Part 9
At three in the afternoon on the same day, Sarah was on her way to the garage with a first aid kit in one hand. It had been hours since Cameron had disappeared into the wooden shed and she slowly began to worry about the girl, even though she wasn't sure what to worry about the most. There were many possibilities what Cameron could be doing in the garage.
But it wasn't her curiosity that made Sarah seek out the terminator and it certainly wasn't because she felt lonely being all alone in the house as John hadn't returned from his shopping spree with Riley yet. It also wasn't because she had an odd ache in her chest, which yearned for a further increase of romantic affection and sexual desire. At least this was what Sarah tried to tell herself, chuckling at her own silly thoughts.
No, she was on a mission and this time she would get through with it.
After their extensive make-out session on the floor in the hallway Sarah had spent the rest of the evening in her room, pacing, swearing and occasionally kicking against a wall, the chair, or the bed. Just like it had been after Cameron had told her that she was in her love with her two days ago.
Her mind, body, and heart had had an intense discussion about Cameron and what to make of the situation. They still all had different opinions on the matter. Besides this time she couldn't blame the girl. It was her own fault. She had been weak, had been giving in and had pushed everything else aside for a few moments. And it had felt damn good.
Afterwards Sarah's first impulse had been to make a run for the hills, to pretend it never happened and to go back to her former attitude towards the terminator. She also was a pro when it came to hiding or denying things, even from herself. It should've been easy to bury those ridiculous and inappropriate feelings. It was John who came first, he always were her number one priority, he was important and nothing else.
That's why Sarah had almost forgotten how it felt to really want something only for herself. God, how much she had wanted Cameron especially in that instant where the girl had glided on top of her and her own left hand had suddenly lain on the naked skin on the back of Cameron's thigh.
Just to think about it made a pleasant shiver run down Sarah's spine.
So yes, Sarah had come so far that she was able to admit to herself, that the kiss had done a lot of wonderful things to her, physical and emotional. She still didn't regret it, but it had also scared her to no end, when she had been able to think about it later and when her body had cooled down a bit. It had taken her by surprise how strong the need and the craving for more had been.
If it were only sex she craved, Sarah thought, it would be relatively simple. Of course apart from the whole craziness that it was a terminator she lusted after. Casual sex with no strings attached she could handle, she could somehow justify it.
However, her heart longed for a deeper connection, for someone to hold her at night, to share her burden with, to snuggle with, to trust completely, to love someone and being loved in return. She just wanted what every other human sought in their life.
The words John had said to her in the garage a few days earlier came back to Sarah.
We all want a normal life and to be happy, but it's nearly impossible for us, with Skynet, Judgement Day, and everything else what's going on. It could be over every day, so we get our piece of happiness, where ever we can find it and however small it is, he had said to his mother and she had thought that she understood what he had meant, even though she had already accepted a long time ago that she would never have a normal life and that she couldn't allow herself to get too close to someone and to just be happy.
Now Sarah wondered whether she could actually have a small piece of happiness with Cameron. A tiny slice would be enough. Was it really possible? It seemed to be in reach, a bit more with every day she got to know the girl better, spent time with her and witnessed glimpses of Cameron as an individual, saw how different she was from other terminators.
Did it really matter how much of the girl's behaviour was pretence, how genuine it was what Cameron believed were emotions when it would bring her some ease and solace? What did it matter if she only deluded herself by wishful thinking? She was certain it wouldn't change her priorities, her focus on the bigger picture, John's destiny. So what damage could it do?
When Sarah stood in front of the door to the garage, she ran through her hair with one hand and looked back at the house. Christmas lights in all colours were hanging all over it, another tradition Cameron had insisted on following.
In fact it had turned out that all of it, the whole Christmas invasion in her home, had been Cameron's idea and she had made John promise her to cover for her. Nonetheless he'd told his mother the truth, hoping that it would earn the terminator an extra brownie point. Sarah made a mental note to ask Cameron why she made such a fuss about it sometime.
Breathing in deeply Sarah knocked on the door and opened it. "Hey," she greeted the girl when she entered the garage.
Cameron stood by the work bench, having detecting Sarah's approach she had hidden all traces, which would've given away what she was doing. "Sarah," she acknowledged the raven-haired woman with a short nod and considered telling her that she shouldn't exhaust herself by coming out here. The slight contusion of the skull would still take some days to heal completely. However, it had proven to be highly ineffective to advise Sarah Connor to rest so she discarded the option.
"I'm not interrupting something, am I?" Sarah wanted to know almost shyly and offered a faint smile. Looking around the garage she tried to figure out what Cameron had been up to, but she couldn't find any clue. The terminator might've stood motionless and staring into space for the last couple of hours for all she knew.
"No," Cameron responded, regarding her answer as a white lie. She had been working on a special and secret project. It was important to her and therefore she was annoyed by the disturbance. "Have you hurt yourself? Do you need medical attention?" Cameron asked when she noticed the first aid kit in Sarah's right hand. A quick scan of Sarah showed no indication of an additional injury, but her vital signs signified nervousness.
The raven-haired woman shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another and cleared her throat. This wasn't as easy as she thought it would be. For some reason she felt nervous. "No, this is for you. Your dressings need changing and I… wanted to help you with that." She cleared her throat again, avoiding the quizzical look of the girl.
Cameron knitted her brows so that they almost touched and her sceptical look wandered from Sarah's eyes to the first aid kit and back. She came several steps closer to the raven-haired woman and reached for the kit as soon as she was near enough. "It is not necessary that you treat me medical. I can perform all required repairs on my own. You are aware of that."
Indeed Cameron detected frustration in her voice. It had already annoyed her when John had offered her to help her to find the cause of the twitching of her hand and now Sarah was offering her help as well. It had never happened before that Sarah suggested attending to her wounds and it caused a sharp flash to rush through her systems. It evoked something new in her, an emotion she hadn't experienced so far and wasn't able to name it. She would have to ask John about it.
"I know," Sarah sighed and dared to raise her eyes until they met Cameron's. She bit her bottom lip, trying to get the words out. "But it's not about repairing you. That's more John's thing. I mean the damage to your… soft tissue," she said, struggling with phrasing of what she meant. "It's about taking care of you." As the terminator's features became even more questioning Sarah went on: "You've taken care of John and also of me since the day we met, no matter how hard I was on you. So it's only fair that I show you some more gratitude for it."
It was the truth, but Sarah also had another and less noble reason. She wanted to test herself, she wanted to see what it would stir up in her when she deliberately touched Cameron, looked after her like a human being and not the cybernetic organism she actually was. Well, it was mostly an excuse to simply touch the girl without having to make further admissions… for now.
It wasn't like they hadn't touched each other before; their physical contact even had increased remarkably over the past few weeks. Their lips had met under the mistletoe, what Sarah had also covered as a small sign of gratitude for the terminator's presence in their life, she had snuggled up to Cameron on the couch, Cameron had hugged her in the kitchen to comfort her and foremost they had kissed passionately on the floor in the hallway.
"My mission is to protect John Connor. This includes his general well-being, which is also connected to your well-being," Cameron offered as an explanation. "You do not need to show gratitude." It wasn't hard for her to detect Sarah's uneasiness; the sensory data she received were definite. Cameron didn't want her to feel obliged to show her appreciation when she was uncomfortable with it. She knew what it was called what she tried to do. She wanted to let Sarah off the hook.
"Are you trying to make this especially difficult for me?" Sarah asked, but raised her hand to prevent Cameron saying anything, who had already opened her mouth in protest. She was starting to get irritated by the girl. "Don't answer that, it was a rhetorical question." Glaring briefly at the terminator Sarah made one last attempt. "Just let me do this for you, okay?"
"Will I get a kiss as a reward?" Cameron wondered and studied the human's lovely features curiously. Sarah slowly inclined her left eyebrow at the question. "Marc Sullivan said to me once that if I would let him copy some of my answers during the math test I would get a kiss from him as a reward," the girl explained where her sudden request came from.
It pleased Cameron to hear Sarah chuckling at her statement; it was a rare sound from the otherwise serious and tough woman. The fact that it wasn't meant as a joke was an insignificant detail.
"We'll see. Maybe." Sarah still chuckled softly, placing the first aid kit on the work bench and getting what she needed out of it. From the corner of her eye she saw how Cameron took the hem of her short-sleeved, purple shirt in her hands and slipped if off over her head, revealing a pink bra, which seemed to be her favourite.
A maybe was good enough for Cameron to oblige Sarah's wish, even though the nervousness was still apparent in the other woman. She stood immobile and waited for Sarah to attend to her wounds.
"Okay, let's get started," the raven-haired woman said encouragingly not only to herself but also to the terminator. She approached Cameron cautiously and willed her eyes to stay focused anywhere above the girl's breasts.
Simply to step into Cameron's personal space made heart race. Her palms felt sweaty and she wiped them on her jeans, before she started to take off the adhesive tapes around the wound under the girl's right collarbone.
Cameron held perfectly still, her features impassive and her eyes adjusted on a point on the wall. Inside her systems jumped and buzzed. The zero's and one's didn't like it when they were forced into the background by up boiling emotions and with Sarah so close it was problematical to not let them take control.
Her right hand twitched shortly, but luckily Sarah didn't notice it. Cameron turned her head a little and looked down on the small hands, which barely touched her. The older woman was working slowly and gently. "My self-healing is highly efficient, I heal three times faster than any human. The wounds only cause me minor pain."
Sarah understood that it was Cameron's way of telling her that she didn't need to be afraid that she would hurt her. It was somewhat charming. "But they still cause you pain," the raven-haired woman noted with a questioning undertone. She had removed the dressing on the wound. "Huh." Leaning closer Sarah inspected the injury more closely. It was indeed healing very well; the metal she knew lay beneath wasn't even visible.
"Yes," Cameron confirmed, issuing the command to not reach out and touch Sarah numerous times. It was an illogical impulse which served no useful purpose and it wasn't rational that she had to come to this conclusion over and over again. "The pain suppressor is deactivated."
Sarah interrupted her inspection of the gunshot wound and looked up to the girl. "Why would you do that? I'd love to have one of those." It really was something she envied terminators for. To not feel pain was an attractive thought when you lived a life like hers and got constantly hurt in a fight.
Thirteen centimetres, that was the distance between Sarah's lips and hers, which blinked in the left corner of Cameron's visual field. It was distracting, so she tried to focus her processor capacity on definitions. "Pain is a sensory and emotional experience. It is an unpleasant awareness of a noxious stimulus or bodily harm." The girl saw Sarah wrinkle her forehead at that, but like many times before her strategy was working. Her systems were gaining more control and the impulses of her body ebbed somewhat. "Still, it's one of many human emotions, to be able to feel makes you human and therefore they are worth being experienced. It helps me to understand you better."
Sarah only nodded at that, she didn't know what to say as Cameron had technically declared that there was a human side in her because she was able to feel. "Can you give me the antiseptic solution and a cotton ball?"
Without breaking the eye contact Cameron reached for the work bench and gave Sarah the requested items. When the raven-haired woman turned her gaze back to the wound under her collarbone, Cameron continued to watch her.
Sarah concentrated on the task and ignored Cameron's intensive stare. She applied the antiseptic on the cotton ball and speckled the wound with it while her free hand lay lightly on the girl's bare shoulder. Her fingertips grazed the smooth skin and the butterflies in her stomach became very active.
"I can't go to hell," Cameron suddenly stated as her hand had lifted and rested now above the other woman's waist. The impulse to do so had been too strong, the commands to prevent were lost in her systems. She heard Sarah taking in a sharp breath and recorded a quickening of her pulse.
"What?" the raven-haired asked, blinking confused, not getting what it was Cameron referred to as her mind had been busy with stopping the fantasy of exploring the terminator's skin further. Cameron's hand on her side wasn't helping a bit.
Once again her body, the demanding voice of the soft tissue outvoted her programming so Cameron tried the tactic to state definitions for another time. "You told me to go to hell this morning, but it isn't an actual place on a map. Hell is a theological or philosophical concept concerning the afterlife…"
"Shut up," Sarah ordered and pressed two fingers against Cameron's lips with a grin on her face she couldn't hide. "It's a figure of speech, which is probably saved somewhere in your database. And while your ramblings are really cute sometimes, it can be very annoying too."
By now Sarah had a theory why the girl had a habit of citing the nutritional value of eggs or throwing definitions of pain or hell at her. The girl might only be as nervous and unsure as she herself was.
But had she just called a terminator cute? Craziness was definitely waving at her.
Cameron found the touch of Sarah's fingers on her lips very enjoyable and was disappointed when the other woman seemed to become aware of what she was doing and retreated her hand, her own still rested on Sarah's waist. "I wasn't rambling. I was merely explaining why I can't go to hell even though you told me to. It is an order I cannot follow."
Sarah didn't respond and finished her work by putting a dressing on the wound and fixing it with some adhesive tapes. Now came the even more tempting part. She hunkered down and began to uncover the wound on Cameron's stomach. Her fingers trembled and she exhaled deeply. The girl's skin was so close, a few centimetres and her lips would brush against her side.
The warm breath on her stomach caused another electric jolt in Cameron's systems, goose bumps arouse on her skin and her hand lay down on Sarah's unharmed shoulder on its own, as if she needed something to steady herself. It was intriguing what reactions and emotions the raven-haired woman was able to evoke in her. "I'm in love with you," she declared bluntly.
Sarah's fingers stilled their movement and she briefly looked up to the girl. "I know. You already told me two days ago," she said warily, suspecting where this was heading to.
"Are you in love with me too?"
Again Sarah took a cotton ball, dripping some of the antiseptic solution on it and dabbing the wound carefully. She played for time and hoped that if she avoided the question long enough she wouldn't have to answer it. But the silence between them stretched uncomfortably and without averting her gaze from the wound she replied, "I'm… it's… I don't know… well, it's complicated, Cameron."
The girl's hand dropped from Sarah's shoulder. "This is an excuse to evade answering the question. People have a preference for using that expression." Cameron found it a frustrating habit of the other woman to elude questions, especially personal ones, which intrigued her the most.
"Because it's true," Sarah weakly argued. She put a fresh dressing on the also well healing wound and secured it with some patches. Standing back up, she wiped some loose strays of wild hair out of her face. "Don't push me on this, okay? I don't like it." She crossed her arms in front of her body defensively and looked at the terminator with a stern expression.
"You are angry with me," Cameron observed in a natural tone. It was easier sometimes to deal with the human when she let her terminator mode overlay everything else, easier for both of them. "Are you now going to bitch slap me again?"
At first the question perplexed Sarah completely, but then she realized how the girl had come to the conclusion. The last time Cameron had admitted her feelings she had indeed hit her in response. "That's actually the reason why I'm here," she mumbled, avoiding any eye contact.
"To bitch slap me?" Cameron asked curiously and tilted her head to the side like she often did when she was confused. The members of the Connor family often puzzled her.
"No! Would you please stop saying that and let me finish? Damnit," Sarah huffed, slammed her fist on the work bench and winced when hot pain shot through her left shoulder.
She let out a low sigh, trying to keep her temper in check. After a few beats she locked eyes with the girl and said somewhat calm again, "When I ran after you into the hallway yesterday, it was because I wanted to …apologize. I'm… I'm sorry that I slapped you."
Cameron knew it was difficult for Sarah to apologize in general, but especially to her. She also understood the motivation behind the action, why the raven-haired woman had hit her. It was her default reaction, when she didn't know what else do to. "I appreciate and accept your apology."
As the matter was settle for the girl with that, she picked up their previous subject. "When you're not in love with me, then why did you kiss me?"
Great, Sarah thought sarcastically, another inevitable question I would rather not answer.
"Because I was so dizzy that I was barely conscious," the older woman replied jokingly, shrugged and added, "And because you were dripping wet and only wrapped into a towel. What sane person could resist that?"
The terminator nodded once. "I understand. You were merely submitting to the physical response of your body to mine." Her features became even emptier, she didn't want Sarah to see the disappointment.
"No, you don't understand. Jeez, you driving me fuckin' nuts sometimes, girlie!" Sarah pinched the bridge of her nose, the headache was getting worse.
Cameron decided it was safer to remain silent and watched the other woman pacing up and down for a few moments.
When Sarah felt able to continue the conversation, she stood in the front of the girl and threw her hands up in surrender. "Okay, you're right. I kissed you, because I'm attracted to you and of course seeing you only wearing a towel made my body respond, but that's not all," the raven-haired woman admitted.
Sarah didn't want to lose her nerves and so went on quickly, "I also kissed you, because I've wanted to for a long time. Because I feel something for you, too. It's just that I'm not sure where it will lead us to. What I should or shouldn't do. This…" she waggled with her arm between herself and the girl. "… is not easy for me. Not the slightest bit easy, alright? It turns everything upside down."
Cameron's processors were inundated by the data of her soft tissue and by the impact of Sarah's words. Her facial expression softened, the confession of the other woman that she had similar feelings for her made small, pleasant electric shocks appear everywhere in her endoskeleton.
The girl stepped closer to the distraught human and laid a hand on Sarah's upper arm. "You need to time to adjust to the new situation."
"Yes," Sarah sighed with relief that Cameron understood what she meant. "I'm not running away, even though I tried to, believe me. All I ask for is if we could take this slow and see how it develops?"
"We can, Sarah." Cameron squeezed Sarah's arm gently, processing what the next logical step would be. "Do you want to go on a date? It is any social activity undertaken by two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner. Traditional dating activities include entertainment or a meal."
"Again with the rambling," the raven-haired woman remarked with a lop-sided grin. "It may have been a while, but I know what a date is, thanks." She considered Cameron's suggestion for a minute and wondered, "Are you really asking me out?"
"Yes. It can be regarded as taking it slow and gives you time to evaluate if you wish to engage in a romantic relationship with me," Cameron explained and had yet to remove her hand. Most of her experience concerning physical contact was based on fighting, but she liked the little interactions with Sarah a lot more and was eager to enlarge her knowledge.
Sarah tried to imagine Cameron and herself at a romantic candlelight dinner and found she just couldn't. It didn't seem right for them, it wouldn't be like them. Go on a mission to fight Skynet, yes. But go to a nice restaurant as date, not so much. Though it was actually kinda sweet of the girl to ask her, what Sarah decided to keep that to herself. Besides, the irony of being asked by a terminator for a date wasn't lost on her. "I think we've to find another way to figure that out. We can't go on a date. It would be weird."
The raven-haired woman could see that Cameron was about to press the matter further and wanted to ask her more questions, so she tried to distract the terminator and wanted to know, "How did it end with Marc Sullivan? Did you take him up on the offer?"
Cameron was aware that Sarah wasn't willing to discuss the date-question any further, but she let her get away with it, at least this time. With a small self-satisfied smile on her lips she said, "No, I was not interested. I am however interested in cashing my reward from you for letting you taking care of the damage to my soft tissue."
"Is that so? You'd be interested, huh?" Sarah asked amused and etched a bit closer until there was barely room between their bodies.
Cameron nodded and replied, "Yes. I enjoyed kissing you yesterday very much."
The raven-haired woman leaned in, her cheek softly brushing Cameron's in the process. She whispered into the girl's ear in a husky voice, "Tonight, mistletoe, you and me, when John is asleep." She turned her head and placed a soft kiss on Cameron's earlobe.
"I will be waiting," the terminator agreed readily and had to gulp at Sarah's seductive behaviour. Probably a programmed reflex to infiltrate the resistance efficiently, she assured herself. It also triggered other spontaneous effects in her body; her nipples for example were quite hard.
Sarah stepped back from the girl and was surprised to find hooded, brown eyes looking at her. Damn, her programmers were good, she thought, before she put on a victorious smile and went to the garage door. When she'd almost closed the door behind her she could hear Cameron say, "That could be considered as a date as well."
tbc…
