[49]

Thunder Horse sought out Chief Grey Wolf soon after they returned to camp. He found him in his lodge enjoying the company of Kicking Bird and Stone Calf. Pretty Shield welcomed him when he arrived, and announced him to her husband who was quick to invite him inside. He sat cross-legged by the fire and took the pipe that was offered him.

"How is the prairie today?" Grey Wolf finally asked. "Did you and your wife accomplish what you set out to do?"

"Yes, but we saw something that worries me. I do not know what to think of it, but I knew that you would understand what to do." Thunder Horse paid homage to the wisdom of his elders.

"What troubles you?" Grey Wolf Asked. Thunder Horse had the undivided attention of all three men.

"Returning to camp, we saw a column of smoke and went to investigate. Over a hill, I saw many white men…perhaps fifty or more, but no women or children. They had many horses and wagons, and they had built lodges out of timber as well as many strange looking tipis." The three men exchanged worried glances.

"Where is their camp exactly?" Stone Calf asked.

Thunder Horse described the general location and distance of the white men's camp to be almost ten miles down-river.

"Did they see you?" Kicking Bird asked.

"No, I'm sure they did not see us." He answered confidently. After a brief silence, the chief finally spoke.

"We will have the ceremony tonight as planned, and then we will move the camp tomorrow. I think we will be safe at the winter camp. Thunder Horse, you will choose five men and stay behind to make sure that we are not followed. Perhaps they mean us no harm, but the stories I have heard from others make me cautious. When it is safe, you can catch up." Grey Wolf ordered. Thunder Horse nodded his agreement all the while dreading his wife's reaction to the news that he would not be making this journey with her.

[50]

"What are you saying? I don't want to you to stay behind. Isn't there another way?" Stands protested.

"Do not be worried. I am a warrior. I have a responsibility to the tribe as well as to you." He reasoned.

"Only seven will stay? You said there were nearly fifty men at the white men's camp." She wore her worry all over her face.

"We are not staying to fight, only to make sure that the tribe is not followed to the winter camp. They will not even know that we are here." He promised.

"You will be careful?" She pleaded.

"I will. We have become spoiled and soft in this time of peace. For the first time since our marriage, I must do what is required of a warrior. This will not be the last time, and you need to be prepared for the day that I have to go and fight. That day is sure to come, but it is not now. Everything will be fine. You will go to the winter camp and when we are sure that it is safe to follow the tribe, we will." He explained.

"What if something happens and you don't come?" She asked.

"If I do not return, you will mourn me until Kicking Bird says that you have mourned long enough, and then you will go on. You will find another husband and be happy." He teased her.

"No! Don't say that! Don't even tease me like that!" She cried, punching him in the arm.

"I am sorry. That was cruel of me to make light of your fears. There will be no fighting. I will come to the winter camp, but if my time comes, I need you to know my wishes." He insisted, suddenly serious. "You are far too good a wife to be alone in this world. I don't want you to ever be alone. If I cannot be here to love and protect you, let yourself love someone. It is what I want for you. Promise me that you will try to be happy again once your time to cry has past." He looked her in the eye. She saw the seriousness in his face.

"Have you had a vision?" She asked cautiously. "If you have a bad feeling about this, don't stay. Please come with me." She begged.

"No, I have not had a vision. I will stay and when it is safe, I will return to your side. I will hold you in my arms and love you as long as the Great Spirit allows, but promise me…" He held her face in his hands.

"I promise." She finally consented. He nodded and released her face, and then he turned away.

"Just who would you recommend that I marry? Little Bear, or perhaps Wind in His Hair?" She mumbled sarcastically, under her breath. He turned and looked at her, considering the eligible warriors in the tribe and not finding a suitable option he shook his head.

"You will know who, if the time comes." He said. "Now let us go to the dance. We do not want to be late.

[51]

Stands With A Fist and Thunder Horse walked together to the tribal lodge, joined by their neighbors. They smelled the sage burning as they approached, which created an atmosphere of spiritual unity among the people. Black Shawl and Pretty Shield stood on either side of the entrance and as the members of the tribe paraded past them, each in turn would stop and allow the smoke from the sage wash over them. With their hands they waved the smoke over their heads and breathed it into their lungs. The smudging was an important part of the healing ritual and the fragrant smoke was believed to ward off the negative energy that surrounded each member of the tribe and prepare them for the healing ceremony that would come. Once everyone was inside, Kicking Bird began by beseeching the West power, the life giving rains and ever-present spirit world, the North power, the source of endurance, strength, truthfulness and honesty, the East power, the sun that brings knowledge and spirituality, and the South power, the supplier of bounty, medicine and growth. Next, he acknowledged the Earth Spirit. He touched his pipe to the ground.

"Mother Earth, I seek to protect you." He said, before raising the pipe towards the sky. "Oh Great Spirit, I thank you for the six powers of the universe."

After the ceremony, the tribe broke bread together, and then the warrior dancing began. When it was over, everyone returned to their homes to prepare for journey which would begin at sunrise.

[52]

That night, Thunder Horse and Stands With A Fist made love. She clung to him as if it were the last time they would ever be together. The scent of sage was heady and intoxicating. It lingered on the skin and in the hair. Their lovemaking was sensual and erotic, not rushed. Every cell in her body was aware of him as if they were one person instead of two. When they reached their destination together, it was without fanfare. Instead they floated down like two leaves on the wind. They lay together without moving or speaking, and in a very short while they both fell into a deep sleep.

[53]

The morning came and the tribe was alive with activity. Thunder Horse helped Stands disassemble their home. He had chosen six seasoned warriors, including Wind in His Hair and Red Elk to stay behind with him. When the time came for him to say goodbye to his Stands, the others respectfully gave them privacy.

"You have my word that I will be careful. Will you give me your word that you will be brave?" He asked her.

"Yes. Will you be long?"

"If all is safe, I will be back in your arms in three days."

"Three days." She nodded, more to herself than to him. "I can be brave for three days." She promised. He smiled.

"I love you." He whispered and then kissed her lips.

"Three days." She repeated. He lifted her onto her horse, and he watched her ride off with the rest of the tribe.

[54]

On the afternoon of the third day, it began to rain. Stands With a Fist paced inside her tipi. She became more worried as the day turned to night and there was still no sign of her husband. The thunder rumbled and lightning flashed. The wind was strong and she could not sleep knowing that Thunder was out in the storm….or worse. Her fear gnawed at her until she felt she would go mad with worry. She admonished herself for not being brave and for not having faith in her husband. For hours she went back and forth between worry, fear, guilt, and even anger at Thunder Horse for making her worry. She eventually climbed into bed and tried to sleep, but couldn't. Finally the flap was thrown back on the tipi and relief washed over her as Thunder Horse stepped inside, covered with a buffalo skin and dripping wet. He knew that she would be waiting up for him and he looked for her face inside the dark tipi.

"I'm sorry I'm late." He apologized. Stands jumped out of bed and ran to him.

"I'm all wet." He warned. She ignored his warning and instead fell into his waiting arms. She kissed him hard on the mouth.

"I told you everything would be fine." He gloated.

"I wasn't worried." She lied. He smiled knowingly.

"It is good to be home." He admitted as she led him back to their bed.

[55]

The tribe prospered over the next several months. Thunder Horse and the other warriors hunted and patrolled the area surrounding the camp, while Stands spent her days working with the other women, caring for the children, beading, and making blankets and clothes. Thunder Horse had enjoyed his ride out on the prairie with his wife so much that he made it a point to take her with him every few days. They enjoyed being alone together. One day they were walking together with the horse trailing behind. The path took them through the woods at the base of a mountain of rock. Thunder was going on and on about his skill as a hunter and Stands playfully teased him.

"I bet I could hide and you would not find me." She laughed. He looked at her in disbelief.

"Alright then, but if I find you, I get to do whatever I want with you." He bargained. The idea sent a thrill through Stands.

"Deal. You have to give me a head start though, and no peeking."

"Fine." He sat down on a rock and closed his eyes. Stands smiled and ran off.

For a moment Stands considered hiding in the woods, but she thought he would search for her there first. She headed into the woods to throw him off, but then turned her eyes up the face of the mountain, looking for an outcrop of rocks big enough to hide behind. She thought he would never look up the mountain for her so she started to climb. Using the rocks, she pulled herself up until she was on a narrow ledge looking down on him. There were no rocks to hide behind so she made her way a little higher. There were some bushes that she was sure would conceal her.

"I'm coming!" She heard him call out just as she took cover. Her heart was racing with excitement as she watched him searching for her behind the bushes below. He quickly found her footprints and followed them into the woods, but they led him right to the place where she had begun her assent.

"I believe the deer went up the mountain." He called out, taunting her. She nearly screamed; such was her excitement. She looked around for an escape route, and found a narrow passage in the rocks behind her back. She slipped through. The path was completely hidden, and wide enough for a single person to walk between two rock walls. She wondered if any human had ever set foot there before. As she followed the path, it opened up and soon she was standing in the middle of a small clearing. She was awestruck by the lush beauty of the landscape. Although it was late September, it was still warm outside and the leaves on the trees overhead were afire with red, orange, and yellow. The few leaves that had already fallen on the grass retained their brilliant colors. They did not crunch under her feet. The grass was just beginning to show signs that the season was changing. The entire clearing was surrounded by rock walls. She guessed that it would be large enough to support three of four families at most, which was unfortunate because the tribe would be perfectly secure in a place like this. There was even a source of fresh water. It flowed down from the rocks above in a majestic cascade that formed at its base a pool that she longed to dive into. Instead she sat down on the ground beneath a willow tree, trying to take it all in. She was so caught up in the beauty of the place that she didn't even hear Thunder Horse walk up behind her.

"What is this paradise you've found?" He asked suddenly, making her jump.

"This must surely be a holy place." She whispered reverently.

"Not yet, but it will be….soon." He said suggestively. She looked in his direction to find him removing his clothes.

"I caught you." She jumped up and took two steps backwards as he took two steps towards her, then she squealed and ran away.

"You said 'Deal'." He reminded her, walking towards her, fully naked now. She turned to face him and playfully let her tunic drop to the green carpet at her feet. A hungry grin spread across his face as she kicked off her moccasins. He ran towards her and she braced herself, but he sailed on past her. His war cry pierced the silence, followed by a huge splash as he dove into the water.

"Come on in the water." He called a few moments later when he resurfaced.

"I don't think I remember how to swim." She admitted.

"It is easy, I will teach you." He promised.

"I'll drown."

"Not before I've had my way with you." He teased. Cautiously, Stands walked to the edge and once she worked up the courage she jumped in. When she surfaced again she screamed.

"You didn't tell me the water was so cold!"

"It is almost October, I thought you would have figured it out." He laughed.

"The days have still been hot like summer." She argued.

"This water flows from on top of the mountain." He explained. "It is always colder up there."

She swam towards him.

"See, you haven't forgotten how to swim, and you will get used to the water. Already, I am used to it." He promised, taking her into his arms.

"You are so beautiful." He mumbled against her wet cheek.

"And you are the best hunter." She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Actually, it wasn't that difficult. You let yourself get backed into a corner with no means of escape." He teased. She bit his shoulder.

"Perhaps I wanted to get caught." She suggested. He grimaced at the pain and then smiled. She pushed away from him and splashed water in his face. He playfully gave chase again, grabbing her feet and pulling her under. She sprung from the water, gasping for air.

"You're trying to drown me!" She accused.

"No, not until…"

"I know, not until you've had your way with me. So you keep saying, but are you all talk and no action? Do you plan on making me wait forever?"

"Get over here and find out." He dared her. As Stand swam closer, he backed away until they finally met beneath the waterfall. Thunder climbed out on the rocks and he pulled Stands up into his arms. They kissed passionately as the water drenched them both. Suddenly Thunder lifted Stands and tossed her back into the water. He laughed out loud and then jumped in behind her. They swam to the edge and climbed out. He lay her down on the soft grass and stretched out beside her.

"So what are you going to do to me?" She asked seductively.

"Be patient. I am in no hurry. Do you have somewhere else you need to be?" He raised himself up on one elbow.

"No. I just want you." She admitted.

"And you shall have me." He promised. He traced a circle around one of her hard nipples with his index finger; then rolled it between his finger and thumb, sending delicious sensations through her whole body.

"When we are together like this, I know how blessed I am." He began. "There is no other woman that I could ever want or need." He massaged her whole breast. "You are so beautiful, my only desire. I think only of you, even when we are apart; especially when we are apart. I will never grow tired of your lips." He traced the fullness of her bottom lip with his thumb. "When you smile at me, or look at me with those green eyes, my body aches to be one with you." He rolled over and positioned himself above her. "Can you see how my body aches for you now?" He kissed her lips and she felt the evidence of his desire pressed against her thigh. He continued to explore her mouth with his tongue as she embraced him. She became impatient as he moved his lips to her breasts. It felt wonderful but she needed more.

"What do you want?" He asked as he returned to her lips. "Just tell me and it will be yours."

"I want to feel you inside me." She pleaded desperately.

"Does your body ache for me?" He teased.

"Yes!"

"You are mine." He announced as his hands parted her legs.

"Yes, take me…Please, I need you now!"

"We are one." And instantly they were. He slid easily inside her, forming a bond that was both familiar and new.

"I love you!" She cried out. "I love you so much!" She clung to him. Her legs wrapped around him as they moved together.

[56]

Later, as they lay in each other's arms, their bodies dried and warmed by the afternoon sun, Stands spoke the words that had been weighing heavy on her mind.

"Do you want to try to have another baby?" Her head rested on his chest in such a way that she could not see his reaction.

"I love you and I love being with you, making love to you. One day, perhaps, we will make a baby…when you are ready." He tenderly stroked her hair.

"What if I can't? Many times I have thought that it would happen, but it hasn't yet."

"Do not worry about it. It will happen when it is time…when you are ready."

"You should have a son. I want to give you a son."

"There is time. For now, we have each other and I am very happy." After several moments of silence, Thunder Horse sat up.

"We need to dress and head back to camp. It will be getting dark soon and it will get colder very quickly when the sun goes down." He gathered their clothes while she sat burning the details of the landscape into her memory. Once he had retrieved everything, he sat back down beside her.

"Let me braid your hair." He offered. She moved between his legs and he combed through her long hair with his fingers, dividing it into thirds and twisting it into one long braid. He fastened it off with a strip of rawhide. He kissed her bare shoulder and rubbed her back. She turned around and sat on her knees as he slipped her tunic over her head. He smoothed it down over her body and helped her tie it on, fastening one shoulder while she did the other. His hands lingered on her hips.

"If you like I will braid your hair." She offered. Thunder smiled.

"I'm afraid that if I let you do that, I will have you out of your clothes again and we will have to find our way home in the dark. When we get home I will let you braid it if you would like." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately. He sat her down beside him and placed her shoes in front of her.

"Put these on." He said, and then he reached for his own clothes. Stands slipped on her moccasins and watched with great interest as he dressed himself. When they were ready to leave, they both took another look around. He stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

"Do not forget this place. This is our place. We will come here again in the spring when it is warm. We will stay here for a time together and sleep under the stars. This place will be a sanctuary if you ever need a safe place. Always remember it. You will always be safe here."

"You said that I had backed myself into a corner. Are you sure it is safe?" She asked, enjoying the strength of his arms.

"It is safe. I will teach you how to cover your tracks better. If you had covered your tracks, I might never have found you." He admitted.

"I'm glad you found me." She smiled.

"I too am glad." He squeezed her and then took her hand and led her out down the only path out of the clearing.

[57]

During another of their outings in late February, the camp was attacked by the Utes and they suffered very heavy losses. When they returned to camp, Thunder and Stands learned that seven were dead, 20 ponies were stolen, as well as about a third of the tribe's food stores. The attack had violated a treaty and thrust them into a war with the Utes. Grey Wolf had called for a war party to ride against their enemies to retaliate and recover what was stolen. Thunder Horse was to be among the warriors who would be going. Grey Wolf ordered that a second band of warriors be sent ahead to scout the safe passage for the tribes journey back to their other camp. In their absence, the state of the white men's camp was unknown and they could not risk walking into a trap. There was much work to be done and Stands With A Fist busied herself to keep her mind off of all of the possible things that could go wrong.

Another smudging ceremony was held to ward off negative energy and prayers were offered up for the safe return of the warriors. The ponies and warriors were decorated with war paint. Stands took great care to give her husband a proper sendoff. She wanted him to be proud. She also knew that he could not focus on the fight if he was worried about her, so she put on a brave face.

"You don't seem worried this time." Thunder Horse observed.

"I am worried. I just know that you have to do what must be done." She said.

"Thank you." He replied. "You are brave."

"I am trying to be." She promised.

"It makes you even more beautiful to me." He admitted. She smiled sweetly and he hugged and kissed her, then mounted up and rode away. The warriors looked fierce and she hoped that they would all return home safely, and soon.

[58]

In a week's time, the scouting party returned with news of the white men's camp. It was reported that they had suffered great losses at the hands of the Pawnee. The temporary structures had been burned down and only a couple of the timber buildings remained. A few of the men had made shelter by digging into the side of a hill. Most of the horses were gone, and the number of men had been cut by half.

Grey Wolf decided that it was safe enough to move the camp back.