Living dreams and living nightmares
"Kid, we need to talk."
"Okay, gimme one second…"
"No, not in one second. Now."
"Mmm…" Turbo rubbed a hand across his eyes sleepily, his head a dead weight as it shifted against the pillow. He had unintentionally dozed off after a series of particularly terrifying dreams had deprived him of sleep the night before, and now was only able to open his eyes with great difficulty; afternoon naps were always the hardest to awaken from. He couldn't help but consider drifting off again, before he remembered the conversation taking place outside his bedroom door that had awakened him in the first place.
"What's going on, Stinkbrain?"
"What are you doing this afternoon?"
"I'm going to the Cakeway with Turbo for glitch lessons, just like always. Why?"
"Because that's exactly what we need to talk about."
He propped himself up on his elbows, the sponge cake mattress depressing beneath him. "Vanellope?" he mumbled, still half-asleep. It sounded as if she and Ralph were talking out in the corridor…and judging by Ralph's tone, the wrecker was far from happy.
"Back when we first reset Turbo, we talked about this. Me and Felix and Calhoun told you that you had to be careful with him, remember?"
"Yeah, I remember."
"Uh, clearly you don't, because you have been getting way too comfortable with him lately. And I'm not gonna lie, kid, it's a little concerning."
"Oh, come on, Ralphie! Don't be such a worrywart! Me and Turbo just do our glitch training and then play around a little afterwards, what's so bad about that?"
"You're acting like you and him have been bestest friends forever, and to me, it's starting to look like you've completely forgotten what he did!"
"Um, no. No, I haven't."Judging by the sudden coldness of her voice, Vanellope's emotions seemed to have pivoted one hundred and eighty degrees, and Turbo could just picture the scowl that her lips would be puckering into. "You know I could never forget about that."
"Then why have you been acting like everything is just peachy?!"
"Well…"
Turbo, now sitting fully upright, frowned quietly to himself. It was true and Vanellope had been spending a lot more of their free time together lately. Their glitch lessons always dissolved into leisurely races sooner or later, and Vanellope had taken to playfully wrestling and roughhousing with him when they returned home each day, tackling him to the floor and giggling as she declared, "Now's your chance, Pajama Boy! Use your glitch, just like I taught you!" And sometimes the two of them would simply sit and relax with one another after a long day of work and play, glugging down glasses of milk and chattering happily about how much they loved racing, funny things that had happened to them in the past, the worst crashes they'd ever been involved in, and all kinds of other stuff. So yes, they'd been noticeably friendlier with one another lately…but was Ralph really saying that it was a bad thing? It wasn't as if Vanellope never hung out with her other friends, and judging by the amount of time she spent on Ralph's shoulder, he was her transportation method of choice! So why…?
"He's not bad, Ralphie, honestly he's not. He's a lot like I was! All he wants to do is get control of his glitch and be a real racer, and besides…in a weird way, he's actually kind of sweet."
"Sweet?!"The word reverberated incredulously, so thunderously loud that everyone in the castle must have heard it. "Kid, have you lost your mind?!"
"No! Why don't you want to give him a chance?! I like him, Felix likes him, even Sarge isn't as mean to him as you are! And that's saying something for her!"
"How am I supposed to forget about what he – "
"Ladies, keep your voices down!"That sharp, militaristic bark belonged to Sergeant Calhoun, who interjected the argument out of nowhere. "Honestly, do you have to discuss this right here?"
Nothing else was said after that, but the thuds of heavy footsteps stomping down the hall informed Turbo that Ralph had stormed off. The racer remained perfectly still for a while, puzzled and blinking, still two-fifths asleep. It was several long moments before he began to wonder if he had dreamed what he'd overheard, or misinterpreted it due to his drowsy state.
The door to his bedroom creaked open, and a rosy-cheeked face ringed by candy-coated black bangs peered in at him somberly. "Heya, Pajama Boy," Vanellope greeted him. "Did you…did you hear any of that?"
"Hear what?" asked Turbo, hoping that a nervous glitch wouldn't reveal his little fib. "I was taking a nap. I just woke up."
"Oh. Well then!" She perked right up, unmistakable relief seeping through to her expression. "Sleepin' on the job? Shame on you!"
"I didn't sleep well last night, okay, glitter-graphics?" He swung his legs over the side of the bed and rolled his shoulders, which more or less evaporated the last of the fogginess in his brain.
"More nightmares, huh?"
"Yeah. How did you know?"
"I heard you scream again."
"Oh." Betrayed by his ever-restless mind for the umpteenth time…he winced, and scarlet binary crackled against his torso. Just another very minor glitch. "Sorry about that. I can't help it."
"I know you can't. Anyway, are you gonna get your butt up and come to glitch lessons with me, or are you just gonna sit there?"
He considered it. "Sit here," he answered, as about half of him strongly desired more time to puzzle over the harsh statements he'd overheard.
The other, more nervous half, however, was secretly relieved when Vanellope decided that he was joking and tugged him off of the bed with a bouncy little snicker. He was beginning to think that he shouldn't spend very much time wondering about what the others were hiding from him. He might not like what he discovered about them…or about himself.
Turbo could hardly believe that he had been in Sugar Rush for nearly an entire month already, and it was even more surprising that he had somehow managed to fall into a routine. He had to admit that it wasn't so bad, training to control his weakened code and fooling around with Vanellope. Oh, of course he was burdened by the ever-present elephant in the room of not being able to leave the game, and the twins' absence still felt like a gaping hole in the center of his life, but he was…content. He was getting closer to racing again, nobody was calling him a ghost boy, and he knew that there was at least one person in the world who actually cared about him.
Vanellope had been showing him some more advanced glitching techniques lately – namely, how to use the malfunction for short-term teleportation. It was actually quite difficult. Eventually, Turbo found that if he drew in a deep breath and concentrated with every fiber of his being, he could make himself glitch and reappear a few inches or feet away, but this ability had one troubling side effect. He could only do it three or four times in a row before it caused him to feel dizzy and sick. He had even fainted on more than one occasion when he'd "glitched himself out."
At first, Vanellope had thought that this was a temporary hindrance that would subside over time, but it had hardly gotten any better over the course of their lessons. It looked as if Turbo wouldn't ever be able to speed-glitch as freely as she did. Still, he at least had something to show for his efforts, and maybe it would even turn out to be a useful skill if he could ever get the hang of using it on the track.
"Come on, Pajama Boy, try again," coaxed Vanellope, who was standing on top of a large jawbreaker at the side of the Cakeway. "Glitch yourself right next to me. Just focus…and concentrate…and..."
Turbo squeezed his eyes shut, sucked in a lungful of air, and forced himself to dissolve into a flurry of crimson binary. A second later, his body reassembled at the base of the jawbreaker. He opened his eyes and glanced around, admittedly disappointed when he confirmed his new location. "I almost got it that time."
"One more time! You were so close!" she exclaimed. She was a fan of affectionate insults, but when it came to glitch training, she seemed to always feel the need to be strenuously encouraging.
"Okay, okay. I can do this." He shifted his feet and inhaled a few cleansing breaths, trying to get into a more free-flowing state of mind…become one with the code, as it were. "I'm in control…in control…one, two, three – "
He glitched but remained stationary, and dizzy spots blossomed in front of his eyes. Turbo reeled and lowered himself into a sitting position on the ground, willing the nausea in his abdomen to retreat. "Um, I think it's time for a little break now."
"Yeah, you don't wanna tire yourself out, Pajama Boy." Vanellope hopped down from her perch and settled down beside him. "Don't worry, you are starting to get better. I can tell. You just need to start using that glitch control when you're racing, and maybe soon, you won't even glitch at all when you don't want to!"
Suddenly, she snapped her fingers.
"…what is it?" he inquired.
"I just had an idea!" she proclaimed. "If you're gonna be taking a break anyway, I wanna show you something. The place where I first learned to control my glitch!"
"What, you think it's got magic that's gonna rub off on me or somethin'?"
She rolled her eyes. "It will inspire you. C'mon, let's go. We're not too far anyway!"
Turbo had expected her to hop into her kart, but instead, she bounded off into a thicket of lollipop scrubs. He had no choice but to follow her, carefully easing his way through the sticky branches while she glitched back and forth eagerly. After a walk of about five minutes, surely no more than ten, a shadow fell across them, and he realized that they'd come to Diet Cola Mountain.
Vanellope twirled around to face him, rubbing her hands together.
"What I'm gonna show you is a total secret, Pajama Boy. I've never shown it to anybody in my entire life! Ever! …well, except for Ralph."
Turbo craned his neck curiously to gaze at two giant sugar-free lollipops, arching and intersecting above his and Vanellope's heads. "What exactly is this place?"
"I told you, it's a secret! Now close your eyes."
He snorted in annoyance, but obliged.
"I'm gonna grab on to ya, okay?" A moment later, her fingers closed around the sleeve of his jumpsuit. "Now follow me. Just keeping walking forward…"
He stumbled along after her insistent tugging. Even though his eyes were scrunched shut, he was able to detect an abrupt change in the lighting when darkness seemingly enveloped him…which was odd, because there were no caves or crevices that he'd seen around Diet Cola Mountain, not even any foliage that really provided a lot of shade. However, he didn't actually start feeling alarmed until a thunderous boom echoed all around him.
His eyes flew open, glowing dim and yellow, although even that didn't help him see exactly where he was. "What was that?!"
"Chill out, headlights." Vanellope let go of him and placed her hands on her hips. "It was only the cola."
"…Cola?"
With an impish grin, she scampered forward, leaving Turbo to scramble after her with steps that were significantly less speedy and significantly more unsure.
Slowly, his surroundings seemed to solidify around him; he was in a cavern constructed of marbled fudge and peanut brittle, with a low ceiling and sloping walls. It felt cramped, even to someone with his tiny stature. However, as he walked onwards, the environment opened up around him quite rapidly to reveal a bubbling orange lake, with white candy formations dangling above it from a point so high up that it was invisible to him.
"Ta-da!" Vanellope spread her arms wide. "Welcome to the secret bonus level!"
He frowned. "…secret bonus level?"
"Well, okay, it's not really a bonus level, but it was gonna be! And it's definitely a secret! Only super extra-special cool people get to see it, so consider yourself lucky."
Turbo couldn't help but smile at that. He'd only known Vanellope for a month, and already it was hard to remember a time when they hadn't been on friendly terms.
His smile only lasted until a fragment of the white candy formations broke off and tumbled into the steaming liquid below. At the impact, a geyser spurted up, accompanied by a rather violent noise.
A fragment of…something…overtook Turbo's memory for half a second.
"You fools! Why are you going into the li – oh…"
When a splatter of cola splashed and sizzled on the ground near his feet, he was jolted back to reality.
"Those are Mentos," Vanellope was explaining. "They fall in the cola and make it a'splode. So you gotta watch out, 'cause that stuff is hot enough to burn your pajama brains!"
He was still too shaken to come up with a response to her playful insult. "…how do you know about this place?"
Vanellope blinked, but otherwise showed no sign that his question had fazed her. "I used to live here. It was the only place I could go to be safe, back when…you know…"
"…when you were an outcast?" he finished uncomfortably. "And King Candy was around?"
"Yeah."
Another Mentos hit the cola.
"Ohh…ohhhh…no – yes – n-no – "
"Over there was where my bed used to be. I had a bunch of stuff. Like some candy wrappers for blankets. When I go to bed, I still like to bundle myself up like a little homeless lady. Oh, and I had a doll that I made of – 'Bo, are you listenin' to me?!"
Turbo glitched. "W-wha – oh, I'm sorry, Vanny. I just…zoned out for a sec."
She stared at him for a long moment, but there was more concern in her expression than annoyance…uncharacteristically so.
"Anyway, like I was sayin', I used to have all that stuff. But then the mountain blew its top, and when the game reset we all got our memories back, I guess it musta gotten wiped out – "
BOOM. Another eruption.
"No – yes – NO, YES, NO – GO INTO THE LIIIIIIAAAAAAGH – !"
Turbo glitched again and reeled back as Vanellope snapped her fingers in his face.
"Helloooo! Earth to Turbo! What the heck is the matter with you!"
"I…" He breathed out. The hallucinated imagery had gone away now, but he could have sworn that a too-familiar voice barely brushed a whisper beside his ear…
Remember, remember, remember…
"…can we go, please, Vanellope? I'm sorry. But this place really gives me the creeps."
The lemon-drop sunlight was harsh on his eyes when he first emerged from the darkness, but welcome nonetheless. Almost as soon as they left the mountain, tension leaked out of him and evaporated, until the strange experience of standing by the hot spring had left only faint traces in his memory like sugar dissolved in tea.
"Well, I guess that was a bust," admitted Vanellope. "But don't worry, I know something else we can do! Except we'll have to wait until tomorrow, it's almost dinnertime now…"
Turbo could see no difference in the position of the sun, but he supposed that once you'd lived here long enough, you developed an instinctive sense of what time of day it was. "Okay. So what'll we do tomorrow?"
She tapped a finger against her chin thoughtfully, then announced, "Here's the plan. Instead of me coming home to get you for glitch training like usual, you're gonna go with Ralph to the Random Roster Race, okay? Don't bring your car, just walk. It's not that far. You can watch me from behind the stands as long as you keep yourself outta sight, and when I'm finished, I'll have a special surprise for you! Got it?"
"What kind of surprise?" asked Turbo.
She rolled her eyes. "If I told you that, then it wouldn't be a surprise, g-doy. But that's for tomorrow. For now…" She grinned hugely. "Think fast, Pajama Boy!" With that, she pounced on him as gleefully as a kitten, tackling him to the ground.
"Oh no you don't!" He squirmed, thrashing around as he tried to buck her off, but her skillful teleportation kept her clinging to him. "I'm already dirty as it is!"
"It's okay, we can wash those pajamas!" Her hands plunged into his armpits, fingers wriggling rapidly.
"For the last time, they're not pajamas! This is my – " His yellow eyes went wide, and clamped his mouth shut to restrain the uncontrollable laughter welling up in his stomach, which worked for about three seconds. "BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
How in the world had she known that he was ticklish?!
"Muahahahaha!" she cackled evilly, increasing the speed and ferocity of her tickling. "Let's answer an age old question! Do you glitch when you're tickled?!"
"Ye-he-he-HE-HES! I DO! I DO!" screamed Turbo, the only words he was able to get out before his voice was completely overwhelmed by laughter again, and sure enough, violent glitches were breaking out all along his body.
"Then I'll have to remember that for later!" She threw back her head and gave a triumphant guffaw. "Now I know your weakness!"
They were both absolutely filthy by the time they got home, but Felix was used to that by now.
It was only later, when he was lying awake in bed and staring up at the frosting-coated ceiling of his room, that Turbo recalled the unsettling argument between Ralph and Vanellope. And as if that had opened the floodgates, the memories of Diet Cola Mountain exploded to the forefront of his mind, along with all the strange images and sounds that had assailed him there. It was like…well, come to think of it, it was just like the voice that he'd half-heard whispering beside his ear before, sometimes during the day but most often when he was drifting off to sleep at night: remember, remember, remember…
What was he supposed to remember?
Well, that's a stupid question. The only thing I CAN'T remember is those thirty years between Turbo Time and now.
But he'd been catatonic during all that time, hadn't he?
That's what they told you. But what if they're lying?
He swallowed hard, doubt settling over him like a layer of pond scum. These people were keeping something from him – Ralph, Sergeant Calhoun, Felix, and even Vanellope all knew something that he didn't, and they were trying to keep him from finding out. He had known it from the very start, and he'd never been more certain of it than he was now.
Something is very wrong here.
He slipped out of bed and padded down the hallway, not even realizing what he was about to do until he had already knocked on the door to Felix's room, and by then it was too late to take it back.
"Oh, Turbo!" said the handyman in surprise upon answering the soft rapping. He was dressed in a pair of pale blue button-down pajamas with a monogrammed pocket, and the ever-present FF cap was missing from his head. Calhoun was visible just behind him, wearing gray sweatpants and a threadbare white T-shirt. "What are you doing up so late, kiddo? Is something wrong?"
Turbo fidgeted with his fingers, too preoccupied to recite his usual "I'm not a kid" mantra. "Felix, I wanted to ask you a question," he said softly.
"Oh? Ask away, then."
Turbo's tongue seemed to have frozen in place. Go ahead,he prompted himself. Start asking. There's so many questions that you could begin with. Like, why have you been hiding me away in the castle and not letting anyone else catch a glimpse of me?
Why can't I remember the past thirty years of my life? Why is there such a sudden cutoff in my memories?
How come I've been having nightmares about the evil king who used to rule Sugar Rush before I ever got here?
What are you all hiding from me?
But he couldn't do it. Trepidation was weighing heavily on his heart, and he realized that he wasn't willing to sacrifice the menial little bit of happiness that he did have in order to get at the truth. The truth wasn't necessarily going to make things any better or set his mind at ease. Maybe it was better to stay contented and ignorant.
If the nightmare died, the dream was dead, too. Where had he heard that before?
So the only question to pass his lips was, "Why don't you like me?"
"What?!" Felix gaped, placing a hand over his chest. "Turbo, that's…is that really the impression you've been getting, that we don't like you?!"
Turbo lowered his eyes. "Well…I just feel like…"
"I know that we aren't around much on work days…and boy do I know that Ralph can be a little gruff sometimes…but we care about you!" Felix slipped his hand around Turbo's shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. "We all do. Listen, I know how hard it's been for you to make the transition into this game, and I know that you got frustrated at the start, but you pulled through it! And we're very proud of you. I don't want you to think otherwise."
Calhoun leaned against the doorway, her acute features softening a fraction. "You're kind of a strange kid, Turbo, but not a bad one. And you've done well since you've been here."
"I…I'm not a kid," Turbo mumbled self-consciously. His cheeks felt funny, and he was thankful that he wasn't able to visibly blush.
Felix chuckled. "Sure you're not. Go get some sleep, Turbo. Vanellope tells me that you've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow."
"O…okay." A brief glitch overtook Turbo as he turned around, and he glanced over his shoulder, feeling ashamed and frustrated with himself.
Felix smiled gently. "Good night. You're going to be a great racer, and we all know it."
"Thanks…night, Ms. Calhoun. Night, Felix…"
Turbo trudged back towards what was bound to be another night of troubled sleep, cursing himself for being such a coward, for allowing his moment of vulnerability to get to him. He was no weakling. He wasn't a wimp, he wasn't a coward, and most of all he wasn't a kid…but he wanted to be, and that was what stung him.
His desire to act his own age was stronger than anything, even outweighing his wish to race again. He wanted to be like Vanellope, to have a family who would look after him and care for him and never ever leave him, to be able to fool around and be immature without having to prove himself to anybody…and most of all, he wanted to be able to go home in the evenings and know that no matter how his day had been, no matter how bad or good things had gone, he was loved and always would be. No more paranoia, no more abandonment if the gamers began to turn him a blind eye. A home and a family, that was all he really wanted.
Maybe that was all he'd ever wanted, and he'd just been looking for attention to satisfy a need that he had never been able to identify. Maybe tomorrow, he would gather up the courage to ask Felix about what he didn't know. Maybe…maybe…
