I grant that you've not met everyone in the world. Well, do you think you're good enough for her?"
"Moony, that doesn't even matter," Sirius sighed. "She wouldn't want me anyway."
"Why not?"
"Because if she sees you as a friend then she sees me as one."
Remus chuckled.
"Sirius, despite popular belief, the Marauders are not all one person."
They laughed and I gripped my comforter.
"Well, what about Pete, then? Is Pete good enough for her?"
"Of course not," Sirius snorted, and I felt my eyes sting with tears.
So that was how it was. Years of friendship, years of devotion, and when it came down to it I was still just Pete, still not worthy to be in the Marauders, a member by a fluke, certainly not worthy to date Amy McAuley, the most perfect girl in Hogwarts.
"Why not?"
"Because, Moony, he's Pete. Could you image those two shagging?"
"I'd rather not."
"I think everyone would rather not."
"Can you imagine you shagging her?"
"I-I don't know. I've never tried."
"But can you?"
"I'm not sure I want to."
I sat up a little, leaning closer to the bed hangings.
"Why not?"
"Do you imagine yourself goring bunnies on a full moon?" There was a horrified silence. "It's like... even though I know it would bring me pleasure, even though I think she's beautiful and wonderful, spoiling that sort of innocence... It just seems terrible."
"Sirius, she's just a girl."
"So you keep saying."
"You know it's true. She's just a girl, and while she might be a great one, she wants to shag someday with someone. If you don't want it to be you, maybe you should loosen the chokehold and let it be someone you like instead of driving her away."
Sirius seemed to have no response to that and I rolled onto my stomach, thinking over everything that had just happened.
First of all, Amy had a crush on someone, and if I couldn't figure out who that someone was then I was a failure of an admirer. Remus was out of the picture, but somewhere out there was competition, and if I was to win Amy then I had to get rid of them.
I wasn't sure how I would do that, but maybe knowing who I was dealing with would give me some ideas. After all, I hadn't spent over six years taking part in hundreds of Marauder plots to allow myself to be easily defeated.
Secondly, though, was the idea that Sirius didn't see me as fit to be with Amy. The idea of my being with her was repulsive to him, and apparently to Remus as well. I knew I wasn't anywhere near the physical attractiveness of Sirius or James, or even Remus, whose time as a werewolf had given him not just scars but a rather muscular physique.
But I wasn't that bad. I could lose a few pounds, shave more regularly, and bathe more vigorously. I wasn't repulsive, though.
How would I approach Amy when the time came, though, without Sirius doing something to keep me from her? I knew now that he would not take well to my advances on her, even if she did. And Marauder or not, nobody crossed Sirius where Amy was concerned.
Well, I'd just have to be discrete about it, obviously. And I was perhaps the most discrete of the Marauders, since Sirius hadn't yet guessed that I even liked Amy, much less that I'd seen her naked.
I grinned a bit at the thought.
What would Sirius say if he knew that I had seen Amy changing, and thought about it often? However unworthy he thought me, I'd still gotten closer to possessing her than any other guy in the world, and the very thought gave me confidence.
But there was still a lot to worry about.
For all of Sirius's talk of her innocence, there was no doubt that Sirius looked at Amy in a very different way now than he'd done before, and it wasn't too far of a jump from that to desiring her, loving her, approaching her. However she looked at Sirius now wasn't really the point. Sirius wasn't Remus. If he wanted a girl, no matter who she was, he got her, and I'd already witnessed dozens of times that Amy couldn't say no to him. If Sirius decided he wanted Amy... it was only a matter of time.
I wasn't sure how close he was to that, but I knew that he seemed to be well on the path to putting two and two together, realizing that the feeling he had about Amy that he didn't know how to explain to us no matter how hard he tried, was love.
My hands gripped my duvet and wrung it, anxious.
He was in love with her, I realized.
That was what he was looking at her with, realization. He was starting to see her as a woman, starting to look at her like she was the attractive, sexy, intelligent woman she was. He was starting to think that there was something in the way he looked at her that was different from other girls, and not just because she was his best friend.
I suspected that he realized he was attracted to her, but had he figured out the rest yet?
I didn't think so, but Sirius was clever. I didn't think it would take him very long to put it all together, especially with Remus obviously trying to point it out to him. How long before Remus gave up and flat out told Sirius that he thought Sirius was in love with Amy?
No, I couldn't have that. I would have to find some way to plan my advances and counter whatever might happen with Sirius.
"I'm going to shower," I heard Remus say, and he left, the bathroom door closing behind him and the shower starting a few minutes later.
I peeked out of the curtains, careful not to be too obvious, and luckily Sirius didn't see me.
He was too busy looking at the picture by Remus's bed, the picture of us at Hogsmeade with Amy, Sarah, and Vanessa. He was frowning down at it thoughtfully, running his thumb over Amy, watching her as she laughed.
"Beautiful," he sighed, smiling slightly in a way I'd never seen him smile before. "Absolutely beautiful."
I wanted to bite his thumb off, so that he could no longer touch her image like that, but I just watched angrily.
"Oh, Amy," he sighed, putting the picture down again. "I just don't know."
He then flopped down on his bed, covering his eyes and rubbing his temple, and I hoped he was trying to wipe his mind of whatever thoughts had come up of him and Amy. I wanted to be the only one in that room picturing her in bed.
But as soon as I thought of him cleaning his mind I thought of what they would look like together, and judging from the few times I'd stayed in rat form to watch him shag, I could picture it all very clearly.
I could see Sirius hovering over Amy, their lips interlocked, his hands bracing him, hers clutching his back. I could see him thrusting repeatedly, could hear the pants and moans and cries...
Closing the curtains again I could feel more tears stinging at the corners of my eyes.
Whatever happened, whether or not I could get Amy to fall for me, one thing was absolutely certain.
I would never, ever forgive Sirius for what he'd said about me not deserving Amy. Friends didn't say things like that, didn't think things like that, and I didn't know yet what I would do about it, but I would find a way to make him pay.
