Ch. 9-Backlash
AN: Alright, maybe I'm not slowing down after all. Btw, if anyone wants to review that would be great. As I'm writing this in large part to see which aspects of my writing people respond well to and which they don't like, reviews are really special to me. You can even go line by line and address how my chapters all stink, and I promise not to get offended. Anyway, thanks for reading.
The pond sparkled, deep and blue. Irasi tossed a rock in and watched the ripples slowly make their way to her feet. Why did I come here? She wondered. She hadn't been to her pond outside the Lessus monastery in years, and she knew the SB would take her return to the place as a direct contravention of his orders. But maybe I don't care. Maybe I want him to tell the Republics, so that they can call me to account for what I've done.
The conversation with Gauren had left her shaken. Irasi had taken the shuttle to this pond, which she had so often retreated to in childhood. Something about the way the sun glinted off of the water's center was calming. Llastra approached, "I just got orders from the Shadow Broker?"
Irasi turned slowly to face the captain, "Yeah?"
"Yes. He told me to bring you back to the Empezita."
Irasi sighed, "Wow, I figured he would freak out or something."
"He did. His exact words were, 'Get that ungrateful bitch back where she belongs.' Which I took to mean my ship."
"Get me back where I belong?" Irasi laughed sourly, "Where else would I belong than where I grew up?"
"I honestly don't know ma'am. In my dealings with the Shadow Broker, I've learned that he doesn't always think through what he's going to say when he's angry. It just slips out in a string of yelling."
Maybe that's because he realizes that I'm the one with the real power here. He has no control over me, and he knows it. Irasi glanced at the pond one last time, "Alright, take me to the ship. I need to remind SB of a few things." Llastra scowled, but didn't reply.
"What did I say would happen if you visited the monastery?" the Shadow Broker growled.
Irasi smirked, "You told me you'd tell the Republics about everything I've done."
"So you do remember," the Shadow Broker took a deep breath, "Then do you mind telling me why in the fuck you would disobey my orders?"
"I've never handled orders well. You know that." Irasi gritted her teeth in an attempt to calm down. Her chest felt like a firestorm; she wanted to tear something apart. She levitated a metal cup toward her; it twisted and untwisted according to her will. As a child Gauren had taught her to do that so that she didn't accidentally lash out with her powers. The memory of the Matriarch only made her angrier, and the cup crumpled up into a tiny metal ball.
"So you can destroy a piece of metal," the Shadow Broker remarked, "Do you really think I'd be scared by such a childish display."
"It wasn't for you," Irasi replied. It's for someone else; someone who isn't here.
"We're the only ones here, justicar," when the Shadow Broker said 'justicar' it was clear he was using the term pejoratively. "If that display wasn't for me, then—" Irasi interrupted him by sending the metal ball flying straight through the hologram's head. It flattened against the far wall.
"There," she sneered, "that's a display for you."
"You bitch! Why—"the hologram-figure's chest heaved, "I ought to have you brought to me so I can kill you myself, after a threat like that."
"What you ought to do is make good on your threat. But you won't." Irasi knew she was provoking the Shadow Broker beyond patience. If I test his patience enough maybe he'll actually carry through on what he said he'd do.
"And how do you draw that conclusion?" the expression on the hologram figure's face was contemptuous.
"Because you need me. You said yourself that it's near impossible to get an asari agent high in the system."
"So it is. But an agent like that is only valuable so long as she continues to serve me. The moment an agent disobeys, they have outlived their usefulness. Even if that agent happens to be masquerading as a justicar."
"I don't think so. If that were true we wouldn't be having this conversation."
The Shadow Broker was silent for several moments. "My question is why you would even risk getting turned over to the Republics, when we both know they'd hang you from the highest rooftop the moment they got a hold of you."
"Maybe I don't care anymore. Maybe some part of me thinks I deserve it."
"Great, so you're a fucking masochist." The shadow figure rubbed its temples. "Fine, I'll just keep you away from Lessus, and away from temptation. Like a fucking child."
You don't understand at all, Irasi realized. You don't understand how I can feel bad about all I've done. "Fine." Irasi turned on her heel and walked away from the holopad; she made her way to her room.
The sheets ruffled as she fell backward onto the bed. It groaned at the impact. She lay there, motionless, for what felt like hours. There are only two options: either I find a way to live with myself and what I've done or I turn myself in. In her mind, the Shadow Broker's hologram figure sat on Matriarch Gauren's bed, arguing with her. At first they both made valid points, but as Irasi drifted off the arguments became little more than gibberish. Finally they gave up on words, and the shadow figure simply tried to strangle Matriarch Gauren into submission. As she gasped for breath, the Matriarch managed to wheeze out one final sentence, "You ask for a lie."
Irasi gasped. She did not know how long the dream had lasted, and her limbs were freezing from exposure to the cold cabin air. She rolled over to face the console by her bed, which read "0132". 1:32 AM. She wasn't tired enough to go back to sleep, so she grabbed her omnitool and sat down at the crew's common quarters. There was one other asari sitting there, eating a thin gruel. Irasi sat across from her.
"What's your name?" Irasi asked.
The crew-member started, "Rae. Rae Illena. Ma'am."
Irasi sighed, "No need for that. I'm not your CO."
"Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'—Oh, I'm sorry." The asari stared at Irasi. "So then what should I call you?"
"Just call me Irasi," Irasi didn't realize her mistake until she saw the wide eyes of the crewmember, "It's a—a pet name my friends used for me when I was younger."
"Alright, Miss Irasi."
"So tell me, what are you doing up at this time of night?"
"I drew the graveyard shift. For the third week in a row. I'm technically on break, but I have to get back on deck pretty soon."
"Don't they make VI's to handle functions at night?" Irasi asked.
"They do," the asari confirmed, "but Llastra insists that the ship be ready to go at all times. So somebody's gotta be up in case she wants to go somewhere."
Irasi's gaze left the other asari. "Do you mind if I ask you a question?" she asked.
"No, not at all."
"Say you had done some bad things; terrible things. Say you killed someone—several someones—but at the time you thought it was self-defense at the time."
"Ok?"
"You can get away with the murders, if you just agree to do a few favors for the person who gets you out of trouble." Irasi knew she was straying dangerously close to telling this crewmember her whole story, but she didn't care, "Would you take that deal?"
"I don't know," the asari frowned, "What kind of favors would I have to do."
"The kind of favors that could tip balances of power in the galaxy; the kind that involve treason."
The crewmember gasped, "By the Goddess! You don't mean to suggest-?"
"No, of course not. This is just a hypothetical situation. It has nothing to do with me." If only that were true.
The other asari calmed down. "I suppose it depends."
"Depends on what?" Irasi pressed.
"On how good of an asari I am. Off the top of my head, I don't think I can say." The crewmember paused. "But I think it's clear that if I were a good asari I wouldn't take the deal no matter what. If I wasn't, I might justify taking it by saying that I would use the chance to do some good in the world. You know, to cancel out the murders."
Irasi got up to leave, "Thank you." The other asari looked like she didn't know why Irasi would thank her, but Irasi didn't explain. She just went back to her quarters and booted up the console.
