Warnings: I hope you don't want to strangle me for drawing this out so long. Oh, and Zack has a moment of heterosexuality here. You can ignore it, but I think he's the sort of gay man who occasionally appreciates a nice set of breasts. Sexuality is complex, okay?

Author's note: Okay, okay, so I said I wasn't going to post another part for two or three weeks and a few days later, what happens? I post another part. Yeah, you knew that was going to happen. But, see, the last few times I've been on the bus to get to school I've seen scenes from later parts of this story play in my head like little movies. I love when that happens, but then I feel obliged to write them all down before I forget them! I have many pages filled with notes now, and I'm excited to get to actually writing them all out in story format. Sometimes the creative process seems completely out of my hands. Heh.

As always, please review and tell me what you like or don't like!

Desert Garden

A fanfic. by pixeled

-x-x-x-

Put your teeth in me

Carve your name in me

No, I don't care if there is something

That I'm too blind to see

-x-x-x-

Part Nine

-x-x-x-

Zack could feel the sun shining in on him. He opened his eyes a crack and felt the light splash against his cheek. It felt cold—like Nibelheim; it was a clinical, almost hospital-like light and though it was dull, it made his eyes adjust painfully to slits. He moved a bit, but caught the blond head that was snugly placed on his chest. It moved just barely at the shift, a small noise coming from the lips pressed against his bare stomach. Zack lowered a hand to run his fingers through the thick golden hair idly.

"Cloud," he whispered, and he felt eyelashes fluttering against his bare skin. The boy resting on him slowly lifted his head, sleepy blue eyes opening slowly. He smiled down at him, watching those clear blue depths caught between the dreaming and waking worlds.

"Zack," Cloud breathed, eyelids half drooping over his eyes, blond lashes nearly glowing in the streaming light from the window. He nuzzled closer, resting his head against Zack's chest again. The steady beat of the heart within lulled him, made his eyes droop more.

"Don't go back to sleep," Zack said softly. Cloud moved his arms around his lover as if to anchor him to the bed, his legs moving to entwine with Zack's.

"I won't," Cloud said sleepily. Zack sighed, laughed a little, and gently pushed at the younger boy.

"I have to go see . . ." Zack's voice trailed off. He frowned slowly, the look of stinging realization and anguish that he had seen on Sephiroth's face coming back to him.

"Sephiroth," Cloud whispered as he moved away from Zack reluctantly, sitting up and staring out the window. "Where did he go?"

"The Shinra Mansion," Zack answered as he sat up after Cloud, draping himself on the blond's back, arms around his chest. He felt Cloud shiver at the mention and smiled. "Yeah, place looks all sorts of creepy. But I'm sure everything is fine. Sephiroth's just weird. Gets into all sorts of strange moods. Like you, heh." Cloud didn't need to know that the General had been acting strangely since even before they had left for Nibelheim; it was like those photographs from the briefing folder had haunted him. Zack wondered if Sephiroth had seen himself reflected back in the sadness of those creatures' eyes. He pressed his frowning lips to Cloud's shoulder and kissed the light sprinkling of pale freckles there.

"I'm coming with you," Cloud stated. Zack raised a black brow, honestly shocked.

"You're ordering me?"

"As a friend," Cloud said sheepishly.

"Ah," Zack laughed. "That's sneaky. You know I can't resist it when you put it like that."

"Yup."

The easy understanding and the strange duality of their friendship—relationship?—felt bittersweet to Zack. Bitter because sometimes he struggled to remember what Angeal's touch felt like now that it was replaced with Cloud's—sweet because it felt so natural, like he and Cloud fit together, as corny as that sounded. As much as he was stricken with his comparison of Sephiroth and Cloud, he had failed to notice the comparison between himself and the younger man. They were like light and dark: Dark hair and light hair; tan skin and light skin; earth and air—the matching turmoil of their hearts in opposite streams. They were two sides of the same coin. Zack almost laughed, but he only made a soft sound; he didn't want to have to explain himself to Cloud. It was strange how he held back this side of him even though he knew Cloud was aware of it.

Zack could feel a distinct drowning sensation. So many things, so many secrets buried under smiles and flirtations and . . . it had all come so much easier to him once. He had been carefree once.

"Hey," Cloud whispered. "You should get dressed."

"Yeah." Zack squeezed Cloud's shoulders tightly and rose from the bed.

-x-x-x-

Now I can't keep you mama

But I know you're always there

You listen, you teach me mama

And I know inside you care

So get down, down here beside me

Oh you ain't going nowhere

No I won't hurt you mama

But it's getting so hard – oh

-x-x-x-

Zack made his way down the stairs with Cloud in tow now that they were finally ready to confront Sephiroth at the mansion.

"Heya, Tifa!" Zack called, waving as he saw the young woman standing at the front desk. She was apparently having a conversation with the strange man with the cloak. When he saw this, he immediately scanned Tifa for signs of discomfort, feeling protective and wary. It was in his nature to come to anyone's rescue, but especially pretty and scantily clad young women. Besides, Cloud seemed to be strongly protective of her. A look barely thrown over his shoulder told him that Cloud had his shoulders squared.

"Hi!" Tifa blushed a bit as her eyes met Zack's. It seemed to take her a long time to meet his gaze. "Zack, this is my instructor, Master Zangan. He teaches me Martial Arts." She smiled as she gestured toward the man and Zack nodded, smiling back at Tifa before he looked toward the man with the ridiculous cloak again, relieved.

"I believe we've met," Zack said, scratching at his hair.

"You must forgive me if I talked your ear off, young man. Tifa is one of my best students; mean uppercut she's got. She was your guide to the Mount Nibel Reactor, no?"

"Yup," Zack said, putting two and two together. He remembered Tifa's father telling her she wasn't a fighter. Well, it was a good thing to know that the man with the ridiculous cloak wasn't just cornering him randomly to babble about whatever the other day. He got the distinct feeling though that the old man wanted something from him. Maybe he had wanted him to recommend Tifa for the Turks—Zack could definitely see her as one: she was feisty, busty, and definitely the dangerously pretty type. Girl next door with an edge, maybe. She reminded him of Cissnei. He vaguely thought that covering that chest up with a suit would probably be a shame.

"Oh, uhm." Tifa was staring past Zack at Cloud now. "The guard. Is he okay?" She seemed to reconsider this. "Are you okay over there?" Zack could see the boy immediately drop his dead down against his chest.

"He's okay," Zack reassured her.

"Is he not supposed to talk or something?" Tifa's head tilted to the side at Zack before she prodded Cloud again. "Hey, what's your name?" The boy seemed to panic, and Zack watched him intently.

"M-miles," he lied. His voice cracked as he said it. Zack raised a brow though he wasn't entirely surprised.

"Well, sorry to cut this short," Zack announced, "but . . . Miles and I are on duty now."

"Oh," Tifa said. She looked thoughtful. "Did you hear? Sephiroth is in the mansion. One of the guards said—"

"Hey, Tifa. Don't go around talking to Shinra guards, okay?" Zack crossed his arms and Master Zangan gave him a strange look. Tifa's eyes glowed with defiance, but then they softened with some other emotion. To Zack it looked like she was remembering something.

"That mansion has been owned by Shinra for a long time," Tifa said. "Papa said that Shinra used to be all over here. It was kind of like a base. Lots of bad stuff happened." She looked at Zack with a conflicted emotion, as if she wanted to hate him but just couldn't.

"Let's go, then," Zack turned his head toward Cloud and waved at Tifa and Master Zangan one last time before he exited the inn, helmet-secured Cloud in tow. Just as they headed out into the town Zack's phone rang and he turned to give Cloud an apologetic look that said "Sorry, I'm gonna take this and it's so because I'm stalling". Cloud didn't seem to mind—he just wandered off, considerate of Zack's privacy.

Zack flipped the phone open and held it to his ear, his stomach fluttering. It could have been anyone, really. Maybe even Sephiroth himself.

"He-ello." Zack smiled, surprised and happy to hear that voice again.

"Aerith?"

"I finally got through!" she cried happily. Come to think of it, his phone had been out of service for a while. Nibelheim really was a backwater town.

"Yeah . . ." He looked around for Cloud and spotted him standing against a signpost with one hand clutching at his rifle nervously. Zack was relieved to find that he wasn't looking in his direction—not because he was doing anything sneaky but because he still hadn't introduced him to the flower girl. Truth be told, he was a little jealous of the way Cloud seemed to be overprotective of Tifa and he wasn't entirely sure how Cloud would react to Aerith. It was pretty amusing, really.

"Uh, listen . . . now's not the best time," he said. He didn't mean to sound cold, but he didn't want to keep Cloud waiting for a long time. "I'll call you later."

"No, no," he heard Aerith say over the line. Her voice sounded subdued and he felt guilty for making her sound that way.

"Okay," he laughed. "I'll come visit." He would bring Cloud this time. No secrets.

"I'll be here," Aerith said. There was still a slight pout in her voice and in the back of his mind he wondered if he was leading her on. But then . . . there seemed to be a silent understanding between them. She knew about Angeal's death—he talked about him in his sleep the first time they met and he had been unconscious—and he could tell by the way she looked at him that she knew exactly what Angeal had meant to him. She was like that. Maybe it was because she was an Ancient—more attuned to things. Things Zack would never know.

"I'll see you, I promise," he said. He didn't make promises lightly, and he could tell by the pleased hum that Aerith produced into the phone that she was as satisfied as she could be with a promise.

Zack snapped his phone closed and stared at it for a moment before he walked back over to Cloud.

"Sorry about that," he said, but Cloud only shook his head and heaved off the signpost, walking ahead. Zack followed and when they reached the looming gate of the mansion a guard saluted him and opened it up. As it opened it creaked loudly and Zack closed his eyes for a brief moment and hoped for the best before he came to the large mansion's elaborate door. There was another guard standing in front and he too saluted Zack before he removed a key from a large key ring and opened the door into a vast anteroom. The only source of light in the great empty space came through its windows. They were huge and seemed to tower over the two young men.

"It's even worse inside and we're not even up those stairs," Cloud observed dully. Zack clapped a hand on Cloud's shoulder reassuringly, his brows lifting and his mouth twitching into a crooked smile. He saw a smile reflect back to him and he laughed; it echoed through the large space and Zack turned his attention to the anteroom again. His eyes swept the area but there didn't seem to be any stairs leading down; the only way seemed to be up the stairs. He could see Cloud out of his peripheral vision trying the doors that surrounded them, but by the looks of it, they all seemed to be locked, and peeping through the sizable keyholes produced nothing of interest.

"We should split up, look for him separately," Zack announced. Cloud nodded, all business. He almost expected to hear "yes, sir" come from those lips which were now pressed into a thin line. Cloud took one wing while Zack took another, and after a good fifteen minutes of looking through mostly locked rooms Zack's phone rang. He flipped it open.

"Don't think I'm crazy, but there's a strange noise coming from the fireplace in this room. It sounds like . . . laughing. Or crying." Cloud's voice sounded shaky. Zack felt his stomach drop and he suppressed a groan. He did not have a good feeling about this at all.

"Fireplace? Think it could be a trap door?" Zack asked.

"Could be. I'll wait for you here. I'm in the last room on this side; it's a bedroom." Zack snapped his phone shut and slid it into his pocket. He ran one hand through his hair nervously and placed the other on the hilt of the Buster sword, squeezing hard to reassure himself. He took in a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and walked to the end of the hall on the other side of the mansion. When he came into the room he walked over to Cloud as calmly as he could and told him to stay there no matter what. He was not allowed to move under any circumstances . . . unless something went wrong—then he was to call for back up.

Zack explored the fireplace and found a lever hidden inside. Immediately after pulling it the fireplace heaved and turned around slowly to reveal a passageway and a long flight of stairs into seeming nothingness. It took a few moments for Zack's eyes to adjust, but then he could make out all the details awash in a light gray. He turned to Cloud and asked him to pull the lever once he disappeared down the stairs and he gave him a smile and a thumbs-up. Cloud only nodded gravely and told him to be careful.

"Of course," Zack said before he disappeared into the darkness. He felt Cloud's eyes stare after him until he was halfway down the long winding stairs. All natural light faded away once Cloud closed the secret door back up. The smell of rotting wood and years of stale air invaded his nostrils. It almost made him feel sick to breathe it in. The place surrounding him looked like a sepulcher, and upon closer inspection Zack found coffins littered around the central space. The ceiling of the cave was directly over his head and the walls seemed to close in on him. He was vaguely reminded of the dream he had before their mission to the Mako Reactor. The way the ebon wing had closed in on him had felt like this, and the thought did little to comfort him or ease his nerves. The claustrophobic feeling stiffened his limbs and quickened his pace as he explored the area and found a long hallway. A warm orange glow lay at the end and Zack could hear Sephiroth reading to himself. He paused in the hallway listening, well aware that the General had probably become alerted to his presence from the moment he stepped onto the spiral staircase that was made of ancient time-bitten wood. Even a mouse on those stairs would have alerted anybody with the way they groaned under his weight. But for some reason Sephiroth didn't seem to care—he continued to read aloud to himself in a frenzied, almost hysterical voice. It was still deep and low—loud, even—but it was strangely hitched, and there was a great sadness to it, a great tired weight pressing down on it.

Zack walked calmly into the room. It was lined entirely with bookshelves and in the center was a large mahogany desk. The source of light was a lamp on the desk glowing brightly. Its orange color seemed to cast everything in an aged light. Sephiroth was pacing back and forth in front of the desk, an open book in his hands. He seemed possessed by it, his eyes glowing with a cold fire. Zack was surprised to see bags under the man's eyes.

"An organism that was apparently dead was found in a 2000-year-old geological stratum," Sephiroth was saying. Now his voice was lower, almost shaky. "Professor Gast named that organism Jenova." Zack opened his mouth to say something, but something about the moment froze him, made him stare on.

"Hojo told me my mother's name is Jenova . . . so the Jenova project . . . can it really just be a coincidence? Is Genesis . . . right?" His shoulders sagged and he turned his back to Zack to place the book on the desk. "Professor Gast," Sephiroth whispered, "you were the only one who cared. You were the only compassionate one. Why didn't you tell me anything? Why did you have to die?" Zack swallowed hard, moving toward Sephiroth.

"Sephiroth," he said. It came out more fearful than concerned.

"Get out," Sephiroth hissed.

"Please . . ." He wasn't sure what he was pleading for. His heart felt heavy. He hated to see anyone he cared about in pain, and with Angeal's death and Genesis's betrayal, Zack became aware that he might have been Sephiroth's only friend. "I'm your friend. I'm concerned," he added.

"Get out before I am forced to remove you myself," Sephiroth said, his voice sounding strained. Zack could read the coiled power in his shoulders and sighed. To have that icy fire directed at him . . .

"All right," Zack sighed. "But please . . . it's not good to coop yourself up down here."

Zack left reluctantly, his legs carrying him while his mind tried to quiet itself. Cloud pulled the lever once Zack called for him behind the wall.

"So, was he down there?" Cloud asked.

"Yeah," Zack answered. His voice was stripped of emotion.

"What happened?"

"He wanted to be left alone."

"Zack," Cloud took off his helmet, shook his hair out, and stared up at the taller man.

"I don't know," Zack said. "I can't help him. He doesn't want my help."

"What's wrong with him?" Cloud asked, his voice soft, wondering.

"Shinra's secrets," Zack muttered. "He opened the door to his own."

"The General's . . . secrets?"

"The truth. It can burn worse than acid."

-x-x-x-

Red Sun rising

Drown without inhaling

Within, the dark holds hard

Red Sun rising

Curtain falling

Higher than hope my cure lies

-x-x-x-

Several days passed in uneasiness. Cloud asked questions and Zack was unwilling to tell him the truth only because he wasn't sure what the truth was. They couldn't return to Midgar until Sephiroth returned from the library and their presence was beginning to become unwelcome among the townspeople. Children stared with hateful eyes and mothers pointed, their mouths twisted with dissatisfaction. Zack couldn't blame them.

SOLDIER, protector of the people.

Shinra, interested in making people's lives better.

He could see in people's eyes that they thought it was all a fairy tale—a nice compact lie covering up a bitter truth.

Some of the people in the town liked him and talked to him, but others flinched away, unnerved by his unnatural eyes.

"Eyes the color of the sky," he remembered himself saying to Aerith. He remembered her fear of the sky.

Each day he returned to the library with Cloud to see Sephiroth, and each day the silver-haired man seemed a little more hysterical. It unnerved Zack so badly that he pleaded every day to him. He wasn't sure what he was pleading for—the old Sephiroth? The Sephiroth that wasn't possessed by this thing? But each day the General commanded Zack to leave. Each day his hair seemed to lose its shine more and it became wilder as though he were tearing it from his head. His lips, once so smooth and full, seemed to be pulled in a perpetual thin frown. His eyes were wild and rimmed with red. Zack wondered if he had slept since he'd trapped himself in the library, in the tomb of a basement, and with a heaviness in his heart he realized that the old Sephiroth had died here. He had buried himself in the large coffin of the library, and each day the stacks of books piled on and on like the bars of a cage closing Sephiroth off from the world without. Zack tried hard to bring him back to life, but whatever darkness that gripped the man's heart had a tight hold and it was already too late.

"Depending on what happens, I may abandon Shinra."

On the seventh day of Sephiroth's entombment Zack had dark circles under his eyes. He lay awake in bed as the pale sun slowly sank in the sky, Cloud's head curled tightly in the crook of his shoulder.

"It's time," he said finally. Cloud stirred from his shallow sleep and greeted Zack's eyes with a weariness of his own. The boy nodded and detached himself from the warm chest reluctantly.

It had been two days since he had last checked on Sephiroth and the feeling of not-knowing was gripping at his heart. He dressed quickly and stood waiting for Cloud in the hall. He stared out of the window there exactly as Sephiroth had done. The sky was a rich cerulean fading into a bright black starkness, the stars glittering like jewels. It was the first clear night since they had arrived in Nibelheim—all the other nights the stars had been shrouded by the heavy mist, but that all seemed like a memory now and Zack memorized the way Mount Nibel seemed to soften. He scanned the sky for the moon and found it peaking just over the spire of one of the mansion's towers. A pale shadow stared back at him surrounded by a slim brilliant light. The old moon in the new moon's arms. As beautiful as it was, Zack knew it was an ill omen, and when he heard Cloud's footsteps thunder behind him in the fog of his mind, he tore himself away from the window and prepared himself to visit Sephiroth's tomb once more.

-x-x-x-