A/N: Did you enjoy Hollie's two chapters? She read mine and wanted to do some of her own :L well back to me...Some parts are by Hollie because I had to go help my Mum.

AN: stop flaming ok! You can ask, but I don't think it will happen? I dntn red all da boox! We gathered. dis is frum da movie ok No it's not. so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! Yeah it is? Besuizds Does that say besides or bastards? I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! That explains what? and da reson snap Snap! Haha snap! dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! What does that have to do with the price of chips? MCR ROX! Again, I will take your word for it...

I was so mad and sad. Deppy gurl. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I could. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. Ooooh, badass. You're in the forbidden forest.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was... Voldemort! I couldn't find anything funny to write about that, it's hilarious anyway.

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. Shit is going down.

"Crookshanks!" As in Hermione's cat? I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom HAHA! and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. What the balls is a 'sadist'?

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" I like how Harry is referred to as 'Vampire', its hilarious.

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes Sexah? and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. Who? I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? Yeah, I can REALLY see that happening! You know because they hate each other and that.

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. Okay then.

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. A gun? Why not use your wand?

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" Shakespeare.

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. Know what?

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. That's because YOU are retarded. "I hath telekinesis." No, no he doesn't. he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" You will fuck him. he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. Flew away angrily? Lol.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. Yeah, he obviously knew you were there.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" Casually, you know, after just nearly being killed and that.

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) Nope. between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. Who? Please use people EVERYONE knows, not just freaky little vampire Americans.

"Are you okay?" I asked. Nope, this fanfic is killing me.

"No." he answered. Knew it.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. Let's hope you get expelled from Hogwarts.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. WTF?

A/N: This fanfic is soooo boring but it's absolutely hilarious to read! Tara, may I suggest that you don't become an author and instead stick to other things like...living in a coffin and shit. Bye.