EdwardPOV

Bella is chillingly different when she returns. Bruises and cuts highlight her face, and I'm reminded sharply of the time she first came here, recovering from appalling injuries. But this time, this time the psychological damage shows too. She looks thin and drawn, and frightened. She's jumpy as hell, twitching nervously, glances over her shoulder for seemingly no reason. She keeps on rubbing her arms, where I know she's hiding serious damage. This time, this time it must be different. So I make a point of being friendly, and she seems to respond to it, but pleads tiredness immediately after dinner, which seemed to be an ordeal. Esme hugged her tightly, and Carlisle made a point of kissing her cheek.

As I go up to bed that night, her door opens, and she peers out.

"Edward? Can I speak with you?" She pats the bed beside her awkwardly. She fiddles nervously with the buttons on her fleecy pyjamas, and looks horribly pale against the candy-pink of them. "I just wanted to say sorry. You know, for being such a bitch. Could we - could we maybe try again with the foster brother/sister thing? I know I don't deserve you to be nice to me."

"Bella, all I want is for us to be friends. We can try again, of course we can."

"Thanks, Edward. And I really am sorry. For everything I said while I was with - with - with him." She struggles with his name, and tears come into her brown eyes. "I'm a mess, in a mess, and I don't know which way to swim to get to the surface. I don't know how to swim, all I know if how to stop myself drowning. I thought he was giving me a way to swim, but I know now that he was dragging me down. But even now, even now I know that we were - are- both seriously fucked up, I can't hate him, and part of me still wants him here. Does that make me a terrible person?"

"No," I say, and put my arms around her. She latches on immediately, putting her arms around my waist and resting her head on my chest. I've never held anyone who feels as fragile as Bella does. "No, that doesn't make you wicked, or weak, or bad. You needed help, and you thought he was giving you that. It's not your fault he made your trust into something corrupted and scary. You can get all the right help now, Bella. We're going to help you swim, I promise you. And you're never going to be in any danger again. I'm going to keep you safe. We all are. Alice, and Emmett, and Rosalie. And my parents are going to help you. I promise that it'll be OK eventually, that one day you'll be fine. And you know you can always talk to me, about anything and at any time. Even if it's one in the morning. Even if it's just to talk, or even if you just need a hug."

"Thanks, Edward. But I think right now -"

"You need some sleep? No problem. You need anything?"

"Stay with me? Just until I fall asleep? I - I don't want to be on my own."

I stay until she falls asleep. Mum is there when I get up from beside her bed.

"You didn't have to do that, Edward. I would have sat with her."

"She wanted me. I already let her be alone once, and that didn't work. This time I'm going to keep her close."

"You might have to keep her closer than you think. The police medical officer says she's been suffering from nightmares. Wakes up screaming."

"Then I'll sleep right here, until she stops doing that."

I get the sleeping bag out, unroll it on her floor, and settle down. It's the first night of many that I will be woken up by terrified screaming, and hysterical pleas to be saved. It will break my heart every time.

Her first day back at school is tense. People stare - they've all read the papers or seen the news, and those who haven't have been filled in by the gossips. She keeps her head well up, but her eyes are downcast. Emmett moves up beside her in the hall at lunch, and winds his arm very loose about her shoulders. She looks up at him, and a trembling little smile appears. He whispers something in her ear, and she nods. We end up eating lunch outside, on the grass.

"Heads!" a voice suddenly shouts, breaking into out lunch. A football rolls to a stop next to Bella, who immediately gets up and kicks it back. It's a pretty decent kick actually - straight, neat and direct. "Thank you!"

"Bella, that wasn't a bad kick," Emmett says, admiringly.

"Used to play."

"Want to start playing again? Join the team, Alice could have company."

"I don't know, it's been a while."

"Yeah, but you never lose it completely. Do you want me to talk to Coach for you? Maybe get a trial." She shrugs.

"OK."

It's a big step, and Mum is pleased when Bella volunteers the information without any prompting. for the first time ever, she joins me to watch TV after dinner. Sky1 is playing brand new Simpsons episodes, and she agrees to join me for a bit. Emmett slithers round as he generally does, informs us that Alice is doing her homework, and sits next to Bella. He looks huge next to her. Esme comes in with tea all round, and Emmett pokes his nose into Bella's cup, demanding to know why she drinks it black. She tells him she doesn't like it with milk or sugar, and he finally settles down in time for the opening credits.

"Is Emmett here a lot?" she asks me, much later, when we're watching Torchwood together in the den.

"Yeah, he says Esme is his second mother, because Mum always used to watch him and Alice when their parents had to work when they were younger. He used to call her Aunt Esme, but she told him to stop because it made her feel old."

"OK."

"Any reason to ask, out of curiosity?"

"No, I just wondered. I like it when he's near by. I think it's because he's so big. He makes me feel safer."

"Like Jasper didn't?" She looks at me long and hard. Nobody has mentioned Jasper in the weeks that she's been home. It's been tiptoed around. I'm taking a risk, and I know it.

"Just like Jasper didn't."

BPOV

Edward's question during that night makes me think seriously. I'm still clinging to those days with Jasper. Even though I know he wasn't good, and I know that he was bad for me, and most likely insane, I can't let go. Even though for the first time since my parents died, I truly feel like I'm getting through it, I still remember Jasper.

Finally, after a month back home, I ask to speak privately with Carlisle.

"So, Bella, how can I help you today?"

"I want to go and visit Jasper."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I've thought about it a lot - and I know that I need closure. I need to know that I'm not the only one getting better. I need to see him, and I need to speak with him. I have to know why. I can't let go of what happened. And I want him to know that I forgive him."

"Bella, I have fostered several children over the years, and many of them have overcome personal tragedy with courage and determination. But the courage I can see in your eyes, the bravery you have shown, and the determination you want to show - that sets you above and beyond. If you want to go and see Jasper, then I will arrange it for you."

The hospital Jasper is in is several hundred miles away, in Scotland. Carlisle arranges rooms in a B&B for two nights, and our trip will last three days. Esme is worried, but has agreed to let me go. I understand her reluctance, and I don't blame or resent her as I would have done once. I know this will be one of the most difficult trips I have ever made, but I know it is something that I have to do.

It took a lot of phone-calls and letter-writing, and psychiatric interviewing, to ascertain that both Jasper and I were fit for such a meeting. It is finally agreed, and on 9th June, exactly four moths after the car accident, Carlisle and I leave for Scotland. It's time.