This week's prompt: Priorities
Priorities: being A Brief Interlude regarding the Uncertainties of A Woman's Heart
The gently crunching fronds closed around Bootstrap's haggard face and he closed his eyes, once again part of the ship. Elizabeth sunk back from the encrusted bars of the Flying Dutchman's brig, feeling the weight of all of her uncertainties come crashing down upon her.
Bootstrap's words echoed in the hollow ache of her chest.
If he saves me, he loses you.
And I lose him. Elizabeth's thoughts finished for her. The grizzled old seaman had been so sure about his son's choice, so sure that Will would once again put Elizabeth at the top of his list and give anything to have her. Yet lately he had looked upon her with hurt, mistrust, and perhaps even contempt. She had betrayed him and lied to him. And, she thought guiltily, there were her actions towards Jack. Which had nothing to do with love, and nothing to do with how she felt about Will, she argued back instantly, and yet they had wounded him still. Will had only ever been the steadfast friend, confidante, rescuer, and lover that she had always known. And now she had become unworthy of his faith in her. That thought filled her with disgust. She was not proud of her devious actions. She wanted desperately to be the strong and virtuous person that Will saw her to be.
The now pirate lord's breath escaped from her lips in a shaky sigh. She closed her eyes, imagining herself once again the precocious young girl in curls, running along the quay holding the hand of the scrawny and bedraggled blacksmith's apprentice. She felt the lump rise in her throat. Oh! To be ten again, so sure of oneself and of what one wanted.
What had become of that carefree headstrong girl? Was there any trace of her in the bedecked figure who crouched, surrounded by the seediest of companions, in the bowels of this devil's ship?
Elizabeth swallowed hard, forcing her reminisces back into her subconscious. She raised her head, exchanging a watery glance with one of the grimy black-haired men leaning against the bars in the opposite corner of the cell. She almost laughed bitterly at the thought of being a pirate captain. And not just any captain--a pirate lord! Once, it was the kind of adventure that young girl would have longed for more than anything. Now, she knew that her heart yearned for something very different. She had had her adventures and her dangers, sailed to the ends of the earth and back again--now all she wanted was to love and be loved.
Yet while she stood in this dank and slimy cell, her chances for happiness flew beyond her reach one by one. She remembered, the sorrow in her chest throbbing, the image of her father, floating off to the afterworld. Her mother's dazzling smile wavered momentarily in her mind's eye and then was replaced by Will's face, set with a piercing accusatory glare. Her heart constricted, and she bit her lip, employing all of her willpower to stay the hot tears that rose to her eyes.
A loud shout from above interrupted her struggle. It was James's voice.
Dear James. She admitted in her heart that she knew he hadn't had a part in her father's murder. He was as lost and as broken as she at the moment, neither of them where they hoped to be, neither of them truly happy. Each of them sought desperately that elusive happiness, both grasping for the tranquility and certainty of the past.
Elizabeth could not help but remember the day, which seemed a lifetime ago, but in reality was only two years, when James had stood in the sunshine of Fort Charles and asked her to be his wife. Then, she had thought it a dreadful suggestion, to marry where she did not love, a miserable fate to be a wife and mother, bearing children and hosting teas. A girl no longer, she knew what it was to love and be in some doubt of a return. She knew and appreciated now what it truly meant to be loved, more than any of her romantic notions of twenty could possibly understand.
What of James? she considered for the twentieth time. He was a good man, with a good heart. He was honorable and kind, intelligent and handsome, and tucked away under his controlled veneer was a passion that she had first witnessed in his duel on Isla Cruzes. There had been a time when he had loved her, and perhaps it was not to late to rekindle that affection. They could find happiness in solidarity, and through mutual affection heal the deep wounds the years had inflicted. They could lead a calm and simple life and, in time, perhaps that affection and understanding would deepen into loveā¦
It was no use. She could not so easily prioritize her heart. There was but one truth, one thought and feeling that encompassed her soul: she loved William Turner, and she must find a way to regain his heart.
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A/N: Yikes! I didn't mean for this to be so anti-feministic (a powerful female pirate wants to settle down and be a wife?!).
When writing this chapter, I couldn't help but be influenced by that quote from Little Women:
"Oh, you're right about one thing, though. I am lonely. And maybe if Laurie had come back, I might have said yes. Not because I love him any differently, but because, well, because it means more to me now, to be loved, than it used to."
Also, fans of Emma may have noticed the turn of phrase borrowed from Mr. Knightley:
"I should like to see Emma in love, and in some doubt of a return; it would do her good."
