Episode tag for "Marine Down." Sometimes Gibbs could use a little comforting, too.
Four Times, Not Three
"Hey, does Gibbs seem ok to you?" Kate and Tony were on their way back from bringing the presumed-dead but very-much-alive Marine Major Peary back to his wife and children just in time for Christmas. Their boss had accompanied them, but they'd parted ways when a mysterious redheaded woman had appeared and whisked him away.
Tony's question slightly baffled Kate. He'd observed to her the other day that Gibbs had been "pissed" but she had wondered how he could tell. To her, when Gibbs didn't seem pissed, it was because he was sleeping. How Tony managed to pick up on any real or imagined nuances in their boss' mood was beyond her.
"Seemed fine to me, Tony. Maybe his shoulder's just bothering him." They had all just narrowly missed being blown up by a grenade in Columbia, but Gibbs had been the one most seriously injured. However, her boss didn't seem the type to be deterred by such a relatively minor injury, even if he had been forced to wear a sling for a few days.
"Yeah, I guess." Tony knew that wasn't the problem, but he also knew he couldn't possibly explain to his partner that his gut had been churning for the past few days. Kate still didn't believe in Gibbs' gut; she certainly wasn't going to believe in the accuracy of anything coming from his own.
Tony did have to concede that his relationship with his partner had been running more smoothly of late. She'd been uncharacteristically nice to him. Well, except for the drawing of himself he'd accidentally found on her sketch pad the other day, but she'd seemed embarrassed enough that he was convinced she was truly contrite about it. She'd even replaced the NCIS cap he'd destroyed at the shooting range, thanks to their boss. He genuinely wished he could have returned the favor, but brand new PDAs could be pricey.
He'd be thrilled about the newfound camaraderie between himself and his partner, except for the uncomfortable fact that he kept catching her watching him. In fact, she was doing it now. Not just watching. Studying, really. Had it been any other woman, he'd swear she had the hots for him. But this was Kate, and he knew that just wasn't possible. He couldn't figure out what it was she kept expecting him to do exactly, but it was getting completely out of hand. He felt like one of the specimens in Abby's lab.
Convinced he wasn't going to get any answers from Kate regarding his boss, and feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the scrutiny, he knew he had to make this stop. So he figured he'd do the thing every woman he'd ever known absolutely hated. When he pulled up to a stop light, he turned and spat out the window.
"EWWWW! Toneee!"
He put on his best innocent face. "Whaaaaat?"
Now she was glaring at him. "You are so disgusting." She turned away in a huff.
That was way too easy. Why didn't I think of it sooner? It was all he could do to keep himself from laughing out loud. Kate was so predictable.
At 2am, the lights were still on in Leroy Jethro Gibbs' basement. His lady friend had been gone for hours, but the room was eerily void of the sound of hand tools or sandpaper on this particular evening.
Gibbs was seated at his work table nursing another shot of bourbon. A vague thought passed through his mind that perhaps the bourbon was not such a great idea since he'd been on pain meds for his shoulder, but then he recalled that he'd decided to forego the last dose of his meds. He needed the bourbon more. Besides, the pain was part of his penance. That, and the picture of Shannon and Kelly in front of him with their beautiful faces and accusing eyes.
The holidays had always been especially difficult for Gibbs, but it was an innocent "error" on the part of his newest agent a few days ago that had started him down the black hole he currently found himself trapped in. Somehow, the assumption amongst his coworkers had long ago been made that Gibbs had been married three times, likely because there were only three ex-wives he'd ever spoken of. He had simply allowed that faulty assumption to stand, but until a few days ago, he'd never actually been forced to lie about it.
Then he'd heard Kate say that he'd been married four times. He had been unsure what to do, at first wondering if Kate could have possibly investigated his background and learned about his first wife and his child. But there had been no reason for Kate to do that, and she wasn't one to fake things very well. Her feelings were usually right there on display for the whole world to see, and he could tell that there was nothing there except for a bit of confusion as to how many times she'd been told he had been married. He could have allowed the error to stand, except for DiNozzo. His more senior agent was a top-notch investigator, in part, because he was nosy by nature, and that curiosity had been directed with increasing frequency in his own direction lately. If Gibbs hadn't corrected Kate on her error, Tony would have gotten suspicious. And a suspicious Tony means lots of questions. No, he couldn't risk that. So he'd lied. "It was three times, Kate. I've been married three times, not four."
He'd never spoken of Shannon and Kelly before to his colleagues. To most of his friends either, what few there had been. But he'd never had to deny their existence before, and it had felt like he'd committed the ultimate betrayal. He'd pulled out the picture of them he kept safely locked up in a drawer, away from prying eyes, and set it directly in front of him. You can deny us, but you can't forget us, they seemed to be saying. We were real, even if you weren't here when we needed you. Even if you didn't protect us. Even if you want to pretend we didn't exist.
The idea that Leroy Jethro Gibbs never cried was a myth. He simply made certain that when he cried, he cried alone.
Tony was pacing his kitchen, the churning in his gut now a full-blown tempest keeping him wide awake in spite of the all-nighter they'd recently had to pull.
Unfortunately, he had absolutely nothing concrete to go on. Gibbs hadn't really done anything that far out of the ordinary, not to warrant a 2am phone call from his agent checking up on him. But his gut just wouldn't be quiet. My gosh, I'm becoming Gibbs, he thought with horror. Most guys just turn into their fathers.
He guessed turning into Gibbs wouldn't be quite so bad after all.
I could call Ducky. Or Abby. They could actually get away with calling Gibbs at 2:00 in the morning. But what would he say? They were both so tight with Gibbs, they'd say something to him for sure. "Why, I say, Jethro, is young Anthony quite all right? Do you know that he phoned me in the middle of the night and requested that I check in on your well being for absolutely no reason. I am afraid I am becoming concerned for his mental stability." Or, "Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs! Are you ok? Cause Tony just totally freaked on me and I thought maybe you were sending him telepathic distress signals or something."
No, he'd just have to come up with a really good reason for calling his boss in the middle of the night. One that wouldn't get him fired. Or killed. No problem.
I'm so screwed.
Abby, Ducky, Kate, and Tony were all there now, in his basement, joining Shannon and Kelly with their accusatory gazes. Ducky, his old friend, spoke first, with a sad shaking of his head:
"Oh, Jethro, I am so terribly sorry. But why didn't you ever tell me? Does our friendship mean so little to you?"
"Of course not, Duck! I just….I couldn't….."
Next was Abby. "Gibbs!.." She was cut off by a sob. Then several sobs, louder and louder. She was inconsolable.
"Abby, I'm so sorry, don't cry…come here…" He tried to reach for her but she suddenly jerked away as if he'd burned her. She raced up the stairs and out of the room before he could catch her.
Kate was furious. "How could you? And you became a Federal Agent? You? The biggest hypocrite on the face of the Earth? How do you sleep at night, anyway? How do you live with yourself? You belong in prison!"
"You…you weren't there, Kate….You don't know what it was like…He was gonna get away with it…He had to be stopped…"
Tony had been silent, but was looking at him with this blank, empty stare.
"Tony, you have to understand…"
Quietly, devoid of any emotion, Tony interrupted sadly, "I thought you were different. I almost trusted you. You were like a hero to me. But you're just a fraud, like everybody else."
"No, Tony, listen to me. I'm human, I make mistakes. But you can still trust me…"
One by one, they walked out on him. He went to look at the picture of Shannon and Kelly, but they were gone too. All his pleas went unanswered and he realized he was left entirely alone…
Gibbs woke with a start to the sound of what he eventually recognized as his cell phone. He'd either fallen asleep or passed out – he honestly wasn't certain which. The picture of Shannon and Kelly was still there right where he'd left it. Still slightly groggy, he looked at his phone. DiNozzo. He'd have to call him back. After he'd pulled himself together.
"We caught a case, boss." No, that won't work. He'll find out it's a lie and then he'll kill me.
"Don't panic, but I had a little accident and I'm in the E/R. But I'm fine! How are you, by the way?" Gibbs is too smart for that. He'll be able to sniff out a fake injury. Besides, I'm not sure he won't actually drive to the E/R to find out if I'm telling him the truth. And he'll find out I'm not. And then he'll kill me.
"There was a fire in our apartment building and I need a place to stay…" Except there's no way he'd let me stay with him again after the last time, and besides he'll find out the fire thing is a lie. And then he'll kill me.
Great. All my options end in death.
I'll just have to wing it.
He dialed. No answer. He was momentarily relieved to be off the hook, until he realized Gibbs had just broken his "Never be unavailable" rule. Now he was really worried.
His cell phone rang again. DiNozzo had the worst timing.
Suddenly he heard Shannon's voice. "Answer it, Jethro. Maybe he needs you."
Tony never called him in the middle of the night unless they had a case, and he knew his team wasn't on call tonight. His brain finally kicked into gear and he realized something may truly be wrong. He grabbed the phone.
"Gibbs."
"Boss?"
"Tony? What's wrong?"
"Uhhh…." Crap! "Boss, you know that report I turned in to you before we left…please just trash it when you get back in the office…it's, um, full of…spelling…errors. I forgot to spell check. " Lame, DiNozzo! Completely lame. He's definitely gonna kill me.
Gibbs was silent for several seconds and Tony briefly wondered if his boss had hung up on him. No such luck. "DiNozzo,…" very deep breath, "do you realize it's 2:37 in the morning? And that you've turned in about two thousand other reports with spelling errors?"
"Is it that late, Boss? I'm so sorry! I hope I didn't wake you or anything." Silence. "Did I? Wake you up I mean? Or were you working on your boat? Are you in the basement? Cause I don't hear you sanding. But you really probably shouldn't be sanding since you have an injured shoulder and all. How is your shoulder?"
The more nervous DiNozzo gets, the more he rambles. And stops making sense. This could go on all night. "Tony, I really don't have the patience for this right now. Why are you really calling me?"
I get it, Boss. Get to the point. He's his usual grumpy self. Things couldn't be too bad. "Are you ok, Boss? Cause you seemed a little…off…earlier."
"You calling to check up on me?" His tone was demanding and short, but Gibbs couldn't help the small surge of pride in his agent. Leave it to DiNozzo to sense that something's hinky. His gut's getting almost as good as mine. Things had been a little tense between them, still, since they'd returned from Cuba. While he was quite certain the subject of Paula Cassidy was still off-limits, it was nice to know that Tony wasn't still furious with him.
"Uh, well, you did hurt your shoulder. And we did get shot at. And had a grenade thrown at us. It was an exciting few days, actually. I just…thought with your arm in a sling…you might…need something?" Tony briefly remembered how frightened he'd felt a few days ago in Columbia. Their rogue CIA agent, with Major Peary his hostage, had demanded to see Gibbs. Alone. He and Gibbs had locked eyes for a moment, and Tony realized his boss was counting on him. He'd had to forcibly shove down the wave of panic that had threatened to overtake him just before he and Kate had taken down their suspect.
"I'll be just fine, Tony." Maybe not quite fine. But better. "You and Kate did good."
"Yeah, yeah of course you will. Boss, I'm so sorry, I feel really stupid for calling you in the middle of the night…" In spite of the rare praise he'd just received from his boss, Tony's insecurities were getting the better of him and he was wondering if he'd made a mistake by calling.
"Hey, DiNozzo, don't apologize. It's…"
"Sign of weakness and all, yeah, I know. But I do feel really bad. I hope you're not…gonna kill me or anything…"
"Tony…"
"Yeah, Boss?"
"I'm glad you called me. "
"You are?"
"DiNozzo," Gibbs sighed, "don't ever be afraid to call me. For any reason." He'd wanted to make that point to the young man for a while. This had seemed the best opportunity he was going to get. But best to just leave it at that for now. He was too emotionally drained to take it any further right now.
Tony started to speak and realized his boss had already hung up. He doubted that last statement was true. He was certain his boss was simply trying to alleviate his guilt for calling to check up on him. Maybe Gibbs was just feeling generous. Tis the season. But at least his boss wasn't going to kill him. This time. And his gut had stopped churning.
Looking at Shannon's picture, he imagined he could hear her voice again. "See, Jethro, it was important. There are people who still need you. And you need them, too."
I'm not sure I'm very much help. He doesn't talk to me about anything important.
"But he will. And you'll be there for him."
I hope so.
