As promised, a new chapter! I hope you all are enjoying it :)
I'm happy I got positive feedback with the brittana pancakes haha now go make some!
As always and forever, thanks to my beta Courtney
A few days had gone by and usually summer days blend together - each day seeming just like the next. They would lose their meaning and the only outcome was the warm and easygoing days. However, this summer was different. I looked forward to the days I would rendezvous with Brittany on our breaks just to chat for a little bit. It made me happy that we were bonding and creating a real friendship rather than just acquaintances who worked in the same plaza. For a while I felt weird talking to her because I didn't know how she felt about us becoming closer to each other all of a sudden, but as we spoke more my confidence grew.
I walked into the store and I had a feeling that today was going to be different. I still hadn't hung out with Brittany outside of work, despite her offer a few days ago because she got called in. She apologized so many times to me that it almost felt as nice as actually hanging out with her. She promised that we would do something tonight and I couldn't be more excited to end my shift.
My vibes of happiness immediately died down when I saw who was walking toward the door to the hallway. His bright blonde hair was quite skillful in activating my gag reflex. I haven't seen him since the party because he had the past few days off and those days were very enjoyable. Quinn wasn't working today though so things weren't going to be quite as awkward as I thought. I wonder if they've seen each other since the party, or if anything happened that night, or…
"Hey you gotta wake up sometime girly!"
I snapped out of my daze and looked over at the source of the voice. Puck was standing behind the photo counter with a big grin on his face, "Got something on your mind?"
"Oh shut it! Who says a girl has to be thinking about someone of interest just because we're zoning out?" I snapped back but not with any hostility, just to spark some fun before the storm I knew was awaiting the hallway.
"Hey I said something not someone missy, so it looks like you do have a certain lover in mind?" Puke smirked.
I shook my head and rolled my eyes, I hate being caught in my own sassy remarks. I've been slowly losing my touch, I blame the fact that I'm getting paid to not claw peoples' faces off every time they open their mouths at the register.
"Whatever, it doesn't matter. Who's here today?" I said quickly to change the topic.
Puck flipped his head up quickly, gesturing down the aisle, "Finn's down there stocking some shelves. Sam's also here and so is Holly."
I couldn't help but laugh when I knew Holly was here. She was older than all of us, in her mid-forties, but she still acted like a teenager.
"Thanks, gotta go clock in now."
"Don't run into any doors while your mind is dreaming of your lover." Puck teased at me as he turned to work on some photo orders.
"If I do, I'll make sure to get them printed for you to see why they're so distracting." I winked and headed for the door. My elated feelings faded as I entered the code and opened the door. Sam turned to me and I immediately felt uncomfortable. Was it okay to act normal and act like nothing happened? I wanted to yell at him and let him know how stupid he was but at the same time I didn't want to try to take control of Quinn's life like she suggested I had been doing.
"Hey" he muttered with a voice so quiet that if I wasn't completely focused on him I know I wouldn't have heard it. It was weak but aggressive at the same time.
"Hi." I responded back just as meekly. I didn't know what to say to him, but I felt strange just standing there trying to initiate some type of conversation. The sound of the door beeped behind me and I was, for the first time, thankful to see Finn.
"Hey you guys!" Finn said with a smile as he walked to the clock-in machine and stood between Sam and I. It was as if he knew that there needed to be a physical barrier between us, and not just the invisible wall of tension.
"You missed out." Sam said with an eyebrow raise toward Finn.
"I know man you told me! You should have brought me along, there's got to be more details rather than 'slutty chicks' and the cops busting in on it."
I sighed and turned to go to my locker, my back facing them. I didn't know what disgusted me more. The fact they were openly talking about douche guy-like lingo in front of me like I wasn't there, or the fact that this wasn't the first time Sam told Finn about the party. He was reiterating it because I was there. He knew how to make me feel slapped in the face without even having to move and all I wanted to do was make him feel the same way.
"Nah man nothing much, just a lot of horny drunk girls but I didn't get to do much with the time I had there. They couldn't keep their hands off any of me." Sam said louder than the previous statement and my anger was slowly creeping up on me again. I turned my head slightly to see their conversation, and despite the fact that I wanted to just leave the hallway altogether, I wanted to see how far Sam would go with this.
Finn must have sensed the discomfort because he was also taken aback by Sam's openness about this while I was there. His eyes flickered to me and then back to Sam and he raised his eyebrow a little to show Sam that he needed to cool it. He was irritating at times, but Finn was a lot better than Sam.
"Oh um, I just meant like if there were any fights or something bro, I feel kinda weird talking about that's stuff with…" He tilted his head slightly in my direction. Finn was facing me so I knew he could see how my face altered with Sam's words. Luckily Sam's back was facing me so he was oblivious to the silent conversation Finn and I were engaged in.
"What, with her?" Sam turned his body slightly and tilted his arm over his shoulder, pointing his thumb back at me but not actually looking at me. When he finally turned to look at me he had a smug look on his face, "I doubt she'd have any problems with hearing about girls."
I felt my insides burn and my muscles become tense. The heat wasn't just rushing to my face, but throughout my entire body too. The look in his eyes and the stab in the tone of his voice enraged me and halted me all at once. How did he know enough about me to even insinuate something like that? I felt naked and fragile, a feeling that I had once in my life and built my walls twice as thick to never have that happen again.
Finn shook his head and moved to face Sam again, "Hey man, not cool come on." I know for a fact he had absolutely no idea what Sam was talking about, but he could tell that it was enough to hurt me.
"She can take it, right Santana? It's nothing she can't handle, she's a very strong girl." He said back to Finn. He was pushing me until I hit my limits and I didn't know how much more I could take.
A very strong girl.
My eyes widened when I realized what he meant. When I fought with Quinn and pushed her onto the floor. The remark she made about it, it all made sense now. Sam didn't even know what Quinn was talking about but he knew enough that it triggered something in me and he was trying to get a rise out of it now.
"You're one to talk about strong girls Sam, considering you couldn't seem to get control of Quinn properly that night, looks like you need to hit the gym more blondie." I spat out without even thinking about it.
The look on Finn's face was a mix of confusion and anger. He looked quickly at me then back at Sam and glared down at him, his eyebrows trailing near each other, "Wait...what's she talking about?"
"Oh he didn't tell you?" I walked toward them with newfound confidence and stood between them. I turned to Finn and gestured at Sam the same way he did to me with my thumb, "Mr. I can't keep the drunk ladies off me had quite some difficulty getting into Quinn's pants. He must have had to get her really drunk to get her to consent fully."
Finn looked at me angrily, but I knew his anger wasn't directed toward me. It pierced through me and pressed completely on Sam.
"Is she telling the truth?" He said and I shifted over to allow him to have a view of Sam before he was able to make him feel as naked as I felt.
"I…listen she wasn't even that drunk and we didn't do anything-"
"It doesn't matter! You know how I feel about her. If there were so many goddamn girls at that party why didn't you just leave her alone and go for them!?" He was yelling and I almost felt bad for spilling the truth. Not because I felt bad for Sam, but because I didn't want to make Finn so angry.
"She's not your girl Finn! You don't have the balls to tell her how you feel so I decided I'd try it out okay!?"
The door beeped and it broke their argument. Holly walked in happily swaying her arms back and forth and smiled.
"Why the long faces!?"
.~
"Why the long face?"
I smiled before I looked up, knowing who was standing before me. Brittany was hovering above me and tilted her head. I exhaled opposite of her, making a smooth line of smoke and turned back to her.
"Just a lot of drama at work." I said softly.
She sat down next to me and hit her knee against mine. I know she was trying to comfort me but it made me shiver more than anything. It was hard enough avoiding Sam and trying to calm down Finn all day, but I don't think I wanted to deal with capturing butterflies as well.
"I hate that! It's irritating enough getting grumpy customers." She said and leaned back against the bench, staring into the sky. I wonder how it felt to have something as beautiful as the sky meeting her enchanting eyes, it made me feel better just thinking about things like that.
"I know exactly what you mean." I said as I inhaled my cigarette again slowly and turned my head to exhale. I normally didn't care because this was a smoking zone but I felt like I needed to be better around her with these kinds of things.
"You should stop you know."
"As if I can stop my coworkers from being immature."
"Smoking I mean."
I turned to her and brought my eyebrows together in confusion. I can't remember the last time someone tried to get me to quit smoking, even my parents gave up after a few years of nagging me about it.
She continued after reading the confusion on my face, "It's not good for you. You gotta save your lungs if you wanna be able to yell at customers better."
I wanted to laugh but I knew she was genuinely trying to make a point without making it too serious. We weren't even that close and yet she was trying to get me to quit a bad habit.
"I tried before, but it just helps me de-stress and I like how they taste." I tried not to sound crude with my answer like I always did whenever someone talked to me about smoking. She didn't talk down to me about it though, which rarely happened.
"Well, what if I found something you could occupy your mouth with?"
I froze as I brought my cigarette to my lips. My mind immediately started racing with too many thoughts. Did she really just say that? Shit. No, she must have just been joking. But that sounded way too provocative to be innocent. I gripped my knee with my free hand and didn't say anything, hoping she would elaborate before my dumbstruck self decided to respond with something I would regret.
"Like pancakes!" She chimed up happily and nudged me with her elbow playfully.
Fucking hell.
I tried to laugh it off but it came off forced and awkward. This subject needed to be changed, and fast, "I think I've had enough pancakes for a while. So, um…are we still on for tonight?"
She nodded quickly, "Remember that night at the Seven Eleven?"
I tried to hide the enormous grin that was prying its way out, of course I remembered that night, "Yes I do"
"Well remember that I said there was a spot nearby I went for alone time?" She said.
I flicked my cigarette in my hand a little and nodded. I remembered absolutely everything about that night. If I had gone home instead of going to the party I still would have felt like I was dancing.
"I wanna go there, it's nice and cute and I think you'd like it!" She said with more excitement. This place seemed to be something worth it if she spent a lot of time there.
"Okay so what time?" I asked a little too excitedly.
"Is eight okay? I get off at seven and I'd rather not smell like pancakes all night."
"But I can't get enough of that smell!"
"Your store sells perfume right? Go patent some pancake perfume if you love it so much!"
"Then you guys would be out of business."
She laughed which prompted my own pent in laughter. For a moment I forgot about the remarks Sam had made, and all the tension from earlier. As she waved goodbye and headed back to work, I stood up and dropped my cigarette, crushing it underneath my foot.
She made me feel calm and relaxed, yet I was never sure where I was with her and felt that I was setting myself up for something that would hurt me in the long run.
She was like a cigarette.
.~
Usually when people are just becoming friends they go out to eat, hang out at their houses, or go to the mall or something. But here I was pulling into the parking lot of Seven Eleven to officially hang out with Brittany in some unknown place that only she goes to. Unique was quite an understatement for her.
I leaned against my car as I waited for her to show up. I was tempted to pull out a cigarette and wait, but that seemed redundant at this point to wait on two cigarettes.
A car pulled in and my heartbeat a little faster, excited to see her again but I immediately felt stupid. This was a convenience store so of course there was going to be people pulling in often. I sighed and rested my head against the window, facing the night sky. There was still some light blue tracing through the night since the sun had not fully set yet. I loved days like these, it seemed almost perfect for seeing someone who matched its beauty.
"Don't tell me you're falling asleep on me!"
For the second time today she caught me off guard. I sprung out of my trance and looked at her, but regretting doing it so quickly because there was too much for me to take in. She had on a beautiful white and yellow summer dress. It extended down to her knees and she wore pink flip flops to complete it. I immediately felt like I underdressed even though it was just a hangout.
That's all this was right?
"Nope, just thinking about how I'm probably going to get killed considering how shady this 'place' of yours is." I stated with a smirk.
She laughed and shook her head, "Come with me, I'll show you it."
She turned and headed down the street. I followed next to her until we reached a park a few blocks away. It was completely cleared out except for a few pre-teens who were sprawled all over the jungle gym and laughing out loud. That damn hyena laugh.
We walked turned into the park and stopped at a tree. She started stretching her limbs and I felt out of place, like I walked into the wrong movie theatre and everyone was captivated by a scene that I didn't understand.
"Okay here we go!" She yelled and approached the tree.
Before I could protest, she jumped and grabbed onto a branch, swinging her leg over and climbed up. She didn't stop at the first branch that she somehow managed to get onto, but she maneuvered herself around until she was out of my sight and lost in the depths of the leaves.
I looked around again to double check if this was happening and this wasn't actually some elaborate planned prank on me. I sighed and gave in, jumping not-so-gracefully to reach the branch Brittany had started on and climbing up. I sliced my body over sharp broken pieces of bark but tried to contain my irritated complaints because I knew this was someplace special for her.
When I finally reached her I smiled at what I saw. It wasn't anything too crazy but she had a little set up made for herself in the tree. There were some books, food, a pillow that looked raggedy, and other assortments of items placed around and on the branches that had little bags hung to them for storage.
"This is awesome" I heard escape my lips before I even realized it. I genuinely meant it and I didn't need to think before I spoke my mind about this, or about anything with her really.
She nodded and leaned against the tree, "I love this. I come here to kill time and be at peace. I can't climb up here during the day though because I don't want anyone else to know about it."
"Then how come you showed me?" I asked curiously
She shrugged and smiled, "Well I mean, my friends get to see it of course!"
Friends. She considered us friends and that overwhelmed me with so much happiness. She showed me something very personal to her and made herself vulnerable to me. Even if it was indirectly and light- I felt a lot closer to her.
We talked about ourselves for a while, laughing and smiling throughout the entire time. I learned a little about her family and how she has a giant cat that's internet famous. How she loves to dance and volunteers to teach at dance classes. I knew her dancing was on another level but I had no idea she was pursuing it in a professional field. I also learned about her work and how she really loves to talk to people, even if they're being hateful and rude to her.
Hearing her voice was almost as mesmerizing as gazing into her eyes. I loved talking to her and felt so comfortable around her. I knew that if we had gone to the same high school that we would have probably been great friends. I had wished she kept talking about herself and her life because it was all so interesting and adorable to me as opposed to my boring and mundane life.
It was getting late and I needed to get going soon. My heart beat faster as she shifted and leaned her head against my shoulder and yawned, as if she could read my mind she said, "We should probably get going huh?"
"Yeah it's getting pretty late. I don't think my parents will care though, they're pretty used to it." I was so thankful that she was leaning on my right side because my heart was going to break through my chest. She smelled so nice and her skin was soft, I didn't want to leave.
"He works late shifts usually?" She asked with a little head tilt.
It made me happy that she was asking about my life and remembered that I mentioned my dad being a doctor. It was something insignificant, but I appreciate people remembering things about me and asking about them. It made me feel like I was important in a way.
"Yeah, he works late usually even if his shift is over, something I know I could never do." I said and felt rewarded by Brittany's laugh against my side.
"Thank you" I said suddenly and looked down at her. She tilted her head up to meet my gaze and I almost wanted to pull back because of how close we were to each other. This didn't feel like friendship closeness, this felt a lot more intimate.
"For everything." I concluded and she smiled up at me. Her eyes were so beautiful and I know I was staring for a long time but I couldn't help myself. She was so adorable and beautiful all at once. She had a personality that was so lovable and I didn't think I could resist.
But as always, my body works before my brain.
I leaned in and closed my eyes, my heart thrashing against my chest and I met my lips to her. I held it there and felt my body warm up and tingle. Her lips were as soft as her skin. No, they were much softer. My mind was going crazy a moment ago and now everything stood still. All the sounds that could be heard were the echoes of the wind picking up.
I leaned in to deepen the kiss and throw myself into more ecstasy than I knew I could handle, but I immediately felt cold. Brittany had pulled herself away from me and her mouth was open slightly in shock as she stared at the ground.
"Santana…I…I don't…"
My face fell and I felt a wave of regret wrap across my body. I felt heavier by the moment and kept my eyes locked onto Brittany, but she didn't look at me. Why wouldn't she look at me? I felt naked and vulnerable again.
I finally had feeling in my limbs again and I bolted down the tree.
"Santana wait!"
I dropped down to the grass and ran as fast as I could to get back to my car. I wanted to drive so far away that I could outrun my embarrassment and my shame.
But it was impossible to outrun something that was trapped in my chest.
