I remember the first time I had a trip because of Valkyr. The halls that seemingly never ended… the begging… "No… please Max… I'm sorry… Why? I didn't mean to… I'm sorry… Max…"… the words will stay in my mind forever, haunting my soul… the crying…

Look at all of those pictures… filled with good old times. The walls bled… Rose cried… no please… no… And there she was. Gone. Dead. How could this happen? Oh God no… please no! Running through the hall… she's still crying! Michelle's diary… and the same words again… why am I shooting? Wait… MURDERER! YOU KILLED HER! NO! MURDERER!

"Max! Wake up, Max, please!"

"NO! MURDERER! YOU KILLED HER!"

"Max, please! It's me, Mona! Max, calm down…"

Mona… where… I look around, finding that we had left the warehouse. We are back in the car… driving to what has to be our inevitable end. But… we keep driving. I don't remember much… maybe it was the shock and awe? Maybe it was my mind trying to suppress the memory of all of this. This shit is fucked up – I have no other way to say it. Why did Lem do this? Is he so caught up in his own power that he decided he's going to play a fucking game with me? Giving me this new Valkyr… to save me?! After everything… he had to know I was going to hunt him down. He had to… is he looking to die? The man is a genuine psychopath – and that's saying a lot… because look who is talking. I wrote the damn book about batshit insanity and here he is making me look like I plagiarized his work… he's fucking delusional, he's crazy, he's a sociopathic manipulative piece of god damn trash.

"Max… are you ok?

Mona looks worried. The way I was screaming, the words I said… she probably knew exactly what I was dreaming about – or… what I was hallucinating about…

"I'll be ok when Lem is six feet under the fucking ground."

"Max…"

I don't even know what the hell is happening anymore. I don't have a reason to fight. Mona is here, I am *supposedly* healthy enough to make a cognitive decision. Why don't we just run? We could skip this fucking town and never be seen again. We could find a new home, I could get a shitty desk job, Mona could stay home and take care of the house, we could shit talk our neighbours, and we could even start a fam- We could be like those stereotypical suburban people who live the stereotypical suburban lifestyle. Besides, who the fuck cares about this damn place? Fucking New York City has done nothing for me other than ruin everything that I have held dear in my life…

"… I'll be fine, Mona. I've been through worse."

"Have you though?"

"…"

I never needed a reason to fight. Even with all of the things that have happened to me… losing my family, all of the other shit in 2001… I always just accepted that I had to fight. It's who I am. I enjoy killing. I enjoy death. It is the only thing I have ever known. So… that's why I can't run. That's why Lem has to die. Because I'm a vengeful bastard who can't stop enjoying the adrenaline rush of murder.

"Max… we're here."

I knew those words would come eventually, but they still created a reaction in me that I wasn't prepared for. This is going to end. And it is going to end now-"

"Max - !"

I heard the rocket launch. But I couldn't stop it. When it hit the car, it hit on the rear bumper, causing us to flip forward. It looked like the shot came from one of the monuments nearby, judging by the smoke. I couldn't really tell though, cause I'm pretty sure I blacked out. I woke up to being greeted by the sight of burning metal and a totaled mess of what once was our ticket to arriving to death. Ironic that it literally took us to the graves, right? Ha? Jesus… Mona's pretty banged up. She's out cold, and injured pretty badly…

"Mona… I'm gon… I'm gonna get you out of here…"

I struggle to push myself out of my seat, and manage to push Mona out of her now broken window. The car is upside down, so it is a quite awkward (and painful) movement. But I get us out. I already hear gunfire now, even though my ears are ringing like a motherfucker. Impaler bastards.

"This is where it ends, Max! We already dug a spot for you too, you fucking shitface!"

How nice. Really, what a kind gesture. Lemme guess – the headstone reads "Here lies Max Payne, a jackass who made too many bad decisions. Which got him killed". Too bad I'm not gonna be occupying that space… at least not today anyways. I lost my gun though… shit. What am I going to do?

"Max… d… don't do it Max…"

What?

"I know what you are going to do Max… don't… please…"

Mona is somewhat conscious… but even she is able to tell that I did something even I shouldn't have resorted to…

"Max… it's in your pocket… isn't it? You… you are going to u- use it, right?

"I'm sorry Mona. I have to."

When I killed all of those people at the Aesir HQ, it saved me. Now I find myself holding the same drug that ruined my life. I figured that I would take one of the needles… just in case. And now here I am, ready to use the drug I so desperately despised with all of my being once again. With this, I can take on the entire Impaler force. With this… Lem will die.

"Max… don't… don't do it…"

Too Late. The shot hits me hard. SO fucking hard. Immediately I feel a rush… OH THE FUCKING RUSH. I am invincible. I am a fucking god. When I emerge from the wreckage, I see hundreds of people who are waiting to die… waiting… for… me… to…. to…

Darkness. I see darkness. That is all that I see now. Am I dead? The Valkyr must have killed me. It's over.

"Max..."

A chorus of voices serenades me. Voices that I have heard before. Voices that have plagued my mind ever since this all went down. I look around… faces. Michelle with baby Rose, Bravura, Passos, Winterson… so many faces that I have seen before… they are haunting me…

"Max."

Michelle walks up to me… the darkness remains. She is now alone… wearing her wedding dress. I remember the feeling when I looked her in the eyes as she walked down the aisle. She was sweet, pure, innocent… perfect. Everything I wasn't.

"You've made a choice, Max"

"A choice?"

"This dream will end soon. But when you wake up, you will realize the reality that you have given yourself. You will win. The enemy will be slain. But with that, you have betrayed yourself. You have betrayed me. Everyone you have ever known…"

"Wait… Michelle… no…"

"You want to live so badly? Even though your life is in shambles? Even though you are nothing but a cold blooded murderer? Well then live Max… but for fuck's sake put all of this in the past! That's all these dreams are… they are DREAMS! When the fuck are you going to start worrying about your future? You have found another woman who cares for you… you have a chance now when this is done to end this lifestyle… you will kill your last enemy. So why can't you put death behind you once and for all? WHY CAN'T YOU FORGET ABOUT ALL OF THESE HALLUCINATIONS?"

"But… the Valkyr…?"

"Oohh… the Valkyr! Meeehhhhh look at me I'm Max and I'm on Valkyr meehhhh! When have you ever looked for an excuse Max? When have you ever been so blatantly caught up in bullshit that it prevented you from acting? Even with alcoholism you fought. You lost everything you loved and you fought. But now this drug happens… these dreams happen… and all of a sudden you can't forget about the past? How many times have you fallen, Max? How many fucking times? But now you can't pick yourself up?"

I've been falling my entire life…

"So now it's time to stop falling! It's time to grab on to something and pull yourself the fuck up!"

"I don't want to forget about you…"

"Well… sometimes we have to do things we don't want to, Max! I love you too much to watch you suffer like this… struggling with addictions… killing all of these people… Max… I love you so much… I just want you… I just want you to be happy, Max…"

The last words sting like nothing I have ever felt before in my life. I have been selfish. I have been blind. I have always acted impulsively, and so often I've been caught up in my own macabre life that I neglected to consider the lives of others. I need to stop this. I need to end this now. I have lost count of how often or how long I have fallen or been falling. Whether it's through my vices or through my pain… but now, it's time to start a new count. It's time to start counting how often I've picked myself up. Everything has to start somewhere… so let's start this now at one.

"Thank you, Michelle. For everything. I love you…"

"Max… I love you too… please… move on now. Start anew… heed what I have said… I love you too…"

"I will, Michelle."

When I awaken from my dream, I see the bodies… the blood. A familiar sight, just as she said it would be. The stains run on the graves and the headstones. There has to be at least a hundred dead. Among the bodies, I see Lem. He is severely wounded… I walk over to him.

"It was beautiful, Max."

Beautiful?

"The way you killed them all. It was perfection. My Valkyr has been refined to perfection. You were invincible… the perfect test subject… ha… I got cocky didn't I? I hadn't figured that you'd be able to adapt to it as well as you had… I just wish that those pesky memories would have been erased so I could have used you…"

So I was supposed to be some sort of super weapon? Really? Whatever… at this point Lem is so full of shit I don't even care what his motives were. I doubt he even fully understands what he wants.

"What did you see, Max?"

"What?

"The Valkyr is still too potent… but the dreams caused in such a concentrated dosage like the one you just took… they can be… detailed. What did you see?

For some reason, I decide to tell him. But I put it in terms that he should understand clearly enough.

"I saw exactly what I needed to."

He smiles, and then dies. Just like that. No clichéd quote like in the movies, no redemption, no real iota of anything halfway dignified. He just… died. And I have my revenge. What Michelle said to me now rings even truer. I feel no satisfaction… it's so strange. I never felt this way after killing somebody. I feel… regret? I stand up, and hobble my way over to where Mona is lying. I guess my leg is fucked up pretty bad, now that the drugs and adrenaline are wearing off I'm starting to fully notice. She is awake now.

"Max… you did it…"

"Yeah. I did. I know you are disappointed with the way I did it, but I had to. I had to do it… for me. Because now I see clearly that what I had been doing was hurting me. Ha… a drunk needs to have the worst hangover of their life to see that alcoholism can be bad, right? Ha…?"

She smiles, and as I sit down beside her, she shifts her body so that her head is resting on my leg. It would be a nice picture, if I wasn't resting my back on a bloodstained headstone near a burning wreck of a vehicle with hundreds of dead bodies in the vicinity…

"So… Max?"

"Yeah?"

"What do we do now?"

Tough question…

"Max… it's over now, right? Now that Lem is gone, his empire will crumble… we are… well, we are free to go, right? So what will we do? Where will we go?"

I hesitate- the uncertainty of the future worries me. But, I have to face it. Now, I can start a new life with Mona… one that is peaceful and… happy. Our enemies are gone. We are free. And I have picked myself up. I smile at the thought… but remember the question that was asked. For some reason… almost instinctually, an answer comes to mind that I can't help but say.

"I hear that Brazil is nice at this time of year…"


The end. All things must end... even if they take longer then imagined. It's been a long year since I thought about this, my first fanfiction. It was more difficult then I could imagine really... so many ideas that I wanted to convey... so few that came out how I wanted them too. Whether you liked it or hated it, I appreciate that you read it. Your feedback to my new (well, it was new when I started) endeavor has been much appreciated. I would like to write more in the future... maybe a continuation of this... maybe something else, but judging by my year long hiatus it might not be for a while... I don't know. I'm rambling. It's 2 in the morning now. I'm losing it. Thank you for reading!